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Jim’s alarm blared, telling him it was time to drag his ass out of bed and get to work. The problem was, he still couldn’t pull up the energy.
It had been a month since Leonard’s death on some random planet in space, and Jim still couldn’t believe it. He had never thought that he’d have to face a future without Leonard there beside him gripping and snarking. Where Leonard didn’t wake up beside him every morning with that dopey smile and a kiss on the nose for Jim.
This wasn’t the future that Jim wanted.
He hated it.
“Doctor M'Benga to Captain Kirk.” Joseph’s voice pulled Jim out of his thoughts.
Forcing himself to turn onto his stomach, Jim reached up and pressed the call button on his communication panel “Kirk here.”
“Captain, i think you should come to my quarters.” Jim raised an eyebrow at the sound of that. What the hell could Joseph possibly want from him in his quarters. “It’s hard to explain sir…”
“Could you try to explain just a little?” Inquired Jim, his fingers making their way through his hair as he laid his head down on the bed.
“Well Sir…” Joseph paused, most likely looking for the right words to say “Well...there’s a kid in my quarters sir…”
Rubbing a hand over his eyes, Jim sighed “What do you mean there’s a kid in your Quarters Joseph? We have no kids on the ship”
“I know that sir, but i’m standing here looking at a kid...sitting in my bed.” Joseph’s voice cracked. Jim could only imagine what sort of panic the poor doctor was going through at the moment.
“Alright, i’ll be right there.” he promised, closing the connection and dragging himself out of bed.
That was Jim’s first mistake of the morning. As soon as his foot landed on the floor, he felt a soft material under it. Something that didn’t resemble the rough rug that he had on the floor in his room.
Glancing down, Jim felt his heart clench when he saw Leonard’s favorite sleep shirt on the floor. He hadn’t been able to move anything in the room since Leonard’s death, it had hurt too much to pick up the tiny trinkets, stray cloths and the books that Leonard had littering the kitchen table.
So Jim had left it. Allowed himself to believe that the past month had been a dream. That Leonard would walk through the doors at any moment and collapse in bed beside him after a long shift in medical.
“Damn it, Bones…” curling up into himself, Jim laid his head down in his hands and screwed his eyes shut. “This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. You told me you’d follow me to the ends of the universe and back.”
Sitting there for a few minutes, Jim let himself cry. There wasn’t much he could do to stop the tears, as he’d found out the first day after Leonard died and he tried going into medical. Nurse Chapel had shoved him into Leonard’s office and called Spock right away, hiding Jim away from the crew while he cried.
It had only gotten worse after that, and Jim figured it was better to lock himself away for a week rather than try and face the world. Once he had gotten back to work though, everything felt wrong.
He hated looking over his shoulder on the bridge, expecting to see Bones, only to be greeted by emptiness.
He missed those nights that him and Bones would hide away with a good bottle of scotch and nothing but each others company.
But Jim hadn’t healed at all in the past month. It still hurt knowing Bones wasn’t standing behind him ready to give him advice on how to Captain his ship. He still hated walking into Medical and only seeing Joseph and Christine. He still wished he had been on that planet with Spock so that he could have done something, anything.
“Damn it…” Shoving himself to his feet, Jim rubbed his hands over his eyes in a poor attempt to get rid of the tears and headed for the door. He wasn’t even going to bother changing his clothes before going to Joseph’s room, since the Doctor seemed to be in such a panic.
Stopping in front of Joseph’s quarter’s, Jim took a deep breath and reached out to ring the doorbell, only to have the door slide open in front of him and Joseph reach out to grab his shirt.
“Whoe!” Jim yelped, stumbling into the room behind Joseph.
“See, i told you.” Joseph tugged Jim to the middle of the room and placed both hands on his shoulders, turning him around so that he was facing the bed.
Beside him, Scotty held onto what looked like a communicator that had been torn apart and looked wide eyed in the direction that Joseph was currently trying to get Jim to look. If this wasn’t some sort of emergency, Jim would probably ask Scotty what exactly his plans were with that communicator.
Actually, it was probably better if he didn’t know.
