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Dazai had just left the ADA building after a long day.
He walked down the street towards a place he visited so often but still felt not enough.
But, after he entered the cemetery, right near his friend's grave, stood a man he wanted to see the least.
"What a surprise to see you here, Mori!" He greeted him with a dark, low voice.
Mori looked back at Dazai with a soft smile. "Is it?"
To top the cake with a cherry, he knelt down, setting a bouquet of flowers down at the grave with his gloved hand, before standing back up and then looking back at Dazai.
Dazai clutched his hands closed.
He took one deep breath before replying.
"Why?"
He stared at the man in black. But the clothes Mori wore were not the one of someone grieving. Quite the opposite, they were the clothes of the killer.
"Why now?"
Mori's eyes narrowed, his smirk remaining intact. He chuckled, shaking his head with a smile.
"Ah, Dazai-kun..."
He spoke, dodging the question.
"Do you still miss him?"
Whatever force was keeping Dazai still till that moment disappeared as soon as Mori spoke those words.
Did Dazai miss Oda?
Well, was water wet?
Dazai stepped closer, now face to face with the man.
"Don't you dare."
He whispered, dangerously.
Mori's smirk became more profound.
"Oh my..."
He looked down at the grave.
"I wonder if your friend would've liked seeing you so heated."
He looked back at him with an innocent smile.
Dazai didn't punch him right in the face just because for once Mori said something right.
Odasaku wasn't a fan of violence.
"Then again, I'm not here for a fight. Quite the opposite, actually..."
"Then why are you here, Mori?"
The way Dazai said the other's name wasn't different from saying the word 'assassin'.
"To atone for my sins, Dazai-kun."
Mori smiled. He didn't believe in sins, nor Gods or anything of sorts. Still, he said it.
"Who would've thought that I'd meet you here? They say... It's better to carry guilt together. Do you feel guilt?" Mori continued.
It didn't matter if Odasaku disliked violence, he knew how self-centered Dazai was, he could forgive him one more time.
He punched Mori in the face. The Mafia Boss was sent a few feet backwards, but he didn't fall. Still, he coughed, covering his face.
"..."
"I have nothing to feel guilty of, Mori."
Dazai immediately recomposed himself as if that never happened.
"Stop projecting your feelings on me, please."
He added.
Mori stopped, rubbing his cheek with a gloved hand, before looking back at Dazai with those violet eyes.
"... I must say, I'm rather proud."
He didn't elaborate further.
"Proud?"
Dazai's eyes were pitch black. The perfect mirror image of Mori's.
"Don't make me laugh."
Dazai shook his hand in the air. It hurt a bit. It had been a while since he punched someone that hard.
"Now, tell me why you're really here." The brunette spoke.
Mori pulled out a handkerchief, dabbing at his nose as a little bit of blood came out.
"Sharp as ever."
He chuckled.
"You are correct, I am not here to grieve. I'm here for you."
"For me?" Dazai asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Don't ask me to return to the Mafia, you already know my answer, Mori"
"And my answer to that is simple. It is your choice, Dazai-kun."
Mori spoke.
"I wouldn't force a son to anything, if only for things that are good for him."
That word... It escaped his lips before he could catch it.
'Son'? That word spun in Dazai's head. It hurt. He couldn't stand it.
"What a loving father are you." He said, poison sarcasm dripping from his lips.
"Really, you are the reason why I don't want kids.
Don't wanna pass down this damn curse you cast on me"
"Curse is a strong word, Dazai-kun. But I wonder..."
Mori stepped up closer.
"...Whether that curse you speak of... Has already taken root in your head. Can you truly get rid of me?"
He scoffed.
"Face it. Face it, Dazai-kun."
Dazai looked at Mori getting closer.
"I won't deny my darkness, Mori-san."
Another punch hit the Mafia Boss. Mori was sent back again, stopping as he coughed up a bit of blood. Shit. He could end up looking pretty badly if this continued. — Mori thought.
"I never said I managed to get rid of you from my mind.
But I can still walk in the light, atoning for my mistakes everyday.
But i don't expect a man like you to understand." Dazai spoke.
"…"
Throwing all logic and rationality aside, Mori spoke,
"Is that who you take me for? A man who chooses to walk in the dark?"
