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"Pass me a Babycham, would ya Prick?"
"I am rather busy y'know, doing actual work,"
"Yeah, 'cause reading through the latest edition of Cosmo is absolutely part of your coursework," Vyv replied with a knowing grin, from his reclined position on the sofa. Rick scowled.
"Well actually Vyvyan, the exact work I'm completing is none of your bloody business-"
"-Oh yeah? Says who?"
"Says me! Now shut up, I'm busy."
"Just pass me a bloody drink would you? Then you can go back to your girlie magazine in peace."
"Don't be such a misogynist, there's nothing girlie about reading, y'know."
"There is if it happens to be Cosmo."
Not wanting his reading habits to be questioned any further, Rick got up with a dramatically pained expression to grab a Babycham, hidden at the back of the fridge in the special DON'T TOUCH UNDER PAIN OF DEATH - VYVYAN'S STUFF. The spelling wasn't altogether accurate, but the general message was there; the only reason Neil hadn't met a painful death when accidentally moving a can last week was due to him being already mid-way through one of his weekly hanging sessions when Vyv kicked his door in, and it had seemed rude to interrupt. Vyvyan did have some morals - albeit questionable ones.
So privately, Rick did feel slightly privileged to be able to root around in there, even if it was to pass the lazy punk in question a drink. He threw the bottle across the room with aim for the telly; it missed by the sheer coincidence of Vyv's hand reaching up at that exact bloody moment to catch the thing. Rick frowned in disappointment. The telly had been glitching anyway as of late, and needed putting out of it's misery. Not to mention the damn thing had been adding to his headache over the past half-hour as it was.
"Grab one for yourself if you want it." Vyv added absentmindedly, already cracking open his bottle and taking a long swig.
"What, really?"
"Yes really, before I change my mind."
"Oh. Alright then," Rick smiled to himself, slightly stunned, grabbing the nearest bottle and plonking himself down on the sofa next to the punk. He shuffled in just a tad closer, not enough to look too suspicious (he hoped) but enough to nearly feel the back of Vyv's hand brush against his own from where it lay on the seat. Very casual. Sort of nice, as far as near-hand-touches go.
Vyv side eyed him. "Bit close aren't you?" He raised an eyebrow, looking very much in the way of suspicious. Shit.
Rick tried and failed to open his own bottle, eventually passing it over to the punk who opened it in under five seconds-flat. "Don't know what you mean."
"Yes you bloody do. That's your side of the sofa, over there! Where the big bloody gap is!"
"Oh yes...so it is. Brilliant deduction, Vyvyan. Very clever of you really."
Vyv blinked at him. "-So sit on it?"
"Yes, well, I would...but it's cold, isn't it." He snorted nervously.
"No."
"Well it's probably going to be, very shortly actually. It is October, you know."
"So?"
"So this is pweventative, to sit close in anticipation of the cold."
Vyvyan looked back at him, deadpan. "That's the lamest, poofy excuse I've ever heard. It's not even slightly cold, Rick. You just want a reason to try and queer me up."
"I'm doing no such thing, farty-breath, you can't throw around accusations like that you fascist."
"S'not an allegation if it's true." Vyv replied, downing the remainder of his bottle before lobbing it across the room where it smashed against the wall. Rick winced.
"Anyway, it was you who ripped off the bloody radiators, Vyvyan, so therefore it's you to blame when it inevitably gets cold in...-um...ten minutes or thereabouts. So you should actually be thanking me for choosing this line of warming up instead of berating you about the broken radiators we're now going to have to explain to Mr Balowski!" He sat back in his seat, expression smug.
"Oh don't try and pin your poofy behaviour on me, you poof. You know full well the heating never worked before then. And I had to! My arms were starting to itch, like in the muscle, so it was either the radiators or your girly body smashed through the window." He smirked wryly. "Still don't know if I made the right decision."
Rick took a swig from his bottle, primly, and moved the tiniest millimetre closer again. He wasn't even fully aware why he wanted to get close to the smelly, violent bastard, but some twisted part of his mind (or traitorous thumping heart) seemed to want to. So really, he was just a slave to it. Had to go with it, like it or not. Ruddy hell, even his body was starting to curtail to the intolerances of fascism! Just his luck.
