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Rin stood in the locker room just staring at his swimsuit. He forced the bile back down his throat and began unbuckling his belt. Just do it, he told himself, just get it over with so you can practice. The nausea won’t last. After taking a deep breath, he forced his pants and underwear down in one fell swoop. He shoved them into his bag with maybe a little too much force and reached for his legskins. Rin didn’t take off his shirt until he’d pulled his bathing suit up all the way and then immediately tugged on his swim team jacket. He released the breath he’d been holding slowly through his nose.
It was just the expectations getting the best of him when this happens, Rin always convinced himself, he just had to work harder and become the best. If he did that, these stupid episodes would go away. He just had to beat Haru and the weird disjointed feeling would stop coming back.
Rin spent extra time stretching that practice, then a while sitting off on the sidelines. The other members wouldn’t hassle him. They’d seen him this way before. It always ended in someone getting punched or yelled at if someone got too close. The captain trusted Rin to make up for his mood swings outside of practice. At least he was showing up on his bad days now. The sensitive ones were always a pain.
It would pass, Rin reminded himself, just like a panic attack. He would get better. There was nothing wrong with him. It was just the stress. His arms tightened their hold around his middle.
Crying was for pussies.