Work Text:
Loki had been walking around the Statesman for hours on end with no destination in mind. The restlessness inside his body was stirring him up and keeping him moving even when his legs were starting to grow tired and numb.
Eventually, he spotted Thor through a half open door sitting at a table with an empty glass and a half-empty bottle of some liquor in front of him.
For just a second, Loki's steps faltered as he wondered wether or not he should join Thor.
"Come on in, Loki," Thor said, effectively startling Loki out of his momentary stupor.
Might as well, Loki thought, turning and pushing through the door open that seemed to have gotten stuck when trying to close automatically.
Thor nodded towards the seat on the other side of the table and Loki let himself fall onto it.
The silence that stretched between them, underlined by the constant rumble of the ship, quickly became uncomfortable and Loki began bouncing his right leg up and down to get the nervous energy still stoked up in his body out somehow.
"Loki, where were you?", Thor asked into the silence, refilling his glass with whatever he was drinking. It was smelling horrendous.
"What? You left me lying it that hanger bay," Loki said, knotting his fingers together on the table.
"Not that," Thor shook his head, taking a sip from his glass. Loki wondered how much of that bottle he had had to drink in how little time.
"Then what do you mean?", Loki asked, noting the haze over Thor's eye.
"Before New York. Where were you before New York?"
Loki felt like he had been plunged into the freezing seas of Asgard's winters.
Memories he'd been trying to push away for a long while started invading his mind and it took all of his strength to control his breathing and not hyperventilate on the spot.
"Why?", Loki grit out, knuckles going white on the table to hide the way they started to shake.
"You were gone. For months on end. It took months. Months of nothing passing by until we got word from Midgard," Thor said, his words starting to slur together around the edges, "We thought you were dead."
I wish I had been.
"Where were you, brother?"
Loki opened his mouth but the words stuck in his throat, blocking any breath he tried to take.
Without a second to overthink it, Loki reached out to grab the bottle and took a large gulp of the burning liquid.
It didn't taste remotely well. It just burned like acid down his throat.
The thought and the memories almost made him gag.
Loki put the bottle back down and wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand. He hoped Thor didn't see it shaking.
"Why?", he just asked again, pushing the bottle back over to Thor, who immediately filled his glass again. Loki eyed his drink wearily.
"Because I need to know what happened to my little brother that turned him into someone that planned a hostile takeover over a whole real," Thor said between continuous sips.
"Nothing happened," Loki lied straight through his teeth, forcing his breathing to remain somewhat calm as memories overlayed his brother's face and screams echoed through his ears.
"I don't believe that."
"I wouldn't expect you to," Loki murmured, digging his nails into the palm of his hand to remind himself of what was real and what wasn't. He was here, not there.
Statesman, not Sanctuary.
"Then why do you lie? If you know that I do not believe you then why do you try and lie to me?", Thor asked, anger starting to creep into his voice as he kept staring at the table.
"Because saying the truth makes it real," Loki said before standing up abruptly. He didn't want to keep talking about all of this.
"It is real," Thor mumbled and put his head down on the table, closing his eyes.
He started snoring a second after.
"You have to be kidding me."