Chapter Text
.☘︎ ݁˖
One of my earliest memories was the night everyone cried. I didn't understand why.
Back then, I was only six years old, I remember waking up in the middle of the night because of a bad dream. The details of the nightmare are gone now, lost somewhere in the corners of my memory, but I still remember the fear, I remember opening my eyes and realizing something felt wrong. The house was noisy… usually, our home was quiet at night. Mom would be asleep, Dad would probably still be working in his study and Yunho Hyung would be in his room but that night, I heard voices.
Lots of voices… Whispers… Footsteps….the sound of people talking downstairs.
At first, I thought maybe I was imagining it, so I sat up in bed and rubbed my eyes, the digital clock beside me glowed in the darkness. It was already past midnight and why was everyone awake? Why does no one remember to wake me up? Did they forget about me?
Pulling myself out of bed, I shuffled toward the door. My favorite Pokémon plushie was tucked under one arm while my other hand rubbed sleep from my eyes. The moment I stepped into the hallway, I knew something was wrong. The lights were on and everywhere, people I had never seen before were standing around our house. Some were sitting on the sofa while others were talking quietly in corners. And weird… a few were even crying.
As a child, I couldn't understand what I was seeing. I just knew it felt strange.
Scary… like waking up in someone else's home.
I stood frozen at the top of the staircase, nobody noticed me. Then I spotted someone familiar, Yunho Hyung.
He was standing in the hallway near the living room, and for some reason, his head was lowered, his shoulders looked heavy like he was carrying something too big for him. Even at six years old, I knew something was wrong.
"Hyung?"
My voice came out small, almost invisible among the whispers but I knew Yunho Hyung, he heard me. Immediately, he turned around.
I still remember the look on his face. At the time, I didn't understand it but now I do, now I know what grief looks like, but back then, all I knew was that my brother looked different. His eyes were red, his face was pale and he looked very exhausted, like he hadn’t slept at all.
"Jaehyunnie," he said softly.
His voice sounded strange too, I tightened my grip on my shirt.
"I heard noises."
For some reason, I suddenly wanted him to hold me. Whenever I was scared, Yunho Hyung always made things better.
Monsters under the bed.
Thunderstorms.
Nightmares.
Everything felt okay when Hyung was around, so I walked toward him.
Slowly.
Sleepily.
The moment I reached him, Yunho Hyung dropped to one knee, his eyes softened immediately. The sadness didn't disappear, but something warm replaced it whenever he looked at me.
"What are you doing awake?" he asked gently.
“I had a nightmare… I got scared.”
I wasn't talking about the nightmare anymore, I was talking about the house, the strangers, the atmosphere… Everything.
Without hesitation, Hyung opened his arms, I climbed into them automatically. He hugged me tightly, so tightly that I could hear his heartbeat.
Fast.
Uneven.
Almost trembling.
"Hyung?"
"Hm?"
I looked around, there were still people everywhere, people dressed in black, people crying, people whispering, nothing made sense.
"Why are there so many people in our house?"
The moment I asked, Hyung was stunned, his arms tightened around me. For a few seconds, he didn't answer.
I waited.
And waited.
But no answer came.
Confused, I looked up at him, that's when I noticed something.
Tears.
There were tears running down his face.
I blinked.
Hyung never cried, at least not in front of me. Growing up, Yunho Hyung was my superhero, he fixed everything, he knew everything, he wasn't supposed to cry.
"Hyung?" my voice became quieter "Why are you crying?"
To this day, I still remember the expression on his face, the pain, the sadness, the desperation. At six years old, I couldn't understand it, but now, twelve years later, I realize he looked like someone whose entire world had just ended.
Before I could ask another question, he pulled me into his chest… Tighter, almost desperate. I felt his shoulders shaking and as a kid being naive, I thought he was cold, then I realized he was crying, actually crying. Fear crawled into my stomach, I wrapped my small arms around his neck.
"Hyung?"
No answer.
"Are you hurt?"
Immediately, he shook his head.
"No." his voice cracked.
The sound startled me.
"No, Jaehyunnie."
"Then why are you crying?"
I genuinely didn't understand, adults only cried when they were hurt, right? At least that's what I thought back then. I pulled back slightly to look at him, his eyes were red, his cheeks were wet and somehow, seeing Yunho Hyung cry scared me more than the nightmare ever had.
