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Eddie
“Maybe you should.”
Eddie had been repeating those three words ever since they spilt out of his mouth, wishing by some miracle he could take them back. He wasn’t angry at Theo or Buck, he just panicked, adrenaline coursing through his veins as Chris was knocked off his feet, winded by the impact of his chest slamming against the floor. Suddenly, Chris was seven again, falling off the skateboard in the schoolyard, and Eddie was consumed by the familiar feeling of his heart plummeting into his stomach, his mind clouded by the knowledge that his baby could be hurt.
Eddie would never stop worrying about Chris, whether he was seven, sixteen, or 100 miles away at college, but he never meant to make Buck feel like he and Theo were a burden, an issue in his – or Chris's – life that needed to be removed.
The three months since Buck fostered Theo had been a whirlwind, his bustling energy certainly a contrast to Chris, overstimulating at times, but Eddie wouldn’t trade it for the world. He was besotted by Theo, his ability to draw light into every room simply by smiling, radiating joy and excitement despite everything the world had thrown at him.
It was a given that he would need time to adjust, his entire life was turned upside down in a matter of seconds: losing both his parents at once, moving to a new place, a new school, a new home. Eddie knew firsthand what that was like, but at least when he and Chris lost Shannon, they had each other, and Buck.
Of course, there were moments where it felt almost impossible, and Eddie spent a lot of time trying to prove that he was even capable of being a father, to his parents and to himself. Eddie could read Buck better than anyone, and that’s how he knew that Buck was thinking the same things too, wondering if he was good enough, worthy enough, of being Theo’s foster parent.
So, in good old Buck fashion, he was refusing to ask for guidance, which Theo desperately needed. Not because he was a bad kid, or a problem that needed to be solved, but because he was lost.
Eddie sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, Theo’s choked voice echoing in his ears.
“I’m sowwy, I–I didn’t mean it.”
He needed to talk to Buck, explain that no matter what he and Theo were going through, Buck didn’t have to face it alone, that Eddie would be a rock for Buck and Theo in the exact same way Buck had, and continued to be, for him and Chris.
As if on cue, Eddie’s phone rang, buzzing against his thigh. He pulled it out of his pocket to see Buck’s name, the screen illuminated by a picture of the four of them, standing in front of the penguin enclosure, Chris’s chin resting gently on top of Theo’s head, Buck’s arm wrapped tightly around Eddie’s waist, their faces beaming.
Eddie froze, hovering his finger over the accept call button, allowing himself to stare at the photo for a second longer, warmth blossoming in his chest. They all looked so happy, almost like…a family.
One more ring away from the call declining, he clicked the button, raising the phone to his ear.
“Hey, Buck,” Eddie said softly.
Quiet sniffles travelled through Eddie’s speaker. “E–Eddie.”
Theo.
Eddie’s heart started racing in his chest, a lump forming in his throat.
“Theo, what’s wrong?” Eddie asked, deliberately keeping his voice calm. “Where’s Buck?”
Please let him be okay. Please.
“He’s sno-wing,” Theo sniffed, his breath shaky.
Snoring. Sleeping. Thank god.
Eddie breathed out, his heart no longer pounding against his ribcage. He checked the time in the corner of his screen. 9:03 pm, eyebrows furrowing. “Why aren’t you in bed, buddy?”
“I—I was naughty,” Theo choked. “I was bad to K-iss.”
Theo hadn’t quite mastered Chris’s name yet, which was normally adorable, but right now, he was shattering Eddie’s heart.
“Hey, no, Theo, listen to me,” Eddie soothed, “Chris is okay, he’s fine. Do you—do you want to speak to him?”
Eddie was already walking to Chris’s bedroom, the sound of Chris talking through his gaming headset growing louder as he approached the door.
“I want wuh-ee,” Theo snivelled, referring to The Worrysaurus, the illustrated book Eddie had bought him a couple of weeks ago that quickly became Theo’s favourite, one Eddie had read to him countless times since then.
