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Clown’s hands were shaking. The silk, black gloves did little to hide the movement. The letters he was writing were becoming more and more illegible as the night continued. It was always impossible to sleep on the 4th of July. He flinched as another firework exploded in the sky.
(A bomb exploded-)
He shuddered. The old wood floor of his office creaked as he stood. The staff had practically begged him to join them outside. All of them were delighted at the prospect of a night off, except for him. He couldn’t look weak, it was already bad enough he was cowering away in his office.
But any of the staff or Hemlocks seeing him like this was unacceptable.
Another firework went off.
(The debris was spraying everywhere, it pierced someone’s stomach-)
Clown doesn’t know when he ended up on the ground. He doesn’t know when his breathing got so fast. He doesn’t know when the constant paranoia increased tenfold.
He does know someone just knocked on the door.
Who is that someone? Is it an intruder? Is it someone angry at him for this dreaded, sick weakness that ached in his bones?
Another firework went off.
(He was dragging the dead body of someone. So much blood. It covered his hands-)
Someone’s hands were on his. Pulling them away from his face. Clown doesn’t know when he lost his mask. He does know he can trust the man in front of him. Ash was pulling him into a loose hug. The physical contact burning his nerves. His face was uncovered and his red eyes and horrible scarred features were visible.
Another firework went off.
(The fire was spreading so quick, the poor man next to him backed up into a mine-)
Ash held him tighter.
“You’re not in war. You’re not a soldier. You’re with me and you’re safe. Just hold on, man.”
Ash’s hands moved to cover his ears. Leaving Clown’s useless body slumped against him, his hands loosely grabbing at his shirt. His hands muffled the sounds just enough to not send him into those… flashbacks. Clown really needed a drink. Ash pulled him even closer. Their bodies entangled like a bowl of spaghetti. Clown giggled at the visual. Ash’s body relaxed at the sound, his face resting in Clown’s black hair. Clown’s grip on the man tightened, trying to portray his gratefulness through the simple motions. The man’s voice filled his ears, the slight accent bringing a sinful flutter to Clown’s heart, “Are you better?”
His voice was a weak rasp.
“Yeah, thank you.”
He abruptly stood up, desperately trying to ignore the way his legs shook. Ash, seeming confused, followed him off the ground.
“What are you doing, Clown?” Clown brought all the possible sarcasm and spite he could muster into his next sentence.
“What do you think?”
“It better not be what I think it is.”
Clown paused, trying to gain a bit more composure as he sat at his desk. Trying to hang on to the last shreds of dignity, trying to ignore the way this man looked at him. Trying to ignore the fact Ash had seen him far worse off.
“And what do you think it is?”
Ash sat at the chair opposite of him, his intelligent eyes seeing through the pathetic facade Clown was putting up.
“I think you’re going to go back to work and pretend you’re fine when you’re not fine, Clown. I’ve known you for twenty years, don’t expect me to be a fool.”
This night has to end soon otherwise Clown was going to be driven insane.
Another firework went off.
(A bomb exploded next to him. Shrapnel tearing into his leg. Blood was covering him-)
Ash’s hand reached over the table and grabbed his gloved one, squeezing it lightly. Clown reached for his mask, hating the way everything he was feeling was on display. Ash stopped his hand halfway through the movement. Instead he handed it to him. The cool ivory resting against his hand.
“Can I…”
Clown nodded. The taste of rust was lingering in his mouth and he was barely able to keep the tears in. He hated this.
Ash stood up, moving over to Clown’s side of the desk. He slowly put the mask on, trying to not make any sudden movements. The man seemingly understood the exact way Clown’s mind worked. It seemed to relax Clown a bit; the knowledge he had a bit less acting to do. Ash was just silently sitting on the desk. He was chewing on his bottom lip, clearly in thought-
Another firework went off.
(Smoke was ev-)
His arms wrapped around Clown, holding the breaking man as tight as Ash could without cracking him further. Clown flinched at the next boom, this one not being followed with a flashback. The realization of how childish he was being hit him. Ash had seen him during even lower moments. One’s he’d prefer to not remember right now.
He returned the hug. Ash spoke first.
“Answer honestly. Can I leave you alone tonight?”
Clown shook his head from where it was perched on Ash’s shoulder. Ash, thankfully, seemed to understand.
“Well, let’s try and get you in bed and asleep. The quicker this night is over the better.”
Clown nodded, relaxing his arms so Ash could stand up. Ash reached out a hand for Clown to hold onto. His legs were shaking worse than a baby deer’s did. They walked together through the halls. Taking pauses for Clown to regain his composure every time a firework went off.
Ash didn’t let go of his hand once despite the shared anxiety between the two. Getting caught would be a death sentence. Pyro had some immunity due to his high status. Two poor servants
would be deemed insane before the hour could pass. Yet Ash still refused to let go, the fear of another episode seemingly overwhelming his fear of being caught.
They reached the bedroom quickly, the sounds of the fireworks only slightly more muffled in here than in Clown’s office. Ash was already wearing his night clothes and Clown swiftly changed into his. But he didn’t remove his mask yet.
Ash raised an eyebrow at that. Clown quickly clarified. “Not til the light is off.”
A muffled boom could be heard even as deep as the servant’s rooms, causing a small flinch
from the masked man. Ash sat down on what was normally Clown’s bunk, motioning for him to join. He sat down next to the cook, noting the way Ash looked at him. He gave Clown a quick side hug before laying down to attempt to sleep.
In Clown’s bed.
He let out a small annoyed huff before laying down with his back against Ash’s, pulling the blanket over both of them and extinguishing the last candle