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When Zane returned from his journey to the Never Kingdoms, he did not think that his heart could hold more sorrow, more grief.
Until he saw his wife.
Well, at first he did not see her and that was his first clue that something was amiss. Pixal, while not at the front of the crowd, usually waited on the outskirts, waiting for Zane to approach her so she could leap into his arms as he twirled her, giggling. But she was not there. It was just the young ninja.
It took several minutes for Zane to search for her; the young ninja were stunned and distraught at the news of Lloyd’s…passing. Especially Arin. Though every minute that passed with no Pixal only tightened his throat.
Not being able to wait any longer, he entered the monastery. First he checked her room. No one answered so he moved to the kitchen. The sitting room. All unlikely places, yes he knew, but he held a tight feeling of dread in his abdomen and with every room he searched it grew tighter and tighter.
Frantic, he finally charged towards the elevator. The descent was torture. Though Zane tried to distract himself by the thought that he would find Pixal down there working and he would give her a too-big hug and a too-tight squeeze and she would scold him fondly for his irrational worry.
But he did not find her in the Samurai X cave. Not at all.
It was then that he started to panic.
He spam called her. No answer. He started running around the monastery again, checking rooms that he had already checked, but, of course, she was not there. Then, finally, he had the brilliant idea to call Dr. Borg. Surely her father would know where she was. Perhaps they were having a pleasant lunch together. He imagined again, barging into their peaceful lunch. Dr. Borg shook his head with a sigh at his overprotective son-in-law while Pixal would pretend to huff and scowl at her husband’s antics.
Dr. Borg answered on the third ring.
“Whoever this is, this is not a good time.”
“Dr. Borg?”
“Zane? Oh, thank goodness. Where in the bloody hell were you?!” Zane flinched at how quickly Dr. Borg’s voice shifted in tone.
“Are you alright? Where’s Pixal? Is she—”
“Oh,” Dr. Borg’s voice shifted once more, to a tone Zane could not identify. “They did not tell you.”
“Did not tell me WHAT?” Zane bit his lip to keep himself from shrieking.
“Pixal was…attacked.”
And with that, Zane wasted no time in bolting to the Samurai X cave, climbing in his helicopter and rushing to Borg Tower as fast as that machine would allow him.
He landed on the roof and rushed down to Dr. Borg’s floor as quickly as he could. He burst through the door, heaving despite not needing oxygen.
Pixal was on the table. A blanket covered nearly all of her body, but Zane could still see the wires poking out from beneath, the gaping hole that must be her chest. At Zane’s voice, she stirred, opening her mouth to speak. But, she seemed to be unable to, and so she gave a weak smile instead.
“I love you, Pixal,” Zane whispered, pressing kisses to her forehead. “I’m here.” He stifled a sob as he smoothed her roughened hair, trying to comfort her despite the panic surging in him. Zane could feel Pixal relax under his touch. She squeezed his fingers when he reached for them. But her grip was weak. She opened her mouth to speak again but nothing came out.
All the while Dr. Borg watched them in silence. He tried to pretend to organize papers and tools on his desk but all of his attention was on them. He was glad, yes, he was glad that Zane had come. He could clearly see the change in Pixal, her muffled contentment that he had come. But he could not stifle the hot feeling that curled its talons inside him, creeping to his heart. Zane is not the problem, he reminded himself. He did not cause this. He looked away from them so they could not see him glower at the floor. Where was he? Where were the ninja? Why did she face that monster alone?
***
Within minutes, Pixal fell asleep. When Zane noticed her eyelids sagging, he had to reassure her that yes, it was okay if she went to sleep. He and Dr. Borg weren’t going anywhere and they could surely interact later. And so, Pixal fell into what seemed to Zane to be a tense sleep, but to Dr. Borg was one that was slightly more relaxed than earlier. That was good. She felt safer. Dr. Borg could not help but feel safer too. If Cryptor miraculously rose from his grave again, the titanium ninja would be there to stop him.
…if he could.
Once Pixal had fallen asleep, Zane had turned his sharp blue eyes on Borg. The doctor lifted his glasses to wipe the gathering sweat from his brow. He was surely dehydrated after so many hours of sweating and sniffing back tears so that they would not land on Pixal’s exposed wiring and risk short-circuiting her. But his body kept excreting liquid. At this rate, it would drain his very blood. But Borg didn’t care. As long as he was with his daughter and she was safe.
“You look exhausted.” Zane’s eyes had softened as he looked at the doctor. “Would you like me to scan you for…?”
“No, no.” Cyrus waved a hand. “I am fine.”
The doctor rubbed his eyes as Zane stood, awkward, beside Pixal’s bed. “I am glad you came,” he said. “I admit I was concerned when you did not come.”
“Doctor Borg, I swear, if I knew, I would have left the Never Kingdoms immediately.”
“I know.” He sighed. “I know.” But something in his voice made Zane wonder if he was genuine. “I just…wish you could have been there.” He frowned suddenly, glowering at the floor. “I wish I could have been there. No, that’s not right. I could not do anything to stop it. Eph.” The doctor let out an angry grunt and continued glaring daggers at the floor as if Cryptor’s spirit had possessed it.