“I’m sure Buck will read Worrysaurus with you,” Eddie reassured. “Why don’t you go wake him up?”
“No,” Theo sobbed, his breaths quickening, catching in his throat. “Y—You.”
Eddie’s bottom lip quivered, his heart clenching. Theo was asking for him.
He thought about Buck, fast asleep, clearly needing the rest, and Theo roaming the house, freely, with no supervision.
…An hour wouldn’t hurt.
“Okay, buddy,” Eddie agreed, knocking three times before opening Chris’s door. Chris’s headphones were lying on the desk, his computer screen black. He swiftly stood up, mouthing ‘I’m coming too’, crutches already aiding him towards the front door. “We’re going to come see you now.”
Eddie followed behind, slipping on his shoes, the pair of them quickly exiting the house, walking up to the car.
Chris climbed inside, resting his crutches in the foothold, and held out his hand, palm already turned outwards, ready to take Eddie’s phone.
“We’re getting in the car right now,” Eddie commented, holding the phone against his ear with his shoulder, and slumped into the driver's seat, turning to Chris. “I’ll pass you to Chris because I need to drive, but we’ll be there very soon, okay?”
“Okay,” Theo mumbled, his breathing less frantic than before.
Eddie nodded, handing Chris his phone. Chris held it to his ear and excitedly greeted Theo, immediately beginning to talk about the new game he was playing — leaving out the parts that weren’t pre-K friendly. He kept Theo preoccupied for the entirety of the drive, chuckling along to Theo’s responses until Eddie pulled into Buck’s driveway, turning the car ignition off.
“T—Theo, we’re here,” Chris confirmed, passing the phone back to Eddie.
Eddie told Theo they were coming inside, using his key to Buck’s house to open the door, only hanging up once he was inside. Theo was standing sheepishly in the hallway, his eyes red and blotchy, tear stains trickling down his cheeks, making Eddie’s stomach churn. He looked so fragile, so small.
“Oh, bud,” Eddie said softly, walking over to Theo, kneeling in front of him. “C’mere.”
Eddie held out his arms, and Theo fell into them instantly, nuzzling his face into Eddie’s neck, his soft curls tickling against Eddie’s chin.
Eddie’s heart flurried in his chest, a wave of love bursting through him, placing one hand behind Theo’s head, resting it in his curls. “You’re okay, I got you.”
Theo’s small arms tightened around Eddie’s back, stretching as far as they could reach. Eddie hoisted him up onto one hip, Theo’s head falling gently against his shoulder.
Chris joined them, standing beside Eddie, reaching up to pinch Theo’s cheeks, and Theo let out a giggle that made Eddie’s heart melt.
“Do you want me to get B—Buck?” Chris asked, looking up at Eddie, stabilising himself on one crutch as he ruffled Theo’s hair.
“I’ll check on him in a minute, mijo,” Eddie said softly, looking down at Theo, bobbing him up and down on his hip. “We’ve got this, haven’t we, buddy?”
Theo looked up at them both, smiling sheepishly, his cheeks pink. “Yeah.”
Eddie carried Theo to his room, delicately placing him down on the bed. Chris helped Theo pull back the dark blue, dinosaur patterned duvet, and they both climbed inside, shuffling towards each other until Chris wrapped one arm behind Theo’s back, Theo’s head dipping to Chris’s shoulder.
Eddie’s heart started doing somersaults, his cheeks growing warm. Chris was so patient with Theo, so understanding, adopting a big brother role all on his own accord.
Big brother.
The more that Eddie thought about it, the more he noticed how similar they looked — their tousled curls that fell in exactly the same way, the dimples indented in the same spots on their cheeks, big and little versions of each other, of Buck.
It shouldn’t be possible, given that Buck definitely wasn’t involved in creating Chris, but it made Eddie’s skin tingle all the same. If it was up to him, he’d put a bit of Buck’s light in everyone — the world would be a much brighter place.
Eddie reluctantly dragged his gaze away, walking towards Buck’s bedroom. The door was open just a crack, a small slither of light leaking through from Buck’s window, the curtains wide open, Buck passing out before he had the chance to draw them.
