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I've been watching her for a while now. How long, I'm not sure. Two months? Maybe three? Time stopped having any meaning when I stepped off that bus, eager to make my mark on the big city. Cascade...
I've always known I'd find my destiny, but I never guessed it would be waiting for me straight off the bus, striding boldly by in cheetah-print pants. Not that she knew she was waiting for me, of course. *She* was there to greet a slimy, weaselly guy I've since found out is her partner. Not much of a catch. Not deserving of her in the least.
I think, for a moment, she sensed what we would become to each other. As she passed, she fixed those intense cerulean eyes on me and saw clear to my very soul. I was too awe-struck to speak, though, and she just raised one perfect eyebrow and turned away, getting into a bright blue Jag and speeding off before I could gather my wits.
A lesser man would have lost her right there, regretting forever what might have been. But I set myself to find her. Destiny had brought her to me the first time, and I trusted it to do so again. It was a haphazard search... spending my days in unusual places at unusual hours, just waiting for our bond to pull me in, like a moth to her flame.
Within a week, I had found her again. As she has done many times since then, she sensed my presence. Even in the midst of a crowded shopping plaza, she looked around alertly, feeling the weight of my gaze. I have been careful since then to keep my distance, always watching from far away or within a crowd. I think she could have located me, anyway, if she'd known to try, but I took every precaution to avoid that. I didn't know yet if she would understand my need to know everything about her, my hunger to be with her always. I didn't want her to think I was a stalker or anything.
Not that I think she could be frightened of me. She is not frightened of anything, my...
*My* Alex. My Alicia.
No, she would not be frightened, but if I have learned anything by watching her, studying her, it is that she is a solitary person. She does not let people behind her shell easily or readily, and I could not risk approaching her until I was sure she would understand and accept my help. I know I can help her. I feel it, deep in a part of my soul that only she can touch. It is what I was born to do. It doesn't seem possible that she could not feel it, too, but I have not wanted to risk it.
Until now.
Now, the time is fast approaching. She will be leaving Cascade, and I must go with her. Destiny called me to Cascade, and now Destiny sends me into the world, at her side. I feel it stronger than ever, now.
Now.
Now that the other one is out of the way.
Sandburg.
*That* one frightened me a bit. I was afraid he would take her from me before I could claim her. I spent a long, sleepless night worrying about him, after her first visit to Rainier. I think now that he was a punishment on me for abandoning her the night of the accident. If I had been brave enough to follow her into the heart of the police station, she would not have been susceptible to his charms - would not have fallen in with him so readily.
I didn't realize this until later, though. At the time, I only knew that this... anthropologist, of all things... had latched onto her, and that something was terribly wrong. I must have sensed, even then, that he could be a rival.
But she was merely toying with him. I see that, now. Using him because I was not there. My timidity drove her to seek him out, but he was no real substitute. I think now she will understand and appreciate what I can give her.
Support. Perspective. Above all else, loyalty. That was Sandburg's most serious crime. He betrayed her trust in him. Led the cop right to her.
The cop.
Ellison.
I'm ashamed to admit how terrified I am of him... how he haunts my dreams, stalking me... stalking *her*. He is the one thing that I cannot shield her from. She must deal with him in her own way... with fangs and claws and sinuous strength. But I will be at her side when the time comes. She doesn't know it yet, but I may be her salvation.
I watched that scene unfold at the fountain. I saw what it did to Ellison... how much it cost him. When I slipped away from the gathered onlookers, his angry denials were still splitting the morning air behind me. I reveled in the panic in his voice.
Now, when he comes face to face with My Alex, he will be alone. But I will be beside her, and that will be important. I only hope it will be enough. There is still a cold fear of him in my gut. He may be weakened, but grief lends a power of its own, and I am not sure who will win that final battle.
And, so, the battle must be avoided.
She will leave today, and I will go with her. She cannot deny me, now. Not when I have done for her what she could not do herself.
My first gift to her.
I will go to her and lay the still-damp sneakers at her feet.
(Melodramatic, but I think it will amuse her.)
I will tell her how I distracted Ellison from her trail and rid her of the anthropologist.
I don't think I will tell her that I know Sandburg defeated her, drove her away with his silver-tongued lies. She will not want to be reminded of that moment. It will be my little secret. She is the strong one, but I can be strong, too. The knowledge will be all the sweeter for being held so close to my heart.
I will tell her only that I saw Sandburg try to follow her. That I stopped him, once and for all.
She need not hear that I did it as much for myself as for her. She does not need to know how his claims on her upset me.
I will tell her that Ellison was so far gone in grief, it will be a long time before he begins to search for her.
And, then.
She will smile and thank me. She will look into my soul again, and remember that day at the bus station. And she will finally see, as I have known all along, that we belong together.
--END--
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