He said, before even realizing that he began yelling.
"You don't even understand, for a second, Dazai, how tired I am!"
He covered his mouth and nose, coughing.
"Tired? You?" Dazai chuckled darkly.
"Now this is a really funny joke. Yosano would love to hear it too, you know?"
Dazai stepped closer to Oda's grave, trying to put himself between it and the other man.
"What could you even be tired about?
What, did Akutagawa disobeyed orders again? Chuuya spent too much money on wine?
Oh no wait, I got it, Higuchi can't stop messing up simple tasks.
Did I guess correctly, Mori-san?"
Mori narrowed his eyes.
"I must say, I'm disappointed, Dazai-kun."
Which one was it now? Being proud one second and disappointed the other? It was a classic book maneuver...
"You got it all wrong." Mori said flatly.
"Yes, I did." Dazai smiled, his gaze empty.
"Because I don't care. I don't want to understand.
You can keep being disappointed or proud of me, it won't change what you did. Nor what I think of you.
So please, next time you think it's a good idea to come here, think again."
Mori looked down, then chuckled, smiling sadly.
"You may be right. Who am I to ask for forgiveness? Forget it, Dazai-kun."
He paused.
"Which bridge, do you think, is the nicest?"
He suddenly asked, revealing the actual meaning for his arrival. Perhaps he knew what was coming for him, and wanted to do what he should before it was all said and done. It was quite clear, that his sudden fancy for bridges didn't come from an aesthetic viewpoint, and Dazai could understand that more than anyone else.
The brunette froze, as the realization hit him.
That was impossible.
He must've been hallucinating.
Mori, the Mori Ougai, giving up?
That alone was a thought that felt so unnatural, so unreal.
But he came to him, he searched for Dazai on the day he wanted to mark as his last.
Did he... Could someone like him really feel guilty?
Was he supposed to stop him?
Dazai smiled at his own silliness. Wow, how convincing was a suicidal telling another man not to jump.
And yet, he still replied.
"I haven't found my favorite yet. There are many, but none is necessarily that impressive.
I'll tell you once I discover a bridge that truly is nice."
What was it that he had told Atsushi when his father died?
...
He couldn't remember.
Mori pointed far into the distance at the Yokohama bay bridge that illuminated with lights even from where they were standing.
"That one."
That was all that Mori said. He did not specify a date, he didn't specify a reason, he simply... Pointed.
Dazai followed the direction Mori pointed to, until his eyes met the bridge.
It was one of Yokohama's main buildings. That would surely be a good way for a man like Mori, who undeniably loved that city to its core, to disappear.
"..."
Dazai hesitated.
He was used to being the one on the other side of this conversation, he couldn't think of something to say, something that could work.
His mind was able to find reasons to dismantle every argument.
"What would happen to the city?" Dazai finally asked.
How ridiculous, once again the only thing he could hold on to was the man's job.
Mori looked back at him, then frowned, looking back at the landscape of the city in the background.
"Honestly? Beats me..."
He sighed.
"This responsibility was never truly meant for me, nor for anyone else, for that matter."
Then, Mori turned back at him.
"What would you like me to say to Oda?"
He was serious.
Dazai let out one small, sad laugh, looking at Oda's grave.
"Don't bother, you wouldn't end up in the same place."
Then his eyes returned to Mori's.
"So, you really are giving up."
He could just state the fact. It still felt wrong, as the words struggled to exit his mouth.
"What a coward."
Mori's eyes widened, before he looked away, biting his lip.
"..."
Coward... Yes... Maybe that's who he truly was. A coward for even letting himself get to where he was in the first place. A coward for not saying anything until now. A coward for... Not helping the boy, or now man, before him.
And now, what example was he setting for him? Did it really matter anymore? What even mattered anymore? He looked down, but everything was blurry, perhaps from all the water in his eyes. Coward... Yes. That's who he was.
Dazai stayed silent, watching the man in front of him.
He had never seen him like that.
Was he really... Mori?
No, that was not possible.
He couldn't believe it.
And yet...
"Why now?"
Dazai repeated the first question he had asked Mori that day, not realizing the different weight it was now carrying.
Mori remained with his back facing the other man.
"Because... This dates yet another anniversary of you leaving."