Giving his head a shake, Jim turned his attention towards the bed and scanned the area for any signs of this kid Joseph was talking about.
“Doctor M’Banga, i think you’re starting to see things.” he frowned, noticing nothing that resembled a kid in any way.
“No, Sir…” Scotty spoke up, smacking Jim in the arm lightly and pointing towards the spot just under the bed.
Tilting his head to the side a bit, Jim tried to get a good look under the bed. He still couldn’t see anything, but if Scotty was telling him…
“Wholly shit!” Jim jumped into the air when a pair of bright blue eyes opened up and glared at him. Apparently he owed Joseph and Scotty an apology for doubting them. “Is that...why is there a kid under your bed?”
“Well, he was in my bed at first.” Joseph put a hand in his hair and sighed “I woke up and he was just sort of, laying there. When he woke up he freaked and hid under the bed. I thought maybe Scotty could help me get him out…”
“What, did that fail?” turning his attention to scotty, Jim winced when the engineer held up his hand to show bite marks. “Oh...ok. Ya, i’m going to keep my hands away in that case.”
“Probably a good idea, Captain.” agreed Scotty.
Standing there for a moment, Jim rubbed a hand over his forehead and tried to think of what to do. He wasn’t going to try pulling the kid out from under the bed. Poor guy was probably terrified and didn’t want anyone near him. At the same time however, Jim really needed to get him out of Joseph’s room and down to medical for a blood screen. They needed to know if this kid was in the database so they could find his home and get him back.
The last thing Jim needed was kids running around his ship. Leonard always said there too many kids in grown adults bodies for one ship to handel.
Jim’s heart clenched at the memory. Leonard would be one of the best people to call in this situation. He was great with all the kids they had on the ship over the years, and he loved them. He’d probably get this kid out from under the bed with his hand in tact.
“Captain…” turning his attention to Joseph, Jim sighed. “What do we do?”
“Well, we need to get him down to medical.” Jim whispered, watching as Joseph nodded his head in agreement. “It seems obvious he won’t let Scotty near him… i guess i’ll give it a try..”
Lowering himself down slowly, Jim got onto his stomach and laid down in front of the bed. Leonard always told him it was best to get down to eye level with kids. He had said it was less intimidating.
“Hi…” smiling, Jim watched as the kid continued to glare at him. “My names Jim, what’s yours?”
Jim was met with silence. Apparently this kid was not a talker.
“You know, you can’t hide under that bed forever.” he continued. “If you come out we can get you back to your parents. Back home.” Hearing the kid huff, Jim groaned when he laid his head down on his arms and turned his eyes away from Jim. ok, he definitely was not the best with kids. “Come on kid, it can’t be that comfortable under there. Wouldn’t you rather sit on a nice biobed and get a hot chocolate after?”
Being met with silence again, Jim sighed. He was already tired of this little game.
“Ok, come on.” reaching forward, Jim placed a hand on the kids arm and slowly started to grab him, ready to run for it if he started to bite. Thankfully, Jim was a little luckier than Scotty.
Unfortunately, instead of biting Jim, the kid simply pulled his arm away and moved back further under the bed so that Jim couldn’t even see him anymore without craning his head to the side. This was just great.
“Ok, i tried…” shoving himself to his feet, Jim dusted off his pants and turned to Joseph and Scotty “anyone else got a better idea?”
The two men looked at each other for a moment, almost as if they were pleading the other person to come up with a response.
“I think i might...have one thing…” Joseph winced.
“Well it can’t be that bad.” smiling, Jim placed his hands on his hips and waited “come on, what is it?”
Giving himself a moment, Joseph dropped his shoulders and turned on his heel towards his dresser. Jim couldn’t see much of what Joseph was doing, other than opening the top drawer, but he figured whatever it was had to be better than one of them getting a hand bit off by this kid.
“Doctor McCoy had it in his room…” Jim’s stomach turned at the sound of that. Suddenly, this idea didn’t sound so good anymore. “I thought about giving it to you, but you seemed like you were already pretty out of it. I was going to wait till you were a little better.”