"What's happening?" I whispered.
For a moment, I thought he was going to tell me. Instead, he placed both hands on my cheeks, his palms felt warm, comforting and then he smiled. It wasn't a real smile, I know that now, but six-year-old me believed it.
"Don't be scared." His voice trembled.
"I'm here."
A tear rolled down his cheek, he quickly wiped it away.
"You don't need to worry about anything."
I frowned.
"But you're sad."
The smile faltered, only for a second, then he hugged me again.
"I'll take care of everything."
At the time, I didn't understand those words, I simply nodded because Yunho Hyung said them and when Yunho Hyung promised something, it always came true.
"I'll always protect you."
I buried my face against his chest, his heartbeat was still racing, but hearing it made me feel safe. As if nothing bad could happen while I was in his arms. The funny thing is… I didn't learn the truth until days later, I didn't understand that Mom and Dad were gone forever and I didn't understand why Hyung looked so broken that night… not until I was older. Not until I realized that while I had lost my parents… Yunho Hyung had lost them too and the difference was that I was allowed to be a child, Hyung wasn't.
At eighteen years old, he buried his grief so he could take care of me. While everyone mourned my parents, nobody seemed to notice that Yunho was just a kid too. A kid who suddenly became a parent overnight and yet he never once broke his promise, not once. For the last twelve years, Yunho Hyung has kept those words.
I'll take care of everything.
I'll always protect you.
Maybe that's why, even now, he still worries whenever I take the subway by myself, maybe that's why he still treats me like I'm six years old sometimes. Because on the worst night of our lives, an eighteen-year-old boy made a promise to his little brother.
And Yunho Hyung has spent every day since making sure he never breaks it.
“Are you sure you're going to be okay, Jae?”
Yunho's voice carried the same concern it had for the last fifteen minutes. Jaehyun let out a small sigh and shifted in the passenger seat, staring out the window at the bustling Seoul morning traffic.
“Yes, Hyung.”
“Positive?”
“Yes.”
“Absolutely sure?”
Jaehyun turned his head and gave his brother a look. “Hyung.”
“What?”
“You asked me that five minutes ago.”
“I know.”
“And ten minutes before that.”
“I know that too.”
“Then why are you asking again?”
“Because I'm worried.”
Jaehyun groaned dramatically and leaned his head against the cool glass of the window. This was exactly why he rarely told Yunho anything beforehand, the moment Yunho learned about something even remotely unusual, his protective instincts would immediately go into overdrive and today was no exception.
Normally, Jaehyun never had to think about transportation. Every morning, Ho Dong Ahjussi would arrive precisely at seven-thirty, open the rear door, and drive him to school. In the afternoon, the older man would already be waiting outside the school gates before classes ended. The routine had been the same for years, however, Ho Dong Ahjussi had taken three days off to attend his nephew's wedding in Busan and as a result, Yunho had volunteered to drive him. Unfortunately, an urgent meeting had come up at the company, which led them to their current situation. Yunho wanted to drive him all the way to school, but Jaehyun insisted that he could take the subway. To anyone else, it wouldn't even be an argument, to Yunho, it was apparently a life-threatening situation.
“But you don't know how to commute,” Yunho said for what felt like the hundredth time.
Jaehyun stared at him in disbelief.
“Hyung, I’m turning eighteen years old.”
“Yes.”
“Not seven.”
“I know.”
“Then why are you acting like I'm going to get kidnapped the moment I step into a subway station?”
“Because have you seen the news lately?”
“Hyung!”
“What? It's a valid concern.”
“It is not.”
Yunho clicked his tongue.
“You've spent your entire life being driven around. What if you get lost?”
“I won't.”
“What if you take the wrong train?”
“I won't.”
“What if someone talks to you?”
Jaehyun blinked.
“...People talk to each other every day.”
“You hate talking to people.”
“I don't hate talking to people.”
“You absolutely do.”
“I don't!”
Yunho laughed. The sound filled the car, warm and familiar.
“You're ugly-cute when you're in denial.”
Jaehyun crossed his arms and turned toward the window again.
“I'm not in denial.”
“Sure.”
“I'm not.”
“Whatever helps you sleep at night, brat.”
