Chapter Text
Hinata Shoyo had always been good at running toward things.
The ball. The net. A challenge he had no business winning. A dream that seemed too big for someone his size.
He ran toward things before he could talk himself out of them. He jumped before he could think about falling. He chased opportunities like they would disappear if he took too long to reach them.
But Kageyama Tobio?
For years, Hinata had somehow managed to do the opposite.
He had loved him in pieces. In stolen glances across volleyball courts, in late-night messages, in arguments that lasted longer than they needed to, in the comfortable silence of being around someone who understood him without needing everything explained.
He had loved him without ever figuring out what to do with it.
And now, after everything, Kageyama had finally admitted that he loved him too.
It should have been enough to make Hinata happy.
Instead, Hinata lay awake at two in the morning, staring at his ceiling, replaying their last conversation until he wanted to scream.
*I like you, too.*
Kageyama had said it so quietly.
Like it was something he had been keeping to himself for a long time.
And Hinata had smiled. He had laughed. He had practically floated through the rest of the day.
But he kept remembering the way Kageyama's expression had changed whenever their conversation got too serious. The hesitation in his eyes. The careful way he had chosen his words.
Kageyama wasn't simply scared of getting hurt.
He was scared that Hinata would hurt him again.
And Hinata couldn't blame him.
He rolled onto his side and grabbed his phone.
Their last messages were still open.
**Hinata:** goodnight, kageyama!!
**Kageyama:** It's two in the morning.
**Hinata:** THAT DOESN'T CHANGE MY MESSAGE
**Kageyama:** Go to sleep, idiot.
**Hinata:** you love me
**Kageyama:** Unfortunately.
Hinata had laughed when he'd received that message.
Now he read it three more times before locking his phone.
He wanted to text him again. He wanted to ask if Kageyama was awake, if he was thinking about him, if he had smiled at his phone the way Hinata had.
But he stopped himself.
Kageyama had spent enough time wondering where he stood with Hinata.
Hinata could handle wondering for once.
He put his phone facedown and forced himself to close his eyes.
Tomorrow, he would start doing things differently.
Not because he thought he could win Kageyama over like a game.
But because he had spent too long assuming that Kageyama would always be there.
And he couldn't keep making that mistake.
---
The next morning, Hinata arrived at practice forty minutes early.
Which, considering his usual relationship with punctuality, was practically a medical emergency.
Bokuto noticed immediately.
"SHOYO!"
Hinata barely had time to turn around before Bokuto appeared in front of him, both hands gripping his shoulders.
"You're early!"
"Good morning to you too, Bokuto-san."
"Are you sick?"
"What? No!"
"Did you get replaced by a clone?"
Hinata stared at him.
Bokuto stared back, completely serious.
From across the gym, Atsumu called, "Maybe he finally realized he's gotta put in extra work if he wants to keep up with me!"
"That's not why I'm here!" Hinata shouted.
"Then why are ya here?"
Hinata opened his mouth.
Closed it.
Opened it again.
Bokuto's eyes widened.
"Oh my gosh. It's Kageyama."
Hinata's face turned red.
"IT'S NOT—"
The gym doors opened behind them.
Kageyama walked in with his bag over one shoulder, his hair still slightly damp from his shower.
His gaze passed over Bokuto, then Atsumu.
Finally, it landed on Hinata.
For one brief second, Hinata forgot what he was supposed to do with his hands.
Kageyama looked at the clock.
"You're early."
Hinata nodded too quickly. "Yeah!"
"Why?"
"Can't I be early?"
"You hate being early."
"People change!"
Kageyama's eyebrows drew together.
"Did you hit your head?"
Hinata wanted to laugh. He wanted to tell him that he had been thinking about him all night. He wanted to ask if Kageyama had slept well.
Instead, he took a breath.
"Can I talk to you before practice?"
The question seemed to catch Kageyama off guard.
His expression didn't soften, exactly, but his attention sharpened.
"About what?"
"Just... something."
"That tells me nothing."
"I know. Sorry."
Kageyama studied him for another moment.