He let the silence stretch. He didn't need to explain more. With his leather shoe, he moved one leaf away from the other — as if symbolizing the departure of his 'son'.
Dazai lowered his eyes.
That was right. Today was the anniversary of his actual betrayal.
But he didn't notice before Mori pointed it out.
For him, his loyalty to the Mafia ended the day Odasaku died. That was the date he celebrated.
"That's a stupid reason to die." He said, forcing himself to ignore how hypocritical he sounded. "Get a grip Mori, you can't just take the easy way out."
Mori wiped his eyes with his handkerchief, before turning back at Dazai and smiling to him.
"What will you do? Will you miss me?"
He chuckled.
Miss him?
He didn't know. Hell, he never even imagined seeing a world without him. He was so sure he was going to die first.
"I just think it's pretty unfair, don't you think?
Are you really going to excuse yourself from this mess you created? Leaving us to clean after you even in your death?"
"Do you remember when I asked you why you wanted to die?"
Mori spoke,
"You turned the question right back at me... So, forgive me, if I do the same."
He stepped closed.
"Dazai-kun. What do you think is truly fair? Because from how I view things, my life has been anything but that. Privileged or not, I too am slave to this system."
He adjusted his coat.
"I suppose that's it. Goodbye, Dazai-kun. I don't need your answer. I don't need anything anymore more than to see my sorry self drift away for the last time. Hah... They say... The apple doesn't fall far from the tree... And they'd be right. Still... For the last time... I'd like to say something."
He looked down.
"I loved you like a father."
He began to walk away.
Dazai's hands began to tremble.
Maybe he should have listened to Kunikida's words more, maybe that way he could have known what was the right thing to say to change such an ending.
Or maybe there was nothing he could have done since the start.
His vision was now blurred.
Oh right, now he remembered. 'Most people cry when their father dies' — that's what he had said to Atsushi.
He laughed, while the tears started to spill over his cheeks.
"An awful father till the end, aren't you? You want me to experience the pain of losing one too."
He covered his mouth to at least not sob. That didn't work well.
"I truly hate you, like only a son could do."
Mori's steps stopped.
"..."
He looked down. He didn't have to turn around to know that Dazai was crying.
"I'm sorry, Dazai."
He bit his lip. Did such an apology have any weight now anymore? That's when he thought of something...
He turned around.
"Dazai..."
He scoffed, shaking his head.
"No... You will never come back. Then... Tell me, what's the point?"
Dazai looked at Odasaku's grave with his watery eyes.
"So, let's say I come back. Then what? I start killing again, following your orders, shattering the promise I made to my only real friend?"
He looked back at Mori, the tears were falling freely now.
"What would that do? Would that ease your guilt? Having me back in that hell?"
Mori took a deep breath, shaking his head.
"Keep that promise."
Then, he came up closer again, reaching his hands out before retracting them, looking away.
Dazai looked at Mori's hands, reaching out and falling back down again.
He really did care, uh?
That just stung more.
The brunette wiped away his tears with the end of his sleeve. He didn't have a fancy handkerchief on him he could use anyway.
He felt ridiculous. What kind of reaction was, crying in front of that man of all people? But he couldn't stop. Seeing such destructive behaviors he knew so well on someone else was devastating.
"I'm trying."
He replied with a whisper, then looked away but didn't move.
"I blame you, but... I can understand why you did all that." He then admitted.
Mori sighed.
"Tell me what to do." He spoke desperately. He had no one to lead him, so maybe just this this once... He could ask for advice, even if he thought he was already so sure.
Dazai looked at Odasaku's grave one last time.
Was this how he felt when Dazai asked him what to do with his life?
It was an awful feeling. He apologized to Odasaku in his mind.
"Keep living."
He replied.
"You said you love me as a father. Show me how much you really love me and don't abandon your son. Keep living, Mori."
There was really nothing else to say.
Dazai sighed.
Mori's eyes widened a second time. He looked down, before nodding.
"If that is your wish."
He let out a chuckle.
"This is no normal family, is it? Yet... I wish I could hug you like a normal father would."
He looked back, smiling.
"May I?"
Dazai looked at him, his dark eyes shimmering just one faint light.
"Just this once." He agreed.
It had been quite the peculiar day after all. It was only right that it had an unusual ending.