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The warmth of a home (Love me and my boy)

Summary:

A story about acceptance, endurance, imperfections. And selfless, unconditional love.
Jaehwan is trying to balance graduating, raising his orphaned nephew Hakyeon and working part-time to earn their living, but everything comes crumbling down. Pre-school teacher Taekwoon doesn't hesitate to offer a helping hand, but he ends up giving and receiving much more than that.

Notes:

This has been in my head for long and finally it's out of the system. I like the way it turned out.~
It might seem a bit "dry" in the beginning, but it will build up gradually! It happened without me paying attention to it, but it fits well with Taekwoon's feelings.
There's no talking about the tragedy, actually he hadn't even been there, I only talk about Hakyeon's recovery from PTSD because of losing his parents.
Obviously, I don't own the boys, however the storyline is mine. Any resemblance to any real events is mere coincidence.
Written from Taekwoon POV.
I really hope I portrayed the behavior of a six-year-old well enough...

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

We were nearing the end of September. It was still warm outside, but leaves started to turn colorful, fall peeking around the corner, only waiting to surprise us. The past few weeks were enough for our preschool class to start getting on well, but today, we got a new boy. It was early morning when the headmaster called all three of us teachers to his office to let us know we had a new boy called Hakyeon, he's six and starting school next year. And that we should be very patient with him, because he'd just lost his family. My heart sank. I'd known what it was like to grow up without a family. I hadn't even met him, but I already felt protective, and I didn't hesitate to offer to look out for him. Headmaster Park smiled warmly at me and gave his consent, then sent us back to the playing room. The kids were about to arrive.

The morning was hectic as usual, causing me to miss Hakyeon's arrival. I thought it was a pity I couldn't meet the person bringing him, I'd wanted to ask them about their circumstances. I was hoping to catch them in the afternoon instead, and meanwhile, I decided to approach Hakyeon himself.

Even though I had no idea how he looked like, he wasn't hard to spot. Sitting all alone by the tables we use for drawing and writing, without even stripping off his backpack, just staring at the other kids. Considering his situation, I'd kind of expected him to have PTSD, and while I'm not a psychologist to diagnose him, that would've been my guess rather than just him being shy in this new environment.

“Hi,” I said softly as I crouched beside him. He glanced at me without saying anything. Huge brown eyes, hiding behind dark bangs, filled with sadness. “I'm Taekwoon hyung. Will you tell me how I can call you?” I smiled at him kindly. I knew his name from the boss, but it would have been nice to hear it from himself.

“...eon,” he mumbled.

“Sorry, I couldn't quite catch that,” I answered, still patient and smiling.

“Hakyeon,” he repeated, not much louder, but I smiled happily. He wasn't trying to shut me out, which was a good sign.

“I'm happy to meet you, Hakyeon. Can I become your friend?” I held out my hand for him to shake. He was staring at it emptily. I didn't take that as a rejection, he might even not have known that gesture. “Would you like to do something?” I tried. Still no answer. “Shall we draw?” I pointed at the color pencils laying around on the desk, and his gaze followed. I decided to take that as a yes. I brought the tools closer and picked up a pencil. “What shall we draw then? A superhero? A mountain? Maybe a dragon?”

“Are you left-handed?” he asked suddenly, surprising me. How attentive, I smiled to myself.

“Yes, I am. Do you have another left-handed friend?” I asked carefully, and didn't push when he didn't answer. Instead, I drew up the dragon I promised. Then he added a tower as tall as the page, and I had to make a princess look out the top window. In broken sentences, he told me a tale how the princess was lonely, because her parents never returned to her. Inwardly, my heart was breaking. I wasn't sure if him being angry at his parents helped or worsened his pain. Outwardly, I smiled at him, and continued our little tale. The dragon, who was to watch over the princess, made friends with her, and so she never was alone anymore. That seemed to cheer him up somewhat, and ha wanted to put the drawing in his backpack to take it home.

