Archive of Our Own

Despite the steps forward in his recovery, Grace hasn't managed to fully dislodge the heavy weight of uncertainty about what the future has in store for him. However, the one thing he is certain of is that for as long as he lives, the sight and sounds of the waves in the bio-dome will never manage to be anything less than beautiful.

Especially as he looks at them now as they're reflecting the 'sunset' back at him. It had taken the illumination team a couple of tries to get it right, but considering they can't really perceive the work they're doing they've managed to get the color palette down pretty accurately. Though he has to admit there was something kind of charming about the neon green they'd achieved during their first attempt.

To be honest it still feels a little surreal. All of it, that is: the fact that he's alive, that they made it to Erid, that he's sitting here on his very own beach in his very own dome and taking in the sight of his very own ocean. That feeling has been especially prevalent today, even though it's been one of his good days all things considered — his pain levels have been low, the nutrition team had given him a new smoothie concoction to try which not only has he managed to keep down but he'd actually liked the taste of (it was kind of like sour apple? Not your typical smoothie taste, but it was palatable and also the closest he was gonna get to having Skittles again, so he'd take it), and he'd had enough energy to start decorating the inside of his house with stuff they'd brought down from Mary.

He isn't completely out of the woods yet. He's still deficient in several key nutrients and vitamins but he's no longer one bad cough away from a flatline; he can move around now, he can eat by himself, and that horrible brain fog is finally (finally!) lifting. He might have been at death's door when they first arrived but hey, maybe being such a stubborn jackass wasn't always a bad thing, it's done wonders to him alive so far.

So now that it's looking more and more likely that he might actually make it out the other side he has to start figuring out… all the rest of it, which is a terrifying thought. He's done the song and dance of having to reconsider his entire life once before after the UNESCO disaster and sure, it worked out pretty well until Stratt bust down his door, but discovering a love for teaching had been a happy accident in the end. He's got no clue what he's going to do here on a planet where his continued existence relies on the goodwill of another species.

But that is not something he's willing to think about right now though, lest he ruin all the good vibes he's managed to accumulate today. Also because most importantly, Rocky is due back imminently.

It's the first full human day they've spent apart since they reunited after Grace turned back for him. Which means those good vibes were really hard won battles, because he's spent the whole day with this aching, gnawing fear in the pit of his stomach about something terrible happening to Rocky. Actually, now that he thinks about it, he wonders if that new smoothie trial was a planned distraction by his care team.

But the wait is over, and Rocky will be here soon, and he's practically giddy to be reunited with him.

The main airlock to the bio-dome is mostly out of sight —to try and keep up the immersion so the team told him— but Grace can just about hear it when it cycles if he's outside his house, and he delights in catching the sound of it now. It'll take a couple of minutes for Rocky to make his way over, and so he lets his eyes slip shut in the meantime, taking another moment to appreciate the soft crashing of the waves ahead of him, the heat from the too hot water becoming a warm balm by the time it drifts over to him.

When the sound of footsteps eventually become audible, a grin spreads across his face. He wants nothing more than to just throw himself at Rocky in a hug, but if Rocky hasn't come bounding up to him then that means Grace has to try play it cool too.

"Hey Rock," he begins as he turns his head towards him, "gonna have to be sneakier than that if you want to—"

The rest of his sentence evaporates as he looks up at the eridian standing a short distance away. An eridian that is decidedly not Rocky.

"Hello Savior Grace," Adrian chimes quietly, bowing their carapace to him.

Oh shit, is his first reaction, followed up very quickly by panic.

Adrian is… very intimidating. Aside from the fact that they're roughly three times the height of Rocky (a fact Rocky had failed to mention at any point during the four year journey back to Erid, which in hindsight Grace thinks he did on purpose just so he could relish in Grace's reaction), which makes them taller than him, they're also one of the most visually stunning eridians he's met so far since he made it down onto the planet. Their carapace reminds him of some stones he once saw in a gift shop when he'd offered to be an additional chaperone for the geography departments trip to some caves — the name still escapes him but it was something similar to candles? Candelabras? Anyway what he's trying to say is that they're a rich turquoise color, closer to green than blue, with these golden brown lines that split across them like a nebula.

(He'd tried to explain all this to Rocky, after first meeting them, how Adrian is extremely stunning to human eyes. He thought Rocky was going to fall over with the amount of smug swaying and trilling this information garnered.)

So. They're tall. Intimidatingly beautiful. And wicked smart from what Rocky's told him.

There's just the very minor and small issue, in that he's pretty sure Adrian hates him.

…Well, maybe hate is a strong word, but they certainly don't seem to like him.

Up until now he's never been alone with them before, Rocky's always been there too. And even when they three of them have been together Adrian has barely said a word to him. They've been perfectly polite, asking him occasional questions here and there which he now realizes were about the bio-dome, and they reply when he asks them how they are, but it's always a single sentence before they let Rocky continue with the rest of the talking. They don't seem to be actively angry towards him, as far as he can tell, but there's definitely a level of detachment there that, well, kind of stings.