Watching Joseph turn around in his spot, Jim winced when he saw a small teddy bear in the Doctor’s hand. A teddy bear he remembered Leonard laying in bed with and cuddling whenever Jim would leave in the morning. A teddy bear that Jim knew Leonard had since he was about 8 years old, and never let go of no matter what.
Closing his eyes, Jim took a moment to get his emotions under control. The last thing he needed to do was break down crying. That wasn’t going to help the situation at all.
“Just…” placing a hand over his mouth, Jim drew in a deep breath and tried to get his hands to stop shaking. “Give it a try…”
Nodding his head, Joseph walked over to the bed slowly and started to kneel down. “Hi kiddo.” his voice got really soft all of a sudden, as if he hadn’t just been standing beside Jim scared shittless and unable to figure out what to do. “I know it’s kind of scary out here right now, but i have this friend here who says he’ll stay by your side while we go to medical.”
Listening to the silence that followed, Jim watched as Joseph put Leonard’s teddy bear just underneath the bed and changed his voice to something adorable and absolutely dorkey. “Hi there, my name is Doctor Padsey. Can i be your friend?”
Jim really wanted to slap a hand over his face. The kid had bitten Scotty and run away from him, how in the world did Joseph think that this would work?
“Can i stay with you?” Raising an eyebrow, Jim glanced under the bed and watched as the kid started to crawl out, his eyes fixed on Joseph.
“I won’t let anyone near you.” promised Joseph, holding out Doctor Padsey and watching as the kid took the teddy bear into his arms and got out from under the bed slowly.
“Aye, of course he doesn’t bite him.” Scotty complained beside Jim.
“At least he’s out from under the bed.” Jim pointed out “Doctor M’Banga, get him to Medical. I’ll be right there. Scotty…” turning to the Chief of Engineering, Jim put his hands on his hips and narrowed his eyes “how many of his things did you keep?”
“I don’t know what you’re…” Scotty winced when Jim narrowed his eyes at him, ignoring Joseph and the kid leaving the room behind him. “I...i didn’t move any of his things from the bathroom, Sir. we just kind of made room for Doctor M’Banga’s stuff.”
Rubbing a hand over his eyes, Jim sighed. “Put it in a box Scotty.” he whispered “I’ll pick it up after my shift, Just… just get it out of there.” he whispered, turning on his heel and heading for the door.
Jim ignored all of the stairs he was getting from his crew as he made his way to medical bay. There was no doubt in his mind that some of them were still worried about his mental stability after Leonard’s death, and others had probably seen Joseph with that little boy attached to his side and wanted to ask Jim all about it.
Usually he’d be willing to answer all of their questions.
Yes i’m fine.
No i don’t know who the kid is yet.
It didn’t take him a lot of energy to stop and talk to his crew most days, settle their nerves. Today however, Jim was done.
It wasn’t even 9 am and he wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and go to sleep for a week. Hide away from everyone again and clutch Leonard’s favorite sleeping shirt close to his nose so that he could fool himself for just five seconds into thinking Leonard was there in bed with him.
But he needed to stop.
The Enterprise needed a functioning Captain, not Spock stuck in a job he had no real interest in while Jim was crying himself to sleep.
Stopping in front of the Medical bay doors, Jim took a deep breath and waited for the doors to open before stepping inside. Almost immediately, he knew something was wrong.
“Where’s the kid?” Jim glared over at Joseph, who was standing beside Nurse Chapel and Lieutenant Uhura near one of the biobeds. He did not need to be playing hide and seek with some random kid at this moment.
Rather than responding with words, Joseph gave his head a shake and pointed over at the tiny desk in the middle of Medical that Nurse Chapel always used.
Of course the kid was hiding again. He just had to make Jim’s life a little harder in some way.
“What happened?” asked Jim, his eyes glued to the desk just in case the kid started to crawl out.
“Well, we came into Medical and everything seemed fine at first.” Joseph started to explain “But as soon as he saw the window he sort of, freaked.”