Hongbin approached, asking for my help. I apologized to Hakyeon, and promised him that we'd play later. He seemed a bit disappointed that I left, and my heart felt heavy, but we couldn't help it. It was the three of us with roughly twenty kids. If I sat with one all day long, Hongbin and Eunji would collapse. Though, I still made sure to keep an eye on Hakyeon. I was sad to see him being alone most of the day, though, he got company for a while before going home. After his little friend Eunkwang was picked up by his parents, Minhyuk sat with Hakyeon. I saw them writing hangeul together in silence and deep concentration. They were really cute, but Minhyuk had to leave soon afterwards. One by one, the kids were taken home, but still no one turned up for Hakyeon. Originally, it wasn't my turn to stay late, but I told Eunji to go home. I'd stay anyways to talk to Hakyeon's guardian, and it would've been pointless for both of us to just sit around.

Finally, his guardian arrived. He cut it barely a few minutes before five, in a horrible rush. He was so disheveled I assumed he'd made his whole journey like that. He kept apologizing for being late, also in advance, because he wouldn't be able to leave work earlier and this would become his usual time to pick up Hakyeon.

“No problem. It must be hard, working and raising your son alone,” I gave him an understanding smile.

“My... my son? Oh, no... he's my nephew,” he corrected me, smiling embarrassedly. I felt my own cheeks burning in shame, that was quite a rushed assumption. “I'm still at university, a bit too young to have a six-year-old. And... I don't even have a girlfriend.” Somehow, I felt relieved knowing that he wasn't a widow. Though, I didn't know why. From Hakyeon's point of view, losing his dad too must have been worse.

“So you're his uncle, ...” I wanted to call his name, but I realized I didn't have it.

“Jaehwan,” he helped me out. “And your name?”

“Taekwoon.”

“Nice to meet you, Taekwoon-ssi. My intuition is telling me Hakyeon is in good hands with you,” he smiled at me.

“I'll do my best,” I smiled back coyly. Then I told him about Hakyeon's day, how he was mostly sitting alone and staring into space. A heavy sigh left his lips.

“He's the same at home. I'm trying to involve him, but he doesn't really want to do anything, except maybe watching TV. You know... it's quite disheartening, seeing a six-year-old so uninterested,” he nervously ran his fingers through his hair. “I just hope time will help. I didn't want to take him to a psychologist right away, that might just scare him more.”

“Maybe we won't even need that. I have a wild guess that we just have to assure him that he's not alone. I managed to get him to draw with me, and we came up with a little tale,” I said, and invited him into the playing room. Seeing his uncle, Hakyeon perked up and went to him, giving him a tight hug. I watched them happily. I could tell he was treated well by his uncle. When they let go, I crouched beside him with a smile. “Hakyeon, can we show your uncle the tower we drew?” I waited for his nod before taking out the drawing, and I told Jaehwan the story of the princess.

He was smiling at me gratefully, and asked Hakyeon if he could become the dragon. For a moment, he hesitated and glanced at me, then agreed. Jaehwan solved the unsaid conflict by drawing up a bird beside the tower so that the princess had two friends now, and we named the bird Taekwoon.

~*~*~

Time ran by without us even noticing, and suddenly we were well into November. Trees were often covered by rime, the cold and rain allowed less and less playing outside in the courtyard. However, Hakyeon definitely profited from the time passed. He was opening up, and I got to know a happy, curious, sometimes motherly boy. I wasn't really surprised that his best friends became Minhyuk end Eunkwang, though they fought quite a bit with the latter. About Eunkwang being messy and acting disgusting. Minhyuk acted as a catalyst, with his lovely half-toothed smiles and puppy eyes. Hakyeon loved going to our preschool.

Though, things weren't all perfect at their home, with his odd, incomplete family. Jaehwan looked more and more exhausted and skinny. He was scaring me, when we first met, he was slightly and adorably chubby. He didn't want to talk about it, even though we became close friends in the previous months. We always stayed long and talked a lot when it was my turn to stay back with the kids whose parents were late. Until he asked what was our arrangement, I didn't even notice how many times I took this duty over from my colleagues that I ended up staying late more than half of the times. I couldn't tell why I found it so important to stay and chat with Jaehwan.