He hasn't mentioned it to Rocky because Rocky has been so convinced the two of them would get on —since they were both, in his words, 'massive science nerds'— and he doesn't wanna break the little guys hearts by telling him otherwise. It was a part of why Grace had been so excited to meet Adrian, after Rocky had told them they were the equivalent of a marine biologist he's been yearning to talk science with them. Of course this was before starvation nearly killed him and his brain fog meant he could barely string three words together, but after he'd recovered enough to have proper conversations again it had hurt when they never wanted to engage with him.

Additionally there's been nothing to indicate Rocky has even noticed the strange tension in the room whenever Adrian's dropped by, which is another reason why he's been hesitant to bring it up. But then again, Rocky's mostly just ecstatic to be around his mate again.

Which sort of leads into why he's sure they don't like him. The intense separation anxiety him and Rocky share is hardly a secret, and it isn't just Grace suffering from it. Rocky has dodged the question whenever Grace has asked, but he's pretty sure that the entire time he was recovering in the temporary hospital ward, Rocky didn't go back to his and Adrian's home. He was present every time Grace fell asleep, and being in the condition that he was, Grace was unable to return the favor, but Rocky had assured him that he was finding time to sleep and was being watched. Presumably the watching was being done by Adrian, but given that Rocky was either in the room whenever Grace woke, or came in immediately when called for, he assumes he had to have been sleeping in the observation room next to his area. The whole idea of it riddles him with guilt.

Because after all these years of waiting, and despite the very loud reunion they'd had in the space elevator, it means Adrian hasn't had the chance to spend any alone time with the mate they'd so patiently held out for — because said mate was attached at the hip to an extremely delicate and frail alien who needed special accommodations because the conditions of their planet would kill him, an alien that couldn't stand to be apart from their mate without sobbing about it. So if he's being honest with himself, Grace can't really blame Adrian for harboring resentment and not wanting to talk to him.

It's kind of like newly-weds, right? They only want time with each other and have to gently tell friends to leave them alone. That's been Grace's experience anyway. Except in this case it's way worse because the couple in question have been kept apart and didn't know if the other was still alive. But then again maybe he's looking at this from an entirely human perspective and he's committed some other social faux pas which would lead Adrian to not want to speak with him. It feels unlikely but on optimistic days he tries to consider it as an option.

It seems ridiculous given how obviously different they are just visually speaking, but sometimes he has to remind himself that eridians aren't humans, and he cannot keep making assumptions about them with a human framework. But it's hard! There's a level of familiarity in a lot of their social structures, which is fascinating from an evolutionary and sociological standpoint, but it means he can't help but draw parallels.

But none of this matters at this exact moment, because the fact that they're here now without Rocky makes him think something terrible has happened.

"Adrian! Is Rocky okay? Is he hurt? Is he—"

"[Rocky] is well, do not worry. They were called away to an urgent last minute engineering thrum and have asked me to relay their apologies, and to let you know they will come straight to the bio-dome once the thrum is concluded."

Oh thank god, okay. Alright. Everything is fine. No need to panic Ryland. He knew Rocky had a lot of thrums scheduled for the day they'd be apart, although…

"It wasn't the quarry team, was it?"

"Yes."

"Yikes, he hates those guys, I can't imagine he was very happy about it."

Adrian hums a little, and Grace picks up the notes of amusement in it.

"You are correct, they complained the entire time and begged not to go, but I persuaded them that it would not take as long as they feared. I also assured them they could complain about it as much as they want afterwards."

Now that was something to look forward to. Rocky does these little petulant stomps whenever he's pissed off and it's unbelievably cute and Grace is so terribly endeared whenever he does them. He hasn't mentioned it for fear of Rocky getting embarrassed and stopping, but he wonders briefly if Adrian also finds it amusing.

"However…" they continue, "it was convenient that they had elsewhere to be. I have been meaning to speak with you alone for quite some time now."

Dread settles like a stone in his stomach and all at once Grace averts his eyes, swallowing hard in response to the sudden nausea that's suddenly swept through him.

This is it. They're gonna tell him that he needs to pull himself together because they want to have their mate back. Which is… fine, this is fine, it was inevitable and he knew it was just a matter of time before they said something about it. They probably won't even yell at him either, they'll be nice and calm because they just seem like that sort of person. He can handle this! It's not as thought they're not going to be telling him anything he hasn't already told himself; he does need to learn how to live without Rocky constantly glued to his side. With a little more time he thinks it'll be possible, he just needs get the last of his physical 'all-clears' and then he can throw himself into his studies of Erid to distract him. That'll give him plenty to do, he'll probably be studying until his body finally gives in. The sleeping alone again will undoubtedly be difficult, especially now he's gotten used to it after all these years, and he's going to be unbearably and unspeakably lonely but—

"Savior Grace heart rate elevated, should I alert the medical team?"

