Chapter Text
(Not so) Fun Kingdom Hearts Switches!
A Kingdom Hearts fanfic by Raberba girl
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Summary: Xemnas comes up with an evil plan to switch people's personalities around. So now Goofy and Demyx are engaged in an epic battle, as Sephiroth trains with his Dancers and Sora tries to summon Kingdom Hearts....
SORA is acting like Xemnas; DONALD is acting like Leon; GOOFY is acting like Sephiroth; LEON is acting like Donald; AERITH is acting like Axel; CLOUD is acting like Goofy; SEPHIROTH is acting like Demyx; XEMNAS is acting like Aerith; AXEL is acting like Sora; and DEMYX is acting like Cloud.
o.o.o
XEMNAS: Mwahahahahahaha!
DEMYX: Eep! *leaps into Axel's arms* Axeeeeel, the boss is scaring me again!
AXEL: *dumps him on the ground* Get away from me.
XEMNAS: Kingdom Hearts, I have done you proud! For I have now produced: *brandishes a purple potion* THE ULTIMATE EVIL PLAN!
AXEL: I'm out of here.
XEMNAS: NOT SO FAST, MINION.
AXEL (indignantly): Who're you calling a minion? Hello, I'm only one of the most popular members of this stupid Organization, yo?
XEMNAS (not listening): You will drink this potion, Axel and Demyx. You will drink it NOW.
DEMYX: *bursts into tears*
AXEL: What? Why us?
XEMNAS: Because you are the only ones around at the moment.
DEMYX (confused): I thought it was because we are the only Nobodies whose personalities R.girl knows enough to write about....
AXEL (to Xemnas): Oh yeah? Well, check this!
He opens a dark portal to Hollow Bastion, where Sora & co. conveniently happen to be consulting with Leon, Aerith, Cloud, and Sephiroth. Well, with Leon and Aerith, anyway; Cloud and Sephiroth are too busy trying to reduce each other to lots of tiny pieces.
LEON: Would you guys either cut that out or take it somewhere else? I can't hear myself think with all that sword clashing.
GOOFY: I think that there Dark Depths place is still clear.
SORA: Yeah! You can fight there, and we'll come watch!
DONALD: Heheh, watch Cloud beat the livin' daylights outta Sephiroth, that is.
SEPHIROTH: Fools. I will decimate you all. *starts casting Meteor*
AERITH: Oh no! You can't destroy the town again, Sephiroth - Yuffie will be so upset because we just fixed it.
CLOUD: I don't think he cares, Aerith!
Sora notices the fact that they have just been joined by three Nobodies. He whips out his Keyblade and leaps into a fighting crouch.
SORA: Organization XIII!
DONALD: Wak!
GOOFY: Uh oh!
DEMYX: Noooo, it's the little monster with the Keyblade! Axel, don't let him hurt me again!
AXEL: Demyx, has anyone told you lately that you are pathetic?
DEMYX: Yeah, why?
AXEL: Just curious.
XEMNAS: Mwahaha! Protagonists, prepare to face my dreaded Plan of Ultimate Villainy!
SORA: Oh no!
LEON: Quick, someone bash that nut over the head before he--
Xemnas explodes the bottle so that purple potion goop gets all over everyone.
CLOUD: Too late.
Strange things start to happen.
GOOFY (coldly): Now, Cloud, shall we get ta business? Or do ya want ta eliminate them Nobody fools first?
CLOUD (cheerfully): A-hyuk, I think yer talkin' to the wrong guy, Goofiroth! *points at Demyx* I think that's yer man!
GOOFY (turns to Demyx): So, it's you who so foolishly thinks that ya have any hope of escapin' the darkness in yer heart.
DEMYX: *snarl* I'll never lose to you, Sephi...Goof...whoever you are! Dance, Buster Sword, dance! Or whatever my attack phrase is now!
Demyx and Goofy pick up where Cloud and Sephiroth left off.
XEMNAS: Oh dear, Demyx and Goofy are fighting, the poor boys. I shall clasp my hands together and fervently will that they stop.
LEON: Forget that! Fight, Demyx! Bonk that dummy on the head! Oh, wait, I'm supposed to be cheering for Goofy, right? Or...wait.
AXEL (confused): What?
AERITH: GOT IT MEMORIZED? Heh heh, I've always wanted to say that!
DONALD: *raises an eyebrow* You have?
SEPHIROTH (whining): I don't have anything memorized! I don't get what's going on. Suddenly, I want to go swimming, and now I'm getting glomped by Dancer Nobodies instead of fangirls.
XEMNAS: Tee hee, but the little Nobodies are so cute! When they're not, you know, attacking the town or my friends. Except that they never attacked my real friends. *pause* In any case, they're still cute! *pets them*
AXEL: Oh, wow, this is crazy! Hey, Leon - or Donald, whatever - should we go find Merlin and ask him if he can switch us all back to normal?
