Chapter Text
This past year has undoubtedly been the worst of my life, at least so far.
Throughout my seventeen years, many people came to think that I did not know suffering. They believed that, because of my lifestyle, my physical appearance, or simply my personality, happiness followed me at every step, as if it were a faithful and unbreakable companion. And, in some way, I also came to believe it. The tears I shed, the falls I endured, and the harsh realities I faced didn't matter; I always thought that life, in its complexity, treated me gently, as if wrapping me in a protective bubble. I had nothing to complain about.
But, as the old saying goes, "Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans."
For seventeen years, I believed I had everything under control. I thought I knew everything, that my life was precisely mapped out, that my dreams and desires would perfectly align with the destiny I had designed for myself. But I was wrong. It turned out that I didn't know anything.
Now, I am on the edge of an abyss I never imagined, facing a decision that could change everything. I have the opportunity to have everything I've always wanted, to live the life I've always dreamed of, if only I can do one simple thing... wake up.
I am Jessica, the girl who fell in love with the violin, with music... and with Lukas. The violin, which with its strings seemed to sing my deepest emotions; the music, which was always my refuge, my solace; and Lukas, whose presence filled every corner of my being with color and harmony.
But now, while my body lies trapped between life and death, I find myself in a place where time and space blur. Here, the notes of the violin seem more distant, like a far-off echo struggling to reach me. Lukas is there too, his voice resonating in my thoughts, his face intertwined with memories and dreams.
I am suspended in this limbo, trapped between what was and what could be, and soon I will have to make a decision. A decision that will determine whether my story will continue or fade away like an unfinished melody.
Live or die.
That is the choice I have to make.
And as I face that decision, with all the pain and uncertainty that accompany it, I can't help but think about what I would leave behind, what could have been, and what could still be. Reuben, my little and mischievous angel, my faithful friend... Would he still be with us, in some way, if I decide to stay? And what about Lukas, that love that blossomed between laughter and tears, between notes and silences?
Each moment, each memory, unfolds before me like an incomplete symphony, and I wonder if I will have the strength to finish it, to face life with all it brings, or if the weight of the loss will be too much.
This past year has taught me that life is unpredictable, and that pain can be so deep it threatens to consume us. But it has also shown me that, even in the deepest darkness, there are glimmers of hope, fragments of love and beauty that remind us that it is worth fighting for. That it's worth living.
And so, as I stand on the brink of this final decision, I only know one thing for certain: I will never dare to say goodbye to Reuben, nor to Lukas, nor to the music that has been my soul. Because even though I don't know what the future holds for me, a part of me will always be hopeful, believing that, somehow, somewhere, we will meet again.
For now, all I can do is wait. Wait and decide.
Live or die.
That's what's at stake.
The cold winter air enveloped the farewell between the siblings like an invisible cloak, with the winter sun barely peeking over the horizon, casting a pale glow that seemed incapable of warming their hearts at that moment. Jesse, with his brown hair tousled by the wind and his emerald eyes reflecting the worry he was trying to hide, leaned over the open trunk of the car, helping his father load the last suitcases of his sister.
"Are you sure about this, Jessica?" Jesse asked, his voice tinged with a subtle but persistent concern as he closed the trunk with a faint metallic sound.
Jessica, whose figure stood out against the wintry background with her dark hair cascading over her shoulders, let out a sigh that seemed to carry away all the weight of the past few weeks.
"I'm completely sure, Jesse," she replied with a serenity that could only be the result of resignation and necessity. I need a break, to get away from it all. City of Champions is the perfect place for that, and I will return before the end of January, I promise.
Jesse nodded, although his expression said he wasn't entirely convinced. The words were not enough to dissipate the knot he felt in his stomach, that sensation that told him something was about to change irrevocably.
—If you decide to come back early, just call us. We'll be there in an instant —said Jesse, opening his arms in a gesture that spoke of protection and affection—. Come here, I'm going to miss you...
Jessica let herself be enveloped by her brother's embrace, feeling the warmth that only a bond as strong as theirs could offer on such a cold day. She clung to him, as if that moment could last forever, as if she could stop time.
