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“Zizi, baby. Wake up.” Yunjin says softly, rattling her toddler’s shoulders gently to try and rouse her from sleep.
They’ve just gotten to the bookshop near Kazuha’s office, where they’d made plans to meet her during her lunch hour for a bit of shopping, and also just for a chance to see her and be together. Kazuha had to work late tonight—or later than usual at least, clocking out at 7pm instead of her usual 4 or 5—and only got to spend time with Hizashi for an hour or so at home before it was their little girl’s bedtime, and so Kazuha liked to squeeze in any extra time wherever possible. When it wasn’t these spontaneous family dates, it was FaceTime calls or Yunjin texting her wife pictures and videos of what they were up to. Cute selfies of whipped cream mustaches from homemade hot cocoa, or kissy-face peace signs at the park. Kazuha always hearted those messages extra hard; Hizashi had the exact same pout as Yunjin when she puckered up, and it made Kazuha melt in the same way she’d done when she’d met her wife all those years ago. The pout that had made Kazuha fall for her. Well, it was a plethora of many things, of course, but that pout had been a big one. It’d helped Yunjin get away with a lot, as well as helped her get a lot, too…. Pretty much anything that she wanted, actually.
What can Kazuha say? She was a sucker for her wife’s princess pout then, and she’s still a sucker for it now. Imagine her mini princess having it, too. Double whammy.
Their mini-Kazuha, or Hizashi, stirs awake in her carseat now, blinking her sleepy eyes open and whining in that groggy, baby way.
Yunjin smiles at her, brushing a few pieces of her baby girl’s hair, that has become untidy, out of her eyes.
“Hi baby.” She whispers, kissing Hizashi’s head softly. “We’re here. C’mon, let’s wait for Mommy Zuzu inside. It’ll be nice and warm in there.” She unbuckles her toddler and bundles her up in her little coat and scarf, ensuring Hizashi is all buttoned and snug before scooping her out of the car and closing the door, clicking on the car keys to lock it.
It’s a bit chilly today, with frigid winds and a hint of a possible snowfall later tonight. Normally Hizashi would be all over the weather and prove eager to play in it—making snow angels are her favorite—but, given that she’s just woken up from a nap, Yunjin is not at all surprised when their baby clings tight to her mom and refuses to get down.
“Zizi doesn’t wanna walk?” Yunjin giggles gently.
“Mm-mm.” Hizashi grumbles sleepily, yawning into Yunjin’s neck and cuddling her. She’s so tiny her legs don’t wrap fully around her mom, and her hands are the size of Yunjin’s cheeks.
Yunjin breathes a little laugh.
“My baby.” She dotes, adjusting her hold on Hizashi then making her way down the block and towards the bookshop’s entrance. They’d gotten extremely lucky with street parking, and Yunjin’s boots clack on the pavement while she walks, her long cashmere coat flowing slightly behind her with the gusty wind.
She reaches the bookshop’s door and pushes inside, relief hitting her immediately when she steps out of the cold. She breathes a little sigh and greets the worker who welcomes her in with a smile.
“Okay, Zizi.” Yunjin whispers, making a move to put Hizashi down. “Let’s wait for Mommy Zuzu.”
Hizashi, though, simply whines again and sticks to Yunjin even tighter.
Yunjin frowns, knowing their baby girl could be clingy, but never this much when they were out and about, and especially when she knew Kazuha was going to be there. Hizashi would be on the cusp of straight-up running around, bouncing on her feet with excitement and smiling ear-to-ear. Yunjin knows she’d be on her tippy-toes, looking out the window in great anticipation for her Mommy Zuzu to get there.
The blonde chalks it up to Hizashi still being groggy, and continues to hold her. She finds a cozy little reading area decorated with orange string lights, mini pumpkins, and construction-paper mushrooms scattered across the walls. There are beanbags and soft couches, and Yunjin sits down with Hizashi on her lap.
The little girl snuggles into Yunjin fully and closes her eyes, looking—Yunjin notices—slightly flushed. Hizashi is like Kazuha and becomes very sensitive to the cold, making her tiny cheekbones and the button-tip of her nose red, very easily, from those few minutes of walking outside. But even then—her face looks more ruddy than usual.
Yunjin bites her lip softly, touching the back of her hand to Hizashi’s forehead to check for her temperature.