His head snaps back to them, eyes wide with panic. He absolutely does not need the medical team alerted right now. His main doctor —a shiny, copper eridian with a wit that could rival Rocky, who he's been referring to as Scully— has given him so many lectures about avoiding stress, and he's been doing so good with his health, he doesn't want to let them down now. Especially not like this.

"No no no! I'm fine, really, just a silly human thing, there's no need to alert anyone of anything."

"…Are you certain? Rocky has emphasized the importance of your heart rate and how fast it should be beating."

Wow, what a snitch. Deeply touching that he cares so much to make sure everyone was informed but really inconvenient at this exact moment!

"Yes! Yes it's just… I, um…"

There wasn't really anyway out of this. Maybe… maybe it would be easier to speak first and offer up his honest apologies; lay everything out and hope it would be enough and they could agree to be amicable for Rocky. They've managed that so far, haven't they? It would be fine. He could do this.

C'mon Ryland, suck it up. For Rocky, yeah?

"Listen," he begins and then takes a deep breath. "Before you say anything, I want you to know that I'm sorry. I really am. I understand that you waited a very long time for Rocky to come home and honestly I'm in awe that you survived it, because I feel like I'm dying when he's gone for a few hours and I've only known him for a fraction of the time you have."

And yet he can't imagine a life without him. Funny how things work out.

"He used to talk about you all the time back on Mary, y'know? He'd be so excited to sing your praises and guess what your reactions would be to human culture and media. The first time he ever told me about you I was so determined that I was gonna get him back to you. We were gonna succeed no matter what, save our planets, and even though I didn't wanna leave him it would be worth it because I knew he was gonna make it back to this mate he spoke wonders of."

Shame starts to crawl up the back of his neck, and he pulls his knees closer to his chest, trying to let the pressure keep him grounded.

"And I did it. The circumstances changed but I got him back home. Except after all this time we don't know how to be apart anymore. And you've had to accommodate for that, for me and I'm so sorry. I'm not completely certain but I'm pretty sure he hasn't been back to your home because he didn't want to leave me alone, so he must have stayed all that time in the temporary ward. And it must have been you watching him sleep because I couldn't, which means you had to stay in the ward all the time too, and had to deal with me even though I must be so strange to you."

The more he finds himself talking, the more his guilt feels like it's burning a hole in him. Finally speaking all of this out loud seems to be solidifying the situation in a way where before he could politely ignore the elephant in the room, but now it's dawning on him just how much Adrian's had to put up with and how much patience they have exhibited and oh boy, it does not feel good.

"He came home… but you're still waiting for him. And it's my fault. So, I just— I just wanted to tell you that I really am sorry. I understand that you must hate me for it, but I'm gonna work on things. It won't always be like this, we'll get better at being apart. Things will go back to the way they were, he'll return to his old life, I promise."

That's it. All his cards laid out. Adrian doesn't immediately respond, though that's understandable, he has sort of… rambled away at them. Anxiety hums just under his skin and he tries his best to focus on the crashing of the waves instead, consistent in their rhythms due to the machine making them, unlike the current frantic beating of his heart.

He meant what he said. Saving Rocky and getting him home had been the only thing that mattered. Yes, he wanted to live, but he had accepted it was an unlikely outcome. Having made it this far, he supposes he started to get a little selfish again. He really doesn't want to let Rocky go. But he has to. That was the whole point of all this, wasn't it? Turning around, risking it all, it was to get him home. He is home now. He can be with Adrian again.

It was going to be awful to be alone again. But for Rocky, he'd do it. There isn't anything he wouldn't do for him at this point.

"…I believe," Adrian finally replies, in a low and quiet chime, "there has been some kind of misunderstanding."

Grace is unable to hide his reaction as his head immediately snaps back to look at them in surprise. It's a little hard to see what they're doing at first because of their suit, but he notices them flexing the claws on their two front-facing limbs open and closed, almost jellyfish like in motion. He's seen Rocky do something similar, and from him Grace knows it's a sign of nerves, but he's unsure whether that translates the same here. After a moment of apparent deliberation Adrian moves closer to him, before tucking three of their limbs under them to settle in the sand next to him.

"Savior Grace… there is no returning to the way things were. It is impossible. There is too much that has changed."

Guilt floods him anew. Another apology comes climbing up his throat, but Adrian continues on before he has the chance to stumble over it.

"But that was inevitable. I had expected it. Even if the mission had gone to plan, had the rest of the crew lived, if they'd have found the answers immediately and come back with the solution, [Rocky] would still not be the same eridian they were when they first left. How could they be? How could they not be changed by the great silence, or by their mission? Have they… ever explained to you that their crew were the first of our kind to venture out there?"

"Yes," he says, sorrow catching on the edges of his words as he remembers the conversation, "he told me there was no test flight."