Then he adjusted the strap of his bag.
"After practice."
Hinata's heart lifted.
"Really?"
"I said after practice. Don't make me regret it."
"Okay! Yeah. After practice."
Kageyama walked toward the locker room.
Hinata watched him go, a small smile spreading across his face.
Then Atsumu appeared beside him.
"So."
"No."
"I haven't said anything."
"You're about to."
"You're gonna ask him out, aren't ya?"
Hinata made a strangled noise.
Bokuto gasped so loudly that two players turned around.
"YOU'RE ASKING KAGEYAMA OUT?"
"CAN EVERYONE STOP YELLING?"
Atsumu grinned.
"That's a yes."
"It's not a yes! I just want to talk to him!"
"Sure, sure."
Hinata pointed at him. "You have a boyfriend. Go bother him."
Atsumu's grin widened.
"Oh, I plan to."
"Please don't say that in front of me."
"Shoyo."
Hinata glanced at him.
For once, Atsumu wasn't smiling.
"Don't push him just because you're finally ready."
The words landed harder than Hinata expected.
Atsumu shoved his hands into his pockets.
"I'm not saying don't try. I'm saying don't expect him to be where you left him."
Hinata looked toward the locker room door.
"I know."
"Do ya?"
Hinata swallowed.
"No," he admitted. "Not completely."
Atsumu nodded once.
"Then learn."
He walked away before Hinata could answer.
Hinata stood there, feeling the uncomfortable weight of the conversation settle in his chest.
He hated that Atsumu was right.
He hated even more that he needed to hear it.
---
Practice was awful.
Not because Hinata played badly. He didn't.
He ran, jumped, received, and attacked with the kind of determination that made his teammates wonder if he was trying to break a personal record.
The problem was Kageyama.
Every time their eyes met, Hinata remembered what he wanted to say.
Every time Kageyama gave him a quick instruction, Hinata wanted to linger in the moment.
And every time Kageyama turned away, Hinata had to remind himself that they weren't suddenly different people just because they'd confessed their feelings.
Kageyama was still Kageyama.
He still corrected Hinata's footwork without mercy. He still complained when Hinata celebrated a good spike too loudly. He still called him an idiot at least six times before lunch.
But something had changed.
Hinata noticed it when Kageyama stopped waiting for him after a drill.
Usually, they would walk toward the water cooler together, arguing about the last set. Today, Kageyama left with another teammate.
It was nothing.
It shouldn't have mattered.
Still, Hinata stood there for a moment longer than necessary, watching him go.
He couldn't expect Kageyama to start treating him differently just because Hinata wanted him to.
He couldn't expect Kageyama to make this easy.
So Hinata drank his water, wiped his face with his towel, and returned to practice.
He would keep trying.
Even if the only person who noticed was himself.
---
After practice, Kageyama was packing his things when Hinata approached him.
"Hey."
Kageyama zipped his bag.
"What?"
Hinata almost laughed.
Of course that was his greeting.
"Can we talk now?"
"You said you wanted to talk before practice."
"I know. You said after practice."
"And now practice is over."
"Exactly."
Kageyama stared at him.
Hinata stared back.
"Are you going to tell me what this is about?" Kageyama asked.
Hinata's fingers tightened around the strap of his bag.
"Yeah."
He took a breath.
"I want to spend more time with you."
Kageyama blinked.
Hinata hurried on before he could lose his nerve.
"Not just at practice. I mean outside of practice, too. I want to get lunch with you. Or dinner. Or we could watch a movie, even though you'll probably complain about whatever I pick."
"I will complain if you pick something stupid."
"See? Exactly that."
Kageyama didn't smile.
Hinata's own smile faded a little.
"I know we've already talked about our feelings," he continued. "And I know that doesn't mean everything's suddenly okay. I just... I don't want to keep waiting for the perfect time to do things with you. I want to actually try."
Kageyama looked down at the floor.
For a moment, Hinata thought he might say yes.
He was already imagining where they could go, what they could eat, how many times Kageyama would call him annoying before finally admitting he was having a good time.