“Me too, sir.” Zane steadied his trembling hands by tucking one in his pocket, and placing the other on the table beside Pixal. “Me too.”
***
“Pixal.” Zane knocked on the door of Pixal’s bedroom, balancing a tray of cardamom beetroot soup in his other hand.
It had been several days since Pixal was transferred back to the monastery. Dr. Borg was reluctant to let her go. He only allowed it after Pixal had agreed to take one of his security droids with her. It was him who answered the door. The door opened to reveal the white-clothed warrior. Zane shivered. In a split instant, he wondered if Cryptor stood before him. But then he blinked and it was merely the security droid.
The droid merely watched him in silence. Zane cleared his throat.
“I brought Pixal soup. Can I give it to her or should I leave it here?” The droid blinked before a horse voice answered,
“He can come in.” The droid stepped aside, allowing Zane to enter the room. Zane valiantly attempted to walk instead of run to Pixal’s bedside, to stifle his panic.
She merely blinked up at him, smiling.
“On, no. Did I wake you?”
“No,” she said, in a too-pleasant tone that signified that she was lying.
“Oh, Pixal. You don’t have to see me when I ask.”
“Well, I wanted to. Otherwise, I would not have let you in. Or…well, they wouldn’t have let you in.” Pixal glanced towards the security droid who merely blinked in response.
“Yes…would you like soup?”
Pixal nodded and placed the soup beside her. He tried to not watch as her hand grabbed the spoon and guided it to her mouth. She let out a sigh as the soup dribbled onto her shirt.
“Oh, dear.” Zane immediately ran to the bathroom and grabbed paper towels, and returned to the room. He tried to wipe up the spill but most had already soaked into her shirt.
He paused, suddenly. The beetroot juice on her shirt looked too much like blood...human blood. But Pixal was not human, he realized. She did not have blood. It was soup. Just soup.
“I am fine,” Pixal waved him off at his hesitation. Her hand snagged on his and their fingers intertwined. “Really, Zane.”
“I could…feed you. If that would be easier and comfortable for you.” Both of them surely would have blushed if they were human.
“You don’t have to do that. It is fine. I am fine.” She paused. “Though I am certain you would do it well, unlike Jay.”
At this, Zane broke into a laugh. When Kai had broken both arms after a run-in with the Mechanic, Jay had taken it upon himself to feed him. Most of the ninja suspected that it was to prove to him that he was not the ‘least valuable ninja.’ However, Pixal came to the conclusion it was payback of some kind as Kai ended up with food all over his clothes and face for three days until he convinced Cole to help him instead.
“Pixal, I promise not to spill your food…” She smiled.
“Yes, I am aware, but I’ve got it.” She gave him a thumbs-up that she quickly retracted at his expression. It was so out-of-character for her, Zane’s face had contorted into a look of worry.
“Alright, my dear. But, if you need me…”
“I can call you. 'Any hour of any day.'” And her teasing smile warmed Zane’s cheek panels as he left the room.
***
Whenever she was not prompted to speak, Pixal was quiet. Very quiet. She was usually quiet, but not this quiet. She only spoke when required and that regression scared him far more than he wanted to admit. He wanted to hold her, to hug her, to tell her it would be okay—anything, anything to break her horrible silence. But he knew that she just needed time, that she wasn’t doing this to punish him. She needed to heal.
He wanted to hunt Cryptor down and snuff the life out of him. Ice shards bloomed between his fingers and he grit his teeth. He wanted Cryptor to pay for what he had done.
But whenever he felt that anger, he also felt Pixal’s soft hand on his shoulder, or in his own hand. No, he would not give into that rage, that hate. It was not what Pixal wanted. And so with her help, he was able to restrain his anger and focus on quietly being there for her when she needed him.
But he could not stop worrying. Not for her, the ninja, Lloyd, or himself. And so, he realized that he needed to do something productive, anything to stray himself from ruminating, and preferably not something that required Pixal’s limited energy.
But then he knew. He knew what he could do, and, even better, it might put a real smile back on Pixal’s face.
***
“I brought you a gift.” Zane had found Pixal outside in the monastery courtyard. She was leaning against the wall, her gaze in the clouds. The Borg security droid stood nearby, still as a statue instead of their head which swiveled, scanning the area.
It takes a second for Pixal to hear him. Her eyes trailed to his and a small smile formed.
“You did?” Zane sat next to her and extended a box wrapped in violet paper. “Why?” Zane opened his mouth, but, just as quickly, closed it.
“I…I wanted to.” He shrugged with a smile. But he could see the wheels in her brain turning. And, suddenly, she froze.
“Oh no, it’s our anniversary.” She let out a little cough and Zane’s arms wrapped around her shoulders to steady her as her body shook with the action. “I…I…” Pixal looked to the ground. “I…I…I don’t—”
“Sweet Pixal, no, no.” Zane tapped her lightly beneath her chin. She tilted her head to meet his eyes. He cupped her cheek and ran his thumb over it soothingly. She let out a little sigh with the motion, so small he could barely hear it. “No worries, my dear. I did not expect you to.”