“Freaked is an understatement.” Nyota interjected “His eyes bugged out and he ran under the desk as quickly as he could. I don’t think he was on a ship in the middle of space before this Captain.”
“Knowing our luck, the kid was on earth in a comfy bed and this was one hell of a shock.” Jim sighed, placing a hand over his mouth and trying to think of what to do next. “Guess not everyone is made to be in space.”
“You would know that better than anyone, Sir.” narrowing his eyes, Jim glanced up at Nyota with a confused look. “I just mean...Doctor McCoy used to always keep a blind over that window, Sir. He never liked having it in here.”
Jim wanted to kick himself for forgetting that. Over the past month he had gotten used to seeing the window in Medical open so that everyone could see the stars outside. He had never really thought about it before, but Nyota was right. Leonard had always made sure that window was covered, and he would leave the room if a patient wanted it open for any amount of time. He hated the window with a passion.
Giving his head a shake, Jim looked back over at the desk and sighed. The quicker they got a blood sample and tested it, the faster Jim could get this kid back home to his parents. He’d worry about having Spock figure out how the kid even got there once he had those results.
“I take it you already tried to get him out from under the desk?” Joseph nodded in response. “Alright, get something over that window. Nyota, you have a sweet face, maybe you can get him out from under that desk.”
Nyota glared as him and crossed her arms over her chest. “Maybe if you were a little less loud and child like, he would come to you willingly.”
“Ok, ouch.” Jim placed a hand over his heart and looked at her with mock hurt “that was mean.”
“Oh Captain, i haven’t even started getting mean yet.” Throwing Jim a smirk, Nyota turned towards the desk and made her way over while Jim tried to recover from her comment.
Jim watched as Joseph went into his office and returned with the old blinds that Leonard alway kept over the window. At least he had kept that, since Jim doubted they had anything else lying around that would be useful.
“Hello,” glancing over at Nyota, Jim smiled to himself when he saw her getting down onto her knees beside Christine’s chair and smiling softly. “My names Nyota, what’s yours?” She was met with silence. “That’s ok, you don’t have to tell me, but we do want to get you home as soon as we can. Back to your parents.”
“Back home?” the kid spoke up, his voice weak. Jim could only assume the poor guy had been crying under that desk, a normal response when kids were met with something that scared them.
“That’s right, back home.” Nyota’s smile grew a little bit “But to do that i need you to hop up on a biobed and let Doctor M’Banga take a blood sample. Do you think you could do that for me?”
Jim waited to see what happened, smiling when Noyta reached out her arms and gathered the little boy against her chest before standing up and walking back over to the biobed with him.
“See, i couldn’t do that.” Jim smiled over at Nyota, laughing when Christine reached out and smacked him in the arm for her girlfriend. “I’m just saying, i’m bad with kids. Bones actually has a ban on me being near kids cuz i made his last kid patient cry.”
“Maybe you need to work on that.” Christine pointed out, walking over to the far wall and opening one of the drawers. “We do get a lot of kids on board after all. You don’t want to scare all of them.”
“I’m the Captain, i can hide away when we get kids on board.” redbuttled Jim “beside’s...kids were always Bones’ thing. Now that he’s gone…”
Turning back towards the group, Christine double checked the hypo she had selected and made her way over to the biobed once she had determined that it was in good working condition. “I’m just saying Captain, you might have to be in Medical one day when it has kids. It would be best if you knew how to make them laugh instead of cry.”
Jim nodded in agreement. Christine was absolutely right, but he couldn’t imagine learning how to be any good with kids now that Leonard wasn’t around to patiently teach him all the right ways to act when he was in front of one.
“No!” Jim’s head snapped up when the little boy yelled out, smiling to himself when he saw the kid clutching Doctor Padsey close to his chest when Nyota tried to take him.
“Ok, you can keep him.” Nyota chuckled, ruffling the kids hair and smiling when he huffed in annoyance. “I won’t even think of trying to take him away again, i promise.”
Jim couldn’t help but smile at that. Leonard always reacted the same when whenever Jim tried to take the stuffed bear away in order to kiss or cuddle with him. The man was ridiculously attached to that bear.
