Archive of Our Own

Its always been a rule that Mush and Blink don’t talk about childhood. Well, Mush doesn’t mind so much – he has a few golden tainted memories of a woman with tight dark curls and a brilliant smile singing to him as he dozed – but when he’d ask Blink if he’d had any family, Blink had snapped at him that he didn’t, that Mush ought to have figured it out, he’s an orphan like the rest of them or else he wouldn’t have wound up a Newsie.

Mush doesn’t like to call people a liar but he isn’t convinced that Blink is being entirely truthful. When the other Newsies at the lodge house spin tales of perfect mothers and doting fathers, parents they know logically don’t exist but desperately hope to be true, Mush has seen Blink role over, pull his pillow over his head and tug the blankets up over his face.

Mush has theories, but none of them stick. Blink isn’t stupid enough to leave a loving family for a life on the streets, but he definitely isn’t royalty hiding in disguise as a Newsie. That theory he’d come up with while drunk.

Unfortunately for Mush, Blink doesn’t seem to be ready to confirm whether or not he is secretly the Prince of England, so Mush supposes he has to wait.

-

Mush can’t sleep. He leans down from his bunk, let out a quiet hiss for attention. When he looks down, Blink is staring up at him with one blue eye, the other covered by his hand. He takes his eyepatch off to sleep, which is usually why he is up the latest out of all the newsies. He doesn’t like people seeing what’s behind the patch. Even Mush isn’t allowed to look and they’re best friends.

“I can’t sleep.” Mush whispers. Blink twists onto his side so Mush can’t see his face, struggles with his eyepatch before turning back.

“Neither.” Blink grins, although Mush suspects Blink hasn’t even been trying. By the smile on his face he’s in one of these moods in which he is particularly bouncy. Inconvenient at bedtime. Mush pats the bed next to him. Blink winks – or at least, Mush thinks he winks but he could just be blinking. With a scrabble and a muttered curse as he almost trips on his bedding, Blink shimmies up the ladder, plonking himself down heavily next to Mush in a way that makes the bunk bed rock a little dangerously. Mush feels the warmth creep up his chest and Blink burrows down next to him, eye twinkling as he rolls onto his side so they are looking at each other.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about, Mush?” Blink asks, picking the loose thread on Mush’s blanket. Mush shrugs.

“I dunno. Stuff.”

Blink huffs.

“That’s a boring answer.”

Mush sticks his tongue out at him, and Blink rolls his eye dramatically.

“Well what’re you thinkin’ about?” Mush asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Your mother.” Blink snorts, letting out a high screech as Mush drives his fingers into his ribcage, a sound that turns into a wheeze as he arches his back to get away, almost falling out the bed in the process. Mush has to grab the back of his sleep shirt, and they fall back onto the bed in a pile of barely muffled laughter.

“Will you shut up?” Skittery hisses, from across the room.

“Sorry Skit, I know you need your beauty sleep.” Blink whisper-shouts, sniggering to himself because Mush knows he laughs at his own jokes. Skittery sighs loudly and goes quietly.

They lie there in silence for a time, before Mush whispers,

“Goodnight.”

His only response is a loud snore.

-

Blink wriggles in his sleep, so when Mush wakes up to Blink contorted across the pillow he isn’t surprised. What does surprise him is the fact that Blink’s eyepatch is gone. Well, it’s not gone, its shifted up his face from where he has scrubbed his cheek against the pillow in his sleep.

With a sinking feeling in his gut, Mush realises why Blink wears the eyepatch.

It’s not just an empty socket, or a glazed white eye. It’s marred with jagged scars, and the skin around the socket is ruined, as though someone had clawed at it while in immense pain. It’s red and covered with raised bumps from scar tissue and barely recognisable as something that used to be someone’s eye. It certainly isn’t pretty.

It doesn’t match the story Blink told him about being born blind in one eye. Mush knows what scars mean, and this looks like it hurt. Looks like something someone would do to make someone hurt. To make Blink hurt.

The thought that someone would want to hurt Blink like this makes his stomach clench.

Mush is a little relieved nobody else has woken up yet – Blink would flip if he knew. So, careful not to brush his skin – Blink is a volatile sleeper – Mush gently slides the patch back down, covering the story he doesn’t know. Blink stirs, twisting slightly, before nudging his head deeper into the pillow, breaths evening out again. Mush exhales a breath he wasn’t aware he had been holding.

He has a few more minutes before Blink wakes up.

-

During rounds today, he meets Blink by the fountain, a favourite selling spot for the pair of them. Blink lets out a loud whoop of his name, running across the busy square to dramatically launch himself at Mush. Mush barely manages not to fall over from the force, almost dropping his papers. He looks at Blink’s face and tries to forget what’s under the eyepatch.

“How’s selling goin?” Blink asks, pausing to flash a charming smile at an older lady who swaps him a paper for a penny. Blink tips his hat and bows, and she laughs and walks off.

“Ain’t too bad today, but then the weathers’ alrigh’ for this time a year.”

“True that.” Blink agrees, eye drifting to the slowly reddening leaves upon the trees in the square. The wind is a little sharper, but the summer has dragged on this year. The gust ruffles his blond hair, and Mush watches it settle back against his forehead. It’s starting to tangle again from being blown about all day. Mush wants to run his fingers through it and pull out the tangles but he doesn’t. They’ll only reappear later, after all.

Blink nudges him and pulls a crushed pasty out of his pocket. It’s a bit grubby and it flakes in his hand, but Mush is still deeply grateful when Blink tears it in half and pushes the bigger slice into his hands without even asking if he wanted some. Mush knows Blink doesn’t like to share food, when he’d first come to the lodge house, a scrawny thirteen year old with hollow gaze, he’d hide the food under his bed so the others didn’t get it, and get damp eyes when the mice found it first. Mush had overheard Kloppman one evening talking to Denton about the Newsies, but at the moment Mush had snuck down the stairs they’d been talking about Blink. Kloppman had said he didn’t think Blink had been fed right as a kid, that his parents maybe forgot or chose not to. Mush didn’t know what else Kloppman might know about Blink because he’d immediately felt rude and scurried away.

Either way, its a big sign of his trust when he shares his food. Especially this generously. Mush grins a thanks and tucks in. It’s a little dry but it is lunch so he can’t complain.

Blink has a crumb on his cheek so Mush reaches out to brush it away. Blink stills when the hand nears his face, especially because it’s on his blind side, Mush knows he’s punched people for less, but stays to let Mush wipe away the crumbs. His skin is warm beneath Mush’s thumb.

“Messy eater.” Mush hums, letting his hand fall.

“Sorry Mum.” Blink snorts, cheeks a little pink. There is an odd look in his eye, but Mush decides its a good emotion. He stuffs the rest of the pasty in his mouth. Blink grins and jabs his ribs, right it the ticklish spot he knows will make Mush laugh, even with a full mouth. Mush lets out a choked laugh, spraying pasty crumbs everywhere before bursting into muffled coughs as Blink laughs. Mush elbows him in the side, and Blink retaliates. Not realising how close to the fountain they have wanders, Mush bodies him.

There is a resounding splash and a shriek.

-

They go to Denton’s house because it is closer than the lodge house. When the older man opens the door, he simple raises an eyebrow and moves to let them in.

“Thanks Denton. You’re a real pal.” Blink hums, dripping water all over Denton’s nice flooring. He’s squelching when he walks and Mush is trying real hard not to laugh. Seeing him smirk, Blink flicks his fingers in his direction, spraying a few droplets at Mush’s laughing face.

