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Sam looked like an angel the way that he descended from the heavens, Karli in his arms.
A guardian angel. Bucky’s angel.
Everything that Steve was, Sam was that and more. Steve made a good Captain America because he saw injustice in the world and loved to fight it; Sam made a good Captain America because he saw that same injustice and fought to change it, not just with his actions but with his words, and with his choices. Where Steve loved to fight, Sam knew that a fight was sometimes necessary, but he would do it with his words first. He would negotiate, and he would look for a solution.
He was the voice of the people, fighting for any individual to be heard, making each side and perspective known, showing why there was a fight that had to be fought in the first place.
And what could be more angelic than Sam and those wings, flying down and explaining right to that senator on national television the exact issues with the world, with all that wisdom and bravery that Bucky always knew that he possessed?
God, Bucky wished that he could be as brave as Sam was.
He could never do that; Bucky would never be able to stand in front of a large group of any people on any occasion, especially just after having to fight, and so eloquently deliver such a moving speech. He wasn’t brave enough, or strong enough, or whatever the case may be.
But Sam could do it, and Sam did it flawlessly.
Something like that was hard to look away from, but Bucky had died before without seeing any angels, so if anything he was making up for lost time. But Sam… God he was beautiful. Steve had made the right choice.
More importantly than that, though, Sam had made the right choice. The choice to pick up the shield and keep fighting, even when the world was against him. It made everything he did all the more admirable.
Bucky couldn’t stop his blush when Sam caught up to him and raised his eyebrow. Bucky was staring again, of course he was, but how could he not when Sam was so easy on the eyes? What else was there to look at if not Sam?
And, after all that, Bucky was still the first person that Sam walked up to. That meant something, it had to.
“Does he always just stare like that?”
“You get used to it.”
John Walker would never get used to Bucky’s staring, because there was nothing for him to stare at. Did anyone think that Bucky would want to stare at John Walker? The only John Walker that Bucky wanted to see was the John Walker that was walking out of his life.
But then he was with Sam’s family and Bucky heard one of his neighbors ask Sarah the same question.
“Does he always stare at Sam like that?”
“Oh you get used to it,” Sarah laughed. “Sam’s gotta be blind not to notice those heart eyes that man has on him. He doesn’t even look away when Sam’s looking half the time, looking at my brother like he hung the sun.”
“But who doesn’t look at Sam that way?” another one of Sam’s neighbors joked. Bucky could feel the eyeroll in Sarah’s voice as she responded.
“Trust me, no one else in this town is looking at Sam with such obvious heart eyes other than that white boy, you hear me?”
“I guess she’s right about that one,” the first neighbor said.
Bucky didn’t think that they realized that he could hear them, but it really wasn’t his fault if he had enhanced hearing and couldn’t help listening in. Bucky hadn’t thought that he had been that obvious, but then again he hadn’t tried not to be obvious, either. What was the point? Maybe Bucky didn’t want to ruin a good thing that they had, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t hint at it.
At the end of the day, though, he just wanted Sam close to him, and that was enough.
“Is Sergeant Barnes also your sidekick?”
“What? Bucky’s my partner, Joaquin. You’re my sidekick.”
“So it’s like you and Sergeant Barnes are coparenting my superhero life.”
“I have no idea what that means,” Bucky heard Sam say, and truthfully, Bucky had no idea, either. He really shouldn’t have been listening in on their conversation, but it wasn’t his fault if they were all in the same jet and the new falcon kid wasn’t the most quiet person out there.
The kid laughed. “Sure. You like him though, right? You have to to put up with the way he’s always looking at you.”
“I don’t put up with him, Joaquin. There’s nothing to put up with. We made a good team, and we’re partners. That’s it.”
“Might want to tell that to Mr. Heart Eyes over there, then,” the falcon kid muttered. “Maybe I should ask him.”
“You definitely should not,” Sam told his sidekick.
The kid did end up asking Bucky, later when they were camped out and Sam was on watch duty and the other two of them were supposed to be sleeping. Sleep was difficult, though, especially when an overeager kid kept trying to talk to him.
“You know you’re not subtle, right?” Torres asked him, plopping down right in front of Bucky’s sleeping bag. “I mean, let’s face it, the whole world knows that you have feelings for Sam. So what? Just confess already.”
“What do you want?” Bucky groaned. No, he did not need to be hearing this, especially from some kid who he barely knew.
“Look, man, I’m just trying to help you out. Everyone on the internet has a comment about your heart eyes for Sam, you know. Just tell him how you feel.”