No fever, so that’s good. But still. Best to keep an eye on it.
She gently takes Hizashi’s scarf off and undoes the buttons of her coat, deeming the bookshop warm enough for Hizashi to be comfortable and not need it.
Yunjin delicately brushes her fingers through their baby girl’s hair, blowing soft cool air against her forehead to try and soothe the rosy state of her face. Hizashi looks so much like Kazuha when she’s asleep, and it makes Yunjin’s heart swell up to an ache the size of a balloon.
“Zizi,” she prompts ever-so-gently. “Do you wanna go look for a book to show Mommy Zuzu?” The prospect of a new book always excited the small girl and made her be cheery with energy, so Yunjin tries to enlist its help now.
Hizashi lets out a half-hearted groan, and Yunjin can’t tell if it’s approval or defiance, but Hizashi begins stirring in Yunjin’s lap and makes a sluggish attempt to get up, so Yunjin takes that as a win.
“I know you’re tired, baby.” Yunjin coddles her, taking the toddler’s hand and walking with her. “Mommy Zuzu is almost here, though! Are you excited to see her?”
Hizashi is halfway through a big yawn when Yunjin asks, rubbing her sleepy baby eyes that have become watery and feel slightly warm.
Their toddler nods weakly, sniffling with her nose still red.
“Mommy Zuzu…” She mumbles drowsily, sounding like she wants to be more eager about this but physically can’t. She closes her eyes again and stumbles into Yunjin’s legs, putting her arms up to ask for her mom to pick her up again.
Yunjin’s face twists with worry, knowing for a fact by now that something is wrong. Hizashi was never so docile about seeing Kazuha, and the fact that she also seemed indifferent about a new book made it all the more clear.
“Oh sweetheart. Oh no,” Yunjin scoops Hizashi up and looks at her with concern, cradling their baby girl’s tiny sleepy face. “Zizi, baby, are you sick?” It’s a question more for herself than for the toddler, and she chews on her bottom lip, already debating calling Hizashi’s doctor. The little girl feels warmer already, all over, slightly but still happening; and plus, given their history with Yunjin’s pregnancy and Hizashi’s subsequent health complications, every small sickness made Yunjin and Kazuha worry.
Speaking of her wife, Yunjin watches her walking into the store now, carrying a small box of pastries, and her chest fills with intense ease.
Kazuha’s eyes light up when she sees them, a big smile dripping onto her face with the red-tipped nose and rosy cheekbones from the cold, the exact same way Hizashi had come in.
“Honey,” Yunjin sighs with relief, stepping closer to meet her.
“Hi my love,” Kazuha grins, leaning in to kiss Yunjin hello. “I brought you a baked pumpkin croissant. Annnnd a special something for my little Zizi…. something like a chocolate muffin?” She says playfully to their baby girl, wiggling the box and getting close to her ear.
Yunjin looks at her wife with a worried face.
Kazuha catches on instantly, noticing Hizashi’s lack of enthusiasm and Yunjin’s stare.
“What is it?” Kazuha’s posture bristles, eyes losing their mischief and instead flooding with concern. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m not sure, baby.” Yunjin sighs, rocking Hizashi gently. “She took a nap in the car and she’s been like this since we got here. I thought maybe it was just because she was tired, but she feels warmer.”
Kazuha checks Hizashi’s temperature via a hand on her cheek.
“My gosh, she’s burning up.” The Japanese woman frets, her voice tinted with accumulating distress.
“Mommy…” Hizashi sniffles just then, sounding teary-eyed and extra small against Yunjin’s neck. “My tummy hurts…”
Yunjin’s chest pinches, feeling like an entire city just collapsed inside.
“Shhh,” Yunjin strokes her head, kissing it. “I’m sorry, baby. It’s okay, Mommy’s here.”
Kazuha’s lips tremble, her eyes morphing into those sad puppy ones, and she puts the box she’s holding down onto the floor, with so much urgency it nearly falls with a clatter.
“Zizi,” she whispers in her sweetest mom voice, trying to take Hizashi into her arms. “C’mere, baby girl.”
Hizashi grumbles in protest, twisting further into Yunjin.
“Zizi, it’s okay. It’s me. It’s Mommy Zuzu.” Kazuha encourages softly.