Despite his annoyance, a smile tugged at the corner of Jaehyun's lips. Moments like this reminded him that no matter how successful or respected Yunho became, he would always be the same annoying older brother. The older brother who packed extra snacks in his school bag, who still texted him every hour during school trips, who called him three times whenever he was five minutes late coming home, the same older brother who loved him enough to worry about everything. Jaehyun's smile slowly faded as his thoughts drifted elsewhere, it had always been just the two of them. His memories of their parents had become blurry over the years.
Fragments.
His mother's gentle smile.
His father's deep laugh.
The scent of his mother's perfume.
The feeling of sitting on his father's shoulders.
Nothing more.
He had been six years old when the plane carrying their parents crashed. Six years old, too young to fully understand death, too young to understand why everyone around him suddenly looked at him with pity, too young to understand why his mother and father never came home.
But Yunho understood. At eighteen, Yunho had been forced to grow up overnight. One day he had been a university freshman with dreams and plans for the future, the next day, he had become guardian, parent, and company successor all at once. Sometimes, even now, Jaehyun wondered how his brother managed it. Running an entire company, attending university, raising a grieving child, living with his own grief.
No eighteen-year-old should have carried that burden.
Yet Yunho never once complained.
Never once blamed him.
Never once did it make him feel unwanted.
Instead, Yunho learned how to cook because Jaehyun was a picky eater.
He attended every parent-teacher conference.
Every school recital.
Every sports day.
Every birthday.
Every important moment.
Whenever Jaehyun looked into the audience, Yunho was always there, cheering the loudest, smiling the brightest, supporting him without fail.
To the outside world, Jeong Yunho was a successful CEO. To Jaehyun, he was something much more important.
His brother.
His father.
His mother.
His protector.
His best friend.
His family.
The only family he had left.
“Aish.”
Yunho's voice pulled him from his thoughts, and the older man shook his head dramatically.
“I know you're capable. I just can't help worrying.”
Jaehyun looked over, Yunho's eyes remained on the road, but there was affection written all over his face.
“I swear,” Yunho continued, “sometimes I feel more like your mother than your brother.”
Jaehyun snorted.
“That's because you act like one.”
“Exactly.”
Yunho pointed at him.
“Especially when my little brother is an introvert who's terrified of people.”
Jaehyun immediately straightened.
“Hyung! I am not terrified of people.”
Yunho raised an eyebrow.
“Oh really?”
“Yes.”
“Then explain why you hide behind me whenever strangers start conversations.”
“I do not!”
“You absolutely do.”
“That's because you never stop talking.”
“Excuses.”
“It's true!”
Yunho laughed so hard he nearly missed the traffic light turning green. The sound was contagious, and before Jaehyun realized it, he was laughing too.
For a brief moment, all the worries, responsibilities, and painful memories disappeared. It was just him and Yunho, just two brothers teasing each other like they always had.
A few minutes later, the subway station came into view, Yunho pulled over near the entrance and put the car in park. Immediately, the atmosphere changed, Jaehyun could practically feel another lecture coming and sure enough, Yunho turned toward him.
“Listen carefully.”
“Hyung…”
“If you get lost, call me.”
“I won't get lost.”
“If your phone battery dies, borrow someone's charger.”
“Hyung.”
“If anyone bothers you, call me.”
“Hyung.”
“If you miss your stop…”
“HYUNG!!”
Yunho stopped talking, Jaehyun sighed… Then he smiled.
“I'll be okay.”
For a moment, Yunho simply looked at him, then a small smile appeared on his face. A proud smile, the kind parents gave when they realized their child was growing up.
“I know.”
The words were quiet, almost reluctant.
“But that doesn't stop me from worrying.”
Jaehyun chuckled.
“Mother hen.”
Yunho gasped dramatically.
“Did you just call your loving brother a mother hen?”
“Yes.”
“You little brat.”
“I learned from the best.”
Yunho reached over and ruffled his hair mercilessly.
“Go to school before I change my mind and drive you there myself.”
Laughing, Jaehyun opened the door and stepped out, as he closed it, Yunho rolled down the window.
“One more thing!”
Jaehyun groaned, “What now?”
“I love you.”
The words came naturally, without hesitation, without embarrassment, the same way they always had.
Jaehyun smiled, “I love you too, Hyung.”
Only after receiving the answer he wanted did Yunho finally drive away.