“I’m not sure I want to know what happened.” Denton says, already beckoning Blink down the hall to the bathroom.

“Mush violently attacked me.” Blink says solemnly, and Mush lets out a laugh. Blink gives a dramatic pout. “I even gave him half my pasty.”

Mush knows Blink isn’t actually offended because otherwise he’d have a black eye by now, so it is okay to carry on chortling. Denton shakes his head with a smile on his face and hands Blink some old clothes. Mush thinks the fact that it has become normal enough for the Newsies to pile through Denton’s front door that he has spare clothes just in case is very endearing and kind. Denton shouts to ask if Blink knows how to use the bath but Blink has already slammed the door.

Denton offers Mush a cup of tea while he waits which Mush graciously accepts, sinking down into the comfort of Denton’s sofa. He could almost fall asleep here.

-

By the time they drag their sorry feet back to the lodging house, the sun has vanished from sight. Kloppman raises an eyebrow at Blink’s change of attire and makes the smart decision not to comment, just shaking his head and muttering something about “Idiot boys” under his breath. Mush does not possibly know who he could be referring to there.

When Jack asks where they were, Blink spins him a tale of a stunning damsel in distress that they dashingly rescued, and when that isn’t drawing enough laughs, starts to go into vulgar detail that makes Racetrack let out a whooping laugh. Mush laughs along, but he can’t imagine sweeping swooning maidens off their feet. Whenever he closes his eyes to try and picture himself with a blushing bride, the only person he can see is Blink.

Mush guesses its because they are best friends. Maybe.

He wonders if Blink fancies a blushing bride, or if he would prefer Mush, too.

-

The next time Blink’s eye is brought up is several weeks later. Kloppman announces they will be having a visitor. A nurse, a lovely middle aged woman has brought it upon herself to come and give the boys at the lodging house a health check up. She’s a volunteer for a charity Mush has never heard of before, and Denton wants to report on, to raise awareness about the health of working class kids or something.

Mush doesn’t mind doctors or nurses. To be fair, he’s never really been to one, aside from when he got a fever once, so he has no hang ups about the nurse setting herself up in the spare room of the house. He’s even a little curious. Him and Specs peer round the door to try and see what she’s doing, but without revealing their spying they can’t see much. In the end, Kloppman shoes them away. Says they’ll see better once it is their turn.

Blink plonks himself down on his bed and refuses to move. He claims he’s not letting anyone poke him like a prize pig. Kloppman says he’s sending Crutchy in first to Blink can go last and have all the time to sulk about it before hand, but Mush doesn’t think anyone can get Blink to move. He asks Kloppman if he can go before Blink, so that he knows what will happen. Blink’s expression falls like thunder.

“I’m not letting some wicked old hag prod you.” Blink scowls, grabbing his sleeve. Mush sighs.

“It will be fine. It won’t even hurt.”

Blink folds his arms across his chest. Kloppman rolls his eyes.

“I’m too old for this.” He mutters. He points at Mush. “You’re in after Crutchy. Convince him it’s fine.” And he walks off, shouting for Crutchy. The nurse is ready.

Mush feels a little nervous, but he is determined not to let Blink know that.
“You’ll do grand, Blink. She’ll only want to check your heartbeat, maybe your throat.”

“She’ll want to check my eye.” Blink says darkly, and suddenly his reluctance makes a bit more sense. Mush sits down next to him. It’s become an unconscious part of his habit to always sit to the right side of Blink, so that Blink can see him in his peripheral without having to turn his head.

“I can go in with you if it would help.”

Blink shrugs, eyebrows still furrowed. Mush presumes that is a yes. They sit there is silence for a while, the only noise Blink’s sniffs. He gets like this sometimes when he’s angry and he’s trying not to lash out. Mush has noticed Blink doesn’t like to lash out when he’s around, so instead he simmers in a quiet anger.

Before long, Kloppman sticks his head round the door.

“Mush, it’s your turn.”

Blink grabs hold of his sleeve again, eye wide.

“Don’t go.” Suddenly, he doesn’t sound like the seventeen year old who punched a scabber square in the jaw, or tackled a cop to the floor. Mush squeezes his shoulder.

“I’ll be fine.”

Blink watches him go with a cold blue eye, the downward twist of his mouth revealing his inner turmoil. Mush smiles in what he hopes is a reassuring manner as he slips into the small room that has quickly transformed into the Nurse’s office.

Inside is a smiling woman with smooth brown hair neatly brushed into a ponytail. She looks about forty, and she has these kind eyes that Mush can instantly trust. Although, Blink says he trusts too easily. Who knows. Either way. She is perfectly polite when she greets Mush, and offers him a seat.

“What’s your name, young lad?” She asks, holding a clipboard.

“Mush.” He answers reflectively. She raises her eyebrow and Mush realises she wants the legal one. “Nick Myers.” He answers. She writes it down.

“Do you have any health conditions, Nick?” She asks.
“Mush.” He corrects, again, out of habit. “No, I don’t think so.” She nods.

“Are you up to date with vaccines?” Mush doesn’t know what they are so she has to explain. He isn’t honestly sure if he’s ever had one before. She says she’s going to give him a small pox vaccine in his thigh, and so gets him to roll up his shorts.

“It will sting a bit.” She warns, tapping a needle. Mush swallows thickly. He temporarily wishes Blink was here, before remembering Blink would probably punch her for trying. Putting on a brave face, he squishes his eyes shut as she pinches the skin tightly. It does hurt, and Mush bites his lip hard, but its over quickly. The ache it leaves behind is almost worse. Nurse smiles.

“Well done. You took that like a champ.” Mush beams at her. Next, she says she will give him a physical exam. For this, Mush has to take his shirt off, and she listens to his chest, his heart and breathing. She gets him to rest reflexes and general health, before she examines his skin and throat for any rashes. Apparently, he is remarkably healthy for someone of his class, which makes him preen. Lastly, he has to step onto a set of scales and have his height recorded. Again, surprisingly healthy.

“All done.” She smiles, dipping her hands in a bowl of something that smells too acidic to be water. “I can’t see any reason for concern, but if you feel drowsy or unwell in the next few days, it will be the vaccine working.”

Mush thanks her and leaves, making a beeline for the bunk where he left Blink.

Blink is still exactly where he was left, staring at the floor with a slightly glazed look in his eye. When Mush walks in, Blink shoots up, anxiety written all over his face.

“Are you okay? What did she do to you? If she hurt you I’ll punch her lights out.” Blink rambled, grabbing Mush’s face a little aggressively and twisting his head. Mush laughed softly, pulling Blink’s wrists away.

“It was okay. She was super nice. She gave me a vaccine, measure my weight and height, tested my reflexes and gave me a physical.”

“What’s a physical?” Blink asks, still with his wrists in Mush’s hands. Mush can feel his pulse under his thumb.

“They check your body over for -”

Blink yanked his hands back like he’d been bitten, thunder cloud falling over his face and throws himself down on the bed, drawing his knees to his chest.

“I’m not going in.”

It ends like this.

Jack gets punched in the face trying to haul Kid Blink into the room. Kloppman almost looses his temper. A bed gets knocked over and Mush tries every strategy he can think of including bribery and nothing lands.

In the end, the Nurse comes out, her mouth forming an O at the chaos. Jack is holding his cheek, which is rapidly bruised, Mush is hanging off Blink’s arm – partly to stop him swinging again and partly so he doesn’t run away – and Kloppman is kneading the bridge of his nose, looking thoroughly fed up.

“Is everything okay?” She asks.

Blink screeches like a cat and launches himself toward the window. Mush grabs him around the waist and tackles him to the floor. Kloppman swears loudly and colourfully.