It happened on a particularly cold day that it was past five, with still no news from Jaehwan. I was starting to get worried. It had happened before that he ran late, but those times he had called while sitting in the traffic jam. This time, nothing. So much time passed since the other kids left that even Hakyeon asked, is it time yet for him to be picked up. I hoped my smile didn't falter when telling the white lie that the wait seemed longer just because the others left earlier today. Actually, it was nerve-wracking for me as well. When the phone rang, I answered in an instant.

“Hello, this is Star-Garden Preschool.”

“Taekwoon hyung?” Jaehwan's voice came breathless and it was almost drowned out by the noise of traffic.

“Yeah. Where are you, Jaehwan?” I asked, trying to keep the panic from seeping into my voice. In the first place because of Hakyeon, who was standing in front of me and straining his ears to catch the conversation.

“I'm... quite far away. I think my car gave in permanently. I'd love to get on a bus and go there, but I was told I'm supposed to stay here until they can come and pick it up. I have no idea how long it'll take, it's peak hour,” he sighed heavily. “Hyung... I know it's a huge favor to ask of you, but could you look after Hakyeon tonight? I promise I'll make it up to you somehow!” His voice was filled with desperation. I didn't have to take a moment to think it through.

“Of course. I'll be happy to look after him.”

“Thanks, hyung! You're really saving my life. I have no idea how, but I'll thank you for that...”

“No, you don't have to, it's actually fun to me. Though, Jaehwan... I have to lock the building soon. You'll have to pick him up from my place.”

“Wa-wait. You're taking him to your own house?” he was shocked. “Why don't you just go out somewhere nearby?”

“I could take him to a café, maybe, for half an hour. But if I'm getting it right, this will take longer,” I reasoned patiently.

“I just... don't want us to intrude on your private life,” he mumbled. I didn't have the courage to tell him I didn't have such a thing. I'd never been a social person, kids were somehow an exception. My life had meant work and my colleagues for a long while. And actually, I wouldn't mind them 'intruding'.

“I agreed not because I'm Hakyeon's preschool teacher, but because I'm your friend, Jaehwan,” I answered instead. “I'll send you a message with my address.”

“But...” he was started to protest, so I cut it early.

“See you in the evening, Jaehwan,” I hung up, took a few seconds to relax, then turned to Hakyeon with a huge smile. “Come, lil bro, we're going to my place!”

“Wow! Really? You never took me! What's it like?” I snickered, and started to share information snippets. I needed to make it last the whole car ride.

Hakyeon was amazed by my flat, it seemed theirs wasn't that well-equipped. When he was done admiring, we got started on dinner while waiting for Jaehwan.

We were even done eating the kimchi jjigae and Hakyeon was falling asleep in front of the TV when the doorbell rang. Jaehwan was exhausted, his coat tainted with dirt, and stress drew wrinkles on his forehead.

“Hyung, thank you so much for taking care of Hakyeon! I'm just here to pick him up, we won't disturb you anymore...” he was rambling without even taking a breath, but I didn't let him finish.

“Not a good idea.”

“Huh?” he blinked at me.

“Hakyeon is half asleep, and your dinner is ready.”

“Di-dinner?” his eyes opened wide. “Hyung, you already did much more than you should have, I can't expect you to...”

“I was happy to do it,” I cut him off again. “I already cooked for you too, the least you can do is to accept,” I told him. I wasn't aggressive, but it was clear I wouldn't accept no for an answer. He sighed, and followed me inside with a partly grateful, partly apologetic smile.

Jaehwan was eating as fervently as someone who'd been starving for days. Considering his once chubby, now bony cheeks, that might even had been true. I didn't dare to ask, just offered him a second serving. He looked a bit ashamed, but I continued to smile at him encouragingly. It worked with him the same way it did with the kids, and he finished the leftovers. By that time, Hakyeon was sound asleep on the couch.

“Damn it,” Jaehwan grumbled, then clasped a hand over his own mouth. I just waved it off, I didn't like it when he cursed in front of Hakyeon, but his nephew was asleep by then. “He won't be happy waking up and riding buses for an hour or so...”

