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You were never the type to chase after what you want.
Whether it be a trending toy during your little years, nor new bags and gifts during your teenage ones.
You didn’t dare to.
Not in this cursed world that you live in. The world where treasure becomes a liability, another thing to lose.
So when you started feeling the dread of desire, warning signs should’ve flashed through your mind.
Yuuji Itadori was a boy you never thought much of before.
Even as Gojo introduced him as a vessel of the king of curses, it simply went in and out of your mind.
You never approached, you never bothered too.
A vessel like him is bound to end in tragedy, and any point of bond would result in vain.
That’s what you kept telling yourself.
Even as you were tied up to the trio, consisting of him, Fushiguro, and Kugisaki, as the lone group of first years. Even as you started being called by them for lunch, inevitably starting a developing relationship with the three. Even as you started getting closer to him, closer than you should be.
Despite being the vessel of the jujutsu world’s equivalent of satan, the boy could only be described as a human clump of sunshine; smile and positivity radiating off him all the time.
Shouts would occupy the school yard as Yuuji demanded another petty fight with Fushiguro, questions you never thought people would ask due to it being pure common sense was heard as you look to the back of the classroom, where Yuuji was there, hand straight up with a booming voice.
In a world full of curses and darkness, Yuuji Itadori was the contrast you needed to stay afloat.
In just a month, the boy successfully gave you a glimpse of what the world could be if you were born under different circumstances: A normal student in Tokyo.
The absence of him was evident instantly.
Silence crept up Jujutsu High, unfamiliarity spreading across your body as the areas were filled with bright laughter and dumb actions for the past few weeks.
You remember sitting on the endless Jujutsu stairs, soaking in the view of Tokyo’s beautiful sunset, eyes heavy and dark.
Yuuji Itadori died.
His heart was ripped out, according to Fushiguro, by the one and only demon living inside of him.
It had only been one month since he entered this horrid society, and he died.
You supposed it would be just another death, another failed vessel, and that your life would continue on as normal.
But it didn’t.
Classes became bland as only silence and occasional banter filled the hour, training became quiet, and your mind kept circling back to the days before the events.
In the worst way possible, Yuuji Itadori’s presence gifted you the one thing jujutsu sorcerers kill to seek, hope.
And in the process, he made it so that Jujutsu High will never be the same without him.
So when your teacher brought in a suspicious box during the exchange event, covering it up as a ‘gift’ for his students while being the talking corpse of your old acquaintance, you wanted to throw up.
Anger flooded your vision as you listened to Gojo’s rant, wanting to punch the life out of the untouchable man. But as your gaze reached Yuuji’s, an unfamiliar feeling settled deep inside you. One that made the air feel lighter than it did the past 2 months.
That was the first time Yuuji Itadori left your life, and your body selfishly made sure it would be the last.
Yuuji knew he was going to die.
He knew the moment he agreed to be the vessel of Sukuna, that he would be a placeholder before eventually being killed to remove the demon residing in his heart.
But even as a vessel, he was still human, and humans are selfish.
The first time he entered Jujutsu High, he made a mental note of every classmate. An easy feat due to the limited numbers of students.
Out of his peers, his gaze landed on the one standing just at the edge, muttering no words, silently observing the newcomer.
Since that moment, a small voice of interest entered his mind.
He knew he was going to die, and he was selfish to follow it.
Jujutsu was an unfamiliar world for him, and the brief explanations from his peers helped little as he faced the foreign society for the first time.
So when you slipped a tiny reference from the hunger games, a franchise that featured his favorite actress during lunch together with the first-years, Yuuji was hooked.
It was a dumb reason to get attached for really, but having a pillar of normalcy from his old world brought more comfort than he ever thought it would.
He started approaching you.
The first time he approached you was mostly to talk about Jennifer Lawrence (which ended with him gaining a new profound respect for you as you ranted about Katniss Everdeen's character for half an hour straight).
The second time he approached you was to mention a new movie coming out, hence the frequent interactions you had, mostly discussing Hollywood drama and character analysis.
Movies turned into gossip, gossip into daily routines, and daily routines into values, until suddenly, talking to each other felt like second nature.
So much so that after the fake death prank his teacher set up was finally revealed, he noticed your distance a bit too much.
He noticed the way you’d shift just the slightest bit as he sat beside you, the way you’d shut down a conversation about a new show that featured your favorite actor a bit too quickly, the way you’d look the other way when encountering him.
Yuuji wasn’t the brightest of the bunch, but he wasn’t dumb. Not dumb enough to not notice that you’ve been intentionally avoiding him.
And unlike you, who would rather let things past, Yuuji was the type to chase for the answers he desired.
Hence him cornering you in a random hallway while you were just trying to buy a drink from the vending machine.
“What’s going on?”
He demanded, brows furrowed in confusion at your detachment for the last few weeks.