Eventually, Mush hauls Blink in, mostly because Blink won’t punch him and he’s told him he’ll sit the exam with him. The Nurse is watching him like she expects him to bolt and Mush has to reassure her he won’t, all while firmly holding his hand.

“My name is Abigail Dobson. Can you tell me yours?”

Blink scowls at her.

“His names Louis Baletti, Miss.” Mush says, squeezing Blink’s hand. “But we all knows him as Kid Blink.” Mush is proud he knows what, because not many people do. The Nurse writes it down and smiles, although she still appears to be a bit on edge. Mush tells her his age, because Blink has gone silent, although his glare is speaking for him. Blink has also not had a vaccine. Nurse tells him to take off his trousers because unlike Mush’s shorts, they can’t easily be rolled up. Blink crosses his arms and says nothing.

“I can leave if you like.” Mush says. Blink shakes his head.

“Ain’t nobody seein me like that.”

“I’ll buy you a pasty tomorrow.” Mush offers. Blink scowls.

“The vaccine won’t hurt too much, if you are worried.” Nurse says politely. Blink sticks his tongue out like he is five. Mush sighs.

“Please?” He asks. He doesn’t want Blink to get sick, so he tells him. He has to have the vaccine. Blink’s eyes go all wet and watery. Its the closest Mush has seen him come to crying and it is a little unsettling. Nurse has the needle ready.

“Don’t say nothing.” Blink says, voice sounding hoarse and wobbly. He wriggles off his trousers, leaving him in just his under shorts and puts his gaze on the ceiling. Mush bites his lip to keep quiet.

There are cigarette burn scars all up Blink’s thighs, small, spherical dots, concentrated more on the inside of his legs. There’s a few scratches, too, all white lines against his skin. Mush smooths his thumb over Blink’s hand in what he hopes is a soothing gesture, although he really wants to throw his arms around Blink and stroke his hair like his mother might have and tell him no one is never gonna hurt him again.

Nurse has a good poker face, but Mush sees her lip twitch. She says nothing, just pinches the skin and gives him the needle. Blink doesn’t flinch, but his grip on Mush’s hand gets tighter. Mush thinks its more because someone is touching the skin he evidently doesn’t want hands on ever again, not the pain of the shot.

“Good job.” She says, smiling, looking a little relieved Blink didn’t punch her too. Mush knows he won’t Blink don’t think its right to hit a lady. Unless she hits you first. Nurse sighs like she is bracing for the worst.

“I need to see your chest. So I can make sure everything is working as it should.”

“Do you want me to dance around the room while I’m at it.” Blink snaps sarcastically. Mush elbows him, a reminder for manners. Blink makes no move to apologise, but he does let Mush encourage him into peeling off his shirt. Mush is not surprised when Blink’s torso is just as horrific, littered with scars, and all Mush wants to do is to run his fingers down them and kiss them all better. Its a ridiculous thought, so he ignores it. Blink wouldn’t ever stay still long enough to let him do that.

Nurse does the same procedures she had done to Mush, and Blink takes it with relatively little complaint. Mush learns he is a whole inch taller than Blink, which makes him very proud, and a few kilograms heavier. Blink keeps shooting her evil looks, but Mush is relieved to say he did not act out. At the end, Nurse stops.

“Can I check your eyes?” She asks. She’d checked Mush’s too, but he guesses Blink’s eyepatch means she is a bit more interested. Blink stares.

“I don’t know, can ya?” He responds. Mush sighs.

“I need to make sure there are no infections that can spread to your healthy eye.”

“It wasn’t no infection.” Blink snaps.

“It can get infected.” She points out.

“It ain’t gonna. I looks after it real good.”

Mush takes Blink’s hand again. His fingers have a slight tremor.

He relents, sliding the eyepatch up slowly, his healthy eye darting to Mush for his reaction. Mush knows he’s seen it before, so he keeps the smile on his face in what he hopes is an encouraging manner. Nurse keeps her clinical expression as the scarring comes into view, but when she reaches out to touch Blink’s face he flinches back, sudden and sharp.

“He don’t like people touchin his blind side much.” Mush adds, like it wasn’t obvious. Knowing what is coming, Blink lets her gently tug at the skin, checking for nasty stuff, but Mush can see his eye get damp again. Blink hates being vulnerable.

“Can you tell me how this happened?” Nurse asks. Blink looks at Mush again, before letting out a breath.

“Broken beer bottle.” Blink mutters, shifting uncomfortably.

“Was it an accident?”

Blink shakes his head. “It was my dad.” He whispers. Mush’s stomach drops.

Nurse doesn’t ask any more questions.

Kloppman is waiting for them outside. Blink doesn’t say anything to him, just pushes past and slinks into the bedrooms.

“Did he behave?” Kloppman asks. Mush nods dejectedly. Kloppman has clearly been around him too long because he picks up on his low mood. “You alright?” His voice is gruff, but Mush knows he secretly does care. Mush looks at his face, weathered by years.

“His own dad cut his eye out.” Mush says quietly. The idea of a father doing that is so wrong, so vile, it makes Mush feel a bit sick. Kloppman’s brow softens. He pats Mush’s shoulder.

“Go get him.” He says, walking away with a slight hobble.

Blink is not in his bed when Mush walks in. The curtains are pulled, and combined with the gradually darkening sky, the room has a night time feel. Instead, Blink is in Mush’s bunk, he can see the blond hair on the pillow, back to the door.

“Hey Blink.” Mush says softly, so Blink knows its him. The lump in the bed sniffs.

“Hello.”

“Can I come up?” Mush asks, foot already on the lower rung. He isn’t sure why he’s asking, it is his bed, after all.

“Yeah.”

Mush slides into the bed, clambering awkwardly over Blink so he can face him. Blink’s eye is red like he is about to cry, and he’s been picking the skin on his lip, its red and bleeding. Mush runs his thumb over it to swipe away the blood, the skin chapped and raw under his hand. It doesn’t really work. Blink is watching him with shiny blue eyes.

“Promise you won’t tell anyone.” He says quietly.

“I promise.” Mush whispers.

They’re so close, if Mush leaned forward their noses would brush. He can feel Blink’s breath on his cheek, see every small sun spot and detail on his skin. Blink lets out an exhale, curling a hand in the small space between their bodies. Mush knocks their knees together. Its a bit odd, seeing Blink like this. It feels wrong.

“I’m sorry you had to see that.” Blink says, interrupting the silence.

“See what?”

“You know. Me.”

Mush reaches his hand to brush Blink’s.

“It’s just you. I don’t mind. I still think your nice to look at.”

Blink’s cheeks colour slightly. Mush wonders if that was an embarrassing thing to have said. Blink doesn’t say anything, just curls his pinkie finger around Mush’s.

“I was scared when he took my eye.” Blink starts, looking down at the pillow. “I was being loud. Crying because he was frightening me. Told me to stop or he’d give me something to really cry about.” Blink’s fingers drift to the eyepatch, tracing the seams. “So he did. Had to hold me down and everything.” Blink huffs like he’s trying to laugh.

“How old were you?” Mush asks softly.

“Ten. It was my fault. If I’d listened to him…” Blink trails off.

“You were just a kid.” Mush whispers. Blink opens his mouth then closes it. Mush takes hold of his hand properly this time, and they fall into silence.

In an hour or so, the other Newsies will be upstairs, and the silence will be over. But for now, Mush and Blink are allowed to stay like this, in their own little bubble.

