Work Text:
By the time they made it back to Guy-sensei's apartment, Neji's muscles had settled into the deep, unpleasant ache that came from pushing well past the point of exhaustion. Lee and Tenten were still arguing cheerfully about the final exercise, Lee insisting that their sensei's newest training regimen had been an excellent demonstration of the power of youthful perseverance while Tenten maintained that it had been a thinly disguised attempt to see how long three people could run without collapsing. Neji listened from several steps behind them without offering much more than the occasional hum of acknowledgment, more than content to just listen. He had been quieter than usual since they'd left the training grounds, although neither of his teammates seemed particularly concerned, and for the moment Neji was grateful that they weren't. There was a sluggishness to his thoughts that made the familiar walk feel longer than it should have, but he knew how to deal with exhaustion. He simply needed to ignore it until it passed, and everything would be fine.
The apartment was warm when they stepped inside, and Neji immediately felt some of the tension leave his shoulders as he removed his sandals and followed the others into the living room. Lee and Guy disappeared into the kitchen almost immediately, arguing over whether they should begin preparing dinner before or after everyone had showered, while Tenten dropped onto the couch and began rummaging through her bag for something she'd apparently brought along. Neji lowered himself onto the floor rather than taking one of the chairs, intending only to rest for a moment before washing up.
But the moment he sat, he found his knees drawn toward his chest, and getting back up suddenly seemed like an unreasonable amount of effort. He let himself stay there, listening to the familiar sounds of the apartment around him. He sighed softly, feeling more of the tension in his muscles get drawn out as he relaxed.
“Neji, could you bring those bowls over here?” Guy-sensei called from the kitchen, and Neji bit his lip to prevent himself from sighing.
He opened his eyes and pushed himself to his feet, blinking once when the room seemed to shift slightly around him. He crossed into the kitchen and grabbed the stack Guy had indicated, only for his sensei to turn around and take them from his hands with an easy smile.
“Thank you, Neji,” Guy said, carrying the bowls toward the counter. “You've done enough for today. Be good and sit down while we finish everything.”
Neji stopped where he stood, his mouth suddenly dry as he watched his sensei’s back. The words were innocent, and he knew Guy had meant nothing more than rest, but something about the phrase lingered, and got caught against a jagged edge of his thoughts, stopping it in the foreground of his mind.
His fingers curled briefly against his palms before he lowered his gaze and stepped away, murmuring, “Of course, Guy-sensei,” as he returned to the living room.
This time, he sat on one of the chairs, with his back straight and his hands folded neatly in his lap. He could be good. Neji made a career out of being good, good enough to get trained by the head of his clan, good enough to be team leader on missions, good enough to trick his teammates into liking him. There was no reason to make things difficult, or to admit that he was tired enough that he wanted to curl up somewhere warm and quiet and let somebody else decide what happened next. He had been given an instruction, and following it was simple.
Dinner was ready a short while later, and Lee placed a generous portion onto Neji's plate before taking his own seat. Neji stared at the food for a moment, his stomach twisting at the thought of eating, but when Lee cheerfully reminded him that he needed to replenish his strength after such rigorous training, he picked up his chopsticks without complaint. The first few bites were manageable, although everything tasted strangely muted, and by the time he was halfway through his meal, he was having trouble deciphering whether he was hungry or simply continuing because he had started. He ate anyway, carefully and methodically, staring at the table as the conversation flowed around him.
Tenten asked him something about the afternoon's training, and Neji answered after a moment's pause, although he realized only afterward that he had responded to a different question than the one she'd actually asked. She laughed and repeated herself, and Neji corrected his answer without drawing attention to the mistake, forcing himself to keep his expression composed even as his thoughts seemed to be moving several seconds behind everyone else's. When Lee offered him tea after dinner, Neji politely declined, although his fingers curled against his knees when the cup passed within reach.
“Are you sure, Neji?” Lee asked, glancing at him. “This tea is perfect for a post-training wind down routine!”
“I am perfectly fine,” Neji replied, a little too sharply, and Lee blinked, his brow furrowing. Before he could say anything, Neji immediately softened his expression and added, “Thank you, though.”
Lee smiled and nodded, apparently satisfied, but Neji could feel Tenten watching him from across the table. He avoided looking back at her.
The evening continued, and Neji became increasingly determined to make certain that nobody had a reason to notice him. When Tenten offered him the blanket she'd been using because she noticed goosebumps covering his arms, he declined that as well, assuring her that he wasn't cold. When Guy suggested that he could lie down if he wanted to, Neji insisted that sitting was perfectly comfortable. When Lee began enthusiastically recounting something that had happened during training, Neji made himself listen closely enough to laugh in the appropriate places, even though the sound of Lee's voice had begun to blur into the general noise of the room. He answered whenever someone addressed him, kept his posture straight, and made certain to still his hands in his lap whenever he caught himself beginning to fidget. Every little instinct that told him to relax was met with the same quiet command in the back of his mind, the same phrase that had been circling his thoughts since Guy had spoken it.
Be good.
At some point, Neji realized he had been staring at the same section of floor for several minutes. He blinked and lifted his head, finding Lee halfway through a story and Tenten watching him with an expression that made his stomach tighten.
“Neji?” Tenten asked, tilting her head slightly. “Were you listening?”
“Yes.” Neji lied, his words coming out smooth, but Tenten gave him a skeptical look.
“Then what did Lee just say?” She questioned, giving him a smirk. Neji opened his mouth, but nothing came out.
The conversation had disappeared completely from his mind, leaving only the vague impression of Lee's voice and the warmth of the room. He searched for an answer, but the harder he tried, the more aware he became of the realization that he couldn't seem to make his thoughts line up properly. “I apologize,” he said finally, lowering his gaze. “I wasn't paying attention.”
