Chapter Text
Chapter 1
Bugs Bunny’s morning routine was always simple. He would wake up, grab the morning paper and drink his coffee. An uneventful way to start the day.
Until he opened the door and was met with a mountain of boxes which promptly fell right on top of him. Bugs managed to yelp in surprise before being buried by an avalanche of heavy boxes. He let out a long sigh. He really wanted a quiet morning.
He managed to pull himself out, shoving one particularly heavy crate marked Acme, off of his legs.
He dusted himself off, taking a look at the mess in front of him. It was boxes upon boxes, all ranging in different sizes from ring-size boxes to towering furniture size crates. His brow furrowed when he saw more boxes scattered across his lawn as far out to his mailbox.
“Ugh, Daffy!” He called out in annoyance. No doubt it was Daffy’s online orders from another one of his manic shopping sprees. “Daffy!”
“Why are you yelling so early in the morning?” Daffy said, peeking his head out from the guardrail of the 2nd floor. He rubbed his tired eyes as he walked down the stairs. “You know I don’t like being woken up before noon. I need my beauty sleep.”
Bugs crossed his arms. “Daffy, care to explain this?” He asked, motioning to the boxes beside them. Daffy blinked at Bugs and turned his head to the boxes. His eyes widened, noticing them.
“Whoa. Bugs. I think you have a problem.”
“Daffy!” Bugs stopped himself, and took a breath. “I thought I told you no more online shopping.”
“What!” Daffy exclaimed, picking up one of the smaller boxes. “I didn’t order anything! Are you sure it wasn’t Speedy? There’s a Spanish name on the address.”
Bugs snatched the box out of Daffy’s hands. “Let me see that!” He looked down expecting to see one of Daffy’s fake names, instead, he raised a brow. Daffy pressed an index finger on the printed label, right above the last name.
“You see? Cah-Yo-Teh.”
“I think it’s pronounced Coyote…”
“Cah-Yo-Teh, Coyote. Whatever.” Daffy scoffed, waving his hand in the air, dismissing it. Bugs blinked at him. He knew better than to argue with him on basic literacy. “But last time I checked, my last name is Duck.”
Bugs scratched his head and shuffled the box in his hands, hearing something rattle inside. He could always tell when Daffy was lying and this time, surprisingly, he was telling the truth.
“Then, if you didn’t order these, why is it at my house?”
Daffy shrugged before turning his attention on the wooden crate marked Acme.
“No idea, but I’m curious to find out what’s inside this baby.” Daffy grinning, rubbing his hands together with excitement. “We have a crowbar in the garage, right?”
“Don’t open anything.” Bugs sternly said, making Daffy roll his eyes in response. Bugs pulled out his smart phone. “Maybe if I figure out where it all came from, the quicker I can get rid of it.” He typed in Acme onto the search bar, not noticing Daffy dragging the box away.
“Excuse me!”
Bugs’s ears perked up, hearing an unfamiliar voice call out from his front porch. He turned to see a pyramid of boxes but with a pair of brown, scruffy ears peeking up from behind.
“Pardon the trespass, but it seems the moving company I hired accidentally delivered my things to your domicile.” The voice was refined and sophisticated. It reminded Bugs of how literary professors speak when presenting in a college classroom.
Bugs put out a friendly smile, stepping towards the voice with his hand outstretched for a friendly handshake.
“Oh, don’t worry about it. My name is Bugs Bunny, nice to meet-cha, you must be err-Mister Coyote?”
A large paw clasped his gloved hand, accepting his handshake. Bugs froze when he was faced with sharp canines.
“A pleasure! My name is Wile E. Coyote, I am your new neighbor from across the street.” True to his name, he was a coyote. He had tan and cream colored fur. He stood a head taller than Bugs, skinny but with a strong chest as if he purposely had it puffed out. His fur was rough and unkempt, as if he hadn’t brushed it in a week, yet it was clean. His eyes, on the other hand, were yellow and bloodshot. Bugs noticed the bags under his eyes, which he suspected was from countless sleepless nights.
Bugs recovered quickly as the coyote gave him a friendly shake before letting him go.
“My card.” Wile said, giving Bugs a worn business card. Bugs read it out loud.