Right. Yeah, Bucky would not be doing that, but thanks for the suggestion.
There had been another time when Bucky had accidentally fallen for his best friend. That best friend had skipped off into the 1940s with someone he barely knew and left Bucky all alone, so he supposed that not everything was supposed to have its happy ending.
Well, skipped off into the sunset and left Bucky alone with Bucky’s personal guardian angel, which might have not been the worse outcome, so maybe Bucky shouldn’t think about Steve so harshly.
It was so easy, though.
“Do you think Uncle Bucky would come for my Veterans’ Day presentation?” Bucky heard Cass ask Sam over the phone one day. “I know you came last year, but I want to bring someone extra special!”
Sam laughed. “I’ll have to ask him, Buddy. Good old Uncle Sam isn’t enough for you anymore,” he teased his nephew, which prompted Cass to laugh.
“You’re amazing, Uncle Sam, but just think about how cool it would be to have Uncle Bucky there. He would do it, right? Right? I think so!”
“I’ll do it,” Bucky told Sam once he hung up, “But only because I have to prove to that elementary school class that I am better than you,” he teased. But how could he be better than Sam? As far as he was concerned, no one could really be better than Sam.
“Right, sure. And I’ll just stand in the corner of the classroom and distract you the entire time.”
Okay, so Bucky was staring again. No shame about it, except maybe a little because Sam was all sweaty in his tank top training with the shield, and Bucky really should have been looking anywhere else other than Sam’s thighs and quads and biceps and triceps and back and pectorals. Basically his whole body.
It would have been considered indecent when Bucky was younger, but he found it difficult to look away. Sam just looked so good. Him, there, carrying the shield and upholding everything it stood for, while also training to be the best superhero that he could be. It was endearing, and it was attractive, and it was more than a little distracting, and Bucky liked it.
“Like what you see?” Sam teased when he caught Bucky staring, and Bucky made a joke to cover up the fact that yes, he very much did like what he saw.
Hopefully Sam didn’t notice his blush.
Every mission goes wrong at some point. That was just how it was. Someone misses a shot, or falls off a train, or crashes a plane, and that’s the end of it.
Sometimes an angel doesn’t lose its wings, but the wings stop flying regardless.
Bucky didn’t know what it meant that his first thought as he watched Sam fall from the sky wasn’t Bucky’s own fall from grace, or even Sam himself, but Sam’s friend Riley. Maybe more-than friend, Bucky would never know. What he did know, though, was every night that Sam had a nightmare, he dreamed of Riley; how he fell, how Sam couldn’t catch him, how Sam waited for the world to swallow him whole when his partner fell.
And now Bucky’s partner was falling, an angel with clipped wings, and Bucky couldn’t catch him.
He knew because he tried, and Sam fell into his arms with a sickening crunch.
“No,” Bucky tried to whisper, but his mouth moved without sound, his voice breaking as his grip tightened around Sam’s body. No. No. No. Sam, please. Sam, wake up. It’s okay. I’m here. Please. Don’t leave me. Not like Steve. Not like Nat. Not like anyone else. You’re original. You’re better than that. Sam, please. I can’t.
Torres was the one that grabbed Bucky, when his tears made his sight feel so blurry that he couldn’t see and Bucky was unable to stand up right. He was falling in slow motion, a much shorter fall to the ground as his knees gave out and his breath hitched, Sam still in his arms.
Sam wouldn’t leave his arms, because then he would be gone. And if he was gone, then none of this ever happened, then Bucky didn’t have a staring problem and didn’t have a special light in his eyes reserved just for Sam, and then Bucky didn’t have a guardian angel, looking out for him, making sure that he was safe from himself and the darkness and his memories and the horrors of the world.
I love you, he tried to say, but if the words actually came out he was unaware. He just needed Sam to know, know the thing that Bucky had never been able to confess, not in front of Sam who could have heard and reacted to Bucky’s words. Bucky had thought that he had time, time to banter with Sam and make him smile and make him laugh and make him realize that he was Bucky’s sole reason for existing.
I want you. The words got caught in his throat and came out as a garbled sob, and Bucky pulled Sam even closer to his chest. He loved Sam, and if one of them had been a dame in the 1930s Bucky would have walked up to him and insisted they dance, and everything would have been okay. Sam and Bucky, Bucky and Sam, that was all he needed in his life.
I need you. He silently screamed as someone tried to drag Sam away from him, but Bucky wouldn’t let them. He was Sam’s, and now he desperately needed everyone to know.
Bucky let out a mangled sob as the angel in his arms let out a faint breath before becoming still.