"I will miss them too... but more you," Jessica whispered, her words carried by the wind to her brother's ear, like a secret promise.
The hug lingered in silence, each second filled with unspoken feelings, until the call of their parents and the dry sound of the trunk closing forced them to part.
"Are you ready to go, daughter?" Do you have everything you need? —asked Brine, his voice deep but kind, laden with the concern of a father who was about to let his little one go.
"Yes, Dad." I'm ready —Jessica replied, nodding with a confidence that only existed in appearance.
It was her first trip alone to another city, a journey that represented not only a physical distance but also a necessary departure from everything she knew, from everything that had once been her refuge. Her mind flew toward the University of Celestial City, whose name evoked images of new beginnings and infinite possibilities, but also of imminent decisions that could change her life forever.
—Then it's time to go.
Jesse, feeling the weight of the moment, stayed by the car, watching as his parents settled into the front seats. His mother, Isabela, looked at him one last time before getting in.
"Are you sure you don't want to come with us to drop off your sister?" she asked, with that look that only a mother knows how to give, the one that seems to see beyond words.
"I'm sorry, Mom." I already had plans with Axl and I can't cancel them —said Jesse, looking down, his hands buried in the pockets of his coat in a gesture of apology and shame.
Isabela gave him an understanding smile, although her eyes revealed a trace of sadness.
"Don't worry, son." We'll call you when we're back —he said before closing the door.
Jessica, from the back seat of the car, watched her brother through the window, his figure slowly receding as the vehicle began its journey. The landscape unfolding before her, a white canvas of winter snow, blurred as thoughts crowded her mind. This journey was not just an escape; it was a desperate search for clarity, for a breath that would allow her to face what she had left behind.
The forest around her, covered by a blanket of snow, seemed motionless, eternal. The children played in the snow, oblivious to the internal storm that stirred in Jessica's heart. The echo of their laughter was a painful reminder of the happiness she once felt, a joy that now seemed distant, almost unattainable.
—One tree, two trees, three trees... —murmured Jessica, trying to distract herself, counting each pine tree that passed by the window as if that way she could silence the sadness growing inside her.
But the silence in the car was deafening, and her mother sensed it, as only a mother could. Isabela, sitting in the passenger seat, turned to her daughter with a gentle smile.
"Jessica, darling, why don't you play some music?" he suggested, offering his phone so she could connect it to the sound system.
Jessica smiled, grateful for the distraction, and took out her own phone. She knew exactly which song she would choose. His finger stopped over Elton John's name, and a flash of nostalgia crossed his face as he selected the perfect melody.
"I'm going to surprise them," he said, with a smile he hadn't shown in weeks. I'll play "Tiny Dancer."
The choice was not random. That song meant a lot to her parents, a piece of their love story that she had heard countless times throughout her life. Jessica remembered how her father, in his youth, had dedicated that same song to her mother during a concert, sealing their love with a proposal that to this day remained a cherished memory.
When the soft melody began to fill the car, Jessica observed how her parents looked at each other with a mix of love and longing, as if time faded away and they became those young lovers again. Isabela turned up the volume, and for a moment, the journey became warm, a refuge in the midst of the cold winter.
But the peace lasted only an instant. A strange sound emanated from the radio, interrupting the song just as it reached the chorus, their parents' favorite part.
"Damn..." —grumbled Brine, gently tapping the radio to try to fix it, without taking his eyes off the road.
"Be careful, love." I can do it —offered Isabela, worried.
"Don't worry, Isa." Everything is fine —Brine replied with a reassuring smile.
But in that brief moment of distraction, while Brine adjusted the radio, tragedy pounced upon them with the force of an inevitable fate. A truck, enormous and unstoppable, burst into their path, like a unleashed beast. The impact was brutal, the white car was dragged like a leaf in the midst of a storm. The metal twisted, the windows shattered into a thousand pieces, and the sound of the crash echoed in the air, taking with it everything that was once safe and familiar.
The car was wrecked, a nightmarish sight amidst the flames and smoke. In that instant, Jessica's world was reduced to a blurry image and the pain that consumed everything.