Adrian croons a mournful chord, their vents fluttering as they do so.

"Yes… Erid was frightened. And so we rushed to send them out. A decision that those involved have come to regret very deeply, even despite knowing there were things they could never have known when the decision to launch the ship was made."

Grace swallows hard. He tries not to think about Stratt, if he can help it. He understands her actions. He does. He hopes that final message to her on the beetles will get that across, he has no desire to haunt her. But understanding has not narrowed down his feelings on the matter into something easy to parse or untangle. And yet he can't help but think now — does she regret any of it? Or perhaps regret isn't the right word. People like her, so willing to do whatever it took, they did not regret actions. Only circumstance.

Did she mourn him, in the end? Did she mourn any of them?

"[Rocky] was always going to be part of an experience that I could never understand," Adrian continues, "and I knew that experience would change them, that they would grow from it in ways I could not predict. But… I did not expect how much I would change too, with them gone."

Grace can't imagine how it must have felt. The uncertainty that must have grown stronger and stronger the longer the ship was gone. In the end, Rocky was gone for roughly four hundred and sixty-six eridian years, not including whatever was lost to time dilation. When did everyone start to question if something had gone wrong? When did people start to grieve? Move on? Adrian had never lost hope but he can't imagine the same can be said for all the family and loved ones of the other crew members. It must have been lonely to hold onto that small hope.

And during all those years there was still an ice age looming on the horizon, still work to be done to mitigate the damage. His thoughts stray to Leclerc, and the weight of the sacrifice he'd had to make. He wonders what kind of sacrifices Erid made during that time.

Adrian hums something quietly, drawing his attention back to them. The melody feels oddly familiar, but they do not continue it long enough for him to work out what it is. Instead they tilt their carapace ever so slightly towards him, conspiratorially.

"But although they have changed, they are still my [Rocky]," they trill affectionately, "still humorous and kind and full of love. I have much to learn about who they are now, as they have much to learn about me. I am looking forward to it all. I wish to know them properly again, and being able to do is a great privilege for which I am incredibly grateful for."

They falter for a moment, and Grace can see their claws making the same nervous motions as before.

"[Rocky]… will not tell me about their years alone. They will tell me almost anything about their time with you, but nothing from before."

Rocky hasn't spoken much about those years to Grace either. There had been an incident, about a year into the journey to Erid, where Grace had tripped up suddenly over his grief for Ilyukhina and Yáo. It was startling in its intensity at the time, and he'd found himself sharing the memories of them with Rocky. It had helped, and because it had helped he'd asked if Rocky wanted to talk about his own crew. He'd gone very quiet and eventually asked if he could be alone for a while. And Grace had understood, so he'd let him be. He thought that would be the end of it but a couple of days later Rocky had asked if he could show him something. When Grace had said yes, Rocky presented him with tiny models of each crew member. They'd sat together while Rocky went through them all, telling Grace of their names, their achievements, the lives they'd had. It had been beautiful. A celebration of life.

"They do not need to. Their refusal to talk about those years tells me enough. Eridians are not meant to be alone. It is considered a great punishment to be forced into silence, without song, without anyone to thrum with. And they were alone for so long…"

A low, melancholic drone emits from them. Grace almost wants to hum with them and match their tone, so that they can both grieve for whatever Rocky has been through alone.

But Adrian does not let either of them linger in that grief for too long. They make a move to stand again, and turn so they are 'facing' him better.

"And yet they are back home, and still trying to make me laugh the way they did when we were first courting. And I have you to thank for that. You believe that I harbor feelings of hatred towards you for having to make accommodations? There is nothing I would not do, no length I am unwilling to go to in order to make things easier or more comfortable for them. You are correct that they needed to be close to you as you recovered from the worst of your illnesses. I told them if they could not make it to our nest then I would build them another in the observation room, that I would watch you both sleep if they could no longer stay awake. And so I did. And I would do it all again, if I had to. [Rocky] is a choice I will always make."

Grace feels the hot, sympathetic sting of tears behind his eyes, because he understands exactly what they mean. Of course he does. After all, he chose Rocky too.

Adrian taps at their mate mark gently, tracing its edges in a slow, methodical motion. And without realizing it, Grace finds his own fingers wandering over the sleeve of his cardigan to where the raised ridges of the hand-printed scar lay underneath, identifiable under the fabric when he moves his hand slowly back and forth.

"[Rocky] is my home… They may be haunted by what they have been through, but they are alive. There is healing to be done, but they have not been lost to the silence and it is all because of you. You brought them home, knowing that you were giving up yours. They told me that when you chose to save them you did so under the assumption you would not survive the journey back to Erid. You gave up everything just so I could hear my mate's song again. I promise you, there is not a world that exists in which I could possibly hate you."

Grace is frozen. His nervous system doesn't know what to do with itself, having been prepared for a very different outcome to this conversation. His mouth opens in a shaky exhale and his brow furrows in confusion.