CLOUD: No way! I like bein' happy for once, a-hyuk!
AERITH: You know what, Cloud, that is kind of pathetic.
CLOUD: Yup, yup, yup!
DONALD: Leave him alone, Aerith, he's had a rough time of it in ALL the Final Fantasy VIIs and in Kingdom Hearts. At least you're, you know, not dead in this universe.
AERITH: Heh, true. Got it memorized?
AXEL: Hey, you're making fun of me, aren't you!
DONALD: No, just your senseless catchphrase.
XEMNAS: Well, I think I'm going to try to find Merlin before Goofy and Demyx hurt each other too badly.
SORA: Mwahaha! Not so fast, minion - I hold the power now, and I shall erase people's memories and fanatically release hearts until my dream of being a real person again at last comes true! Mwahaha!
AXEL: Well, that's kind of silly, seeing as how you're the only Somebody who's still alive....
AERITH: For crying out loud, Xemnas, I can't believe you were stupid enough to switch your OWN personality, too.
XEMNAS: *smile* Don't worry, Aerith, everybody makes mistakes. I will always forgive you, and I'll be waiting until you find your light again!
LEON: Huh?
Xemnas hurries away to find Merlin; Sora drifts around joyfully killing Heartless and eating their hearts; Sephiroth starts coaching the Dancers on a routine to his "One Winged Angel" theme; and Donald, Leon, Cloud, and Axel go to watch Goofy and Demyx fight, as Aerith leans against a wall with folded arms to observe the proceedings with a smirk.
AXEL: Oh man, you think Goofy - I mean Demyx - can beat him?
LEON: He'd better!
CLOUD: Gee, I hope he don't get hurt or anythin'...maybe we should help?
DONALD: This is Demyx's fight. Leave him be.
AXEL: But that's kind of weird, seeing as how you're supposed to be on Goofy's side, since you're his friend, though I guess you feel like you should be on Demyx's side because he's actually got your friend's personality. And I feel like I should be on Goofy's side even though I should really be on Demyx's side, but I don't really like Demyx anyway...wait, I'm confused....
CLOUD: Uh, I think we all are, Axel.
AERITH: Got it memorized?
DONALD: Shut up.
AXEL: *sob* Seriously, you are mangling my catchphrase!
AERITH: Oh, for crying out loud, it's a stupid catchphrase to begin with!
AXEL: Don't make me go over and hit you with this Keyblade! I mean, these chakrams! In fact, since I'm really a member of the villainous Organization XIII instead of the virtuous hero of the story, I think I will!
Aerith grins and whips out her materia-laden staff.
AERITH: Bring it on, kid.
Axel brandishes his weapons, then pauses. Leon and Cloud watch him anxiously. Axel slumps in defeat.
AXEL: I can't do it! I can't hurt my friend! Even though you're not really my friend!
AERITH: Ha ha, loser.
LEON (indignantly): Say that again!
AERITH: Loser, loser, loser. Got it memorized?
AXEL: Argh!
DEMYX: Argh!
Everyone looks over and realizes that Demyx, battered down to, like, 5 HP, has just been impaled by Goofy's...shield. Somehow.
AXEL, LEON, & CLOUD: *GASP* DEMYX!
DONALD: Come on....
DEMYX: *silent manly wince*
GOOFY: Hyuk hyuk hyuk. Ya thought ya could overcome the darkness in yer heart, didn'tcha. Now ya know that you'll never beat me. Prepare ta face yer doom.
AXEL: No, Demyx! Don't give up!
LEON: Yeah, you can't throw in the towel, you're a hero!
CLOUD: Remember your friends, Demyx! Remember the power of the light! Here, have some sparkly happiness!
DONALD: Cloud, you are not a Disney character, no matter how much you may think you are at the moment. You do not have any sparkly happiness to dispense.
CLOUD: Aw, shucks.
DEMYX: *hardened resolution* Raaagh! *wrenches free of the shield* I won't lose, Goofy!
Goofy laughs sarcastically and raises his shield to attack again.
DEMYX: Dance, Omnislash, dance! Or whatever!
GOOFY: Yow!
He glowers as he assumes his magnificently dignified Dying Pose. The effect is pretty much ruined since he's a goofy dog-thing rather than a gloriously beautiful one-winged swordsman.
AXEL: Yeah! Way to go, Demyx!
LEON: Hooray!
CLOUD: We knew ya could do it, Demyx!
DEMYX: *small manly smile*
SORA: Mwahahaha!
DONALD: Oh great.
Everyone turns to find that Sora, in AntiForm, is snuggling an armful of panicked Heartless and has heart crumbs scattered around his mouth.