“Wile E. Coyote. Genius. Will travel.” Bugs’s whiskers twitched at the word, genius. “Wow.” He began, hiding his sarcasm. “Genius, huh? That is some high praise.”
Wile smirked, placing his hands behind his back in confidence. “Naturally, my IQ is 207. Super genius is more accurate but I didn’t want to sound like a blowhard.”
“Right.” Bugs said, slipping the card into his pocket. “So…about the boxes.”
“Ah yes!” Wile exclaimed, clapping his hands together. “I apologize for the inconvenience, please give us a few seconds to clear this all away.” Wile placed two fingers in his mouth and let out two sharp whistles. Bugs let out a chuckle.
“I think it’s gonna take more than a few seconds to-!”
“Beep Beep!”
A burst of air suddenly blew into Bug’s face, almost knocking him off balance, followed by three more bursts and causing him to spin in place. By the time the room stopped spinning, the boxes were all gone and surprisingly the box in his hands was now replaced with his coveted morning newspaper.
“How? H-How did you do that?” Bugs asked in amazement. Wile held the same small box in his hands, preoccupied with its contents taking a moment before responding to his question.
“Hm? Oh, forgive my lack of introductions.” Wile slipped the box under his arm and moved his hand to the side, presenting the open air. “That was my friend and roommate-“ Bugs felt another gush of air hit his face, a puff of dust appearing beside Wile. When the dust settled, Bugs was met with a bright-colored and smiling bird. “Roadrunner.”
Roadrunner had blue and fuchsia-colored feathers, his head and wings were fuchsia while his body was blue. He sported a large feathered pompadour which seemed to defy gravity. Bugs gave the bird a friendly smile and put out his hand.
“Roadrunner huh? Interesting name. My name is Bugs Bunny.”
“Beep beep!” Bugs jumped from the sudden noise which sounded like a honk from a car. But the surprises didn’t end there as he saw Roadrunner suddenly put up a white picket sign with black letters written across that read: [ Nice to meet you, Bugs Bunny.]
Wile chuckled at his companion. “Roadrunner cannot speak as eloquently as I can, but even with limitations we find it simple to communicate with signs.” He demonstrated the last part by manifesting a sign from behind his back. [But there are a limited number of signs.]
“Beep beep!” Roadrunner exclaimed before jumping up in the air and leaving a cloud shaped silhouette behind. Bugs managed to catch his trail leading up to an orange painted house that sat just across the cul-de-sac. It was for sale for almost a year, and it was now the new home of Wile Coyote and Roadrunner.
“Lots of energy, huh?” Bugs noted.
“Oh..you have no idea.” Wile muttered and cleared his throat.
“I think I have some idea.” Bugs said, his eyes glancing behind him. But Daffy was gone.
“Even so, I must apologize for the sudden inconvenience.” Wile began, his fingers playing with the box, opening the top. “Most of my things are very volatile in nature, one wrong move and things tend to explode…”
Bugs’s face fell. “Uh, I’m sorry…did you say volatile and explode?”
“Yes.” Wile stated, non-chalatly. “You see, I’m an inventor of sorts.” He began, with high praise, reaching into the box. “I specialize in mathematics, engineering, chemistry and…” he pulled out a stick of dynamite. “Explosives.”
Bugs' ears fell and Wile quickly put the dynamite back inside the box.
“Not to worry, dear boy! It is not lit.” Wile said with a grin as if that would make Bugs feel better. “I had to pay explosive experts to move my things, instead they made a grave error in delivering to the wrong address. I will be writing them a strongly-worded letter of their lack of direction.”
Bugs' eyes shifted back to his living room, noticing drag marks on his wooden floors leading to an open door that led to his garage. “A-and do you make these…explosives…yourself?” Bugs asked, with a nervous smile.
“Well, not always. I actually ordered most of them from a company who makes all sorts of things.” Wile cleared his throat again as if trying to move away from the topic. “I had a stockpile and it didn’t make sense to discard them.”
Bugs felt his fingers twitch. “What company was that?”
“Acme.”
And then, his garage exploded.
The sudden boom shook the cul de sac, and the radius around them made car alarms start blaring. Bugs rushed to the front of the garage seeing the metal door blown open, leaving behind an impact crater. He coughed, waving the black smoke away as he tried to see inside.