-

Over the coming months, Blink begins to talk a bit more. The childhood rule eases off. Mush learns that his mother died when he was five, and that was when things got bad. Mush learns he hates winter because sometime his dad would get mad and drunk and make him sleep outside, locking the door so he couldn’t get in. His dad was a heavy smoker and a drinker and a violent drunk. He got sick once, and his dad locked him in a room for a week so he wouldn’t get sick. Mush gets a bit upset himself when Blink starts sharing the graphic stuff – when his dad beat him so hard he vomited blood, or the times he was forced down to the floor and made to do things children shouldn’t be made to do. Often, Mush will share the bunk with Blink these nights, curl an arm around his waist and hold him there, keeping him safe. If anyone tries to drag Blink away in the night, they’ll have to get through Mush first.

Today they have fried potato slices, covered in salt. They’d put together some left over money after taking out enough for lodging fees, and because the headlines were good, they have enough for a nice lunch. Sat on the side of the dock nearing Brooklyn, legs swinging below. They’d already stopped to say hi to Spot Conlon – short scary bugger – before settling down to enjoy a hard earned meal.

Blink is so close his thigh is pressed against Mush’s, the portion of potatoes resting on their legs together. Mush loves fried potatoes, the slight crisp on the outside to the soft inside. Suddenly, he is struck with poetic inspiration.

“Blink, you’re like the perfect fried potato.” He gasps. Blink raises an eyebrow, smile tugging at his lips.

“What?”

“Yeah, yous all crispy and hard on the outside and warm and soft on the inside.”
Blink looks at him in silence for a second before bursting into laughter, startling the pigeon that had settled nearby. He is so nice to watch when he laughs, head tipping back, showing off the chipped front tooth and the gap from where one got knocked out during the rally. His cheeks scrunch up and the sound makes Mush’s stomach feel all fluttery on the inside. Mush grins. Making Blink laugh is the best feeling ever. When he stops laughing, he wipes his eye and looks at Mush.

“Yous could be the new Shakespeare. Thou art as fine as a fried ‘tato!” Blink snickers, and that sets Mush off, even though its not that funny. They promptly spend the next few minutes pretending to be upcoming poets, creating romantic lyrical about fried potatoes.

Mush can’t help but feel so alive, his belly is full and warm and so are his cheeks, he’s with his best friend on a perfect afternoon and nothing could be better. Maybe aside from the hole in his boot. But in the moment, all his problems seem secondary.

Later, when arrive back at the lodging house, they are greeted by chaos. Kloppman looks exhausted, and they can hear the distant sounds of shouting in the background. He accepts the lodging fees, rolling his eyes when a particularly loud crash emits from the upstairs of the house. He offers no explanation when Mush asks, just exhales.

Blink is already smiling with the anticipation as they go to walk upstairs. Mush thinks Blink needs to replace his trousers soon. They are too short, and cling to his upper thighs as he bounces up the stairs. Not that Mush is looking, he’s just noticed.

When they burst into the bunk room, Racetrack is wielding the curtain pole like a weapon, spinning wildly about the room. Dutchy is crouched atop a bunch bed, hair wild, also screeching, yelling madly about something being on him. Tumbler is on Skittery’s shoulders, holding on with handful of the older boys hair. Jack is laughing madly, and in Bumlets desperate attempt to climb up ontop of a bunk, he’s knocked two over in a domino effect. Poor Boots is trapped under one, wiggling madly as Itey tries to pull him out, laughing to hard to be of any real help.

“What happened?” Blink exclaims, eye wide.

“There’s a spider!” Snipeshooter yells madly, barrelling into Mush in a mad dash to escape the room, winding him. Mush doubles over, breath taken. “Its big and hairy and has lots of legs!”

Blink lets out a loud burst of laughter that turns into a snort.

“I found it!” Snitch screeches. “Its here!”

Race lunges, curtain pole swinging. There’s a crunch, and the largest, blackest spider Mush has ever seen comes skittering out, straight for Specs, whose limbs flail madly in an attempt to move, tripping over the shoes that Pie Eater never puts away. He yowls as he falls, thrashing on the floor and yelling for help, while the spider darts off towards Dutchy’s bunch instead.

Mush is laughing so hard his stomach cramps. Blink lets out a howl of laughter as Dutchy jumps up, smacking his head hard against the ceiling, producing a resounding thud. He swears loudly and colourfully, wobbling dangerously. The spider is about to reach the wood when there is an almighty bang, and Race plunges the end of the curtain pole down into the floor, finally squashing the beast.

There is a resounding cheer as the boys swarm Race, shouting his praises. Mush grabs at his chest, wheezing. Blink’s sudden weight on his shoulder makes his butterflies flare up again, warmth blossoming as the blond boy leans on him, legs unable to hold him up as his loud, raucous laughter.

Someone hoists Race in the air, much to the shouts of the dark-haired Newsie. Specs is chewing Pie Eater out about the boots – apparently he was almost mauled to death by the spider. Boots has finally been freed from the bed, and Itey has recovered from his laughing enough to wipe the tears from his eyes. Dutchy is still rubbing his head, Mush hopes he isn’t concussed, although he is laughing.

“Who knew Race was our knight in shining armour?” Mush snorts, elbowing Blink. Blink dramatically rolls his eye back, slumping forward into Mush, who catches him before he can hit the floor.

“Oh, Mush, we almost got slaughtered by a vile monster.” Blink wails, back arching. Mush laughs, trying to hold him up.

“Oi! I’ll have you know that was a tarantula!” Bumlets shouts. Someone (Skittery) launches a boot at Blink’s head, who ducks, accidentally meaning he drops to the floor, dragging Mush down with him. The pair collapse into a pile of limbs on the floor, the boot harmlessly landing in the hallway.

Mush isn’t sure how much sleeping will happen tonight.

-

December rolls around too quickly. Blink hates winter. He prefers summer, months in which he doesn’t wear more than three layers just to stop shivering. Mush can see his point. The winter is biting in New York, making Mush’s fingers tremble when he holds out papers, skin prickle with goosebumps.

Still, he doesn’t mind winter. He likes the way the world looks under a sheet of ice and snow, blue and grey and crisp, the birds chunky from their fluffed up feathers. Plus, Christmas is in December. Mush loves Christmas.

Kloppman has a box of Christmas decorations that he gets out every year. He lets them put them up around the lodging house, hanging paper chains across the curtain poles and bannister, small ornaments that stay downstairs – Kloppman doesn’t trust them not to get broken, which Mush can understand. They make a small and bedraggled wreath to hang on the door, and the most entertaining part of it all – mistletoe. The Newsies don’t actually kiss, but the dramatised performances always get everyone laughing. Mush is in charge of picking a spot for the mistletoe this year, and he is taking it very seriously.

“I don’t want it to be super obvious.” He pondered aloud to Blink, who was picking dirt from under his nails, cross-legged on the floor as Mush paced the hallway, the bough in his hand.

“You wanna catch people out.” Blink finished.

“Exactly.” Mush hummed.

“You wants it to be in a public enough space though, so that people end up under it.”

Mush looks around. His eyes on the loose ceiling board above the bedroom door.. He grins.

“I reckon I know a good spot.”

-

The first people to get caught under the mistletoe are Itey and Snitch. They are walking from the wash room, side by side, chatting idly. Mush spots it first, and leaps up from his seat on Blink’s bunk.

“Mistletoe!” He yells, pointing like it wasn’t obvious.

Itey’s cheeks colour red. He starts to stammer out a protest in broken English. Snitch is staring at the mistletoe like he’s never seen it before.

