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Don’t look back to the face that should have been paying attention and wasn’t, instead they were at the back of the crowd and He was on stage, surrounded by cameras and lights, questions thrown in his face and cat calls ringing out, the sights and sounds of everything was over whelming.
15million subscribers had happened over night while at the convention, so here he was answering questions he had answered before, laughing and stumbling over words, wishing that Mark was here at his side, instead the other was in the crowd, talking to those standing about him at this moment.
Finally it was over, allowed to step off the stage. Finding a quiet corner he called a friend, hand shoved in a pocket the other almost crushing the phone as he tried not to fall apart.
Jack was thankful Felix didn’t question why when he asked to be picked up and taken from the convention, he wasn’t sure he could handle any questions right now. Phone shoved into his pocket and his hoodie over his head, Jack swallowing hard and with a deep breath he moved, pushing through the crowd avoiding anyone who knew him.
It wasn’t long til he was in his friend’s car, speeding away. When they arrived they walked inside in silence, it wasn’t til he sank down onto the couch that his friend spoke. “Jack what’s wrong?”
Pushing the hood off his head he ran fingers through green hair, suppressed emotion coming to the surface as elbows rested on knees “Its Mark, today when he should have been happy for me, should have been there celebrating with me... he...” Jack felt the tears well in his eyes and Felix rested a hand on his shoulder as he drew a shuddering breath to continue. “He was talking with people, he wasn’t paying attention. I’m sick of being ignored.”
Scowling he sat up as hurt turned to anger. “No I am sick of being treated like a friend when we are about people, I just want a normal relationship.” Turning to look at the other man, he feel hot tears stinging pale cheeks. “Why cant we just be normal, why couldn’t he pay attention in my moment of triumph today?”
Felix pulled the shorter man into his arms, hand on his back soothing him, his voice gentle. “I don’t have an answer for you Jack, I wish I did.” He didn’t know what else to say so he just hugged his friend as he cried, his own eyes hard as agate.
Finally Jack cried himself out, exhausted mentally he wiped at his face and looked to the mess he had made of the others shirt. “Sorry” he mumbled.
“Dont be, I’m going to grab us drinks.” Waiting til Jack nodded before he rose to do that. Jack settled back onto the couch, pulling his legs up to his chest and wrapping his arms about them, his head flopped back as unseeing eyes looked at a small speck on the ceiling, he heard his phone vibrate and pulled it out, seeing missed calls and texts from Mark, he turned it off before letting it slip from his fingers. He felt like he could sleep for years.
---
They had gotten together three years before, it had been amazing at first. They had both decided to keep the relationship away from the fans though, as they wanted to keep some privacy, and as their channels grew more and more fans demanded to know everything of their lives.
Always before Mark had been there as a friend when in public. Laughing and Joking as if nothing had changed. But recently, the other he wasn’t the support he had always been, recently he was more interested in newer friends that he had made and Jack had felt left behind.
But today, today Mark had not even paid attention, not given even a reassuring smile when he needed the boost like he would have before, today Mark had more important things on his mind.
He knew who had caught Mark’s attention and it hurt, but it also made his doubts of the last few months come into focus, if Mark wanted his freedom he would give it.
He would let him go so that he didn’t have to go through the heart break of seeing his best friend and boyfriend drift away slowly.
Looking over at Felix who had settled beside him again, he took the offered drink, wetting parched lips he spoke softly. “I... I’m going home... I have to go home.”
He saw the other nod and reach for his car keys and Jack laughed bitterly. “No, I meant back home to Ireland.”
Thou he privately agreed it was the right move, Felix attempted to talk him out of leaving before he offered Jack to stay at his place til the arrangements were made.
---
There was yelling, mostly from Mark when he arrived home the next day, Jack felt weirdly calm after making his decision, he had booked flights for a weeks time.
Felix had helped him pack despite Marks protests and tears. Now at the airport he said his good bye to his friend, promised to let Felix know when he landed.
He heard his plane called and was walking towards the plane when he heard someone running behind him, turning he shifted his bag on his shoulder and frowned as he looked back.
Gasping as hands grabbed his arms and turned him, Mark with a tear streaked face tried to speak but Jack raised a hand to stop him, shrugged the hands from him as he spoke, regret in his eyes.
“I love ye Mark, but not enough for ye to love me the same.” Giving him a small bitter smile he ducked past the other and boarded his plane, never once looking back.
Never once looking to the man he still loved but was walking away from, he kept repeating to himself... Don’t look back.