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The party, like most parties thrown by the Straw Hats was loud, vibrant, and crowded. Sanji wasn’t entirely sure when exactly the entire village had come to join them, too focused on feeding people.
But now, the line had died down to a trickle, and finally to nobody at all. Everyone had eaten their fill, even Luffy. Which meant Sanji had nothing to do. Nothing to distract himself.
He loved his nakama, he really did. Being with them, partying with them was easy. But a sea of strangers was a different thing. There were so many voices, shouting over each other to be heard. Shouting over fireworks that boomed like canon fire overhead.
It didn’t usually bother him, but sometimes, like tonight, the colors were too vibrant, the night too warm with all the people around. Sometimes the whirling and swaying of limbs became too sharp, too quick. A snap of an arm, an abrupt turn. Sometimes the shouts of joy and light hearted disagreements turned sour, and all too real.
Some teen in bright red waved his arms as he spoke emphatically, pointing, his voice growing. Sanji bit the inside of his cheek and felt himself curl inwards. He forced himself to breathe, slow and steady.
He’s too focused on that to notice his shipmate approaching. So, when he caught a flash of bright green and a hand is flying towards him, he flinched, hard.
“Sorry,” Zoro grunted, hand stopping several inches from Sanji’s shoulder and dropping to his side. Sanji shakily nodded and tried to steady his hands enough to retrieve a cigarette.
“Crazy party, huh,” Sanji said, trying to lighten the mood. Zoro grunted again. Wow, how eloquent.
“Was it the old man?” Sanji balked.
“What?!?”
“People don’t flinch like that unless they’ve been hit.”
“I have been hit, by you. Repeatedly.”
“You know that’s not what I mean. So, was it that old guy we met? The cook?”
“Stupid marimo I just said I wasn’t-“
“Cook,” Zoro interrupted. Sanji bit his lip, swallowed once, and finally let out a sigh.
“It wasn’t like that with Zeff. He was hard on me, but he saved my life. Gave me a home, a purpose, and three meals a day.”
“Then what’s wrong with you?”
“Wow, how nice, asshole. Nothing wrong with me! Really trying to get all up in my business, huh? Jeez,” he said with bravado he didn’t quite feel. His hands still trembled slightly as he lit his cigarette. In the distance a firework whistled through the air and exploded. Sanji couldn’t hide his wince.
“Yeah… right. No problem at all. Like you can be on this crew an not be damaged,” Zoro muttered.
“That’s-“ Sanji stopped himself. Zoro wasn’t wrong, exactly. They all had issues. All had demons they fought when nights got dark and cold. “Fine. Maybe I do. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Okay,” Zoro replied. For once, the man didn’t push Sanji, didn’t press his buttons or egg him on. It irritated him immensely.
They sat in silence for a long time. Sanji had never been good at silence, unless he was lost in thought. Silence was the one thing Sanji and Zoro seemed to be able to do together. Sanji let out a breath of smoke, then another. Inhale, exhale, in perfect rhythm to the sound of Zoro’s cloth over his already clean katana. They’d done it a million times.
Tonight still felt different. Like the silence was heavy, and too much, just like the party was. He suddenly felt his breath hitching.
“It was before the old man,” he blurted out, trying to stop the panic from rising any more. Zoro’s cleaning halted for a moment, but then he continued. After all these years Sanji could tell he was listening.
“I was pretty little when it started. Though, uh, I mean it didn’t used to be like that. I have memories, from when I was really tiny, and.. gods, sometimes I think they’re not real. But they were. There was a time when my mom was still alive and the man who made me wasn’t quite evil.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Sanji breathed, smoke floating into the air. He was quiet for a moment, thinking. “That asshole was a real piece of work though. Turned all my siblings.. bad. Not naughty but the same kind of bad that he was. After my mom passed there was nobody to stop him from turning them into perfect replicas of him.”
“Not you?” Sanji gave a wet laugh.
“No. Not me. He tried, but I was always the runt of the family. The black sheep, believe it or not.”
“It’s good to be different. Glad you’re only kind of an asshole.”
“Kind of- you dick!” Sanji said, elbowing the swordsman. “But I’m glad I’m not like them either.”
“You’re not evil.”
“Wow, thanks lord obvious, king of repeating what I say unnecessarily! You’re just pointing out stuff everyone knows, stupid.”
“I know,” Zoro said, unshaken, for once, by Sanji’s insults. He side eyed the blonde man and Sanji fought the urge to yell at him more. “Needed to be said anyway.”
“Yeah,” Sanji breathed, the cold wind suddenly pricking at his eyes, making him turn a little and blink several times.
“Uh, thanks,” he mumbled. “They used to torment me, my siblings. And hit me. Followed the asshole’s example I guess. Sometimes stuff just reminds me of them. Or things get too much.”
“What reminded you of them this time?”
“Guh, stupid shit, as always,” Sanji ran a hand through his hair. He felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up and party goers started bouncing up and down, and as the shouting grew. He felt his throat tightening at the memories, as if speaking them had made them into a reality. He took another shaky breath.
“I dunno, all the shouting was getting a bit too heated y’know. Like a fight might start? And all the dancing and people and fireworks, and- see, told you? Dumb things. I’m probably just tired, I don’t even know why I’m telling you all thi-“
He trailed off as Zoro stood, and offered him his hand, a brow raised expectingly. Sanji frowned but very slowly took it, and was pulled to his feet.
“Uh, what’re you doing?” He asked. Zoro didn’t answer. Just pulled Sanji by the had he still clutched towards the outskirts of the party. “Hey!”
“It’s too damn noisy over there,” Zoro complained. “Can’t even think.“
Sanji knew what he was doing. He didn’t think the damn marimo had enough empathy or foresight to even consider it. Much less the social skills. Sanji was almost impressed.. until Zoro fool followed that up with;
“You owe me a lot of sake.”
“What, for asking me repeatedly about my personal issues and dragging me away from a party?”
“Sure, if that means you’ll find me some sake. The good stuff too.”
“Ugh you absolute brute,” Sanji muttered, though the words lacked any bite to them. It wasn’t until he was about to stand that he realized their hands were still tangled together. Zoro let go with an awkward cough, and Sanji looked away, absentmindedly fixing his tie.
“Thanks. For uh, listing to my rambling,” he said. Zoro, from the corner of his eye just nodded. So Sanji went to go get the man some sake.
Neither of them would speak a word about this night for a very long time. But somewhere.. deep down, they kept this memory for safe keeping, for canon fodder or comfort, that depends on them.