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Martin approached the small deck table overlooking the water where Mark and Louisa sat at the Salty Breeze. He had three frozen yellowy drinks in his hands. Two had little red umbrellas and one had a green umbrella. He placed the green one in front of Louisa, "Virgin piña colada for you."
"Oh, thank you, dear." She took the drink and sipped at it readily as the warm summer breeze blew through her hair.
"And not so virgin for me and Mark." He carefully slid one with a red umbrella toward him.
Mark waved his hands. "Oh no, I can't. Sorry."
"You're not still on the clock are you?" Louisa mused straw still held close to her lips.
"What?" He looked confused for a moment then shook his head. "No, I can drink on the clock," he said with a laugh. "Not a lot, but like a beer every once in a while is no big deal. I'm not telling the boss." He leaned toward her holding a hand to his lips as he fake whispered, "I'm the boss." Then he giggled to himself.
"Then you don't like piña coladas?" Martin asked easing into his chair. "I thought they would be right up your alley."
He gave Martin a big pout with a shake of his head. "No, they totally would be. But I'm allergic to pineapple. It's really unfortunate because that guy makes them sound so good in that song."
Martin furrowed his brow. But his confusion was quickly erased as Mark began to sing in his syrupy baritone, "If you like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain." He stopped abruptly and turned to Louisa. "I thought I told you this, babe?"
"Sorry," she frowned apologetically and patted his arm. "I thought you just didn't like the texture. It is a bit acquired. And I know how you are with stringy things."
He nodded. "True. But no. I'm allergic. It really stinks." He hunched over looking a bit dejected and pushed his drink back over to Martin.
He took the glass then looked at him in consideration before asking, "Pineapple allergy is really rare. Does anyone else in your family have issues with the fruit?"
Mark shook his head. "No, it's just me. And I didn't know for the longest time. But then I got a whole pineapple this one time."
Mark bit back a groan. He knew Mark was gearing up for a story and sometimes they could just be so unnecessarily long. He loved his enthusiasm for life most days, but his enthusiasm for storytelling was trying. He took a long sip of his drink and hunkered down to listen.
"And I spent like an hour day cutting it up for the week getting all the spines and rind and stuff off," Mark continued. "It took forever! But instead of saving most of it for later. I just sat there and ate the whole thing because it was so sweet and so juicy. I couldn't stop. But then right after my mouth started to feel all painful and itchy. Then I threw up a bunch and my whole body felt itchy on the inside. So I've never eaten it since because I never wanna feel like that again."
Louisa was biting back a smile as she rubbed his back. "Oh, honey." She clearly knew what Martin had also surmised.
He leaned forward sliding the second drink back toward Mark. "I have good news for you."
"Yeah?" He looked back at him wide-eyed with wonder.
He could just kiss him whenever he shot him that look, but instead he simply said, "You, my dear, are not allergic to pineapple."
He shook his head and tried to push the drink back toward him. "No, it was really bad, Martin. I really am."
Martin grabbed up his hand and ran a comforting thump over his knuckles. "Yes, I imagine it was. And every single human on the planet would probably have the same reaction to eating a whole pineapple. Although, I think most people would have stopped at a half."
Mark gave him a confused but hopeful look.
"There's an enzyme, bromelain, which breaks down amino acids and proteins in your mouth effectively tenderizing your tissue making it feel raw and painful. But the ratio in pineapple is quite small so as long as you avoid eating a whole pineapple again you should be fine."
His eyes lit up and he nearly jumped out of his chair. "That's awesome!" He settled back into his seat and took a tentative sip of the drink. His eyebrows raised in delight and he beamed at Louisa and Martin, "These are delicious! Oh, I'm so happy. You guys are the best." He leaned over and planted a kiss on Martin cheek.
Martin scootched his chair closer and leaned into Mark's touch placing a quick kiss on his lips. "I'm very glad you're happy. And that you like piña coladas."
"And getting caught in the rain." Louisa had moved her chair as well and linked arms with Mark leaning against him as she continued to sip her drink.
"Yeah. I do like yoga though," Mark mused as he took another sip of his drink. The three of them stared off at the sunset across the water for a time before he added, "We're gonna need to get more of these."
Louisa made a noise of emphatic agreement and Martin just laughed.
A few hours later Martin found himself sitting on the floor of the Salty Breeze bathroom rubbing Mark's back as he vomited into the toilet. He had the inklings of a bad hangover pressing on his temples.
Mark sat back on his heels and groaned, "It's the pineapple. I told you. I'm allergic." His cheeks puffed up as he gagged and held back another upchuck.
Martin directed him back over the toilet bowl and cooed, "No, darling, once again, you're suffering like any other human from the hubris of overconsumption."