“I can give you a lift by car,” I offered, but he firmly shook his head.

“You already helped us just enough, hyung. I really don't know how I can thank you...”

“I told you, you don't have to. I was happy being able to help.” I really meant it. I wasn't sure whether the orphan boy or his uncle became this important to me, or maybe the both of them, in different ways. But I wanted to take care of them. Meanwhile, Jaehwan made his way to the couch and started waking up Hakyeon.

“Come on, lil bro... time to go home,” he said softly as the boy opened his eyes. Hakyeon made a disgusted grimace.

“I don't wanna... there's not even hot water!” He was sleepy and sulky. My eyes opened wide, and Jaehwan turned a dark shade of red.

“Ju-just a broken pipe... they might have fixed it during the day...” he muttered, avoiding my eyes.

“Liar!” Hakyeon was looking at him pointedly. “You told me lying is bad!”

“You're not going anywhere,” I stated as a fact, as soon as the idea popped into my head. Jaehwan was looking at me utterly confused, so I added. “You're sleeping over.”

“No, we ca...”

“Yes, you can!” I gave him a hard look, crossing my arms and narrowing my eyes, and that shocked him. I didn't show this side of me often, but when needed, I could be strict or even scary.

“A-alright,” he raised his hands, giving in. “Though... what are we going to wear tomorrow?” That was a legit question, and I had to think before answering.

“I suppose I can lend you something for the night, and we'll wash what you're wearing now. There's a drier machine.” He nodded, looking at me with something akin to admiration.

“I'm so grateful, hyung. Really... thank you so much,” he mumbled, smiling gratefully. I felt all warm and fuzzy and smiled back wholeheartedly. I really was happy to help them.

~*~*~

As I expected, Jaehwan objected heavily.

During breakfast, I told them to move in with me. While his uncle was having a shower, I got to know from Hakyeon that they'd had problems paying their bills, even with Jaehwan working all the time and selling not necessary pieces of furniture. He also told me they never ate a lot, always just cheap things, and Jaehwan even skipped meals.

Considering all that, I was set on having them move in my flat, there's no way he could convince me to give up.

“Just temporarily, while you get back on your feet,” I told him. This was my last and final argument. “I know the reason why the situation is chaotic is because you're still at uni and you can't work full time. Let me help, just until you graduate. You cannot raise a kid in a flat where they might turn off hot water or electricity,” I gave him a pointed look, and he had the decency to cast his eyes down. I knew he understood that, Jaehwan wasn't stupid. What I didn't know was, how they got to this point then? Why hadn't he asked for help? Was he trying that hard to impress someone, to prove them that he could go to uni, work and raise a kid, all at the same time? But then, who? There were too many questions, and clearly I couldn't ask him all of them at once. Actually, it wasn't even the time to as any. I would make him speak later, but I had to concentrate on the situation at hand. They got here, and I just had to help. His gaze was still fixated on the remainders of his food and his fork poking at them. In turn I was staring at him, trying to mentally convince him. From the corner of m eyes, I could see Hakyeon was looking back and forth between us coyly.

“Fine. Just until I graduate,” Jaehwan finally said, as soft as mosquito. I smiled, relieved.

“Thank you. In Hakyeon's name too. And now, let's get ready, because you have uni, and we have preschool,” I stood up from the table and stretched a hand towards Hakyeon. I'd take him to wash his face. “Talking about preschool... the boys don't have to know you slept over.”

“You're starting this too?” He puffed up his cheeks. “Why can't I ever tell anyone what's going on at home? They always tell interesting stories, it's so awkward having to be silent!” I looked at him tentatively. How could I explain a six-year-old that others don't have to, rather shouldn't know, when things aren't alright at home?

~*~*~

December came with snow. Christmas was approaching, but Jaehwan's exams came before. Despite moving in with me, he'd refused to stop working. Not just to have his own income, but because he wanted to continue working for them after graduating. He'd start full-time after the holidays, that's why he crammed all his exams before Christmas. I disapproved of the idea, because he was ruining his health. He barely had time to sleep, and literally none for Hakyeon. Needless to say, his nephew got offended, but the bigger concern was how he had been planning to do this, had they lived on their own. His eyes were hollow, huge dark circles underneath, and all his clothes were baggy, even though I was making sure he ate properly now. He was a shadow of his former smiley, handsome self and it broke my heart to look at him.

