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he never realized that there’s a small crack in the ceiling plaster or that the carpet in the furthest corner of the room has become somewhat threadbare from what he could only assume was through the ministrations of their antsy cat, yoongi. speaking of the devil. jeongguk turns his head and glares at the cat currently stretching his full body out while digging his claws onto the corner of the couch. he tries to swat away the menace but yoongi latches on and gives him an unimpressed stare.
“you’re not making my night any better, buddy,” jeongguk whispers. the cat merely continues to do his nails, digging them into the holes he’s already made when neither of his owners are looking. jeongguk debates on whether he should get up and dropkick the nuisance but decides against it. allowing yoongi to get away with it once doesn’t hurt anybody. plus, the day has been too taxing on his physical and emotional wellbeing.
resting his hand at the back of his head to help ease the ache forming, jeongguk trains his gaze onto the window overlooking the alleyway outside their apartment complex. thick branches from the oak tree blocking in the street hang over and the leaves reflect how far the sun has gone down in the past twenty minutes. it’ll be dark soon and jimin is still MIA. worry runs its course through jeongguk’s chest but every time he grabs his phone and taps on jimin’s phone number, he wimps out at the last second. be a man, he tells himself, and yet he’s still sulking on the living room couch, his boyfriend’s whereabouts unbeknownst to him.
something sharp digs into his side and jeongguk hisses, lifting his head to see yoongi pawing at him.
“I’m not giving you any food, chubby.” in response, yoongi continues to paw at him and jeongguk is forced to lift his upper body, through a very loud and pained groan, and pull the cat onto his stomach. pleased with getting his way, yoongi settles down quickly and places his butt right in front of jeongguk’s face. “I don’t even know why we took you in,” jeongguk mutters darkly, and despite his tone, he fondly pets the cat’s soft tufts on his underside.
he strokes yoongi till every thought running rampant in his mind effectively shuts him down and coaxes him into a troubled sleep.
___
“jeonggukkie!” jimin calls the moment he steps through the door and he appears a moment later with a wide grin and new hair color. jimin barrels into him and jeongguk is so preoccupied with picking apart the new lavender strands tickling his nose that he doesn’t catch what jimin is rambling into his chest.
“wait, what?” jeongguk gently pushes jimin away, keeping a firm hold on the male’s shoulders.
“that position in busan I applied for,” jimin repeats impatiently. “I got it! jeongguk, I got it!” the hold on jimin’s shoulders loosens and jeongguk hesitates, small smile gradually disappearing. jimin’s so caught up in his excitement he doesn’t notice. “isn’t this amazing? we can move back and maybe find a place near the beach and oh we can finally visit our families every weekend.”
jeongguk drops his hands and side steps jimin. he walks to the kitchen island and messily tosses his satchel onto the top. jimin follows him closely, circling his arms around jeongguk’s waist and trying to rock them back and forth.
“this is a dream come true,” jimin says whimsically. he presses soft kisses against jeongguk’s shoulder blades and squeezes tighter. as gently as he could, jeongguk pries jimin off and hurries to the refrigerator. luckily, jimin doesn’t pursue. or maybe jeongguk would have preferred that instead of the next question that spills into the tense silence.
“are you not happy about this?” jeongguk doesn’t answer immediately, instead pulling out a banana milk container. he hopes in vain that the sweet beverage will be enough to ease the impending argument. when he finally wills the courage to face jimin, the bright smile from before is placed with a confused frown and it hurts. hurts that it’s because of him and hurts because jeongguk knows that the frown is only going to deepen the moment he opens his mouth.
“you didn’t tell me you applied for a position in busan,” jeongguk starts, praying his voice sounds even and civil. it’s a fair point and the best place he can think of to start the conversation. jimin’s frown disappears into an apologetic grimace.
“I know, baby, I’m sorry. I should’ve told you but I didn’t even know if I was going to get accepted. I didn’t want to get both of our hopes up.” jeongguk controls his wince and thinks this is definitely going to end disastrously. “but,” jimin pipes. he moves forward with a sly quirk at the corner of his mouth. “I was accepted and we can move back to busan. surely you can forgive me now?” jimin widens his eyes cutely and when jeongguk doesn’t respond, jimin goes onto his tip toes and attempts to plant a small peck on jeongguk’s lips.
jeongguk turns his head at the last second and the few heavy beats afterwards says everything he’s known up to this point. things were about to get fucked.
“jeongguk?”
he shakes jimin off and takes another sip of the milk.
