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A tiny body latched itself to Spock’s leg, wrapping its arms around his thigh and holding on tight. This is not what he had been expecting when the Captain told him to go to Medical, rather than giving him a direct answer as to what was troubling him.
Looking down at the little boy, Spock raised an eyebrow. Bright blue eyes looked back up at him, examining his face and going wide when they noticed his ears.
“Doctor M’Banga…” he turned his attention towards the Chief Medical Officer, ignoring the fact that Joseph was leaned back in his chair with a hand slapped over his mouth in a poor attempt to stifle his laughter. “When exactly did we take a child on board? And where are his parents?”
“Oh…” Joseph’s hand fell to the side, and a soft look replaced the pure enjoyment that had been on his face just a moment ago. “The...the Captain didn’t explain?”
“Captain Kirk was abnormally quiet when he arrived on the bridge.” Stated Spock, though he knew that was an understatement. The past month Jim had been abnormally quiet. He didn’t have the same enjoyment as he used to sitting on the bridge, and Spock knew it was due to Leonard’s death. Jim was always quieter when Leonard was not around, and knowing he would never be around again had destroyed a part of that excitable child that Leonard said he loved in Jim.
Today? Today Jim had been not only quiet, but down right broady. It was if they were back to the first week after Leonard’s death and Spock had more than prepared himself to pull the Captain off of the bridge and drag him back down to his quarters and away from the crew's eyes. “When i asked him if there was anything trouble him, he simply stated that i should go to Medical.”
Joseph winced at the sound of that “well...long story short, i woke up to find this little guy in my room. We had a bit of trouble getting him down to medical but when we did we took a blood screening and…” Joseph stopped mid sentence.
“Was there something odd about the results, Doctor?” Inquired Spock.
“His blood...that little boy there is Leonard McCoy.” Spock’s fingers curled around each other in a painful grip. He must have misheard the Doctor. There was no probably way that Leonard could be brought back to life, let alone as a child. “I know it sounds impossible Mr. Spock, trust me i thought so too. I redid the test about 15 times just to make sure i wasn’t going crazy.”
Glancing down at the little boy, Spock raised an eyebrow. Leonard was still examining every part of Spock that he could see with a bright smile on his face. A smile that Spock recognized all too well.
Releasing his grip, Spock dropped his hands to his side and allowed his thumb to run over the gold band around his pinky finger. “If this is Doctor McCoy…”
“Ya...we’re not really sure if he’s going to stay…” Joseph waved his hand towards Leonard “adorable.”
Spock nodded. There was no point in attempting to understand the situation any better than he already did. Leonard was standing in front of him, gripping his leg tightly and looking up at him with bright eyes. If he stayed a kid and had to grow naturally, Spock could deal with that. He’d have Leonard back in some form at least.
Though, he would miss the cuddles in bed, or the way Leonard would throw his clothing on the ground without a care and leave it there for days. He would also miss the constant arguments that Leonard would start with him.
Perhaps it would be preferable if they found a way to make Leonard, himself again.
“Hey, that looks like mommy’s.” Spock’s stomach turned when Leonard took hold of his hand and examined the ring on his pinky. “Do you know mommy?”
“I do not.” Spock admitted, lowering himself down to his knees carefully and allowing Leonard to look at the ring. “I received this from a...a close friend of mine.”
“You sound sad.” Raising an eyebrow, Spock met Leonard’s eyes.
“I am a Vulcan. We do not express emotions.” He argued
“But you feel them?” Leonard asked, looking back up at Spock and waiting for an answer.
“Of course we do. Emotions are a part of being humanoid. However, Vulcan’s are disciplined…” he stopped speaking when Leonard shook his head.
“You feel…” Leonard said again, holding out a hand and putting it over the lower right side of Spock’s torso where he had seen the Vulcan heart on Joseph’s diagram. “You still feel and right now you feel sad…”
Drawing in a shallow breath, Spock attempted to control his emotions as he looked at this younger version of his boyfriend telling him the same thing Leonard used to always say to him. That no matter how much control Spock had, and how much he hid his feelings from everyone, he still felt them. They were still a part of them and Leonard would always be a safe place for him to express those feelings if he ever needed to.
“Yes…” Spock admitted. He was thankful for the moment that Joseph got out of his chair and left the room, closing the doors behind him. “I feel...sad.”
“Why?” asked Leonard, his small hand holding onto Spock’s.
“I lost my friend.” Spock admitted “he...died and i could not save him.”
“But you have him.” Spock raised an eyebrow at the sound of that and watched as Leonard looked back down at his pinky ring “he’s here, with you.” Leonard put a hand over the ring for emphasis.
“This is merely a ring. A trinket that he used to wear…” Leonard cut Spock off by putting one of his hands over his mouth.
“No, he’s here.” he said a bit more sternly. “Mommy wears her ring to keep grandma with her. She tells me when she leaves to wear the ring so she’s always with me. He’s with you.”
Contemplating what Leonard was telling him, Spock felt his hands starting to tremble. “He is with me through this ring?” he asked, seeking confirmation of what Leonard was trying to tell him.
“Ya!” The bright smile returned to Leonard’s face when Spock finally understood “he’s right here beside you.”
“In more than one way…” Spock admitted, allowing himself to settle on the floor while Leonard watched him carefully.
Spock knew that in the past month people had come to believe that he was colder than ever. That he refused to mourn Leonard’s death because of his Vulcan heritage and belief in emotional control. They were only partially right.
Spock would not collapse in the middle of the floor and cry. He wouldn’t find comfort in attempting to recreate his memories with Leonard by doing things that they used to enjoy together. Those activities would only make it worse for Spock. He would lose his emotional control and he wasn’t sure if he could get it back again afterwards.
What had helped, however, was the ring on his pinky. Hardly anyone noticed it, it was such a tiny item. However, when Spock had placed Leonard in the podd that they shot him out into space in, his eyes had caught a glimpse of the ring that Leonard kept on his finger.
A ring that Spock had asked about on many occasions, and only ever gotten the answer “it was my mom's.”
A ring that Spock knew was important to Leonard, and hoped would be just as important to him. He had taken the ring off carefully and placed it on his own pinky. It was a little large since Leonard’s fingers were bigger than his, but Spock had gotten it resized by Scotty so that it fit his finger.
And it had helped. Whenever Spock began to think of Leonard he would touch the ring with his thumb. It was as if Leonard was placing a hand on his shoulder and promising that he was alright. That Spock didn’t need to worry about it.
It was illogical, but it felt like Leonard had never left his side.
Spock was surprised when Leonard reached up and wrapped his arms around his neck in a tight hug. Most kids prefer to keep their distance from Spock, disliking the fact that he would not display his emotions for them.
Leonard had never been like most people though.
“Hugs make everything better.” Leonard whispered against his shoulder “promise.”