SORA: Kingdom Hearts! Take these last hearts, and make me real at last!
AERITH: Delusional idiot....
SEPHIROTH (happily oblivious): Dance, little angels, dance! Hey, ominous Latin chanters, tone it down a notch, no one can hear me singing!
AERITH: *applauds sarcastically*
SEPHIROTH: Oh look, a fangirl! Would you like an autograph?
AERITH: No.
SEPHIROTH: Don't worry, you can have one anyway!
He scribbles his name (Sephyx) on a scrap of paper and presents it to her, beaming.
AERITH: ...Oh well. At least I can sell it on eBay for a million munny once this personality-switching craziness blows over.
Xemnas hurries back with Merlin in tow.
XEMNAS: Look everyone, I brought Merlin! I hope I didn't take too long convincing him that I wasn't going to gobble up his heart, steal all his magic spells and blow up his hometown. I'm sure he can switch our personalities back!
DONALD: Uh, problem? *points at the maniacally-cackling Sora*
MERLIN: Oh dear.
CLOUD: Sora, come on down! Yer actin' all confuzzled!
SORA: Silence, emo-bish-turned-cheerful-dog-thing! My dream is about to come truuuuuue!
Sora is filled with light so blinding that everyone covers their eyes. He slowly descends to earth, where he is revealed to be...Sora.
SORA: YEEEEEESSS!!!! I AM REEEEAAAALL!
CLOUD: Uh...but haven'tcha always been real, Sora?
AERITH: Somebody shoot that idiot.
AXEL: Oh man, I'm glad Roxas isn't around to see this...heh, he's probably cowering somewhere in Sora's mind, terrified of getting involved in this loony bin.
MERLIN: Hm, yes, I see the problem. All right, everyone! I want you all to join together and hold hands.
SEPHIROTH: But we're in the middle of practice!
DEMYX: I am NOT holding hands with HIM. *points accusingly at Goofy, who has not quite died yet and is ignoring him*
AERITH: I'm too cool to hold hands with people.
SORA: MWAHAHAHAHA! KINGDOM HEARTS! KINGDOM HEEEEAAAARRRTTSS!!!
Looking fed up, Donald goes around threatening to beat people up if they don't do as Merlin says.
DONALD: I want my real personality back. That is, Leon does; I think it's kind of interesting not being the comic relief for once.
MERLIN: All right now; everyone concentrate very hard on your true personalities. Are you concentrating?
SEPHIROTH: No! I like being strong and sexy and so scary that no one can ever make me do stuff I don't wanna dooooo! *bursts into tears*
GOOFY: CONCENTRATE ON YER TRUE PERSONALITY OR I'LL CHOP YER HEAD OFF.
SEPHIROTH: *whimper* Okay.
SORA: Nooooo, I want to keep being a reeeeaaaall person!
Aerith impatiently whacks him on the back of the head with her staff. Sora crumples to the ground, unconscious.
AERITH: That felt good.
LEON (interestedly): As Axel hitting Xemnas or as Aerith hitting Sora?
AERITH: None of your business.
CLOUD (thoughtfully): Or it could be as Aerith hittin' Xemnas or Axel hittin' Sora....
AERITH: I SAID, NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. Actually, I'm not even sure myself. GOT IT MEMORIZED?
Eventually everyone gets serious enough to concentrate, and their personalities are finally restored.
DEMYX: Eep! I didn't do it! *flings himself through the dark portal back to the World That Never Was*
GOOFY: Yowch...I think I need a Hi-Potion.
Cloud stalks off in a mortified huff.
AXEL (thinking sadly to himself): Man, now I miss Roxas more than ever. Stupid Sora. *disappears*
XEMNAS: ...All that work by the boy who had my personality, and yet I am still not real. *dramatically flings his arms up to Kingdom Hearts* ONE DAY, I SHALL GET MY REVENGE!
SEPHIROTH: Shut up. *skewers him and flies away*
AERITH: *wince* Ouch...that brought back some bad memories. Which I technically shouldn't still have in this universe.
LEON: *releases a breath of relief* Looks like we're back to normal.
DONALD: Yay!
GOOFY: Uh, Sora? Sora...?
He and Donald anxiously revive their friend as Saïx shows up to drag his unconscious leader's butt back home.
MERLIN: Oh, what a shame. I'd hoped to be able to have a captured Nobody to study.
SORA: Oh well! At least the original plot is back on track, right?
R.GIRL: Unless I get an idea for a sequel.
EVERYONE: Noooooo!!!!
THE END
Author's Notes: When I first wrote this story, I'd only played Kingdom Hearts II, so I knew Organization XIII a lot better though other people's fanwork than through canon. I apologize for the OOCness. Ftr, I've now played five of the currently-released six games and have watched all the cutscenes for Chain of Memories, so I'm much more familiar with the Org.