Things went downhill the night before his last exam, or should I say, still evening, because it was quite early. After reading Hakyeon a bedside story and switching off the lights in the former guest room that was now his, I went back to the living room to check on Jaehwan. That was his territory. He said he didn't want to intrude my privacy, so he slept on the couch. When I left him there, he was still studying hard, covering the coffee table with his notes, full text pages with colorful highlights, and now he was passed out on top of them. For a moment, I panicked, then the soft snoring got to my ears. So that's how tired he was. I heaved a deep sigh. I knew he would've wanted me to wake him up so he can study more, but that's not what I'd decided for him.

I was sure he'd studied enough already, and at this point, a good night's sleep could help more. We'd already had dinner, but he wasn't in the most comfortable sleeping position, and he hadn't showered so I couldn't take him straight to bed. I carefully moved him to lean against the backrest instead of lying on the table, though I was worrying too much, he'd knocked himself out properly. I gathered his papers and pushed the table aside so I could move comfortably and tried to lift him. It went easier than I expected, which could only mean Jaehwan was even lighter than I'd thought. That made me angry.

Undressing him was fine, except my cheeks were burning as my gaze and hands touched his body. He was skinny, alarmingly so, bones sticking out, skin gray, I was almost too afraid he'd break to touch him – and still, embarrassing thoughts and feelings surfaced I'd been trying too long to suppress. I was in love with him. Maybe it was time to face the truth, at least myself, even if not letting anyone know. I couldn't run from myself all my life. But at that moment, there were more urgent matters to attend to. I had to bathe him, and had he been asleep, he might drop his head in the water. I set the temperature, sat him in the tub, and while filling it up, I started shaking him gently. With a great effort, he blinked his eyes open, but at first, he had no idea where he was. When the situation landed on him, his face went up in flames. I didn't know if he was feeling shy, or another reason, but that wasn't the time to think of this.

“Stay at least half-awake so you won't drown.” It came out much harsher than I'd planned to, both the phrasing and the tone, but he didn't take it to heart. Maybe he didn't even fully register it. He was in a hazy state, drifting in and out of sleep, raising his head back up from time to time, as I cleaned him. I wrapped him in a warm towel and made him sit on the side of the tub while I fetched his pajamas I had forgotten about before. Only realized it could have been a fatal mistake when I returned and he was falling asleep again. Inwardly, I cursed at myself, and thanked heavens that nothing dangerous happened. Since he was awake now, putting on pajamas turned out to be an easier task than taking off his day clothes. I didn't trust his legs, so carried him once again. I was heading towards the bedroom.

“Hyung, where are we going?” he asked, hazy from sleep, as we just passed the couch.

“Te bed. I want you to rest well,” I answered. He just let me lay him in my own bed and tuck him in.

“Hyung,” he spoke up when I was about to switch off the lights.

“What's wrong?”

“Aren't you coming to sleep?”

“I need to wash too. But I'm sleeping on the couch anyways,” I added, and turned around to leave, but his voice stopped me.

“You don't have to.”

“Hm?”

“I don't want to kick you out of your own bed... it's big enough for two.” I could feel my cheeks heat up. Indeed, the double bed could perfectly fit both of us. I'd actually proposed that arrangement before, but he refused back then. On top of that, I wasn't sure I'd be able to fall asleep beside him in this emotional state. However, calming him down took priority over my embarrassment.

“Alright. I'll be back after I shower,” I answered. “But you have to go to sleep and not wait for me,” I added, bargaining with him like I usually did with the kids. I headed for the bathroom, hoping he had been sleepy enough to not notice my shaky voice and red face.

~*~*~

I woke up when Hakyeon entered the room. I hushed him to let Jaehwan sleep and sneaked out.