“Kiss!” Jack whoops, chanting and joined by Specs and Crutchie. The group of Newsies burst into laughing catcalls as Itey presses a hasty kiss to Snitch’s cheek, face burning. Snitch blinks like he isn’t quite sure what planet he’s on. Blink is laughing loudly at Itey’s embarrassment, leaning into Mush’s side as he often does. Mush slings an arm around his shoulder casually, letting Blink laugh himself out.

Itey and Snitch shuffle back to their shared bunk, Snitch with a goofy grin as the rest of the Newsies continue to hound them, and Blink stays rested against Mush, blond hair tickling his cheek.

It takes Kloppman threatening to confiscate the mistletoe before everyone quietens down again, and even then, the snickers of teenage boys can still be heard across the crowded room.

Next, it’s Dutchy and Specs. Dutchy immediately bursts into laughter, doubling over in the middle, glasses sliding down his nose. Specs pulls a mortified shocked face, slapping his palms over her cheeks and opening his mouth wide in shock. Dutchy is laughing to hard to kiss him properly, every time he gets near Specs he bursts into hysterics again, much to the amusement of the spectating Newsies. Mush is already in bed – tonight Blink has joined him on the account it is too cold, so he is peering at the entertainment from over the top of Blink’s blond hair. Eventually, Dutchy composes himself enough to give Specs a small kiss. Specs spins around, kicks his heels to the cheering of the spectators. Blink is laughing quietly into the pillow, Mush can feel the mattress quiver. When they settle down again, and the candles are extinguished, Blink twists his head back to try and look at Mush.

“I’m freezing my ass off.” He whispers. Mush is tired, and just wants Blink to be quiet, or so he tells himself when he tucks an arm around Blink’s middle and tugs him close. Here, he can feel the slow up and down of Blink’s ribs as he breaths, body warm and flush against his own. Mush has to admit, this way it is certainty warmer than sleeping alone. Blink shuffles around, tugging at the blankets aggressively for the next ten minutes before Mush can make out him slipping his eyepatch off, tucking it under the pillow. The fact Blink trusts him enough to do that now makes his heart thrum.

“Good night.” Mush whispers. Blink doesn’t reply, a soft, sleepy snore is the only answer Mush receives.

-

Mush can’t decide what to buy Blink for Christmas. He isn’t sure what Blink would really want, and asking him would give away the surprise. Today, Blink has gone off to sell with Jack which gives Mush the perfect opportunity to find the dream gift for his best friend. However, browsing in the shop windows, he can’t see much that he can afford that strikes him as something worth investing in. Blink will want something he can use, for sure, but Mush can’t afford new shoes or anything in the upper price bracket.

He concludes that he is going to have to ask for suggestions.

When the next lady stops to buy a paper, he pauses her, halfway to handing her a paper.

“Sorry to bother you Miss,” He starts, “But I need a good Christmas present for my friend. What should I get?”

She pauses.

“Well many ladies love a broach, a small piece of jewellery. Maybe get her one of those.”

She hurries off.

Mush huffs. He realises he should have specified he was not buying for a lady friend. He doesn’t have one of those, although maybe he should. Other Newsies are always bragging out it – Boots met a young lass at the post office last week who gave him a shy smile and a compliment and he hasn’t been quiet about it since.

Still, it does Mush no good to dwell on lady friends when Blink is not a lady.

Mush asks a smartly dressed gentlemen, who is of very little help. He claims to be uncertain and strides off, much to Mush’s annoyance. He asks an elderly woman, a young child, a policeman and a father with his son, and gets no good suggestions. He ponders over the options of a blanket, a box of matches, alcohol or a pipe, but nothing seems good. Blink wriggles too much, he’d get tangled in a blanket, his father was a terrible alcoholic so that rules out that, and Blink has always seemed to prefer cigarettes. Mush thinks he’s going to have to settle with a match box, which seems incredibly unthoughtful, when he sees the shop.

It’s a clothing store, yes, but in the window is a selection of hats, gloves and scarves, all knitted nicely in bright colours. Mush knows that nice colours typically mean expensive, but he has to know. Blink is always complaining about the cold. If he was warmer, maybe he’d see the joy in winter that Mush does.

Pushing open the door, the bell above it jingles merrily. A kindly, middle aged woman looks up from the counter, smiling. Mush smiles back awkwardly. He’s still holding a few papers, and he doesn’t know if he should offer her one.

“Can I help you?” She asks. Mush hesitates. Now he’s in the shop, he is starting to worry it may be out of budget.

“I need to get a gift for my friend.” Mush blurts out. “He’s always cold in winter so I thought he might like something warm.”

“You came to the right shop.” She smiles, standing up. She introduces herself as Mary. Apparently she has made most of the things here, which Mush thinks is very clever. Mary beams when he says this, and encourages him to look around. Mush realises he will only be able to get one – a hat or a scarf or gloves, because he will not have enough coin for all three.

As he’s wandering, his eye is drawn to a mossy green scarf folded neatly on a shelf. Its so soft beneath his fingers, and it perfectly matches the neck tie Blink always wears. He counts his change and frowns. He is a few pennies short. About to give up and leave, Mary stops him.

“How much short are you?” She asks.

“A few pennies.” Mush answers, dejected. Mary smiles.

“Why don’t we make a deal. If you deliver me papers for the next few days, you can take it for half the price.”

Mush gasps.

“I couldn’t do that. Thats daylight robbery, that.”

“I insist.” She says, taking it off the shelf and wrapping it in paper. She helps Mush conceal it in a paper before taking one herself, beaming as she presses the scarf into his hands.

Mush can’t get enough thanks out. In the end, she has to almost shoo him out the shop. Mush is in such a good mood, he sells the rest of his papers by three in the afternoon, and has enough time to dart back into the lodging house to hide Blink’s present under his mattress without any noticing – aside from Kloppman, who lets it slide with a wink.

Later, Mush meets Blink outside the lodging house, smile already on his face.

“You’ll never guess what stupid idiot Jack did today!” Blink shouts as he nears him, whacking Mush gently on the chest with the back of his hand. Mush is already grinning. This will be a good story. As they parade up the stairs, Mush can hardly contain his laughter as Blink regales a tale involving Jack and walking into the women’s restroom because he thought he saw a man in there – which transpired to be a very masculine woman, the ‘manly’ appearance of which Jack loudly announced while still in ear shot. He had also apparently blocked the loo, but Blink had refused to go in and testify that.

As they walk alongside each other, they are stopped by Snipeshooter’s uncharacteristic high shriek.

“Mistletoe!”
Mush stops, flabbergasted.

“Mush, how did you forget? You put it up there!” Blink exclaims, eye wide. Mush can feel his cheeks heating up. He can really sympathise with poor Itey now. He’s smiling, but the idea of kissing Blink sends his heart racing and his palms sweating. He puts it down to the fact that all the Newsies are watching, and it’s a little embarrassing, getting caught by his own trap. Still, he turns to Blink, clearing his throat, bowing dramatically.

“My stunning princess, may I have the honour of stealing a kiss?”

The Newsies love this, a roar of laughter that only gets louder when Blink fake swoons, hand over his forehead as he collapses like a fainting damsel into Mush’s chest. Mush catches him, tipping him back, tangling a hand in the blond hair on the back on Blink’s head and kissing him.

Mush’s mind goes blank. For a second, he can’t hear Racetracks hollering or Jack’s high whistling, all he can hear is the blood roaring in his ears to the thumping of his heart. Blink’s lips are warm and slightly chapped, tasting slightly of the bread and jam he’d had earlier. Its imperfectly perfect, although the angle is awkward and their noses press together, Mush never ever wants to stop.