“But I should have—I am so—”
“No, please!” Zane cut her off before she could finish. “You are amazing, my love. Amazing. And you are going through a lot. I don’t expect you to remember.” But these words only seemed to deepen Pixal’s sorrow. She shook her head.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry.” Zane wrapped her into a hug and she sank into his arms, burying her head in his chest. “This has never happened to me before—I can’t believe…”
“I don’t blame you,” Zane sniffed, hastily swiping a tear away. “I would have forgotten too.” But that was the wrong thing to say as she felt Pixal’s hands tighten on his shoulders. She pulled away from him, her eyes pooling with unshed tears.
“No, you wouldn’t. No no—not you. I…” She looked at her hands, now folded on her lap. She squeezed her eyes shut. “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”
Zane took her hands into his and interlaced their fingers.
“You do not need to be forgiven because you have not done anything wrong.”
“But. I must…no. I have.”
“No, please, Pixal.” Zane’s words turned into a plea. “Please.”
“Okay.” Pixal attempted to still her now-rapid breathing. She succeeded but only after a few minutes. Zane hesitantly extended his arms and Pixal had accepted them, burrowing her head into his shoulder this time.
“You are…the best,” she choked out. She could not really get her words out right. Not since it happened. Her speech had felt wrong, but it was the best she could do.
“Oh, Pixal. You are.” Zane’s voice turned into a sob. Pixal could hear the strain in his voice, how hard he struggled not to break into tears in front of her. “The best partner I could ever ask for.” Pixal found the strength to let out a small laugh. She tried to punch him playfully in the shoulder but all she could manage was a brushing of it.
“No, you are, silly.” At the motion, Pixal’s balance wavered and she fell forward. But Zane’s arms were there to catch her and guide her back to her place against the wall. “I should probably go…” She said then. “I guess you have some ninja duties to attend to.”
Zane’s face wrinkled. His concern was plain on his face.
“Yes…?” And, as if by magic, Kai yelled from across the hall.
“ZANE, GET YOUR METAL BUTT OVER HERE. YOU NEED TO COOK LUNCH.”
“Wait,” Cole’s voice echoed. “There’s no lunch yet? What? It’s past noon?!”
Zane let out a forced chuckle.
“As always, your timing is impeccable, my love.” Pixal rolled her eyes.
“Unfortunately so.” Zane hesitated before leaving. Pixal shooed him away. “Go, go. I’ll be fine,” she added at his worried look. He dipped close to her to give her a peck on the cheek before leaving to the kitchen, a chorus of muffled “ZANE”s ringing from the direction he headed in.
As Zane left, Pixal felt a tightening in her chest. She again saw the ninja board the Land Bounty 2.0 and drive to the Never Realm. She shivered at the phantom image and tugged her consciousness back to the present.
“Would you like me to escort you to your room, Miss Borg?” Pixal jumped. She had forgotten that the security droid was here. They appeared unfazed by the intimate moment he had just witnessed, though Pixal still felt odd while saying, “Yes. That would be fine.”
Once she arrived in the room, she realized that she had forgotten Zane’s gift. She retrieved it, then decided to open it on her bed.
It was a necklace made with a silver chain. There were two charms on it, two halves of a circle of turquoise. Tears formed immediately and fell. She curled against the bed, clutching it to her chest. The security droid shifted, drawing their blaster.
“I’m okay,” she said. “You can put that away.” And so they did and stepped towards the corner of the room to examine the window.
Pixal unclasped the necklace and put it around her neck. The charms fell, stopped by the chain and laid against her chest, just below her neck. She fingered them, wondering how she could have possibly forgotten, and how, in all of the chaos and despair the team had gone through recently, he had managed to get this gift for her.
She vowed to give him a gift, but she could not for the life of her think of anything of near equal value to give to them. So, she made him a painting…albiet a mediocre one, of him and his falcon. She could tell that he was deeply touched, but she could not help but feel ashamed at the gift’s faults and its lateness.
***
Despite the presence and comfort of one another, despite the fact that Zane was merely two rooms away and her father was a ten minute helicopter ride away, Pixal stifled an urge, the same one she had as she left Borg Tower to come here, to say,
Don’t leave. Please.
And it was a constant for them after Lloyd’s memorial that they were separated. Zane was busy with ninja duties and, while, Pixal was not (the others were reluctant to give her work after her recent injuries) they were separated quite often. This unfortunately stroked anxieties within them. For Pixal, it was a loneliness sharpened by a quiet dread…a fear that Cryptor or another undead foe would return just to revel in the pleasure of her pain. For Zane, it was silent budding hatred. An anger all too familiar that would scare him, that did scare him, especially after his recent trip to the Never Kingdoms. That stoked and flared in his partner’s absence.
Pixal worried that there was a storm coming. It seemed both of them knew it. But, if it did exist, there was not anything either of them could do to stop it.