"Are you… are you sure?"

"Of course, Savior Grace," Adrian says softly, though Grace notices them startle at the way he cringes at that title.

"You don't— you don't have to call me that. It's too much, it's not… Please just call me Grace?"

"Very well… Grace," they acquiesce, tipping their carapace slightly down in acknowledgement.

He's asked his care team to drop the honorific as well, but none of them have been inclined to do so. At least with them he can pass it off as them trying to be professional with him, but he doesn't want that from Adrian. They're Rocky's mate… all he's ever wanted is to connect with them. He thought he'd long since ruined his chance at that, and yet…

Their words keep repeating over and over in his head. Which don't get him wrong, he's incredibly relieved to find out they don't actually hate him, but a part of him can't quite believe it.

"Sorry," he says, realizing he's just been sat there in silence instead of offering anything in response to what was a very heartfelt speech, "I, uh— I don't really know what to say. I guess I'm still trying to wrap my head around it all."

"Wrap your head?"

"Ah, my bad, Earth term, it means to try and understand something properly. Which right now is the idea that you don't actually hate me."

"This is correct, I do not hate you."

"Even though…"

He winces, thinking about it. It feels shameful, not just for the guilt of doing it, but the fact that he was never like this back on Earth. He'd never felt a connection like this before, where he'd wanted to hold onto someone so badly.

"…even though me and Rocky don't know how to be apart?"

Adrian taps gently at the ground, and Grace dreads to think what he looks like to them right now, if they can see the fear that feels like it's embedded into his bones.

"You haven't been ready to be apart," they reply, as though it's no big deal, "especially not at the start. After learning of what you both went though in the great silence, it does not surprise me."

Grace huffs quietly, wrapping his arms tighter around his legs, resting his chin on his knees. He feels… strange. About all of this. It should be a relief to be presented with such a level of kind understanding, to learn that they have a deep well of sympathy for what him and Rocky have been through, but he can't help the worry that their good favor has to eventually run out.

The waves ahead continue to gently crash against the shore. Hues of pink and orange from the sky blend together messily in the waters reflections and it's beautiful, it's so unbelievably beautiful. He wishes desperately that Rocky were here.

"I'm worried that we'll never be ready," he finds himself admitting.

Adrian shuffles so that they are standing a little closer to him, humming that same tune that he can't quite place.

"For your first human day apart you have done remarkably well, and I'm sure your medical team would agree. This would not have been possible for either of you months ago… you simply needed time."

Time has not been something he's had the luxury of having. Not for years. There was always a deadline, an end to it all — the Earth was freezing, they had a launch window, he only had so much food. But now it's available to him and… well, Adrian is right. It was only earlier after all that he was ruminating on how today had been a relatively good day. He has been wrought with anxiety the whole time and he's been keenly aware of Rocky's absence like a missing limb, but he hasn't broken down into floods of tears about it; he's kept himself busy and even managed to have this extended chat with the eridian who intimidates him the most. So you know what! Score one to Ryland. Maybe there's some hope for him yet.

But…

"I still miss him horribly," he says quietly.

"Of course you do. I miss them too, when they are not around. It is all a part of loving them," they reply. "Grace… Nobody expects the two of you to spend the rest of your lives apart. I certainly don't. You are important to one another."

Something in his chest seems to finally break loose upon hearing that. They're allowed to be important to each other. He doesn't have to give Rocky up. Everything is… alright. Rocky promised him once they would be together forever. He'd never really believed it, despite wanting to, but now it feels like there is finally room to.

And seemingly, there was always room to. Adrian never hated him for a moment. It is slowly dawning on him just how many assumptions he's been making, and it makes his face flush with embarrassment. He wants defend himself in his head because again, nearly dying of starvation will really mess with your mind and thought processes, but truthfully he knows he was simply scared of admitting how much he wanted this. Being brave is turning out to be something of a learning curve, so it seems.

Which means he needs to stop making assumptions, especially ones based in human standards. He's a scientist for goodness sakes, he needs to just ask questions. Which means there's one final bit of clarification he needs to really put this misunderstanding with Adrian to rest.

"Hey, um, Adrian? If you never hated me then why have you never really talked with me before now? You were always so quiet when you were visiting in the ward. Rocky's always had a lot to say but you… not so much. Did I say something culturally insensitive or…?"

Adrian tilts their carapace in a way that he knows they've picked up from Rocky because it was something he started doing back on Mary when he couldn't believe something Grace had just said. Adrian doesn't respond for long enough that Grace wonders if he's somehow committed the most egregious faux pas and they don't know how to tell him, but then—

They make a noise. At first he doesn't recognize it for what it is, but then it hits him all at once.

They are giggling.