Blink pulls away with a dramatic smack, cheeks flushed from the attention, beaming widely like he didn’t just flip Mush’s world on its head. Mush grins, but his heart is still galloping in his chest as the sound slowly re-enters his brain. The Newsies are loud, clearly amused by the performance Blink and Mush gave them, Tumbler is laughing from his bunk, blanket clutched in his hand.

Blink is still laughing as he pulls Mush by the sleeve into the room. Mush’s face is burning red. He isn’t sure if he is supposed to want to kiss Blink again or not.

They didn’t intent to share a bunk that night. Blink thought it would make the catcalling worse – Jack is a pain when he gets wound up, and he spent the evening waggling his eyebrows suggestively every time they finished each others sentences, got to close or made eye contact.

The thing is, Mush can hear Blink in the bunk below. He’s not snoring, he’s making this awful gasping sound, breath coming in short and ragged bursts, bedsheets rustling as he twists and turns. He’s murmuring something too, so he must be asleep, but it’s pulling at Mush’s heart strings, especially when he makes out a frantic ‘please’.

Eventually, he can’t take it any more. He tells himself it is so Blink doesn’t wake anyone else up, but he slides out of bed, lowering himself to the floor and dropping into a crouch. Blink’s face is twisted with a fear Mush never wants to see ever again, fingers curled tightly is the sheets.

“Blink.” He whispers, to no avail. He tried again, this time reaching out to put a hand on Blink’s shoulder. Blink jolts like he’s been electrocuted, gasping and jerking backwards, eye flying open.

“No!” He yelps, knees scrambling up to his chest, eye darting around. His breath is still in frighteningly short pants.

“Blink, it’s me.” Mush says, holding his hands out like he’s seen farrier boys do with scared horses. Blink’s eye still isn’t focused, so Mush reaches out slowly to take his hand. Blink flinches, but reacts less violently now, letting Mush rub his thumb across the skin on the back of his hand.

“It’s Mush.”

Blink whimpers, dropping his head between his knees, ribs heaving. Mush can feel his hands trembling. Mush does what he does best, especially when Blink has a nightmare. He starts talking.

“You’re name is Louis Baletti but everyone calls you Kid Blink. Yous friends with Jack Kelly, Racetrack Higgins, Skittery, Boots, Snitch, Itey, Swifty, Pie Eater, Bumlets, Dutchy and Specs. Yous a New Yorker, and you live in the lodging house. You’re a Newsie, you carry the banner for a penny a pape. You love summer and sunshine, colourful flowers and chasing Jack around with a stick. You’re one of the funniest people I know – the room lights up when you walk in. You’re kind. You were treated horribly. You came out on the other end. You were always you.”

Blink looks at him through damp eyelashes. His hands are still shaking, but his breathing has begun to even out again.

“Mush.”

“That’s me.”

Blink scrubs his eye with his free hand.

“Do you wanna sleep in my bunk?” Mush asks, standing and offering his hands out for Blink to take. The blond boy nods, accepting the gesture and letting Mush pull him to his feet, clambering up the ladder behind him. Mush lifts the blankets, letting Blink snuggle in.

“Sorry.” Blink whispers, voice wavering.

“It’s alright.” Mush says, wrapping an arm around Blink like he always does.

They don’t say anything else. They don’t need to.

Mush doesn’t go to sleep until the sound of Blink’s soft snores fill his ears.

-

They seem to have come to the decision to not talk about the kiss. Mush doesn’t know if they should, but it’s all he can think about. Maybe the mistletoe was a bad idea, he isn’t sure if this is normal. Do other people think about their best friends like this?

Mush tries not to stare at Blink’s mouth too much when he’s talking, he can still remember the feel of those lips on his. He isn’t sure he will ever forget. He considers asking Dutchy about it, before deciding not too. Dutchy is just as hopeless as the rest of the Newsies. He considers asking David because he’s clever but he changes his mind. David might think its illogical. The next best idea he has is Sarah. She is also clever, but perhaps a bit more emotionally intelligent than David. So, the next day, he sets off after selling his papers to the Jacobs residence.

Luckily, it is the exact girl he is looking for who answers the door.

“Sarah, I need to talk you to.” Mush blurts when she answers. She raises an eyebrow, smile dancing across her face.

“Really? You best come in.” She strides in, leaving him to close the door and trailing the smell of icing sugar behind her. Based off her apron, she’s been baking. Mush sits at the kitchen table while she discards her apron on the back of her chair before sitting.

“What was so important you can only ask me about it?”

“Well it’s a bit silly.” Mush starts, before the confidence leaves him. He looks down at his hands. “Actually, I don’t know.”

Sarah arches her eyebrow again. “You seemed to know well enough when you knocked on my door.”

“I don’t think – no, I can’t -” Mush sighs and gives up halfway through. Sarah waits, eyebrow still raised, and glances at the time.

“I kissed Blink under the mistletoe and I can’t stop thinking about it.” He spews, words falling from his lips like a dirty confession. Sarah rolls her eyes.

“That’s what you came to see me about?”

Mush nods.

“Men are so stupid.” She mutters. Mush starts to protest before she shushs him. “You like Blink.”

“As a friend, yeah.”

“No – that wasn’t a question.” She sighs. “You want to kiss him again.”

“Well, not necessarily. Like, if he was okay with that I would, but I don’t wanna presume -”

Sarah bangs her head on the table.

“You’re hopeless.” She grumbles.

“Why?”

She curses in a very eloquent manner under her breath. Mush is surprised, he’s never heard David use such colourful language. He wonders where she learnt that from.

“Mush, when you think about kissing someone a lot, it’s typically a sign that you feel.. romantic inclination towards them.”

“But Blink is my best friend.”

“But you want to kiss him.”

Mush shrugs, cheeks pink.

“Maybe.”

Sarah looks like she is about to throw herself off the fire escape.

“You like Blink romantically. For the love of all that is holy, please talk to him about it.”

Mush goes to protest, as Sarah gets up and strides to the kitchen, grabbing a warm muffin off the stove top and thrusting it at him.

“Take it and leave. This conversation is making me stupid.”

Mush is too scared of Sarah to argue so he does as he is told.

-

On Christmas morning, Mush is woken by Blink’s face concerningly close to his, grin splitting his cheeks from ear to ear.

“It’s Christmas today.” Blink beams, flashing his chipped tooth. Mush blinks slowly. In the background, he can hear Tumbler giggling loudly and Racetracks out of tune rendition of a Christmas carol.

“Merry Christmas.” Mush mumbles, dragging a hand over his eyes. “What time is it?”

Blink shrugs. “How would I know?”

“Is the sun out?”

Blink squints at the window.

“No.”

Mush tips his head back against the pillow. He hadn’t been able to sleep last night, partly out of excitement and out of worry Blink wouldn’t like his gift. Blink leans back, flopping onto the pillow beside Mush instead, face so close Mush can feel his nose brush his ear. He can’t stop thinking that if he twisted his head right now, their faces would be so close their lips would brush and -

Mush can feel the blush rising in his cheeks so instead he pushes himself up onto his elbows, reaching around to ferret under his mattress, which is hard when two people are on it. Eventually he finds it, a little squashed but still whole.

“I got you a present.” He says, handing it over to Blink, who scrambles to sit up, eye wide.

“Mush! You shouldn’t have!”

Still, he beams so widely when Mush hands it to him, cautiously turning the small package over and over in his hands.

“I ain’t sure if you’ll like it.” Mush feels obliged to say. Blink slides a finger along the edge of the paper, carefully tearing it back layer by layer, mouth opening as the green scarf falls out onto his lap.