Then Kageyama spoke.
"Why now?"
Hinata's thoughts stopped.
"What?"
"Why are you suddenly trying so hard now?"
There was no anger in Kageyama's voice.
Somehow, that made it worse.
Hinata swallowed.
"Because I finally told you how I feel."
"You've had feelings for me for a long time."
"I know."
"And you've known how I feel for a while, too."
Hinata flinched.
Kageyama looked at him then.
"I don't understand why I should believe things are going to be different just because you're ready to do something about it now."
Hinata couldn't answer immediately.
Because there wasn't an answer that would fix it.
He could say that he had been scared. That he hadn't understood his feelings. That the timing had been terrible.
Some of it would even be true.
But none of it would change how Kageyama had felt.
"I don't think you should believe me just because I say things," Hinata finally said.
Kageyama's expression shifted slightly.
Hinata forced himself to keep going.
"I know I've said things before and then... I don't know. I didn't do enough. I didn't make things clear. And I can't change that now."
"No, you can't."
"I know."
"Do you?"
Hinata's throat tightened.
"Yeah," he whispered. "I'm starting to."
Kageyama looked away again.
For a long moment, neither of them spoke.
Then Kageyama pulled his bag onto his shoulder.
"I have to go."
Hinata's first instinct was to ask him to stay.
To tell him they hadn't finished talking.
To find some way to make the conversation end better than it had started.
But he stopped himself.
"Okay."
Kageyama looked at him, almost suspiciously.
"Okay?"
"Yeah. You have to go."
Hinata tried to smile, but it felt small and uncertain.
"I'll see you tomorrow."
Kageyama didn't return the smile.
"See you."
And then he left.
Hinata stood alone in the gym, listening to the sound of Kageyama's footsteps fade down the hallway.
It hurt.
Of course it hurt.
A part of him wanted to be upset. He had finally worked up the courage to ask for something, and Kageyama hadn't even given him a chance.
But the longer he stood there, the more he understood.
Kageyama had spent years dealing with uncertainty.
Hinata could survive one uncomfortable conversation.
He could survive being told no.
He could survive the possibility that earning Kageyama's trust would take longer than he wanted.
What he couldn't do was expect Kageyama to carry all the uncertainty again just because Hinata had finally decided he was ready.
So Hinata picked up his bag and went home.
And for the first time in a long time, he didn't text Kageyama to make sure they were okay.
He let him have his space.
---
That evening, Hinata sat on his couch with his phone in his hand.
Atsumu had sent him three messages.
**Atsumu:** How'd it go?
**Atsumu:** Shoyo?
**Atsumu:** If you died, I'm taking your shoes.
Hinata snorted despite himself.
**Hinata:** I'm alive.
**Atsumu:** Disappointing. What happened?
Hinata stared at the keyboard.
**Hinata:** He doesn't trust me.
Atsumu's reply took longer this time.
**Atsumu:** Yeah.
Hinata frowned at the screen.
**Hinata:** You could at least pretend to be surprised.
**Atsumu:** Would that help?
**Hinata:** No.
**Atsumu:** Then I'm not gonna lie to you.
Hinata leaned back against the couch.
**Hinata:** I asked him to hang out and he asked why I'm suddenly trying now.
**Atsumu:** And what'd you say?
**Hinata:** That I want to try.
**Atsumu:** That's not the same as answering his question.
Hinata closed his eyes.
"Everyone's a philosopher tonight," he muttered.
Another message appeared.
**Atsumu:** Listen, Shoyo. You can't go back and change how things happened. And you can't make Kageyama feel better on your schedule. All you can do is decide what kind of person you're gonna be from here on out.
Hinata read the message twice.
**Hinata:** What if he never trusts me again?
This time, Atsumu answered quickly.
**Atsumu:** Then that'd hurt. But you still gotta respect what he needs.
Hinata's chest ached.
**Atsumu:** You can't chase him just because you're scared of losing him. You gotta chase him because you want to love him properly, even when he doesn't make it easy.
