Chapter Text
Bokuto closed his eyes as he listened to the white noises around him. Rushes footsteps. Buzzing conversations. Dragged wheeled luggage.
Airport is a place where you can find almost all emotions, like the anxious feeling in your gut when you were about to go to foreign place for the first time but also excited for the awaiting journey, the agitated and hopeful feeling as you waited for the loved one to come home, the anguish and determination to prove that leaving was the right choices, the warm adoration as you imagined a lovely vacation with your significant other, or the crushing sorrow in your heart as you said goodbye to that someone you loved so dearly you felt like you left a part of your soul behind. Worse was when you realized you would never see them again.
“Bokuto-san.”
Bokuto opened his eyes and looked up. Akaashi stood in front of him. Tall and graceful, with steady sharp, green eyes that took Bokuto’s breath away, every time without a fail, even after two years they’d known each other. Bokuto smiled fondly, noting the tired lines around those eyes and a slight frown of his eyebrows. By now, he could tell even the slightest glimpse of the other boy emotion behind the ever-present poker face. The little furrow on the corner of his eyebrows when he’s trying to figure something out, the taut line of his jaw when he’s upset, the faint tinge of red hidden behind his ears and the back of his neck when he’s flustered or embarrassed. Bokuto yearned to see more of those, to hear more of Akaashi’s genuine thought among the sarcastic remarks and dry humors.
It terrified him, as he realized, how he would trade anything just so he could stay for a little longer. Be with him just a bit more. He wished, as he gazed into Akaashi’s eyes, he could change who he really was.
“Bokuto-san,” Akaashi’s furrows deepened, “are you alright?”
“Yeah,” Bokuto cleared his throat, “I’m fine ‘Kaashi.”
“C’mon, the others are waiting.”
‘The others’ were Fukurodani volleyball regular members and their managers. They had thrown a farewell party the day before with all Fukurodani volleyball team members and some of Bokuto’s classmates and friends, so now the regular members were just the representative to bid him goodbye at the airport.
Oh, and there were Kuroo and Kenma as well, just because.
Kuroo waved as Bokuto and Akaashi approached them. The Cheshire cat grin plastered on his face. “Thought I missed seeing you off, dude.”
“Won’t dare dream of it, bro.” Bokuto hugged him and patted his back.
Kuroo retaliated by smacking his back harder. Bokuto smacked him back even harder. And it turned into a full back-smack competition with them still hugging. Some people who passed by stared at them with confused expression, some snickered, and most just pretended they didn’t see it, much like the other Fukurodani members. Konoha groaned. Bokuto could hear Akaashi sighing behind him and Kenma muttering idiots under his breath.
“So,” Bokuto exclaimed when he finally disentangled himself from Kuroo, “before I go, is there anything you guys want to tell me? Some sentimental goodbye speeches for your awesome and beloved former captain?”
Shirofuku, their manager, said, “Bokuto.”
Bokuto turned to her, eyes expectant.
“You never give me back the money I lent you.”
“Ahh,” he grimaced. “How about I’ll send you pictures of every hot foreign guys I’ll meet later? Blond? Blue eyes? I’ll introduce them to you.” He wiggled his eyebrows.
“How about I bash your head until your brain can finally start working properly?” she scowled. “Honestly, how did you even got scholarship overseas is beyond me.”
“Well, you can send the pictures for me,” Komi shrugged. At the blank look of his friends, he added quickly, “not of guys! I want pictures of hot girls!”
When the others were bickering about girls (“Japanese or American?” “I prefer Asian girls, they are small and easy to hug” “What do you know? The only woman you’ve ever hug is your mom” “HEY! I hugged my grandma too!”) Kenma tugged Bokuto’s sleeve.