“jeongguk, what’s wrong?” jimin’s using his hyung voice. and that makes this so much more difficult. jeongguk keeps his back turned to his boyfriend and leans against the island.
“you didn’t tell me about applying in the first place,” he starts. he takes a second to collect his thoughts before swallowing and pushing forward. “and then you assume I wanted to move back to busan?” the words spark irritation inside of him and jeongguk turns his head to look over his shoulder at jimin, who is speechless at the bitter tone.
jimin shakes his head and wrings his fingers nervously into the hem of his shirt. “jeongguk,” his voice is steadier than he looks. “i…i’m sorry I didn’t tell you so we could talk this out. that was irresponsible of hyung.” jeongguk lightly scoffs and looks back at the marble top.
“why don’t you want to move back?” jeongguk drums his fingers and focuses on the repetitive tap, wracking his brain for the words to voice his feelings the best. he’s never been too good at feelings, not incompetent, but certainly not an expert. sometimes he doesn’t express things correctly, can’t quite convey what he’s truly feeling, and that can blow up in his face—has happened many times before. it’s part of the reason why he loves jimin so much. jimin can understand him better than anyone and if he doesn’t at times, he knows that jeongguk only means well.
“because I like what we have here, hyung.” he tenses when jimin moves to stand next to him.
“we can still have what we have here but just in busan. and it’ll be even better because we’ll be surrounded by our family and our homes,” jimin insists. he reaches out to place a comforting hand on jeongguk’s shoulder but is shaken off roughly.
“no.” jimin’s eyes widen in shock at the gruffness before his expression hardens.
“jeongguk—”
“I’m not moving, hyung. I’m not.”
“can we at least talk about this more?”
jeongguk throws his hands up and laughs, sounding a little too cruel even in his own ears. “what more is there to say? I don’t want to move and you did something real shitty.” jimin’s lips part to let out a small gasp. there’s already a coldness, something akin to regret, washing over him but jeongguk can’t stop now. the damage is already in the works and it only makes sense for him to finish what he started.
“that’s not fair, jeongguk. I was just…I was excited for the both of us. I already said I’m sorry. and I truly am, jeonggukkie. but you’re being stubborn right now.” something about that doesn’t sit right with jeongguk and he takes a step back, eyes assessing the way jimin crosses his arms and juts his chin out defiantly.
“so how I feel about this is just me being stubborn. I’m the problem.”
jimin sighs, too exasperated with how the conversation is turning. ugly and uncomfortable. “that’s not what I said, jeongguk.”
“you know you do this a lot.” jimin balks and before he can reply, jeongguk interrupts. “every time I disagree with you, you tell me I’m just being stubborn, like how I feel is wrong. and because I love you I just go along with it. that’s not going to happen this time around, hyung.” jeongguk watches jimin’s adams apple bob, the way his small fingers do a number on the hem of his shirt, and god why does this hurt so much? he can easily end this but a part of him doesn’t want to. he’s not going to leave seoul and…and…
“are we still talking about busan or is this something more?” jimin asks quietly. jeongguk chews on his response for a while before spitting out a sour, “both.”
jimin runs a fidgety hand through his hair and avoids eye contact. “jeongguk,” he starts, voice low. “if you felt so strongly why didn’t you say something before?”
jeongguk shrugs childishly. how is that even a question? why would he speak up when he knows it’ll end badly? wasn’t it better to accept things and brush them away, ignore them to the best of his ability to avoid any conflict? he doesn’t want to be mad at jimin and vice versa. they’re a happy couple and it wouldn’t be right to disrupt their harmony over something he can usually push aside.
“well, I’m saying it now.”
jimin nods slowly, crossing and uncrossing his arms and appearing as uncomfortable as jeongguk feels. a yowl distracts them and they look down to see yoongi entering the kitchen, going to rub up against both of their legs as if he felt the tension all the way from the washing room, where he tends to inhabit during most hours of the day.
“hey, yoongs,” jimin coos, albeit weakly. he hunkers down and makes grabby hands at the cat, who acquiesces and slams his forehead into the welcoming palm. “you’re a good boy, yeah?” jeongguk watches the scene from afar, how small jimin looks curled up, how soft he is when he allows yoongi to sniff and roughly lick at his wrist.
and although the tension is still there, yoongi saves the day and they drop the argument. they tip toe around each other the next couple of days and when jimin tries to bring the subject up again, jeongguk turns him down rather coolly. he’s an idiot and should have known avoiding the situation would only blow up in his face. but he couldn’t help his natural response to clam up and shove jimin away, naively hoping that maybe jimin would call it quits and everything could go back to normal. jeongguk wants that so bad. he wants them to return to the lovesick dumbasses they are, the ones who make their friends gag playfully and do everything together and toss chips at each other’s faces and eat ramen late, late at night because jeongguk is the worst when it comes to munchies.
he wants his boyfriend back and for everything that’s happened in the past week to disappear.
of course, that’s a fool’s wish and the third time jimin tries to talk about busan, jeongguk can’t reign back his frustration.