It isn't like Rocky's little high-pitched chirps whenever he starts laughing. Adrian's is much lower in pitch, almost like wind chimes. And as he considers that comparison a forgotten memory ever so gently slides back into place: he's eight years old, sitting on a swing on his grandma's front porch, tucked up against her as they sway back and forth in the late afternoon sun. She's telling him stories about his parents, and the wind chimes are glittering on the opposite end of the porch, singing away under the soft summer breeze.

His memory callbacks are becoming further and further apart these days. He's accepted that there are some things that he is never going to remember (though it will always haunt him that he can't remember the color of his mother's eyes, or how old he truly is) but getting one of this caliber is a pleasant surprise. It leaves him with a sense of warmth and safety and it does wonders to settle the last of his frayed nerves. When awareness comes back to him he finds himself watching on with shared amusement as Adrian's giggles eventually die down and they shuffle a little in embarrassment.

"My apologies," they say, "I did not mean to laugh. You simply made me realize that [Rocky] ended up being the ambassador for our entire species. Knowing them as I do, I am amused to think of what you have been led to believe is typical for all eridians. [Rocky] has always been more talkative than anyone else I have ever met."

…Oh no.

Well! At least him and Rocky both had that in common! Their respective planet's worst representatives to be first contact. Sometimes he thinks its a miracle they made it as far as they did together. He's forever going to be haunted that Rocky was not just randomly tapping at the wall that second time they met in the tunnel.

"Although," Adrian acquiesces, "I admit I have been… holding myself back from speaking properly with you."

They lower their carapace closer to the ground, as much as they can for an eridian of their size, in apology. Admittedly Grace finds himself a little lost. If they don't hate him then why would they have not wanted to speak with him? What could have held them back?

And then he wants to smack himself because the answer feels embarrassingly obvious. Come on Ryland! What has Rocky complained about constantly over the years? Granted, the two of them were long since passed the point where Rocky's complaints had become nothing more than a joke between them, but of course it was going to be different for eridians that hadn't spent four years in an enclosed space with him.

"It's my biology, isn't it? I mean Rocky's always told me that I'm something of a biological horror show, but we got so used to each other I forgot about the implications of that, even though he's told me about your guys cultural standards. Geez, this is so embarrassing, you know what I don't blame you for being freaked out by my grossness actually, you saw me when even I thought I was a bit of a horror show so—"

Adrian rapidly raises themself from their apology position to cut him off. "No! No no no Grace you are not gross at all! Your biology is fascinating, I have so many questions about it, if you are ever willing to answer them of course, there are so many discussions I would like us to have."

It is the most passion Grace has heard from them in the entire time he's known them, bar from what he heard of their reunion with Rocky outside of Mary in the space elevator. It reminds him of himself in the early days of studying astrophage, and even on the vat honestly, the excitement of having something new and shiny to study. The first threads of eagerness begin to stir in him now as all the questions he'd wanted to ask Adrian over the past several months jump to the forefront of his mind. There's so much for them to talk about! He wants to learn how life has developed in Erid's oceans compared to Earth's, what areas Adrian specializes in, he wants to know how they study and what equipment they use, if it was real deep-sea stuff they did then did they go down in submarines or send little robots down or—

…Alright. Fine. Maybe there was something to Rocky's comment about them being 'massive science nerds'.

Grace finally uncurls himself from his wrapped position at long last, letting his knees fall from where they've been pressed to his chest in a move to sit cross-legged and angle himself so he's facing Adrian better. He offers them a bright smile and he hopes that they recognize it as a good thing.

"I would love to talk science with you," he says, and their delighted trill at his words fills him with a deep, comforting warmth.

"I look forward to it very much, we shall have many conversations! I apologize that we have not been able to before, I assure you that I have wanted to, but I told myself I could not allow myself to become familiar with you before I had truly expressed to you my gratitude. I wanted to do things properly, but it has taken more time than I expected to prepare what I needed to. Regardless, it is ready now, which is why I have come to visit you today."

Grace frowns and tilts his head in confusion.

"Gratitude? I don't understand… you've already thanked me for bringing Rocky home. You took charge of the bio-dome project, you—" he gestures ahead of them because they made him an ocean, they made him an entire ocean, and his next sentence comes out a little choked up, "—you did all this, I don't… You've already shown me so much gratitude."

"Grace, the dome is not gratitude. It is a project that will continue to be expanded and improved upon so that you can thrive here. We want your home to feel comfortable, for you to feel settled."

They wanted to add to this place?! But it was already so big, when Rocky had first told him about the concept he'd assumed it was going to be like the size of his apartment back on Earth. Safe to say he was wholly unprepared for when Rocky brought him here for the first time. There were several eridians on standby that day that he's pretty sure he traumatized with his sobbing.

It is so much more than he could have ever asked for. But it is… it is so much and he is only going to live for a such a short period of time by their standards. Surely all of this isn't worth it long term?

"But the amount of resources… is it not a drain?"

Adrian chirps and shakes their carapace side to side similar to how Rocky does when he's happy. Despite the seriousness of the conversation he can't help but find it sweet.