“Shoyo says goodbye.” He thrust his phone screen towards Bokuto’s face. Good luck wishes and many emojis sprinkled all over it. And there was picture of Karasuno volleyball team members grinning at him, some thumbing up, some pointing gun fingers, some doing peace sign, some waving, and Tsukki at the back... just standing. Ahh, the loveliest, most expressive child of Karasuno. Bless his soul.
“Bo, it’s time,” Kuroo called.
Bokuto checked his watch then gathered his team into group hug. He patted their shoulders and told them how much he would miss them. And he realized he really meant it. He would miss them.
He fist bumped Kuroo and ruffled Kenma’s hair (“Did you juST HISS???” Kuroo guffawed “Bite him, Kenma”).
Then he turned to Akaashi.
He was staring at him. Green eyes locked into Bokuto’s golden ones. Bokuto loved those eyes. Eyes that had looked down at him softly as he laid his head on the younger boy’s lap. Eyes that had looked at him exasperatedly when he did something stupid. Eyes that had looked at him with disappointed frown when he said he gave up. I believe in you, Bokuto-san, you are more than this, you can do it. Eyes that had looked at him with warm contentment. I’m so proud of you, Koutaro. Eyes that he had kissed so lightly as stream of tears flowing down from them that one time they watched Hachiko.
Bokuto stepped forward, getting rid of distance between them, and pulled Akaashi into his arms. He felt Akaashi’s hands wrapped around his waist, head rested on Bokuto’s shoulder. He was shaking slightly. Or maybe it was Bokuto.
Bokuto turned his head into Akaashi’s neck and breathed him in. As he closed his eyes, he could hear white noises around him. Rushes footsteps. Buzzing conversations. Dragged wheeled luggage. The world kept on going, no matter how many times he wished –begged- it would just stop.
It terrified him how he would trade anything so he could be with the boy in his arms for a bit longer. How he wished he could change who he really was.
But he knew he couldn’t.
And so, he had to let him go.
“It’s not a goodbye,” Akaashi whispered to his ear.
Bokuto pushed him into an arm-length gently, reluctantly. He brushed his fingers on Akaashi’s cheek, down to his jaw and to his chin, mapping the lines and curves of his face.
“It’s not a goodbye,” Akaashi repeated. This time more quiet. Like something he was trying to convince to himself. “Say something,” Akaashi gazed upward, “Aren’t you supposed to be the loud one?”
I love you. Bokuto thought. But he didn’t say it. He never said it. They never talked about their feelings. But then again, they never had to, because they both just knew.
Bokuto smiled at him sadly. Slowly, he cupped Akaashi’s cheeks and kissed his forehead.
“Goodbye Keiji.”
+++
Once he went through the checkpoint, Bokuto made a beeline to the restroom. He got into one of the empty stall and took his jacket and shirt off.
He rummaged his bag and pulled out a temporary black hairspray and a mirror. There was a giant mirror right across the stall but he couldn’t take a risk of someone might see him, so he brought his own.
He carefully sprayed the hairspray until all of his hair turned black. He doubled check the back of his head until he fully sure it was all cover.
Then he pulled out a dark navy polo shirt and black Aviator from his bag and put them on.
He extracted a small satchel from the inside of his bag. All of his ID, phone, and anything that could be traced back to him were already in the satchel.
The jacket, shirt, hairspray and the mirror was stuffed back into the bag. After he zipped it, He stashed it on the corner, not fully hidden so it would just look like someone forgot to take it.
His phone rang. Private number displayed on the screen. He picked it up.
“You ready?” came familiar voice from the other end.
“Yes,” Bokuto answered curtly.
“Target is in the nest. You got three hours to finish it.”
“Yes.”
“Good luck.”
“Hey,” Bokuto rasped, “if anything happen to me,” he inhaled slowly, “I want you to do one more thing.”
“Spill it.”
“Promise me you will protect him.”
“I will.”
Bokuto cut off the line. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, steadying his heart. Then he slung the satchel across his chest and went out of the restroom.
He didn’t go to his gate though. He headed straight to the exit door.