“I’m not moving back!” he shouts. “how many times do I gotta fucking say it?” his satoori is coming out, strengthening his words and adding more of a bite than he intended. jimin’s face contorts into several expressions before deciding on anger, one that can rival jeongguk’s. he bangs his hands down on the island, not even wincing from the harsh impact.
“can’t you stop and think what this could mean for me and my career? for us? have you ever thought that maybe i’m homesick and want to help my brother through college personally? not through a damn phone? maybe I don’t want to live in seoul anymore. busan is my home, our home. why can’t you see that?”
jeongguk scoffs and shakes his head rigorously. “you just gotta have your way, don’t you? what about me, huh? the tattoo shop is here, not in busan. my friends, our friends, are here, not in busan. the life we’ve built, something I’m kinda fucking proud about, is here, not in busan. you’re so selfish, jimin. you want me to consider how you feel but never bother putting yourself in my shoes.”
“why are you making me out to be this manipulative boyfriend?”
“’cuz maybe you are,” jeongguk snaps. and that honestly wasn’t the right thing to say. hurt crumbles jimin’s face and he steps back, then another till he’s pushing into the wall opposite of jeongguk.
“I didn’t know that’s what you thought of me…” jimin mutters. jeongguk rolls his eyes, the heat in his veins controlling every word he rolls over his tongue, every action jerking his limbs.
“stop being dramatic—of course that’s not what I think of you. but that doesn’t mean you don’t do it.” jimin lowers his head but jeongguk already catches the sheen in his eyes and that pisses him off. he doesn’t know where all this buried anger—no—frustration, is coming from. has he always been this upset? this unhappy with things? but it doesn’t make sense. he loves jimin and thinks his boyfriend is the sweetest, cutest, nicest, prettiest…the best.
“great you’re crying. i should’ve known you can’t help but make this about you. shouldn’t I be the one crying? I’m the one who’s gotta put up with this bullshit. way to be a good hyung, hyung.”
alarms are ringing throughout his head, desperately trying to pull him out of the haze he’s fallen into and behind everything that’s muddling what’s right and wrong within him, he understands that he’s really fucked up now. and that what he said was completely uncalled for. a dick move. something he’s afraid they won’t be able to move past.
why can’t things just go back to the way they fucking were? they’re happy here in seoul. they have a wonderful life. they’re healthy and thriving and jeongguk is anticipating all the years to come. where’s all that now? why’d it need to be ripped out from underneath their feet, his feet to be precise?
“i’m gonna go,” jimin finally mumbles. his voice is watery and it’s a good reality check for jeongguk to fully realize everything he’s said. but his pride is too damn big and so he allows jimin to brush past him, despite witnessing the tear tracks and trembling lip.
“fine.”
___
sometimes in the morning, when jimin goes to work earlier than normal, he slinks around and becomes delicate with everything he touches. he thinks he doesn’t wake up jeongguk but little does he know that jeongguk peeks every once and awhile and peacefully watches jimin bustle around. jeongguk longs to reach out and pull jimin back into the confines of their warm comforter but he refrains, one because he knows that despite jimin waking up ten minutes before his alarm he’s always running late, and two because yoongi plops himself down beside jeongguk after he gets his four am snack, effectively locking him in place.
it’s endearing, though, to just watch.
jimin makes these funny expressions when no one’s around and sometimes talks to himself underneath his breath. it amuses jeongguk and puts him into a good mood for the rest of the day. even when things are slow at the tattoo shop, he can lean against his station and think about jimin’s silly quirks.
some things never change it seems, because at two am jeongguk wakes up to jimin quietly opening and closing the front door. he stumbles against all the shoes lined up by the side, softly cursing and grumbling about a hurt toe. jeongguk’s too scared to sit up and confront jimin and wishes yoongi didn’t hop off him the moment he heard jimin’s keys in the door. the cat keeps meowing around jimin, probably begging for some more food, but jimin ignores him. eventually, jeongguk slowly gets up and faces his boyfriend.
“hyung?”