“There is no need to apologize!” Lee assured him, waving one hand dismissively. “You are clearly exhausted after today's training.”
“I am not exhausted,” Neji retorted too quickly, and when Lee fell silent, he swallowed before adding more carefully, “I mean, I am somewhat tired, but there is no cause for concern.”
No one said anything, and Neji could hear his heart pounding in his ears. Tenten was giving him a look, and suddenly he was acutely aware of every small thing he'd done wrong that evening. He had been told to be good, and he was failing. He needed to correct himself, so he folded his hands more tightly together and forced himself to sit still, convincing himself that if he could only make it through the rest of the evening without causing any more trouble, everything would be fine.
The problem was that every other part of him seemed to disagree. His clothes felt uncomfortable against his skin, but the sleeves of his shirt were suddenly the most interesting thing in the world because the fabric was soft beneath his fingers. He wanted to rub it between his fingertips. He wanted to curl up, wanted to be held. Most of all, Neji wanted to stop thinking, but each of those wants was immediately followed by the same stubborn refusal. He couldn't, he had promised himself he would be good.
“Neji,” Tenten said softly. Neji looked back to her- when had his gaze drifted?
She had shifted closer to him, her expression carefully neutral in the way it became whenever she was trying to get Neji to talk about his emotions. “What's going on with you tonight?” she asked.
“Nothing,” Neji answered, digging one of his nails into the side of his hand, using the pain to ground him.
“Neji.”
“It’s nothing, Tenten.”
“You've been saying that all evening,” she pointed out, her voice gentle rather than accusing. “But you refused tea, you wouldn't take the blanket even though you're shivering, and you've been staring at the floor for the last five minutes.”
“I apologize,” Neji said in a small voice, digging the nail into his hand a little harder, only for Tenten to take his hands in hers.
“You don't have to apologize,” Tenten said, moving a little closer.
“I wasn't trying to cause trouble,” Neji insisted, his voice beginning to waver.
“I know you weren't.” The gentleness in her voice made something inside him ache.
Neji shook his head, trying to gather his thoughts into something coherent enough to explain, but they were slipping away from him. Everything was so much, and Neji couldn’t articulate exactly what was wrong, because it was nothing. The only thing that was wrong was him.
“I was being good,” he whispered eventually, because that’s all he had.
“What do you mean?” Tenten asked, tilting her head. Her voice wasn’t judgemental, but Neji’s face burned anyway.
“Nothing.” Neji said, shaking his head, a tightness growing in his chest the longer she looked at him.
“Neji, what does that mean?” she asked again, more softly this time.
“I was trying to be good," he repeated in a whisper, his voice cracking around the words.
The first tear slipped down his cheek before he could stop it, and he wiped it away immediately, only for another to follow. His breathing became uneven as he shook his head, trying desperately to hold himself together.
“I wasn't going to- I wasn't supposed to-” He whispered, his voice growing smaller with every word.
Tenten was beside him almost immediately. “Hey,” she murmured, dropping his hands to cup his face. “It’s okay.”
“I failed,” Neji whimpered, leaning into her touch.
“You didn't fail,” Tenten assured him.
“I did,” he insisted, his breaths coming in short, ragged pants. “I was supposed to be good.”
“Oh, Neji,” she said quietly, and opened her arms. Neji folded into them with none of his usual hesitation, curling against her chest as though he'd been waiting all evening for someone to give him permission, his face pressed into her shoulder.
“I tried not to be little,” he admitted between quiet hiccups, clutching the fabric of her shirt.
“I know,” Tenten replied, rubbing a slow hand over his back. “I know you did,” she said, keeping her voice calm and reassuring. “But, Neji, being good doesn't mean pretending you don't need anything.”
Neji sniffled against her shoulder, his fingers tightening in her shirt.
“It doesn't mean you have to sit there and make yourself miserable because you're afraid somebody might have to take care of you,” Tenten continued, carefully tucking the blanket around his shoulders. “You aren't a burden just because you're tired, and you aren't doing anything wrong because you need somebody to help you.”
“I don't want to be a burden,” Neji whispered.
“You aren't,” Tenten said firmly, and when his breathing hitched, she gently rubbed his back again. “You never are.”
Neji was quiet for a moment, then asked in a small voice, “Even if I'm little?”
“Even then,” She responded with a smile.
Something in his expression finally relaxed, and he tucked his face further against her shoulder as another tired little sigh escaped him. Tenten continued holding him, allowing him to settle without rushing him, and when she felt his body gradually stop fighting the comfort she was offering, she pulled the blanket a little higher around him.
“You know what being good can mean?” she asked softly.
Neji gave a sleepy shake of his head.
“It can mean lots of things, like telling someone when you're tired,” Tenten explained. “Or asking for help when you need it. It can even mean letting somebody sit with you when you're having a hard time instead of trying to handle everything by yourself.” Neji considered that, his eyes already beginning to droop. “And being little doesn't change any of that,” Tenten added, giving him a small smile.
He hesitated before asking, “Really?”
“Really,” she promised.
Across the room, Lee had gone completely silent, watching with an expression that suggested he was trying very hard not to cry himself, while Guy stood next to him with the exact same look on his face.
After several minutes, Tenten felt him shift against her and glanced down to find his eyes barely open. “Sleepy?” she asked, smoothing his hair away from his forehead.
A tiny nod was his only answer, a soft sigh falling from his lips.
“All right,” she murmured, settling more comfortably against the couch. “You can sleep.”
Neji tucked his face further into her shoulder, and after a moment she felt him relax completely, his breathing gradually evening out as exhaustion finally overtook him. Tenten kept one hand resting between his shoulder blades, moving it slowly whenever he stirred, and told herself that Neji would learn, eventually, that they really did care about him.