Hinata stared at the screen for a long time.
Then he typed:
**Hinata:** I do.
He didn't need to think about that answer.
He knew it was true.
**Atsumu:** Then show him.
The conversation ended there.
Hinata set his phone down and covered his face with both hands.
He had spent so long imagining what it would feel like to finally be honest with Kageyama.
He hadn't imagined what would come afterward.
The waiting.
The uncertainty.
The possibility that Kageyama might look at him and see every mistake before he saw anything good.
But if Hinata really loved him, he couldn't only want the easy parts.
He couldn't only want the smiles and the teasing and the late-night conversations.
He had to want the difficult parts, too.
Even when they hurt.
Especially when they hurt.
---
Across the city, Kageyama sat at his kitchen table with a bowl of food he had barely touched.
His phone rested beside his elbow.
He had checked it four times in the last ten minutes.
There were messages from the team group chat. A reminder about tomorrow's practice. A notification from an app he didn't remember downloading.
Nothing from Hinata.
Kageyama hated that he noticed.
He hated that a small, embarrassing part of him had expected Hinata to text him after their conversation.
Something like *Are you home?*
Or *I'm sorry if I upset you.*
Or even one of those ridiculous messages filled with too many exclamation marks that somehow always made Kageyama smile before he could stop himself.
But there was nothing.
Kageyama put his phone facedown.
Good.
That was good.
He had told Hinata he needed time, hadn't he?
Well, not in those exact words.
He hadn't really told him anything.
But surely Hinata could understand that Kageyama wasn't going to fall into his arms just because they had finally admitted what had been sitting between them for years.
He had wanted Hinata for so long that sometimes he still couldn't believe the feelings were mutual.
That should have been enough.
Instead, he kept remembering every time Hinata had seemed close enough to reach, only to turn away before Kageyama could figure out whether he was allowed to follow.
He remembered the unanswered questions.
The things he had almost said.
The times he had convinced himself that maybe he had misunderstood everything.
He remembered how exhausting it had been to keep hoping.
Kageyama rubbed a hand over his face.
He wasn't trying to punish Hinata.
At least, he didn't think he was.
He simply didn't know how to trust something he had wanted so badly for so long.
What if Hinata changed his mind?
What if the excitement wore off?
What if, a few weeks from now, Hinata realized that loving Kageyama was harder than imagining it?
Kageyama pushed his food away.
He didn't want to be someone's almost.
He didn't want to be someone's second choice.
And he certainly didn't want to give Hinata his heart only to spend the rest of his life wondering when Hinata would decide he didn't want it anymore.
His phone vibrated.
Kageyama grabbed it before he could stop himself.
A message from the team group chat.
He stared at it, annoyed with himself.
Then he opened Hinata's conversation.
Their last messages were still there.
*You love me.*
*Unfortunately.*
Kageyama's thumb hovered over the keyboard.
He could text Hinata.
He could ask what he was doing.
He could tell him that he had been thinking about their conversation.
He could admit that he had wanted Hinata to text him.
But what would that accomplish?
He would be making it easier for Hinata again.
He would be stepping forward because he was afraid Hinata wouldn't.
And Kageyama was tired of being the one who hoped.
He locked his phone and set it aside.
Then, after a moment, he picked it up again and opened Hinata's contact.
His thumb hovered over the screen.
He didn't send anything.
Instead, he put the phone in a drawer.
It was childish.
He knew it was childish.
He didn't care.
Tonight, he needed to stop looking for signs that Hinata wanted him.
If Hinata truly wanted him, Kageyama needed to see it without having to search for it.
He needed to see it when things were uncomfortable.
When Kageyama wasn't smiling.
When forgiveness wasn't immediate.
When loving him required patience.
Kageyama switched off the kitchen light and went to bed.
He didn't sleep well.
Neither did Hinata.
And neither of them knew that the next morning, Hinata would show up early again.
Not because he expected Kageyama to reward him for it.
But because, for once, he was ready to keep showing up even when the person he loved didn't know whether he wanted him there.