Hizashi is stubborn. “No.” She shakes her head, words croaky. “I want Mommy…”
Kazuha sulks, wanting so badly to soothe their toddler, but also knowing how much she preferred Yunjin whenever she was sick. Hizashi looks exhausted, with flushed, clammy skin and hazy fever eyes. Yunjin knows she has to get Hizashi’s face mask on and take her back home as quickly as possible.
“I’m gonna call off the rest of the day.” Kazuha tells her wife, already pulling out her phone and picking up the box of pastries again. “I have to go back to the office to get my purse and the car, but I’m sure I can get there quickly.”
“Zuzu.” Yunjin stresses. “But you have that big meeting later—”
“I’ll reschedule it, baby.” Kazuha decides. “It’s fine. I’m calling the office now.”
“Zuzu, it’s okay, I can take care of her.” Yunjin insists, knowing in her heart that she wants Kazuha to come home with them, but also choosing to support her wife’s career and root for her.
There’s a reason she fell so hard in love with her, though.
“But then, who’s gonna take care of you?” Kazuha replies, wearing that cheeky smile and soft heart-eyes.
Yunjin rolls her eyes, mumbling.
“Our baby’s in the middle of an illness and you’re still flirting with me. Unbelievable.” She gripes.
Kazuha giggles, the amusement lasting for all of two seconds before she snaps back into serious mode and steps out to call her office.
After a minute, she comes back in.
“Okay,” she sighs. “Done. I’m having one of the interns bring my bag down to the car so I don’t have to go up, and I can be out of there faster. C’mon angel, I’ll walk you to your car.”
She takes Yunjin’s bag and helps her get Hizashi’s scarf on, accompanying them on the small walk to Yunjin’s car.
They get there and Yunjin buckles Hizashi in, standing by the open car door with her wife.
“I’ll meet you at home then?” Kazuha hugs Yunjin’s waist loosely.
Yunjin nods. “Yes. Sounds good, honey.” She gives Kazuha a quick kiss. “Drive safe.”
“You too, my love. I’ll see you soon.” Kazuha steps in and bends down to kiss the top of Hizashi’s head three times, rubbing her thumb gently on their toddler’s ruddy cheek then pulling away. She closes the car door and waits for Yunjin to get in safely and start to drive off.
Yunjin blows her a kiss through the windshield, and Kazuha catches it and blows two in return, before briskly walking the rest of the way to her office building to retrieve her car.
***
Traffic is the worst.
Kazuha gets home all of 40 minutes later, having gotten stuck in the hotspot of a pretty nasty accident just outside of Times Square.
She jangles her keys into the lock rather impatiently and brusquely, clattering through the door and stepping into their house with a heavy groan.
“Finally!” She sighs, dumping all her stuff on their foyer table and closing the door with lock again.
“Yunnie? Baby?” She calls out, kicking off her business shoes haphazardly and peeling off her coat, hanging it on the rack.
“Shhhh.” Yunjin comes in just then, dressed in loungewear and pressing a finger to her lips. “Zizi’s asleep.”
Kazuha smiles bashfully.
“Sorry angel,” she offers, breathing a little easier when Yunjin comes up and kisses her.
They pull away, Yunjin still cupping Kazuha’s jaw.
“Bad traffic?” She asks, knowing that’s what made Kazuha get home feeling so snarky.
“Yes.” Kazuha grumbles. “No one knows how to drive these days.”
Yunjin laughs.
“But anyways,” Kazuha frowns. “How is she? Did you call her doctor? I was gonna call, but I was so stressed out while driving, I felt like I wouldn’t be able to properly concentrate and explain—”
“Zuzu,” Yunjin runs her hand down Kazuha’s arm, trying to calm her down. “Breathe for a second.”
“I am breathing!” Kazuha pouts angrily, almost stomping her foot like a child. She takes a deep breath and starts to loosen her tie around her neck.
“She threw up a little in the car,” Yunjin begins to retell, still stroking Kazuha’s arm up and down, over her button-up business shirt. “Not a lot, luckily, and it all got on her clothes so I just changed her and threw the dirty ones in the wash. She threw up some more in the bathroom, but it made her fever go down a lot. I cleaned her up after and then gave her some medicine and put her to bed. Her doctor’s coming by tomorrow morning to check on her.”
