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If Tony had built a time machine, there were many things he’d do. Most of them related to changing the past. Like try to have a better relationship with his father, not trust Obadiah at all, avoid creating weapons and perhaps even avoid being Iron Man. But most recently, apologizing to Loki for eating his pudding as soon as he was caught.
Or even not showing him any Disney movies, particularly not the Emperor’s New Groove.
How was he supposed to know Loki didn’t share his pudding? He’d been living with the Avengers ever since he and Tony got together, which was when they found out the God had an obsession for sweets and desserts, but that didn’t mean he doesn’t sh–
Okay, so maybe Tony should’ve known better. Loki, the sharing kind? Never.
So it was all Tony’s fault, to begin with. But he still could’ve avoided becoming a llama, if only he had apologized.
“Brother, please, turn Stark back to his old self!” Thor bellowed, pointing at Tony.
Was it just him or did Thor seem… taller?
Loki simply raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms defiantly, “Not until he apologizes.”
Everyone turned to Tony, expecting his answer. He opened his mouth to say something – a snarky comment that Loki could consider an apology, if he was in a good mood – but all that came out was a strange humming sound.
Which was followed by everyone’s groans of impatience.
“Can you at least make him able to talk so we can get this done with?” Clint asked in a demanding tone, glaring at Loki.
Loki simply smiled at him in return, all teeth. “Oh, but where would be the fun in that, Agent Barton?”
Then he suddenly vanished, always the diva.
SHIELD was on Loki’s tail, but Tony knew his god well enough to know that if he didn’t want to be found, he wouldn’t. Loki seemed to have completely vanished from the face of Earth, which which was probably what he did anyway.
The problem with a llama Tony Stark was that he couldn’t. Do. Anything. By. Himself. Anymore. Including and especially being Iron Man.
He didn’t even have hands anymore, so no more engineering either.
When all else was stripped from him, at least he still had his mouth. Except for now, since the only sounds that came out of him were hums or an extremely loud cry when he was nervous.
Fucking Loki.
Clint promptly suggests an alternative for Tony, just so he wouldn’t feel completely useless while being an animal.
By making him carry Barton’s arrows whenever they needed to fight.
Fucking Hawkeye.
Tony spits. Everywhere, especially on Clint’s stuff. Every time, especially when Clint is around. It’s the only way he can be snarky anymore.
But of course, he could do more than just spitting. Like pooping, for example. But he saved that special treatment for Thor’s and Loki’s rooms. Loki usually slept with Tony, but whenever they had a fight, Loki liked to have his own room for a while.
Tony really wished Loki would have just gone to his room this time around.
But obviously, his room was intact now. Or as intact as it could be with all that pooping.
Thor helped SHIELD to track down his brother. He even asked Heimdall’s help, but not much changed.
Eventually, Loki took pity on them and decided to give Tony a little visit–
Only to find his room stinking of llama poop.
“What have you done to my room?!” Loki snarled, glaring daggers at Tony who just spit in reply.
Loki clenched his fists, green-gold magic already seeping through them as his rage built up. Next thing Tony knew, he was struck by the same magic, a wild electric feeling running through his body.
When he opened his eyes, he was back to normal.
And naked. Shit.
The god grabbed him by his hair, bringing Tony inches to Loki’s face. “Apologize.” He demanded, looking more furious than he had been since the pudding incident.
Tony swallowed dryly, “I’m sorry, Loki.” He whispered.
It wasn’t much, but it was a start. He’d apologize properly later.
Loki seemed to accept his apology, because as soon as he heard Tony’s apology his grip on the man’s hair loosened a bit and his hand lowered to his neck instead, pulling him in for a kiss. Tony wrapped his arms around Loki’s body, pulling the man closer as they deepened the kiss.
In a second, though, Loki pulled away. “Good. Now clean this mess up.”
Tony groaned, rubbing his hands on his face. “I’ll get someone to do the trick.”
Loki grinned at him, “Oh no, darling. I want you to clean this up.”
After the whole incident, Tony swore to himself that if he was ever turned into an animal, he’d never poop on anyone’s room ever again. At first the thought seems funny, but after being obligated to clean not only Loki’s room but also Thor’s, all by himself even, it was most certainly the most stupid thing he’s done.
Right after eating Loki’s pudding, obviously.
It’s been two months since then and they had already forgiven each other and were back into sleeping in the same bed.
But of course, Tony still wanted his revenge.
Coming back to their room with two cups of coffee on his hands, he closed the door with his foot, before getting back to their bed. “Coffee?” He offered to his lover.
Loki woke up surrounded by alpacas, in a barn, the farmer shouting at him and asking who he was and what he wanted with his precious children.
The farm, he discovered, was situated in South America.
Well played, Stark. Well played.