“jeongguk…why—why are you still up?”
“hyung I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything and just went along with it. I love busan as well and it is my home and I shouldn’t have acted so shitty and fuck, I’m really sorry hyung. please forgive me,” jeongguk pleads. he’s moving forward to see jimin’s face better and his heart tightens painfully when he studies the worn look. “hyung, please. I just want things to go back to how they were.” his voice cracks in the middle of the sentence but he’s too damn afraid of losing jimin to even care at the moment. neither does he mind the tears welling up in his eyes. he used to be called a crybaby from his classmates in secondary school and it’s something he’s learned to control over the years for the most part. but sometimes it still sneaks up on him, like now or when jimin left after their argument a few days ago.
“jeongukkie,” jimin says, too gently in jeongguk’s opinion. shouldn’t jimin be cursing his name? “i’m sorry too.”
jimin shuffles closer and grips onto jeongguk’s forearm. he drags them both to the couch and jeongguk plops down with the slightest tug.
“I guess I got so caught up in this fantasy I built that I didn’t notice that you might not feel the same way. and i’m sorry I made you feel bad because you didn’t feel the same way.” jeongguk stares intently at jimin’s face, chewing on his bottom lip as a distraction from the overwhelming emotions rattling within. jimin peeks up at him through his bangs and offers a hesitant smile.
“we don’t have to move to busan, jeongguk. all I want is for us to just talk it out and not be nasty towards each other. it’s a great opportunity and I know it would be really difficult for us at first, but it’s something I want us to both consider.” jimin reaches out and pets the back of jeongguk’s head, smoothing down the wild strays from sleeping on the couch. “but after we talk, and if you still don’t want to move, I’ll decline the position and we can forget all about this. I’m not going to force you into moving or doing something you don’t want.”
relief has jeongguk slumping his shoulders and slowly falling onto jimin’s lap, nosing into the plush thigh and making himself comfortable. jimin laughs above him but doesn’t protest, instead continuing to thread his fingers through jeongguk’s bedhead.
“what about your brother?” jeongguk mumbles after a moment.
“jihyun is a big boy. I got too far into my protective brother role that I didn’t realize I won’t be able to always coddle him. I still want to visit him more often though,” jimin adds as an afterthought. jeongguk hums in acknowledgement, focused on tracing small patterns on jimin’s thigh.
“i’ll go with you when you do, or well, whenever I can get time off from the shop.”
“i’d like that,” jimin murmurs.
they sit in peaceful silence for a while, yoongi eventually hopping up to join the cuddling. yoongi settles himself behind jeongguk, pressed between him and the back of the couch and occasionally kicking his hind paws out, making jeongguk whine from the force. jimin merely laughs and strokes jeongguk’s cheek down to his neck and the sensitive part right underneath his ear.
“he’s so mean,” jeongguk complains.
“but he loves you, jeonggukkie.”
jeongguk grumbles some more before letting his voice taper off. when his heart padded gently against his chest, jeongguk speaks up again. he’s a little nervous but he needs to know if things were okay now.
“are we good, hyung?”
jimin pauses and that makes jeongguk turn his head in worry. he’s consoled by a fond smile though and so he waits for his answer, eyes trailing up to jimin’s lavender hair. it’s pale and almost glowing in the streetlight pouring through the window.
“it might take a little to get back on track, but we’re good,” jimin says. his fingers stop to smooth jeongguk’s eyebrows and jeongguk’s eyes flutter close at the touch.
“I never got to say it before,” jeongguk murmurs, fully enjoying how jimin’s finger pad feels against his skin. “but your new hair color is bomb.” jimin’s giggle fills the room with the warmth that’s been lacking the past few days and jeongguk finally, finally smiles to the point his eyes are crinkling and nose scrunching. the laugh restores the vibrancy in the apartment and the small crack on the ceiling plaster or ruined carpet in the corner is completely forgotten.
“come on, let’s go to bed.”
“I don’t need to sleep on the couch anymore?” jeongguk asks hopefully. jimin thumbs jeongguk’s cheekbone and shakes his head in amusement. it’s all the confirmation he needs before hopping up and dragging jimin to their bedroom, giddy about being able to hold his boyfriend nice and close again, to feel that pleasant heat in the pit of his stomach that stretches up and consumes his heart.
it’s something he couldn’t quite pin before but with three years under his belt he came to realize that it’s nothing more than pure and unadulterated love. almost too puppy-like but jimin’s never complained before.
“jeonggukkie?”
“hm?”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too, hyungie.”