Eddie placed one palm on the door, inching it open, heat flushing over his chest. Buck looked so peaceful, his mouth slightly parted, snores escaping through his lips, hair disheveled and encompassing most of his forehead. He had one arm draped over his pillow, his left leg cocked, body sprawled out on top of the covers, not inside them, meaning he barely managed to lay down before he was out like a light, exhausted.
Eddie’s cheeks grew warm, his skin tingling, overcome with the sudden urge to lay down beside him, brush the haphazard curls away from his forehead, and place a gentle, longing kiss to his birthmark, whispering that everything was going to be okay.
He knew. He’d known for a while, longer than he cared to admit, but now wasn’t the time. Buck needed to rest, still adjusting to his new life, Theo being his number one priority now, as it should be. So, Eddie did what he always did when he felt that intense, powerful surge of devotion rush through him — he said the words I love you, but only in his head, and for him, for now, that was enough.
Eddie pulled the door to a close, leaving it the way he found it, and walked back to Theo’s room. He grabbed the Worrysaurus book from Theo’s bookcase — an easy find, because Buck kept it on display, cover facing outwards on the shelf — and nestled into the bed next to Theo, wrapping his arms around both of his boys, and began to read.
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Buck
Buck’s eyes fluttered open, the room a lot darker than he remembered, aside from the small, fragmented shapes cast on his bedsheets, courtesy of the brightly lit street lamp outside his window.
He lifted himself up, rubbing his hands over his face, slowly adjusting to being alive again, when he picked up on the echo of one, two, maybe three voices coming from outside his bedroom door.
Theo.
Buck pressed his bare feet onto the cold, wooden floor, and slowly raised himself off the bed. A dizzy spell washed over him, his vision fading to black, a stark reminder to take his iron tablet, and actually drink some water.
He padded across the floor, stopping when he reached his bedroom door, deeply concerned at how quiet the house was, the atmosphere almost calm, a sensation he hadn’t felt for weeks.
He was about to call out for Theo, preparing himself for whatever destruction had been left in his wake — not that he minded; it was what he signed up for — when he heard a voice he’d recognise anywhere.
Eddie.
Why was Eddie in Buck’s house? After what happened earlier, Buck was sure he’d want space. And Buck wasn’t angry, not even a little bit; he understood, remembering how his heart went into shock, the air rushing out of his lungs when he heard Chris’s body smack into the floor. If that’s how it felt for Buck, he could only imagine what it was like for Eddie.
Buck stepped into the hallway, tiptoeing across the floor, Eddie’s gentle demeanour becoming more apparent the closer he got, until he was actually able to hear what Eddie was saying:
“He packed a little bag of snacks, and set off on a trail…” Eddie murmured, his voice rhythmic and evenly paced. “…He skipped along with happy legs across the golden sand, and thought about the day he had plotted, scheduled, and planned.”
Buck knew those words, he could repeat them with his eyes closed, Theo begging for the Worrysaurus almost every day since Eddie bought it for him, and any time Buck suggested something new, he was met with: “No, the one Eddie got me!”
Buck’s stomach swirled, Eddie’s soft voice settling in his blood. Eddie was here, in Buck’s house, reading to Theo, at — wait, where was his phone? — whatever time it was, asking Theo if he’s ready for the next page, his tone changing with every line.
Buck had missed a page or two by the time his attention fixed on Eddie’s speech again.
“'A storm?'
Said Worrysaurus,
'When it’s so dry, and hot, and sunny?'"
Theo meekly interrupted. “I don’t like storms.”
“Me neither, buddy,” Eddie whispered, “but Buck is very brave, especially with thunder and lightning.”
Buck swallowed, the lightning strike briefly flashing in front of his eyes, remembering how he felt when he heard that Eddie tried to pull him up, counted all 3 minutes and 17 seconds Buck was gone, and saved his life.
Of course Eddie was here right now. They were BuckandEddie. Where else would he be?