“Why were you sharing the bed? Don't only lovers do that?” he asked, with the innocent curiosity of a six-year-old, and once again, I felt that my cheeks got warm. Lovers, would have been nice, but I didn't even know if Jaehwan was open enough, if he swung that way. We'd talked about a lot of things, but not our sexual orientation.

“Because your uncle is taking an exam today. I wanted him to rest well,” I finally answered.

“Yeah, but you didn't sleep on the couch either,” he pressed on.

“Because it's my bed. If it fits both, why'd I sleep on the couch?” This time, I caught him, and he thought about it for a while, I could almost hear the machine running.

“But then... why did uncle sleep on the couch until now?” This was the question I myself didn't know the answer for. Jaehwan simply hadn't wanted to share the bed before. I just shrugged, and asked Hakyeon what he wanted to eat for breakfast. It worked, he focused all his attention on food. I smiled to myself. Kids never had a sense for sensitive topics, they only had a sense for our sensitive reactions. Casually distracting them was the best strategy if we didn't want to talk about something.

I brought his share of toast and latte in bed for Jaehwan, and I prepared his suit on my side. Hakyeon asked me if I'm trying to act like his uncle's mom, but I just booped his nose and cooled him down with a simple no.

It was scary how much his suit was baggy on Jaehwan. As tired as he was, he still looked more like a ghost than a human being. I was sure he knew and found it disturbing himself, so I didn't have the heart to remind him. I just smiled at him encouragingly and cheered him on, before we drove him to university first. We'd go to preschool afterwards. He was a nervous wreck, especially so after sleeping in instead of his planned final revision, so I had to spend the car ride trying to calm him down. Hakyeon got really tired of it by the time I parked in front of the university building.

“You've said that so many times, uncle! Taekwoon hyung told you already, you'll do well!” he snapped, making me snicker.

“Lil bro is right, Jaehwan. I've seen how long you've been studying for this, so you can trust me, you're gonna ace this, as my preschoolers would say,” I grinned at him, and finally he cracked a smile.

“Thanks, guys. Wish me luck... see you in the evening!” he waved before getting out of the car. Chewing my lips, I watched him until he disappeared into the building.

You're not lovers for sure?”

Kids' honesty...

~*~*~

I wasn't surprised to find Jaehwan sleeping when we got home. However, I was surprised to find him in the bed. I decided to assume he realized just now how much more comfortable that was.

Remembering how he insisted for me to stay last night, even when he was dead tired, I decided to go to sleep beside him again. I just laid there for long minutes, facing him, watching his long eyelashes, his signature nose, chapped but thick lips, before switching off the lamp. The darkness hid my blush, but I couldn't fall asleep, with Jaehwan's face making its way into my thoughts.

~*~*~

When I woke up, he wasn't beside me, but I could hear cheerful voices and smell something delicious from the direction of the kitchen, so I headed there.

“Good morning! How comes you're already up?” I glanced at Jaehwan. He looked somewhat less like a ghost, but needless to say, one day wasn't going to be enough for the dark circles to disappear.

“I fell asleep early yesterday,” he shrugged, before pouring me a cup of coffee.

“Thank you.” I sat by the table, beside Hakyeon.

“You guys know tomorrow's Christmas, right?” the boy chattered.

“Of course we know,” I answered. “That's why we don't have to go the preschool today.”

“That's the holiday of lovers!” With all the wisdom a six-year-old could gather, gave us an all-knowing look. My cheeks tainted red, even though there was nothing to base his accusation on, and thus nothing to be ashamed of. Still, I didn't dare to look at Jaehwan, and pretended to find the coffee cup exceptionally intriguing. I heard him laugh, embarrassed.

“Where do you get these ideas, you lil brat!”

“You shared the bed, like mom and dad!” I froze, coffee cup halfway between the table and my lips. Did I hear that well?

“Like mom and dad?” I stared at him dumbfounded.

“Yeah. Mom and dad shared a bed,” he blinked at me like that's the most natural thing. In fact, he was right, it was all natural of his parents to share a bed, but I've never heard Hakyeon talking about them. Jaehwan said he refused to talk about them since the accident that cost their lives. I looked at the uncle and his bright expression mirrored mine.