Kazuha looks worriedly at her. “You don’t think it’s her stent, do you? That’s all I could think about while I was on my way home.” She sighs, letting go of her tie in surrender. She could never undo it when she was too worked up or distracted.
Yunjin shakes her head. “No, baby.” She answers, taking over for Kazuha and undoing her wife’s tie for her. “Usually when it’s her stent, she complains about her chest hurting. And she doesn’t get a fever.”
Kazuha breathes a little easier, knowing that Yunjin is right.
“I know, that’s true. Plus she becomes short of breath and her hands get pale.” She adds.
“Yes. Exactly.” Yunjin concurs, slipping Kazuha’s tie off and popping the first button of her shirt open, to give her more room to breathe.
Kazuha exhales, placing her hands on her wife’s hips.
“I’m sorry baby, I just panic.” She sighs. “I get really worried…”
Yunjin keeps undoing the buttons. “I know honey, I do too.” She reassures. “Please don’t ever apologize for that.”
“It’s just—” Kazuha’s words catch slightly. “We’ve been through so much…”
“We have.” Yunjin says softly.
“I don’t wanna live in the hospital again.” Kazuha whispers. “I don’t wanna see my wife and baby with all those tubes and machines connected to them.”
Yunjin sniffles, popping open the last button of Kazuha’s shirt and delicately touching her stomach.
“I know Zuzu…” She kisses Kazuha’s collarbone ever so lightly. “I don’t want that, either. But we’re okay right now. I promise.”
Kazuha sighs softly at the affection, hugging her wife close and kissing the side of her face.
“You promise.” She whispers.
Yunjin melts in the hands of Kazuha’s voice. “Yes.” She iterates. “Now go change. I’m gonna make some chicken soup for Zizi.”
“I’m gonna help.” Kazuha states matter-of-factly, skittering off upstairs. “Don’t start without me!”
Yunjin giggles at her, shaking her head with delight.
***
15 minutes later, Yunjin is standing at the stove, stirring a pot of chicken stock and trying to get the noodles just right.
Kazuha comes in, hugging her wife carefully from behind and pressing a kiss into her bare shoulder. Yunjin is wearing one of Kazuha’s workout tanks and some green cozy sweatpants, her hair up in a clip with no makeup on and her wedding ring twinkling bright, and Kazuha falls in love all over again in their kitchen, with the eggs running low, their baby girl sleeping in her room, and the smell of impending soup curling up from the pot.
Yunjin smiles at the affection, leaning back into Kazuha’s embrace and resting her hand atop Kazuha’s.
“Do you think Zizi will be mad at me if I nap with her?” The Japanese woman asks. “She might throw a fit if she wakes up and sees me there instead of you.”
Yunjin scoffs, laughing with an eyeroll.
“She might not be mad at you, but I will.” She replies. “You’ll get sick!”
“So?” Kazuha argues. “That just means you’ll take care of me. Seems like a win to me.”
Yunjin can feel that Zuzu smile against her shoulder, and she reaches up to pinch Kazuha’s cheek, making her wife squeal.
“Meanie.” Kazuha frowns.
“Baby.” Yunjin jabs.
“Now’s not the time for pet names, when you were so rude to me.” Kazuha huffs.
“No, I was calling you a baby.” Yunjin clarifies. “I was insulting you.”
Kazuha bites her shoulder.
***
Later on, after Yunjin wakes Hizashi up to feed her some soup and check her temperature, the little girl goes back to sleep and leaves her two moms with some time to themselves.
Kazuha sits on the couch with her wife’s feet on her lap, massaging the blonde’s calves while they watch the television and eat the pastries Kazuha had gotten for them. They accompany the treats with some hot lemon tea, the trees swaying outside with the wind.
Hizashi comes downstairs just before 7pm, clutching her stuffed Leafeon and rubbing her tired eyes while sporting a messy head of hair.
But when she chooses Kazuha to cuddle with on the couch, and when she asks for some leftover spaghetti in the fridge with her favorite cheesy bread, Yunjin almost cries with relief, because their baby is feeling better.
And when Hizashi sees the box of pastries halfway through her meal, and her eyes light up while she asks for the chocolate muffin, Kazuha texts her team that she’ll be calling out of work again tomorrow, because she wants to stay home with her wife and their baby girl.
The two loves of her lives. Three, when you counted their matching pouts.