Giving his head a shake, Jim closed his eyes and sighed. He really needed to stop thinking about Leonard, but it was so hard. Everything about this ship reminded him of the man. The way he smelled when they were working out in the rec room, or the smile he’d get on his face whenever Jim or Spock would bring him coffee in Medical.
Jim didn’t think he’d ever get over being on the ship without Leonard by his side.
“This won’t hurt at all.” Glancing up, Jim smiled to himself when he saw Joseph trying to explain what was going to happen. “I’m just going to take a blood sample and…”
“I know…” Raising an eyebrow, Jim met Joseph’s eyes and chuckled to himself. Of course they got one of those kids, afraid of space and perfectly chill with a needle. “My Doctor always tells me what she’s going to do when i visit her. I like knowing all about it.”
“Well, i’m glad to hear that.” Bringing the Hypo up to the kids shoulder, Joseph pressed it against his skin and watched as the vile started to fill with blood. “Do you want to help Nurse Chapel look up your information?”
“Can i?” for the first time that morning, Jim saw the kid smile. It was dazzling. Bright and full of wonder.
“Of course you can.” promised Joseph, finishing up with the hypo and removing it from the kids shoulder. “Though, usually we like knowing our fellow Doctors names, just in case we need to call them.”
The smile fell off of the kids face almost immediately. Jim couldn’t understand it, most kids were super excited to tell people their names. “I’m bad at my name…” He whispered, kicking his feet out and letting them fall back against the biobed.
“Well, whatever you can tell us will help” Joseph promised, handing the hypo back to Christine “do you have a nickname?”
“Mommy calls me Leo…” Jim’s heart dropped at the sound of that. Leo wasn’t a name her personally used for Leonard, since he had a way cooler nickname for him, but he was aware that a lot of people used to call him that when they saw him.
It felt like this kid just existed to stab open old wounds as often as possible.
“Well, why don’t you come with me Leo and we’ll see if we can find a file on you in the database.” Christen held out a hand and smiled when Leo reached out to take it, jumping off of the biobed and landing beside her leg easily.
“Mommy is a star...star…” Leo’s face twisted into annoyance when he couldn’t manage to finish his sentence.
“Starfleet?” Nyota offered as an answer.
“Ya! Starfweet Captain.” Leo proclaimed happily, laughing when Christine led him towards the computer on her desk and sat down, letting him crawl up onto her lap while Doctor Padsey hang from his hand.
“Well, that guarantees that there will be a file.” Jim sighed in relief. Looked like his job was going to be a little easier than he thought. “But...wait...if your mom is Starfleet why were you scared of the window? Arn’t you on a ship?”
Leo shook his head violently “No! Ships bad!” he protested, hugging Doctor Padsey close to his chest again. “Space big and dark and scary.”
“Oh dear…” Nyota placed a hand over her mouth to stifle a laugh. Jim could understand why, but the comment made him hurt more than it made him want to laugh. The kid sounded almost exactly like Leonard when he said things like that.
“Well, hopefully we’ll have you back on safe land soon.” Christine smiled, opening the hypo and pulling out the vile of blood while Leo watched her carefully, his eyes tracing every move she made. Seeing her open the DNA scanner attached to her computer, Jim smiled when he noticed the smile starting to reappear on Leo’s face. It seemed like Medical was this kids Jam. Too bad Leonard wasn’t there to help teach him all her could with Christine and Joseph.
“Oh…” Christine’s eyes went wide when the computer finished scanning the blood sample. “Ummm...i…” she glanced up at Jim, unable to phrase exactly what she was seeing.
“What is it?” Jim frowned, making his way over to her side while Leo looked at the computer in front of him and beamed.
“Me!” Leo pointed at the name on the computer “Leo...Leonar….d…”
Jim froze in his spot. This was just getting too weird for him.
“Christine?” Nyota appeared at his side and placed a soft hand on his shoulder, centering him as he tried to process everything. “Chris...what’s the name on the computer?”
“It…” taking a deep breath, Christine looked down at Leo and held him a little closer “Leonard Horatio McCoy…”