“Daffy! Daffy!” He called out in panic. A black smoldering hand reached out, followed by a hacking cough.
“I’m…I’m okay!” Daffy wheezed, he stumbled out of the gaping hole in the garage, his feather singed. Daffy had most of his feathers burned off, bits of his pink flesh exposed. He fell onto the pavement, sputtering out smoke as he tried to find his breath. “I’m a bit…” he let out another hack. “Well-done.” Bugs picked him up, laying him onto the lawn in front of Wile E. Coyote who had his hands behind his back, looking down at Daffy with mild disinterest.
“I’m getting the fire extinguisher, don’t move!” Bugs said, before running back inside. Daffy gave him a weak thumbs up before his hand fell back down onto the cool grass. He looked up, locking eyes with Wile.
“Oh, hey, how’s it going?” He said with a wheeze. “You must be Cah-Yo-Teh?” He let out another row of hacking coughs, which made Wile take a cautionary step back.
“Coyote, yes” Wile said, dryly. He watched Bugs run back outside, extinguisher in hand and began to spray foam inside the smoking garage. He sniffed at Daffy, the smoke enveloping his nostrils. “And you are?”
“Daffy.” He let out another cough, splashing bits of salvia in Wile’s face. Wile’s eye twitched in irritation grabbing a handkerchief and quickly wiping himself. Daffy handed him a business card. “My card.”
Wile took the card between his two fingers, reading it over.
“Daffy Duck. License Cosmetologist and…wizard?”
Daffy clicked, giving him a couple of finger guns. Wile face fell, letting the card drop back down on Daffy.
“You are not very bright, are you?”
“Is this about the grenades? Uh I mean-! What grenades?”
Wile blinked as Daffy smiled nervously at him with missing teeth. Wile let out a breath, lifting his head back to Bugs who managed to successfully clear out the smoke. He was smart, calm under pressure. He would need to notate that in his personal notes. Daffy, on the other hand, was starting to smell delicious.
“Hey buddy, you're starting to make me uncomfortable with your staring…” Daffy said, noticing his sudden silence and sharp canines. Wile leaned down, his teeth bare, drool sapping down the side of his mouth.
“Beep beep!”
The sudden beeps made Wile go upright, shaking his head. Daffy turned his head seeing the Roadrunner, standing beside him.
“Whoa, cool feathers…” Daffy said, staring up at the spinning sky. “You got any to spare?” He didn't hear an answer as he fell unconscious.
Roadrunner tilted his head at the duck, glanced up at the torn garage and back to Wile, who dabbed a handkerchief across his lips. Roadrunner pointed to the garage with his wing while in the other he held up a sign.
[What happened?]
Wile shrugged and replied with his own sign. [Nosy neighbor] he drew on an arrow pointing down right at Daffy. Roadrunner smiled and turned the sign around.
[Reminds me of you.]
Wile rolled his eyes. [Don’t joke.]
But he couldn’t help smirking at the comparison.
They both put down the signs when they saw Bugs jogging so up to them.
“Well, the damage ain’t so bad. I do need a new garage door and a new brain for Daffy.” Bugs said, noticing the unconscious duck. He picked him up, draping an arm over his shoulder. “What a way to start a morning.”
“I will admit it is partially my fault.” Wile said with a sigh. “How about I offer my services to you and fix the garage door? I am an excellent welder.”
“Really? Well if it’s no trouble. My idiot friend here, did blew up your bombs…”
“I could always make more.” Wile said, Bugs let out a nervous laugh making a mental note to keep Daffy far away from their new neighbors. “Besides, we are going to be neighbors, might as well, get to know each other." He grinned widely, showing his teeth. Bugs felt a sense of unease and chuckled nervously again. His eyes moved to Roadrunner, who continued smiling politely at him which made Bugs feel a bit less anxious.
“Okay, sure.” Bugs said, giving in.
“Excellent!” Wile exclaimed, clapping his hands together. “I will come by tomorrow afternoon.”
“Sounds good, doc.”
“Beep Beep!”
Wile’s ears went down, as if deflated. “And Roadrunner as well, it seems he took an interest in your little friend.” Wile’s eyes narrowed at Roadrunner, almost in annoyance. “Not sure why, but I suppose, birds flocked together…”
“Beep! Beep!”
