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Zelos had thought and thought and thought it through. (As he seemed to do with everything and nothing.) There was no other way out of this. He was a traitor, or would be, as far as Lloyd and the rest of the group would see it. They were losing. Slowly, but...
So Zelos had watched and learned from each of the leaders he was beholden to, and knew he couldn't do anything but obey what was asked of him by Cruxis. It was the only way to save his sister, and he was just... so tired.
Tired, but it didn't stop him from imagining what would happen when he finally showed his true colors. Imagining what Lloyd, who didn't trust him, but desperately wanted to, would think of him. He was such a goody-goody. He'd probably yell for Zelos to take it back, try to tell him to stop. (He'd probably be hurt.) Zelos, meanwhile, was a selfish, lazy bum. He'd play right into what he was sure everyone thought of him, and no one would question it. Not even Lloyd.
(God, why did it always come down to Lloyd? What had that brat done to Zelos?)
Everything leading up to meeting with Lloyd this party of misfits was so... grey. Boring in a way Zelos didn't think he'd ever be able to describe. He'd felt, known, that everyone else in the world was a manipulator, just like him. Then... these people who wanted, of all things, to save both the worlds. They were somehow both so easy to fool and so difficult to keep up with. But during his time with them, Zelos had felt... alive. Everything was different, was difficult, and he'd had to work for things in a way he never had before. Even spying and meeting up with people from Cruxis and the Renegades had been thrilling. He started to feel-
Well. He'd started to feel.
(And oh, how he'd felt. Not just a dull lust, but something more. Something terrifying. He'd wanted to trust. Him. Zelos the pervert scumbag chosen had wanted to place his trust in another being! It... it had hurt not to. It would hurt even more to reveal it.)
But Zelos had thought it through. There was nothing else to do. He would simply have to play his part, to give Colette Sylvarant's Chosen to Cruxis. And the rest of their little party would rightfully hate him for it.
He was trying, so desperately, not to think too hard on the after. After, well, after didn't really matter. If Seles became the new chosen of Tethe'alla, it would either be through Cruxis's decree, or... or Zelos's own death.
(If he died, perhaps he wouldn't have to figure out how to continue in a world without Lloyd.)
"Might as well go all out, right?"