“Mush!” He exclaims again, cheeks pink as he handles the soft wool.

“Is it alright?”

“What do you mean is it alright? It’s brilliant!” Blink is grinning widely, an expression that tugs Mush’s gut. “Its like my favourite neck tie, but for winter!”

“You always say you’re cold in winter.” Mush says, slightly bashful.

Dutchy, who’s been watching from his own top bunk, calls across.

“Put it on, Blink!”

Mush, without thinking, takes the scarf and gently winds it around Blink’s neck, tying it loosely. His fingers brush Blink’s neck, warm skin under warm hands.

“Looking lovely!” Dutchy gives him a thumbs up, before turning a meaningful look on Mush that he can’t decipher. Mush chooses to ignore it.

“I don’t remember the last Christmas present I had.” Blink says quietly. Mush intertwines their pinky fingers.

“Guess we’ll just have to get you lots more to make up for it.”

Blink’s smile lights up the whole room.

“Wait! I got yous somethin’ too.” Blink says, bouncing down to the floor. When he returns, it’s with a small package in his hand, wrapped badly in newspaper. “Dutchy helped me glue the paper together.”

Mush doesn’t say that you don’t glue the paper on gifts when Blink has tried to hard. He’s even tied a piece of string around it in a small lopsided bow. Blink watches him carefully as he unties the string, ripping the paper away. Mush feels his face light up.

Inside is a pair of matching laces and some new socks. It’s perfect – Mush hates his wonky laces, and all his socks have holes in now. He’s never gotten around to replacing them.

“Blink!” Mush exclaims, grinning. “These are perfect!”

Blink beams. “I wasn’t sure if it was something you wanted.”

Mush leans forward, pulling Blink into a slightly awkward hug – their knees knock together and they aren’t close enough to properly embrace. Still, Mush can press his nose to Blink’s hair, blond strands tickling his face. Blink smells like the lodging house soap and cigarette smoke, a smell that is comforting and familiar now. He smells like the closest thing Mush has ever had to a home. Mush thinks this might be one of his favourite Christmases yet.

Later, someone has alcohol. Mush isn’t sure where is came from, but it’s there, and he’s had a fair bit. Everything feels funnier than usual and he isn’t sure he could spell his name if someone asked him too. Blink is similarly wasted, cheeks pink and gait wobbly.

Racetrack has his harmonica out, so the sounds of slightly off key Christmas carols are filling the room, along with many drunk Newsies dancing particularly badly. Swifty is singing terribly, hand over his heart as he sways, Jack joining him with an arm around his shoulder. Jack’s singing isn’t any better, it’s just louder, which makes it worse. Tumbler is shrieking with laughter as Skittery spins him in a circle, the younger boy stumbling over his feet as they go. Blink is joining in with the dancing, very badly, he keeps tripping and he can’t seem to stop laughing. Mush can’t take his eyes off him.

Dutchy slides up to him, drink in hand. He also looks a little drunk, but somewhat more composed than Mush feels.

“You should talk to him about it, you know.” Dutchy says, watching the others dance.

“What?” Mush asks, confused. He’s too drunk for this.

“About the way you looks at him. About kissing him.”

Mush blinks.

“Huh?”

Dutchy snorts and takes a sip of his drink.

“You’re so wasted.”

Dutchy watches, eyes gleaming through his glasses as Blink staggers over, slinging an arm around Mush’s shoulder.

“Hey Mush.” He slurs slightly.

“Hello Blink.” Mush answers, eyes on Blink’s face. He’s pretty, in a very unique way, rugged and worn but still so nice.

“Can we step outside? I’m melting, I am.” Blink says, tugging Mush’s arm without waiting for his response. Dutchy raises an eyebrow and watches them go.

It is much cooler outside. A little too cold, but it had been so hot inside that Mush welcomes it. Blink leans against him, eye twinkling in the light from the streetlamps.

“Good Christmas?” He asks, swaying a little as he lights a cigarette. Out here, they can distantly hear the sounds of music and chatter.

“Brilliant Christmas.” Mush says, twisting his head. He hadn’t realised how close Blink had gotten. Blink’s eyes flicker down and up his face, before he takes another drag, blowing the smoke away.

“I think I wanna spend all my Christmases with you.” Blink says absently, twisting a finger in Mush’s hair, sending his heart racing with butterflies. Mush hums in response, wrapping an arm around Blink. It’s just the two of them, tucked beside the lodging house, in a small shadow where the warm light isn’t reaching. There’s a warm glow from the lit cigarette, but that’s about it.

“I’d make all your Christmases good.” Mush adds. Blink smiles, chapped lips tugging upwards, and Mush can’t wait any more. He closes the gap between them and presses his lips to Blink.

It is clumsier than their first, probably on account of them both being drunk. It’s bitter, tasting of cheap booze and ash. Mush tilts his head to change the angle, sliding a hand around Blink’s waist, warm seeping through the thin fabric of his shirt. Blink leans into it, slow and steady.

Mush doesn’t want it to end. When is does, Blink raises his brows, takes another drag on the cigarette and offers it to Mush, who takes it, unable to hold back his cough as the smoke and ash hit the back of his throat. Blink laughs, holding the back of his head and pulling him in for another kiss.

This time it feels like more familiar territory. Blink opens his mouth, deepening their kiss, body pressed impossibly close to Mush’s. The cigarette flutters to the floor as Blink’s other hand cups his jaw, letting Mush gently press him against the brick wall behind them, hands sliding up the hem of Blink’s shirt to rest around his waist, thumb smoothing back and forth. This is the feeling Mush has been chasing, warm and hot and electric. Blink sighs into his mouth, wrapping his arms around the back of Mush’s neck.

Mush is so hopeless gone.

The door bangs open, sudden and loud. They leap apart, Blink straightening his shirt from where Mush had pushed it up. Specs steps out, grinning.

“We was wondering where you’d gone off to. Come up, Jack’s got cake!”

Mush looks at Blink, who shrugs, following Specs up the stairs inside. Mush wipes his mouth as he goes, sure his flushed face will give him away.

Behind them, the cigarette butt stops glowing.

-

They don’t talk about it.

The next day, they go back to normal.

And the day after that.

And the day after that one, too.

Mush concludes it’s because they were both drunk. It must have been. Blink doesn’t say anything and Mush doesn’t want to ruin this friendship because sometimes it feels like its all he has.

February rolls around, and still, it goes unmentioned. Blink is still wearing the scarf because unfortunately, it’s still cold, grey clouds rolling over the sky and darkening their Thursday afternoon. Mush is really hoping it doesn’t rain. Blink is picking at the skin on his lips again, so Mush elbows him to get him to stop.

“I’m bored.” Blink sighs, plonking himself down unceremoniously onto the floor.

“Me too.” Mush agrees. They haven’t sold any papers for a good forty minutes. The headlines aren’t great – some nonsense about the prices of groceries and they are still banging on about the death of Queen Victoria, which Mush is pretty sure happened two weeks ago. It feels like two months with the amount of headlines about it. Anyway, it’s old news. Blink flips through the paper again.

“Small pox outbreaks.” He mutters idly. “Are we vaccinated against that?”

Mush nods, remembering the whole incident of trying to get Blink vaccinated. He hopes they never need any more because Jack probably gets punched enough for being insufferable and stupid so he definitely doesn’t need Blink making it worse.

“Have you got a valentine?” Blink asks suddenly. Mush raises his eyebrow.