“Sure thing.” Bug said he was actually relieved to have the Roadrunner come by, he looked more put together than Wile, who looked like he could be a fanatic.
“We could have lunch at my place.”
“My! how generous.” Wile smiled. “Speaking of lunch…” his eyes fell back to Roadrunner and licked his lips. “I am starved. Let us go, my friend.”
“Beep beep!” Roadrunner raced off, while Wile began to walk towards his own home, giving Bugs a friendly wave goodbye. Bugs politely waved back until Wile completely turned around.
“That’s one strange coyote….” He said, Daffy slowly raised his head up, still feeling dizzy.
“Ugh, I’ll say, he wanted to eat me.”
“Daffy. Just because the guy is a coyote doesn’t mean he wants to eat you.” He said, dragging his friend back inside their home.
“I saw it in his eyes, Bugs! He wanted to serve me on a silver platter!”
“Yeah yeah, I’m sure he does.” Bugs said, closing the door behind them.
He wasn’t lying when he said he was starving. Wile Coyote had a nasty habit of skipping meals. Years of surviving in the desert can do that to anyone with scarce resources. Never knowing when your next meal might turn up. He got used to feeling hungry. But being hungry did make him get a little…predatory.
Wile scarfed down the bowl of beetles, his hunger temporarily reduced. Roadrunner sat across from him from the dinner table, eating a bowl of bird seeds. Unlike him, Roadrunner ate constantly. For Roadrunner, he needed food to keep up his energy. All that running burned resources quickly and to compensate Roadrunner needs to eat multiple meals a day. If Wile knew that fact years ago, he would have changed his tactics.
He rested his chin on his hand in thought, staring at Roadrunner. A fat bird is a happy bird. Roadrunner stopped eating once he caught him staring at him.
[You want another bowl?]
Wile shook his head. [ I’m fine.]
Roadrunner tilted his head at him, still holding his enthusiastic smile. Only rarely did Wile ever see him frown.
[You miss it?]
Wile’s breath caught. He tapped the table with his claw in thought before putting up a sign.
[Of course I do.] He tightened his grip around the wooden handle. Why was this so hard? He breathed in, taking in the smell of the new home. The varnish on the wooden floors, the fresh paint on the walls, the synthetic smell of the vinyl tiles. It smelled nothing like the desert. It made his chest ache. He spinned the sign around. [What about you?]
Roadrunner held his smile, but smaller. [Me too.]
Wile bit the inside of his cheek. [You regret coming here?] Wile moved his eyes down, staring at the bowl in front of him. Roadrunner shifted in his chair. He shouldn’t have said that. He immediately moved the sign down, bringing up another one. [Nevermind. Forget I said anything.]
Wile grabbed his empty bowl, setting it down in the kitchen sink. The counter tops were still covered in a plastic sheet, protecting the limestone underneath. He placed his paw down on the cool stone. He wanted something to remind him of his cave. He paid extra to have their home renovated with warm, earthy tones. The walls were painted with terracotta orange, the wooden floors were oak and their tiles a sage green. He did it to make it easier but instead, it felt fake
He felt a nudge in his side, breaking him out of his melancholy thoughts. Roadrunner had his wing rested on Wile’s side, his eyes staring up at him. Wile was always reminded how small the bird was, his head right at his chest, while his feathered pombadored tickled his nose. His thin neck. Small enough for his paws to wrap around. He spent years trying to catch him, desperate to get close, only for the Roadrunner to stand right up to him. He was always so naive of a coyote’s true nature. If the Roadrunner could see it, maybe he wouldn’t get so close to him.
He lifted his paw, his claws extended outward towards Roadrunner’s fragile neck. His thumb grazing his feathers.
[ I would regret it, if I never followed you.]
When he read the words, Wile felt his eyes begin to water. He couldn’t control himself. He wrapped his arms around the Roadrunner’s delicate frame in a tight embrace. Wile buried his face against his feathers trying to hide his tears.
“Oh, how I despise you…” he whispered, feeling his tears flow freely. The Roadrunner smiled gently at the coyote, and softly caressed his shaking shoulders.