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The soft, fluffy texture curls around Tony's fingers, encompassing them in a comforting warmth. He draws the teddy-bear closer to his chest, and curls into himself as the room encloses around him. Tears drip onto the brown fabric, and his breaths come out quick, making the fur of the bear move with each one. He watches on, fascinated as it moves. He rubs a finger over the red and blue shield on its arm, the fur is a little rougher there.
The Captain America bear is nothing like the real deal: dad said Captain America would never let something bad happen to the people he cared about. If he were alive, would he have let his dad hit him?
Tony presses his eyes together and his hand comes up, touching his burning cheek where a bruise will soon form. Captain America probably wouldn't be happy with his dad. He promised that the bear would keep him safe, just like Captain America promised to do for America during the war. He may not have shielded him from the blow, but he can hold the bear close. He feels safe now.
The boy presses his unhurt cheek to his knee and looks to the side, the bear curling beneath his small frame. He wishes Captain America were here to stop his dad from hurting him again, because Tony knows this won't be the last time. His dad gets angry a lot. Tony wishes his dad wasn't so angry all the time.
Captain America wasn't angry. He knows because his dad told him.
Tony sniffles and pulls back, looking down at the smiling bear in his lap. One day, he'll be just like Captain America. He'll never be angry.
~~~
Tony was right, his father's anger only grew. Alcohol became a common sight in the Stark home, forcing Maria into a silent, drunk state, and morphing Howard into a cruel monster of a man.
When Howard drinks, Tony sits in his room with the bear on his lap. No matter how old he grows, no matter how silly he feels, no matter how much of a resentment grows towards Captain America - a man who was friends with his father, his father who hates him, who hits him, who has never told him he loved him. How can someone who represents what he does be friends with someone like his father? No matter how much happens, the bear will always be pulled down from his shelf and wrapped in his arms when he needs an escape.
His safety net will always be the bear.
Even when his parents die, leaving him alone with the Stark name to carry solely, and too many responsibilities to hold on his shoulders, he finds himself sitting in his parent's bedroom with the bear.
Even when Obie, the only man who really ever seemed like he cared for him as a father should, tried to have him killed at thirty-eight, Tony still curls around the bear in his mansion in Malibu. Pepper doesn't say a word about it, and Tony is eternally grateful for that.
Tony realises he should probably get rid of the bear when Captain America, with his shield and all, is found in the ice. He's one of the first people to catch a glimpse of the man, his name gets him in the door to see Steve Rogers, in the - very cold - flesh.
He does hide it away, he puts the bear away and hopes to God Rogers never finds out about it.
He never really bargains on being so dependent on it that he needs it again. After falling out of the wormhole, Tony pulls it out of storage and curls around it when nightmares wake him up in the middle of the night.
On a particularly bad night, Tony pulls himself from the penthouse in the Avengers Tower and sits in the communal living room. It's rare that he ever uses the shared floor, he's not quite that close with the rest of the team yet. But it feels safe there, even if it is just as empty as his own floor at this hour.
He doesn't realise he still has the bear clutched close in his arms until he's there. No one will come down, he'll be okay to sit there for a while with his Captain America bear.
Tony traces his fingers over the worn bear, it's no longer as fluffy as it once was, and its colours have faded from washing it too much. He remembers crying over his mama washing it once when he was younger, saying she took away all the safety. Tony smiles sadly at it now, wondering if he was right then. Maybe so much that has happened to him wouldn't have happened if his mama hadn't taken the safety away.
“Tony?” A raspy voice pulls him from his head and he whips his head around to find just the man he didn't want to see. Knowing Tony's luck, he can't say he's surprised that Steve Rogers is standing there now, looking at him so surprised.
“Steve.” Tony says in greeting and then turns back, placing the bear at the side of him, hoping Steve doesn't walk around and see the bear version of… him. Tony realises now that it's probably creepy. It's not weird if someone he doesn't know has an iron man plush, but say, Natasha having one? Weird. Definitely weird.
“Everything okay?” Steve asks, and Tony sees the wormhole again. He sees the call to Pepper failing to go through, he feels himself falling. He remembers waking up in his bed not even ten minutes ago in a cold sweat, tears soaking his face and pillow beneath him.
He feels a hand at his shoulder, and he's reminded of where he is. Steve is sitting beside him now, concern written all over his face.
Tony and Clint like to joke that he's the mother hen of the group, he gets up early and goes for a run, and then makes breakfast for all of them. He checks in with everyone, makes the team schedules, he's always there for everyone.
He really wishes Steve would go back to bed now.
“I'm okay. Just one of those nights.” Tony says, and it comes out unnatural, too formal and too robotic. Steve notices straight away, and his eyes dart away for a moment, landing on the bear.
Tony looks up at the ceiling and wonders if he'll even make it out of this without looking like a total creep.
“I remember those.” Steve says, and he reaches over, pulling the bear into his hands and holding it out in front of him. He smiles, like it's completely natural Tony has one. He lifts it up and looks at the foot, finding the date sewed in there. “It’s one of the original ones. I remember them being sold during the war.”
He smiles fondly down at the bear, “They were expensive, but I remember Howard bought one for Peggy, Bucky and I. I'm guessing he got one for himself too.”
Tony looks down at the bear, and he leans over to look at the date. 1944. All four of them would have had matching ones. Tony feels suddenly saddened by that fact. He has no idea if Peggy still has hers somewhere, but Steve's and Bucky's are probably gone.
“My dad gave it to me when I was five.” Tony says, quietly. “I was having a hard time, I was a pretty lonely kid. Homeschooled, and stuff. People were… mean, in the media you know? My dad said it would protect me. He'd kept it in the box since then, I think. I know it's weird.” Tony laughs awkwardly and looks away.
Steve shrugs and props the bear into Tony's lap. “Not really, Clint has a shirt with my face on it, I would argue that's more weird.”
Tony smiles and rolls his eyes, Clint lives to make a mockery of everyone.
“I'm glad you've kept it this long.” Steve whispers, “It's not very often I see things around here that remind me of them.”
Tony looks at Steve, his mouth is down-turned and Tony nudges his shoulder. “If you want, I can see if my dad kept yours and Sergeant Barnes’ bears. Aunt Peggy might have them. But Howard kept a lot of your old stuff, things that weren't donated to the museum.”
Steve nods, “That would be nice. Thanks, Tony. Did… did you want to talk about why you're down here?”
Tony looks away and shakes his head, he clutches the bear in his arms and looks ahead to the fireplace. “I'm good, thank you.”
“Of course, I'm here for you if you need me.” Steve presses a gentle hand to his shoulder and gets up, leaving Tony there, feeling ten times lighter.