“It's the first time he's talking about them, right?”

“Don't you think I would've mentioned? Sure, it's the first!”

“Then, we're celebrating today!” he grinned widely.

“Celebrating? What are we celebrating? That you're lovers?”

“Oh come on now, Taekwoon hyung is a boy, just like me,” Jaehwan laughed. I couldn't decide whether to believe his words, or the blush on his cheeks. I concluded to not believe either, and considered asking instead, when a third person isn't embarrassing us on purpose. The brat was right about one thing, the next day was going to be Christmas, a lovers' holiday.

“So what?” Hakyeon blinked. “Dongwoo has two daddies too.” I blinked in surprise too. That was news to me, even though I knew the kids and their parents fairly well. Though, as I recalled, I'd never seen Dongwoo's mother, and Sunggyu always spoke in quite mystic ways about his Woohyun. He never called his partner his wife or girlfriend, no, actually, he never even used any gender-specific terms. I'd found this odd, but now it seemed to fit into a bigger picture. It blew my mind, driving me to believe what Hakyeon just said. I wasn't sure if I should be relieved, or worried about what would be the reactions of the other kids' parents.

“Never mind Dongwoo's dads.” Jaehwan's voice brought me back to the present, as he grinned at his nephew. “We want to celebrate that you're back to yourself!”

“But... I've always been me,” Hakyeon looked at us utterly confused, making me snicker.

“Yes, you've been you, but a sad you, afraid to talk about the family you lost.”

“But I do have a family!” he grinned at us, and it proved itself infectious. I felt warm inside, and maybe for the first time in my life, I felt like I belonged, I felt like having a family. Admittedly, it was a pretty weird family, patched together in a hurry, uncle and nephew and his preschool teacher, but these two boys were my home. I'd do anything for them, and I'd give anything to always be together safely.

~*~*~

“Merry Christmas!” I stood in front of Jaehwan, holding out a box.

We'd already put Hakyeon to sleep, though it wasn't easy. He got all hyper about the presents, and the two of us reading him a bedside story together. But finally, we were alone in the living room, and I could give Jaehwan my present without interruption. I'd held it on, because depending on how the evening went, I'd planned to confess.

When he opened the box, and saw the new suit, he almost dropped it.

“Hyung... you really, really didn't have to...”

“I had to. You lost so much weight, you almost fit twice in your old one,” I stated. “This one is actually between your current size and the old one, because I'll make sure you'll gain back some.” I hoped he understood what I really meant by that. I really wanted them to continue living with me, I wanted to take care of them longer, preferably forever.

The way he looked at me, I felt like melting. No one had ever looked at me with such intensity, yet gentleness, and the butterflies started dancing in my stomach.

“The truth is, I didn't get you a present, but... there's something you might find interesting,” he said, slightly embarrassed, and walked to the coffee table. I shook my head silently, I didn't need any presents as long as they were there with me. They were the best thing that had ever happened to me. Jaehwan waved me over, and as I sat, he took out his folder. His portfolio for his graphics major that he'd always been hiding from me, and refused to tell me why. My heart was beating so hard I was afraid it might jump out of my chest, my hands shook as I started to look through his drawings. They were wonderful, that's something I'd known even without ever seeing them, just from the passion in his eyes when he drew. There were drawings of nature, inanimate objects but most were... portraits of me. Well, I thought it was me, though I'd never been as pretty as that figure in Jaehwan's drawings. Still, he resembled me, quite a lot.

“Is that supposed to be me?” I asked shakily. I felt like I'd never been this nervous in my life, my cheeks burning and palms sweaty.

“Who else?” he laughed breathily. As I looked at him, he was giving me that look again, setting my whole body on fire, and my stomach started ding flips. “Do you know someone else who's this beautiful... and whose heart is this beautiful?” he whispered, as he slowly made the distance between us disappear.

I just closed my eyes and let him claim my lips. They'd been rightfully his since long, together with my heart, body and soul, and my entire life.

Notes:

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed reading as much I enjoyed writing. <3
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