Standing outside the station, Jaehyun watched the car disappear into traffic, a warmth settled in his chest, no matter how busy Yunho became, no matter how much time passed… some things never changed.
And honestly? Jaehyun hoped they never would.
The subway was a nightmare. People were packed shoulder-to-shoulder inside the train, everyone rushing to work, school, or wherever they needed to be on a Monday morning. The air felt stuffy, and every time the train stopped, another wave of passengers squeezed their way inside.
Honestly, I was beginning to understand why Yunho Hyung worried so much. I stood near the doors, gripping the handrail above me for balance. Earlier, I had given up my seat to a woman carrying a toddler who looked exhausted. The little boy had smiled shyly at me before falling asleep on his mother's shoulder. Now I kind of regret being nice. My legs already hurt and then the train lurched forward again.
I pulled out my phone, and a message from Ten appeared.
*Ten 🦊ᯓ➤ Don't get lost.*
I immediately rolled my eyes.
*Jaehyun ᯓ➤ I won't.*
Three dots appeared almost instantly.
*Ten 🦊ᯓ➤ You absolutely will.*
*Jaehyun ᯓ➤ Shut up.*
*Ten 🦊ᯓ➤ Meet me at the main entrance. Don't wander off.*
*Jaehyunvᯓ➤ Yes Mom.*
I shoved my phone back into my pocket. The train announced the next station, and as soon as the doors opened, a large group of students piled into the train. Judging from their uniforms, they were probably from various art schools around Seoul.
The atmosphere changed immediately, the previously silent subway car suddenly became louder, friends greeted each other, students laughed, and someone complained loudly about homework.
A group of boys entered through the opposite door, shoving each other playfully while trying not to miss the train. I barely paid attention at first until I noticed the two girls standing in front of me, they had been giggling nonstop for the last minute. One of them kept fixing her hair and the other kept stealing glances toward the back of the train. Curious, I followed their line of sight and then I saw him.
Everything seemed to stop.
The noise, the movement inside the crowded train. All of it faded into the background, there was a boy standing among a group of students.
Black hair.
Sharp features.
Warm brown eyes.
A smile so bright it seemed to light up the entire train car.
He was laughing about something one of his friends had said, actually laughing, head thrown back, eyes crinkling. Completely unaware that half the train seemed to be staring at him.
For a moment, I forgot how to breathe.
“Wow!” That was my first thought. Just… Wow.
I had never seen anyone that beautiful before, the boy wasn't conventionally handsome in the polished celebrity way but there was something different about him. Something warm, magnetic?! It wasn't just his face, it was the way he smiled, the way he moved, the way people naturally gathered around him.
My eyes followed him without permission and apparently, I wasn't the only one, the two girls in front of me continued whispering excitedly.
"I think that's him."
"He's even more handsome in person."
"I know!"
I tried to look away but somehow my gaze kept drifting back. Then I heard his voice for the first time.
"Taeyong, wait for me!" a taller boy pushed through the crowd toward him.
The beautiful boy turned around immediately.
"Yeah?"
Even his voice sounded nice, deep but soft.
The taller boy adjusted his backpack.
"I have a job this Friday after school. Do you want to join?"
"What kind of job?"
"Siwon Hyung told me there's a musical production this week. His company is handling sound equipment."
The boy—Taeyong—listened attentively.
“ Apparently, Yesung Hyung came down with a stomach flu, so Siwon Hyung has to do most of the heavy lifting himself."
"Ouch."
"Yeah. He asked if I wanted to help. It'll take about five hours or so. We just need to wait for the students to finish rehearsal."
Taeyong thought for a moment.
"Hmmm."
He tilted his head slightly, the movement was somehow ridiculously cute.
"Okay. I think I'm free this Friday."
The taller boy grinned.
"Cool."
Their conversation continued, but I barely heard it anymore because one name echoed repeatedly in my mind.
Taeyong.
Taeyong.
Taeyong.
⚞^. .^⚟
The train arrived at the next station, several students exited, including him. As Taeyong stepped onto the platform, he looked back to say something to his friends. For one brief second, our eyes met. My heart immediately forgot how to function.
Then the doors closed and he was gone, leaving me staring at my reflection in the subway door like an idiot.
"Get it together, Jeong Jaehyun."
An old lady nearby gave me a strange look, apparently, I'd said that out loud.