Vyvyan, predictably, noticed. "See! You're doing it again! Moving closer to me when you think I'm not bloody looking!"
Rick cringed at this, not even sure how to reply. He shrugged, hoping it'd come across as nonchalant enough to avoid any more interrogating. It didn't work, to not even his own surprise.
"Right, tell me right now poof...what's your game?"
"There is no ruddy game! You're -er, imagining things."
Vyv glared back, completely unconvinced. "Tell me, or that bottle gets smashed over your greasy forehead."
"All right!! Alright you FASCIST." He took another gulp from the bottle, now clammy in his grip. "Truth is, I don't bloody know, ok? Maybe I just want some human connection on this frankly dweadful planet, ever thought about that? Hmm?"
Vyvyan snorted. "Poof."
"It's not poofy at all, actually, pretty ruddy normal to want that sort of thing."
"And that 'human connection' crap only stretches as far as sitting close on the sofa then?"
"Well currently, yes, I suppose it does."
"And snogging would be a step too far, yeah?"
Rick gulped properly now, face heating up. He put it down to the really, very sudden, increase in the room's general temperature. Nothing at all to do with Vyv's now rather close proximity that wasn't entirely down to him. The punk was leaning rather close in, and his eyes were attempting to fix on Rick's darting own.
"...Well I wouldn't be opposed to it, no. Could even be useful actually..."
"But you say you're not a poof?"
"There's nothing poofy about wanting bog-standard human connection, Vyvyan! I -er, already said didn't I?"
Vyv stared at him for a minute, gaze intent, sizing him up. Rick began to sweat, palms progressing even more into the realms of clammy around the glass bottle he now gripped like a lifeline. God knows why, it was only Vyvyan and his Babycham-infused breath, and stupid smirk all up in his face. Nothing unusual about any of that...of course, when that usually happened it was quickly followed by a punch to the jaw or a kick in the bollocks.
...Not slightly chapped lips now pressing into his own and a hand gripping hard around the back of his head, yanking on one of the little braids by his neck; probably pulling the neatly-tied ribbon out. Really though, in that moment, Rick didn't especially care. Not when he was being snogged pretty bloody aggressively, and the taste of stale cigarettes was now there on his tongue. He should be gagging actually, that would be the natural response surely, but his body betrayed him by wanting to press closer, lean in more. Drop the now-empty bottle of Babycham onto the wooden floorboards where it'd roll away into a dark, dusty corner, there to be smashed up later.
He did it all in that order, almost instinctively, and Vyv kissed him with a hand pressing onto his thigh, fingers digging in. The whole thing felt too good unfortunately, much to Rick's annoyance. Vyvyan snogging him should be revolting! The sort of thing to make him gag, and throw up all over Neil's hippy shoes at the very idea! It didn't though, just made him blush further and grip onto the punk tightly.
Vyv eventually pulled away to grin at him, though his hand still stayed around the back of Rick's head, twisting one of the spindly braids around his fingers. Rick shivered.
"You've got a stiffy."
"No I bloody haven't!"
"You have. Thought you said it wouldn't be poofy? That's not exactly helping your case."
"Actually, you were the one who snogged me, incase you've forgotten!"
"But you said you wouldn't mind!"
"Yes...hypothetically,"
"Didn't take you long to acclimatise though, eh?"
"That was a natural response of the human body, Vyvyan, nothing else. Don't try to turn our, well, very platonic snog into something it wasn't!"
"Felt pretty gay to me." Vyvyan shrugged.
"Yes! Wait- NO! No it wasn't!"
Vyvyan scratched at his scalp, leaning onto his elbow. "So you wouldn't want to do it again then?"
"...I never said that." The poet replied, squirming.
The punk grinned, taking Rick's chin in hand, thumb brushing over the patch of acne in the centre. "Does this human connection crap extend to platonic shagging too?"
"Vyvyan!"
"What? Thought you didn't want to be a girly virgin any more."
"That doesn't mean I want to have it off with you!"
"So what's that hard-on for then? Decoration?"
"That's none of your business actually,"
"It could be, if ya wanted it to."
Rick thought for a second, gaze fixing onto the covering of mould patterned across the ceiling in darkened patches. When he looked back at Vyv the punk was still staring at him, a look of amusement written on his face. Well. What was the worst that could happen?