Shock consumed your body as he placed his hands beside both sides of your head to the wall, unintentionally pinning you. You let go of your opened can of drink in surprise, dropping it to the floor.
“What the hell Yuuji?! I was getting a drink!”
“Oh… sorry about that…” He replied briefly, eyes glancing at the spilled beverage before looking back at you, “but seriously, what’s going on?!”
“There’s nothing going on, what are you talking about??”
You replied, eyes looking everywhere but his eyes, knowing exactly what he was talking about.
“Come on, there’s gotta be something! I mean you’re basically avoiding me!”
“I’m not!”
Yuuji deadpanned at your answer, implying that he sees right through your bs.
“You move away whenever I get close, you never talk about your favorite characters with me anymore, and always look away whenever I’m talking to you just like you are now!”
Your head snapped to look at him. A look of disbelief and confusion evident on your face. You didn’t think he’d notice, and you know better than deny anything more.
You could hear the sound of birds chirping outside as a loud deafening silence filled the room. For a brief second, the world seemed to close in as he had you cornered, forced to face the emotions you’ve been pushing down for so long.
You let out a shaky breath, eyes staring straight at his as you broke.
“You died Yuuji. That’s what happened.”
Yuuji’s expression faltered at the answer, he felt his body loosen for a second, his hands dropping by just a little.
“But, I’m alive now?”
It was astonishing how his response almost elicited a laughter from you even in such a tension heavy situation such as this.
“Yes Yuuji. Yes you are.”
“Then what’s the problem then? Why are you avoiding me?”
You debated whether or not to just conjure up a false reason on why you did.
It wasn’t like you wanted to avoid him, why would you? When he’s the one who gave you a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel.
Unfortunately, his death– real or not– made you remember that no, you’re not a normal high schooler living their best lives, but a jujutsu sorcerer fighting to live every day.
And his death was neither the first nor will it be the last of students, classmates, and friends losing their battles to darkness whilst chasing the end of the never ending tunnel.
So when the question registered through your mind, any attempt to falsify the truth of your distance went flying away.
“Because I don’t want to experience losing you again.”
There it is.
The real answer on why you restricted yourself in every initiative he made, the real reason you went out your way to go through the longer route to the dorms just to avoid him.
You were afraid.
Afraid of feeling hurt from losing your friends, afraid of getting too close that it’ll amplify the grief of experiencing the inevitable end of your close comrades.
And most importantly, you were afraid of continuing your life in the shadows of the world if you were too used to the warmth he provided.
And Yuuji?
Yuuji was selfish.
Even though his peers knew him as the sorcerer with the biggest heart, a hero as they might say, willing to save anyone and everyone, he was still a teenage boy.
A human whose selfish desires overpower his own logic.
Maybe that’s the reason why he didn’t stop. Why, even with knowing your fear of his absence, which is at some point inevitable, he still leaned in.
Closing the distance between the two of you as his lips met yours, hands cupping your cheeks after weeks being devoid of you.
During that moment, there were no sorcerers nor vessels in the perimeter. Only two teenagers– kids– fuelling their selfish and illogical desires of each other, uncaring of what the future holds for them.
There, under the setting sun, Yuuji Itadori made a crucial decision. The best, or worst, decision he ever made: Accepting you as part of his life.
You infiltrated his mind with every moment spent together. Every moment under the hidden spot behind an isolated tree in Jujutsu High as you took naps together, every moment at a local dvd store located at a random alleyway in Shibuya, every moment spent eating down ramen while complaining about the higher ups and your technique drawbacks.
It was a decision that could pass by as a harmless mistake.
Allowing you to embed yourself in every aspect of his existence. In every movie he likes, in every place he visits, in every food he consumes.
So much so that now, 50 years after the catastrophe that they call the shinjuku showdown, he still can’t eat ramen without remembering the way your eyes would light up as you took the first bite.
In the brief moments you spent together, you successfully made it clear that Yuuji Itadori would never forget you.
Not when your memory fills the hallways of Jujutsu High, the alleyways of Tokyo, the silent air of the setting sun.
Yuuji knew he was being selfish the moment he forced himself in your life.
He never expected himself to be the victim of his own selfishness, to be the one still standing as he watched his friends topple down from injuries or old age, to be the one who has to face the grief of losing you.
Call it fate laughing at his face, or maybe even karma.
But one thing’s clear.
As Yuuji walks through the advanced streets of Tokyo, he will never stroll through the same city ever again.
Not the same warm pavements he passed through, laughing hand in hand with you, wishing to save the moment for just another day or two.
Not the tight, dark alleys he ran through in fear, a flashing phone behind him as you tumbled down in laughter.
Not the parks he would lie down on, staring at the sky above while listening to your own weird interpretations of a cloud shape.
None of it was the same.
Not without you.