"Not at all. Before you and [Rocky] returned with the star-sickness cure, several scientific thrums had been working on creating habitat domes for species that would struggle with the lowering climate, or species vital to the stability of various biospheres. We had been working on a smaller scale, but with the cure administered to Threeworld, there were a lot of leftover resources. To be able to use them in this project for you has been a very welcome change of pace for those involved, and everyone is in agreement that it is a worthy cause, and a great honor to be a part of. Erid is rather fascinated with you after all."

Grace smiles wryly at them. "Because I'm a strange leaky alien?"

Adrian hums softly for a moment, before taking a step towards him and pressing their suited claw to his upper arm with a tender touch.

"No, Grace. Because you are Erid's first contact with something intelligent, and you turned out to be kind."

His breath catches suddenly in his throat. Warmth spreads through his arm where Adrian touches him. He swallows hard and he wonders if Adrian can hear how hard his heart is beating in his chest.

"You shared knowledge with us," they continue gently, "you brought back answers. You gave clusters and families closure. It means more to the people of Erid than you will ever know."

"Adrian—" he chokes out, unable to hear much more of their generous assessment of him. It is too charitable, they wouldn't say such things if they knew the truth.

And suddenly he needs them to know, with an urgency that shocks him in its intensity. He'd put off telling Rocky for a long time, until it had come up accidentally.

At the half way point between Tau Ceti and Erid, Rocky had said they should celebrate being halfway home, and ended up talking about the launch party that had taken place before the Blip-A crew had embarked for the space elevator. He'd asked how Grace and his crew had celebrated and Grace had frozen. By the time it had occurred to him to lie or blur the truth by talking about one of the karaoke nights on the vat, Rocky had already clued in to something being wrong. After that… it had all come spilling out.

But Rocky had been kind about it. He had been patient. Assured him that it changed nothing.

"Adrian," he tries again, "I'm not… Did Rocky ever tell you about my mission? It wasn't— I wasn't like him, I wasn't brave, I didn't go willingly. I don't want— You shouldn't think of me like I'm…"

A hero. A savior. The title everyone addresses him by except for Rocky, who only does it to tease.

"I do not know details. [Rocky] said that your circumstances were not what you were led to believe. But that you were brave, despite it all."

"I wasn't… I was a coward on Earth."

Adrian hums in thought for a moment.

"Then it seems my mate was not the only one changed by the great silence. I cannot speak for who you were before your mission, but it is not a coward who sits in front of me now, Grace. If you were not courageous before your mission then you have learned to be."

He hopes so. He really does. He wants to believe he's changed for the better.

"It was Rocky," he whispers, eyes filling with tears in the wake of Adrian's soothing compassion, "he changed everything."

Adrian warbles knowingly, and Grace can't help but feel so glad that there is someone else who understands what it is like to love Rocky, who knows what a terrifying, but wonderful experience it is, who can share in his affection and joy for that incredible, ridiculous engineer.

Their claw falls from his arm as they take a small step back and raise themself to their full height. "Grace," they say, "when you brought [Rocky] home you did not merely bring back my mate, but you brought back a future I feared no longer existed. You brought back hope. So if you will allow me, I would be very honored to sing you my thrum-song of gratitude."

"A thrum-song? What's that? Is it— I mean Rocky explained thrumming to me but I know that it's not something I can participate in?"

"Correct, it will not have the same effects on you as it would another eridian, but I believe you will still be able to understand most of what is being conveyed. Thrum-songs are… very personal. They are not for words but for conveying great emotion. Usually they are composed for bonding ceremonies, but there are exceptions to that. I felt it was the most appropriate way to express what I needed to say. So if I may… I would like to share mine with you."

Something warm flushes through him that he chooses to believe is simply excitement at being shown part of an alien culture nobody else has seen before. He's not sure how long the thrum-song will be, so he shifts around to get comfortable and when he's properly settled he gives Adrian a nod so they know they have his full attention.

And then Adrian begins to sing, and everything else around them simply disappears.

Their song is beautiful. They have a deeply captivating voice, but more than that he can feel everything they're conveying.

Initially it is intense. There is so much grief, all the years of waiting alone and wondering if their mate would ever make it home, the sorrow of an empty nest, a desperate hope they did their best to kindle and keep alight. So much loneliness, it ached and ached and ached, so much they could barely stand it, but there was work to do, and so they had to be strong.

And then there is a sharp relief followed quickly by joy, and love, there is so much love that he feels the answering call of it echoing back from within his own body, euphoria in every note, as tears silently stream down his face. In their song he hears the warmth of their reunion, an unending devotion and hope rewarded. Happiness is sung in every note, until there is curiosity and understanding and oh— when they sing to him of their gratitude it's a wonder he can still breathe will how encompassing it is. When they had spoken before he'd heard the words, but now he can feel just how much they meant what they said and there is no denying it, no way of misinterpreting or jumping through hoops to evade it, he can feel just how grateful they are to him. It almost feels like another form of love and he lets it wash over him and comfort him.