“So I’ll be safe?” Theo asked, his voice sounding so small.
Eddie chuckled softly. “Yeah, you’ll always be safe with Buck. Just like me and Chris. You ready for the next bit, bug?”
Buck wasn’t sure he was ready for the next bit, but Theo must have nodded, because the reading continued.
“But the news became a butterfly that fluttered in his tummy.”
Buck had never related to a dinosaur more in his life. His skin was hot to the touch, ears burning, his stomach flitting like a thousand cocoons had hatched inside of it, butterflies swarming his entire body.
He inhaled sharply, preparing for Eddie to continue, but this time it wasn’t Eddie.
“'I’m not ready for the rain,'
he said,
'I haven’t got any wellies!'”
Christopher?
“His teeth began to ch—chatter, and his knees — they turned to jelly,” Chris continued, changing his tone, teeth gritting together for ‘chatter’, his voice wobbling to mimic jelly.
Buck’s heart was about to burst. Chris was there too, reading to Theo, making Theo laugh every time he altered his voice, the atmosphere so warm, loving.
He placed one hand on the wall, preparing to look through the door, his heart pressing against his ribcage.
“And all the while, the sky was blue! The sun shone and it shone—” Eddie elated, interrupted by Theo’s hands clapping together.
“—But now his lovely picnic thoughts were definitely g—gone.” Chris finished, his voice mellow, a sad “aww” falling from Theo’s mouth.
Buck pushed the door open just a crack, the three of them too engrossed in the story to notice. He looked up, his heart positively melting.
Eddie and Chris were sitting on either side of Theo, snuggled under his blanket, their heads resting on his tiny shoulders, reading from the book placed on top of Theo’s lap.
Buck’s heart froze, catching in his throat. An intense warmth washed over him, so powerful he had to lean against the doorframe to steady himself, his legs almost giving way from underneath him.
Their faces were beaming, chuckling to one another, cheeks flushed. Eddie was looking at Theo and Chris like they were his whole world, wrapping them tightly in the arm he had extended over the back of Theo’s race car bed, fingers nestling into Chris’s shoulder.
Eddie continued to read, but the words were lost on Buck, his senses too overwhelmed by his heart clenching in his chest, the fuzzy tingles that had spread all over his body.
He wanted to prove he could do this on his own, that he could raise Theo without anyone else’s input, that he had what it took. But seeing them all together, the happiness exuding from their smiles, the love they had for each other, made him realise that he’d been denying himself the missing piece of the puzzle.
Family.
His eyes latched on Eddie, three words echoing over and over in the front of his mind, the same three words he’d been ignoring for years.
I love you.
He loved Eddie, and Theo, and Chris, more than anything in the world.
Buck pushed the door open, all three of them looking up at him, eyes brightening.
“Hey, Buck,” Eddie smiled, his eyes soft, cheeks blushing.
Buck grinned, dipping his chin to his chest, letting the warmth wash over him, before looking back up at Eddie. “Room for one more?”
Realistically, no, the bed was made for a four-year-old, but they made it work. Chris shuffled to the edge as close as he could without falling off, and Eddie lifted Theo onto his lap, book still in hand, shifting them both across the mattress so Buck could slot in at the end, their shoulders flushed.
Eddie turned to him, his eyes crinkling, and snaked his arm around Buck’s back, hugging him tightly.
Buck rested his head on Eddie’s shoulder, his heart turning into goo when Eddie laced his fingers through Buck’s hair. He drew Buck’s head forward, placing a tender kiss to Buck’s birthmark, smiling against Buck’s skin.
Buck looked up at Eddie through his eyelashes, their gazes locking, telling them everything they needed to know.
It was time.
Theo turned the page, and Chris began to read, beginning the next part of the Worrysaurus’s journey.
“Oh my little Worrysaurus, chase that butterfly away. Don’t you worry now, my lovely, you must try not to fret. If it’s not a happy ending, then it hasn’t ended yet.”
Much like the Worrysaurus, the Buckley-Diaz family had their own story to complete.