Work Text:
Careless Singer
A Screenplay by me
INT. BEDROOM - AFTERNOON
Shy Musician MR DALLON WEEKES is arguing with Caring Poet MR RYAN ROSS. DALLON tries to hug RYAN but he shakes him off.
DALLON
Please Ryan, don't leave me.
RYAN
I'm sorry Dallon, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
DALLON
I am such a person!
RYAN frowns.
RYAN
I'm sorry, Dallon. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
RYAN leaves.
DALLON sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, Tough Drummer MR SPENCER SMITH barges in looking flustered.
DALLON
Goodness, Spencer! Is everything okay?
SPENCER
I'm afraid not.
DALLON
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
SPENCER
It's ... a Singer ... I saw an evil Singer Deafen a bunch of Fans!
DALLON
Defenseless Fans?
SPENCER
Yes, defenseless Fans!
DALLON
Bloomin' heck, Spencer! We've got to do something.
SPENCER
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
DALLON
You can start by telling me where this happened.
SPENCER
I was...
SPENCER fans himself and begins to wheeze.
DALLON
Focus Spencer, focus! Where did it happen?
SPENCER
Concert! That's right - Concert!
DALLON springs up and begins to run.
EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
DALLON rushes along the street, followed by SPENCER. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
INT. CONCERT - SHORTLY AFTER
BRENDON URIE a Careless Singer terrorises two Fans.
DALLON, closely followed by SPENCER, rushes towards BRENDON, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
SPENCER
What is is? What's the matter?
DALLON
That's not just any old Singer, that's Brendon Urie!
SPENCER
Who's Brendon Urie?
DALLON
Who's Brendon Urie? Who's Brendon Urie? Only the most Careless Singer in the universe!
SPENCER
Blinkin' knickers, Dallon! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most Careless Singer in the universe!
DALLON
You can say that again.
SPENCER
Blinkin' knickers, Dallon! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most Careless Singer in the universe!
DALLON
I'm going to need Knives, lots of Knives.
Brendon turns and sees Dallon and Spencer. He grins an evil grin.
BRENDON
Dallon Weekes, we meet again.
SPENCER
You've met?
DALLON
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young DALLON is sitting in a park listening to some Emo music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees BRENDON. He takes off his headphones.
BRENDON
Would you like some jelly tots?
DALLON's eyes light up, but then he studies BRENDON more closely, and looks uneasy.
DALLON
I don't know, you look kind of Careless.
BRENDON
Me? No. I'm not Careless. I'm the least Careless Singer in the world.
DALLON
Wait, you're a Singer?
DALLON runs away, screaming.
INT. CONCERT - PRESENT DAY
BRENDON
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
SPENCER
(To DALLON) You ran away?
DALLON
(To SPENCER) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
DALLON turns to BRENDON.
DALLON
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
DALLON runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
DALLON
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with Knives.
BRENDON
I'm not scared of you.
DALLON
You should be.
EXT. HIDDEN RIVER - LATER THAT DAY
DALLON and SPENCER walk around searching for something.
DALLON
I feel sure I left my Knives somewhere around here.
SPENCER
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly Knives.
DALLON
You know nothing Spencer Smith.
SPENCER
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
Suddenly, BRENDON appears, holding a pair of Knives.
BRENDON
Looking for something?
SPENCER
Crikey, Dallon, he's got your Knives.
DALLON
Tell me something I don't already know!
SPENCER
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
DALLON
I know that already!
SPENCER
I'm had sex with a drum.
BRENDON
(appalled) Dude!
While BRENDON is looking at SPENCER with disgust, DALLON lunges forward and grabs his deadly Knives. He wields them, triumphantly.
DALLON
Prepare to die, you Careless leak!
BRENDON
No please! All I did was Deafen a bunch of Fans!
RYAN enters, unseen by any of the others.
DALLON
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those Fans were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Dallon Weekes defender of innocent Fans.
BRENDON
Don't hurt me! Please!
DALLON
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these Knives on you right away!
BRENDON
Because Dallon, I am your father.
DALLON looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
DALLON
No you're not!
BRENDON
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
BRENDON tries to grab the Knives but DALLON dodges out of the way.
DALLON
Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?
Unexpectedly, BRENDON slumps to the ground.
SPENCER
Did he just faint?
DALLON
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly Knives.
DALLON crouches over BRENDON's body.
SPENCER
Be careful, Dallon. It could be a trick.
DALLON
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Brendon Urie is dead!
SPENCER
What?
DALLON
Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.
SPENCER claps his hands.
SPENCER
So your Knives did save the day, after all.
RYAN steps forward.
RYAN
Is it true? Did you kill the Careless Singer?
DALLON
Ryan how long have you been...?
RYAN puts his arm around DALLON.
RYAN
Long enough.
DALLON
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Brendon Urie.
RYAN
Then the Fans are safe?
DALLON
It does seem that way!
A crowd of vulnerable Fans enter, looking relived.
RYAN
You are their hero.
The Fans bow to DALLON.
DALLON
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Brendon Urie will never Deafen Fans ever again, is enough for me.
RYAN
You are humble as well as brave!
One of the Fans passes DALLON a bass
RYAN
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
DALLON
I couldn't possibly.
Pause.
DALLON
Well, if you insist.
DALLON takes the bass.
DALLON
Thank you.
The Fans bow their heads once more, and leave.
DALLON turns to RYAN.
DALLON
Does this mean you want me back?
RYAN
Oh, Dallon, of course I want you back!
DALLON smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
DALLON
Well you can't have me.
RYAN
WHAT?
DALLON
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a Singer to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
RYAN
But...
DALLON
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Spencer.
SPENCER grins.
RYAN
But...
SPENCER
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
RYAN
Dallon?
DALLON
I'm sorry Ryan, but I think you should skidaddle.
RYAN leaves.
SPENCER turns to DALLON.
SPENCER
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
DALLON
Of course you are!
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly SPENCER stops.
SPENCER
When I said I had sex with a drum, you know I was just trying to distract the Singer don't you?
THE END