“What made you think of that?” He asks. Blink points at his paper. There’s an advertisement there for Valentines day chocolates. Mush shakes his head. “No.” He says thoughtfully. “I don’t. Never have.”

Blink sits in quiet for a bit, pulling a cigarette out of his pocket and twirling it between his fingers.

“You should.” He says at last, staring at the floor. “Have a Valentine, I mean. You’d be good with girls.”

Mush wonders if he’s right. Maybe if he got a Valentine, he could stop thinking about kissing Blink quite so much.

“How about you?” Mush asks instead of replying to Blink’s statement. Blink shakes his head.

“I ain’t pretty enough for a girl.” He gestures towards his eye. Mush opens his mouth to object, before Blink carries on, “I had one, once. When we was fourteen. Girl named Millie. Her pa didn’t like me all that much. Told me I was too rough. So that was the end of that.”

“I think you’re plenty pretty, Blink.” Mush answers. Blink looks up at him, cigarette pausing in his fingers. He shrugs.

“Go find yourself some girl.”

Mush can’t work out why he sounds to sad about it.

Mush goes to Medda, who has some girls working for her, girls Medda won’t mind Mush asking to be his Valentine. Medda likes Mush, tells him he’s a right gentleman when he wants to be.

In the end, he asks the girl who sews costumes, the pretty dresses Medda wears. Her name is Beatrice but everyone calls her Bee, and she has long blonde hair and blue eyes. Mush thinks she’s pretty enough. She’s tall for a girl too, so she isn’t too much shorter than Mush at all. When Mush asks her, she smiles and agrees, while the rest of Medda’s girls look on and giggle. Mush gives her a rose he swiped from a flower stall earlier today, which she gives him a kiss on the cheek for.

Mush isn’t all that sure what to do with a Valentine, but he has one.

He tells Blink first. Blink grins and claps him on the back, shoving inside the lodging room and calling him a right womanizer, which Mush thinks is a silly word because Bee is the first girl he’s ever held hands with. Still, as Jack starts making fowl remarks about all the filthy things Mush and his girl are going to get up to, Mush can’t help but notice that Blink’s smile doesn’t quite reach his eye, and he’s a little more distant than usual that night.

-

Mush really has to think about a Valentine’s day gift. It’s tricky, mostly because he doesn’t know Bee very well, but after talking to Jack, who is probably the worst person to go to for advice for anything ever (but Mush is desperate), he settles on getting her some chocolates. They don’t cost much, which is a relief, because Mush is trying to save up money now he’s getting older.

In the morning, he tries to spend extra time smoothing down his hair, which doesn’t work tremendously well because of his curls. Racetrack is far to stingy with his hair gel to lend him any – apparently he has a smoking hot date in Brooklyn but won’t elaborate – and this means he needs his hair perfect.

Dutchy keeps giving him a side eye all morning. Mush has this feeling Dutchy knows something he doesn’t. To make matters worse, Blink isn’t talking to him much. A little like he’s avoiding him. Mush brings this up with Bumlets, who suggests it could be because Mush has a date today and Blink doesn’t.

Either way, when he leaves the lodging house, it is with a peculiar feeling in his gut.

He meets Bee outside Medda’s. She’s wearing a different dress today, it’s a faded blue.

“You look nice.” Mush says when he arrives, giving her a warm smile. “The dress brings out your eyes.” The compliment makes her beam, and Mush internally celebrates. Bumlets had talked him through how to talk to girls and give them compliments they would appreciate, apparently all girls like having their eyes complimented. Mush wouldn’t know, so he’s glad Bumlets was correct.

“Thank you.” She smiles, taking his hand. Her hands are much more delicate than Blink’s, softer.

“Oh!” He says, holding out the box. “These are for you.” Bee’s face lights up even more.

“I love chocolate!” She laughs, pressing a small kiss to his cheek as a thank you, tucking them into the small bag she has brought.

“I thought we could go for a walk in the park?” Mush suggests. He hadn’t actually thought of a date idea until last night. It had been Specs who suggested the park. Bee agrees, so off they go. Bee is very easy to talk to, she’s polite and kind and incredibly optimistic. She chats to him about sewing, explains how she comes up with the ideas for the dresses. She’s clever, to come up with this.

“Anyone could do it, really.” She gushes when he tells her this. Mush certainly couldn’t. Most days he can’t find a matching pair of socks. That makes her laugh. She offers to darn the holes in his socks – Mush might take her up on that. The pair Blink gave him are still whole, so he mostly saves those for special days.

Bee brought bread to feed the ducks. Mush hasn’t ever fed ducks before. It’s surprisingly fun, throwing small pieces at the birds and watching them glide across the water to eat them. Mush thinks he should take Blink to see the ducks at some point. As it gets colder, Mush lends her his jacket, which means he is a bit colder but it makes her smile and squeeze his hand tighter so it must be worth it. By the time the sky starts to darken, Mush is feeling like this Valentine’s day was a success.

As they stop outside Bee’s street, she turns to face him.

“Thank you for today, Mush. I really enjoyed it.” She smiles. She has one dimple on the same side that Blink wears his eyepatch.

“I enjoyed it too.” He agrees. Then, Bee leans forward and kisses him.

Mush isn’t quiet sure what to do. It’s not – it isn’t the same. His stomach doesn’t flutter and he doesn’t want to do this. He wants to push her away and run home. He doesn’t, because that would be rude, instead he puts a hand on her arm, gentle, and lets her kiss him.

It doesn’t taste of cigarettes and her lips are not chapped. Her hair is too long and Mush can’t feel an eyepatch brush his skin and it’s wrong because it isn’t Blink, it should be Blink, it’s always been Blink. As she pulls away, eyes searching, Mush finally realises that this is what Sarah and Dutchy meant all along.

“I – I have to go.” Mush stammers out, before turning on his heels and sprinting. He feels a little bad, leaving Bee there, but all that matters is that he finds Blink right now. Its imperative. He hears her call after him, confusion lacing her voice but he doesn’t stop, rounding the corner and legging it to the lodging house. He isn’t sure he’s ever moved this quickly. He doesn’t know if Blink will be back by now but its okay if he isn’t, he’ll run the whole of New York to find him, even Brooklyn. His feet are pounding against the streets, flying across the cobbles, but it doesn’t seem quick enough.

By the time he see the head of blond hair turning towards the lodging house, his legs are burning, breath in short bursts.

“Blink!” He shouts. The other boy turns, eyebrows raising in surprise and Mush barrels into him, unable to stop.

“Mush? Ain’t you supposed to be on a date right now?”

Mush shakes his head, trying to get his breath back.

“I can’t.” He pants.

“What?”

Mush takes a deep breath and straightens up.

“I can’t go on a date with some girl when the only person I want as my Valentine is you.” Mush blurts out. Blink’s mouth opens a fraction, like he isn’t quite sure what to say. Mush carries on, “I can’t stop thinkin’ about kissing you at Christmas and when she kissed me the only thing I could think about was that it ain’t you. I think I might be a little in love with you, Kid Blink.”

Blink’s mouth gaps like a fish. Mush isn’t sure he’s ever seen him speechless before. Before Mush can offer an apology, maybe, Blink jumps forward and grabs him in a hug, arms wrapping tightly around his neck. Mush slowly curls his arms around Blink’s waist, placing his palms flat on his back, burying his nose in the gap between Blink’s jaw and his hair, breathing in that oh so familiar smell.

“I didn’t want you to go on that date.” Blink mumbles in the top of Mush’s shoulder. “I figures you should, but I just wanted you to stay with me.”

Mush presses his lips below Blink’s jaw in a soft kiss.

“I ain’t going nowhere.”