He does not know how much time passes, but eventually Adrian sings the final, sweet notes of their song, and as they do he finds himself reaching out to them, and Adrian is quick to take both of his offered hands into their own.

"Thank you," he whispers. Thank you for sharing this with me, is what he means, thank you for showing me something so intimate, thank you for letting me into your grief and assuaging my fears and being kind. Thank you for loving him with me.

The words don't all come out, but he thinks Adrian understands him anyway.

"How fortunate it is that you found each other."

"I'm sorry I didn't find him sooner."

"You found them exactly when you needed to."

He doesn't mean to but finds himself squeezing at the warm xenonite covering their claws, as a shuddering breath passes through him. He tries to take another in order to calm down, but it ends up catching on a sob instead.

"You carry so much fear with you still," Adrian coos, "but you are safe here, Grace. I know it has been a difficult journey, but I promise it is over. You can rest now."

There's nothing left to hold back anymore and so he lets himself go, allowing himself to fall apart under Adrian's patient vigil. He sings his own version of grief with his sobbing and allows himself to feel that complicated mesh of emotions resting just behind his ribcage.

Adrian hums to him again, back to that strangely familiar tune. And now, all of a sudden, he can place it. Rocky has sung this to him before, back on Mary. He'd sang it during the difficult days, whenever Grace couldn't sleep, or when he was hunched over the toilet retching up taumoeba, or when he was wrapped around the ball and desperately trying to cling to Rocky's warmth because his body was eating itself and he was just so unbelievably cold.

But it wasn't just any song. Rocky had told him it was his and Adrian's bonding song.

He'd sung his thrum-song to Grace, this beautiful, intimate song in the hope of bringing him some comfort, because it brought Rocky comfort, and now Adrian was singing it to him too.

It works, as it has worked countless times before. As they hum, Adrian taps a slow, repetitive rhythm against the sand, which does wonders to help him come back to himself. Unfortunately this means he realizes that he's kind of gross right now, and reluctantly pulls his hands away from theirs to rub the tears and snot away (not the impression he wants to give to someone he still thinks is incredibly cool), but if Adrian is bothered by it they do not let it show.

"I uh, I didn't get any fluids on your suit did I?" he asks.

"If you have I am taking them back with me as a sample."

It only takes a moment of him staring at them wide-eyed before they begin to giggle, and Grace finds himself laughing back, the last vestiges of tension dissipating from between them.

"Alright, but I want a full report on what you find! We have a lot of science to talk, you and I."

"Yes we do. But not right now… we are about to have company," they say, pointing towards the other end of the beach. Grace whips his head around and cannot stop the smile that breaks across his face as he sees Rocky at the other end, sprinting towards the pair of them.

He opens his arms out when Rocky gets closer, who slows down just enough to not body slam him into the ground, but in his enthusiasm still manages to knock the wind out of him as he tackles him to the floor.

"Grace, Grace, Grace!" Rocky chants, and Grace starts wrestling with him as he laughs from where he's pinned to the ground.

"Hey bud, you miss me?"

"Yes yes yes, miss much. Thrum was soooooo boring. Quarry team think they need Rocky input for every minor decision. Stupid."

It is at this point he seems to realize that Adrian is also with them, and he is leaping off of Grace to throw himself against their carapace and tap them all over.

"Adrian! My melody!"

They chirp back at him fondly and Grace sits back up with a dopey grin plastered to his face, rubbing away the last of the stray tears. This action does not go unnoticed of course, because Rocky seems to have developed a special sense for whenever he's crying, and immediately the little guy is turning back to him and getting up in his business, prodding at him and tugging at his arm.

"Why Grace leak?"

"It's alright Rock, I'm okay, I promise. I was just chatting with Adrian and got a bit emotional, you know what I'm like."

Rocky's vents flare with a surprised squeak as he whirls around to Adrian again.

"Adrian, you make Grace leak?"

Adrian steps forward to run their fingers across some of the grooves in Rocky's carapace, and it's unbelievably charming the way Rocky just melts at that, trilling low and happy and pressing against them again once more.

"Making your alien leak is not a difficult feat, my sweetest melody."

"Hey!" Grace exclaims in mock offense, but Adrian only giggles again, and Grace feels his insides go all fluttery.

Rocky, who is apparently delighted by this entire display, ends up running in circles around the the pair of them.

"No more leak! We go back to Grace home and I show Adrian human media. Adrian is going to love documentary on deep sea creatures. Hurry hurry hurry!"

Rocky is nudging at him to stand and Grace ends up wrapping his arms around him and pulling him into a hug instead, which Rocky happily chirps at and returns immediately.

"Sure bud," Grace says, looking over at Adrian with a smile, "let's go home."