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Arakita's lungs burned as he trotted to class. March was soon approaching, and yet the weather was still similar to that of the frozen Tundra. Rubbing warmth into his hands, Arakita quickened his pace as he tried to escape the bitter cold.
He hadn't expected to sleep in, and was caught off guard when twenty texts from Toudou indicated that he was going to get an ear full for skipping morning practice.
Why do we even need to practice so rigorously? He thought as he trekked up the gravel steps leading to the front entrance of his school.
Their time as highschoolers was coming to an end. They needed to focus on university entrance exams, not sit on the rollers for thirty minutes! Arakita hated to sound uptight, but practice should be, and had become, the least of his worries. Unlike the ever academically talented Toudou and Fukutomi, he needed to put forth all his time and energy into his studies; hence why he had slept in that morning. Arakita had stayed up late to study —far later than he had originally planned.
But I don't regret it.
And really, how could he? Every minute of information absorbed counted in the long run. Every second of his time put into reading a textbook brought him that much closer to his dream school; Yonan University. Even though he absolutely despised studying alone, his resolve kept him afloat. He refused to do any program other than the one he wanted.
Arakita quickly took off his outdoor shoes as he ran to his locker. A pang of sadness wretched his gut as he observed the contents within. In his locker held a textbook with no other purpose but to hide pictures of Fukutomi, a headband he had confiscated from Toudou, and ten fucking power bars. Arakita sighed as he pulled out his indoor shoes and watched his friend's contents collapse on each other. Shinkai had stashed a handful of power bars into the back of the tiny cubby "Just in case something happens."
"The fuck do you think'll happen that requires ten fucking power bars?"
"Zombie apocalyps—" Arakita's memory turned hazy after Shinkai's answer, but he was certain he got a good punch in the other's gut for his stupid response. He didn't bother asking himself why he kept all his possessions. They just... belonged. It would be weird not seeing such a familiar and comforting sight after they've graduated.
Arakita scowled as he slammed his locker shut.
Don't get depressed!
Being sad was the last thing he needed right now. Jogging up the stairs, Arakita headed towards his classroom knowing his teacher would make him stand in the hall for being tardy. So when he saw Shinkai standing in the hall in front of the room beside his own, Arakita paused in shock.
"Shinkai?! Were you late too?"
Shinkai jumped at Arakita's booming voice. He brought a finger to his fat lips, silently telling Arakita to lower voice. Arakita frowned —not at being told to shut up— but because of Shinkai. His close-mouthed grin seemed different than usual. Sadder.
"Why are you out here?"
"I didn't do a worksheet," Shinkai sighed as he looked down at a piece of paper in his hand.
"What, that's it?"
Shinkai smiled at him and shrugged, but Arakita saw through the façade.
"Are you seriously in trouble?" Arakita asked quietly. His stomach churned uncomfortably when the other shrugged as second time and looked away. "Shinkai, what the fuck happened?"
"Arakita-kun!"
Arakita and Shinkai snapped their heads around at the sound of a teacher's booming voice.
"Do not show up late and disrupt my class!"
Arakita frowned. It was his sensei. The one he didn't particularly like.
The only one disrupting your class right now is you.
"Sorry," Arakita mumbled despite himself. He didn't dare risk getting in trouble so near the end of the school year.
"Wait out here, and do not talk until I let you in again."
"Yes sir," Arakita drawled as he moved away from Shinkai to lean against the wall of his classroom. He didn't utter a word to Shinkai, not because of his teacher's threatening tone, but for Shinkai's sake. The other looked relatively shaken. He probably didn't want to talk about it — whatever it was.
Arakita snuck a few side glances at the other in curiosity as he mulled over his thoughts.
Was this the first time Shinkai was sent out of the class?
What was the reason, though?
Arakita never found out. All he was able to discern as "different" from Shinkai was the eerie silence between them and the piece of paper crumpled vehemently in his hand.
***
Shinkai was upset. Arakita could feel it in every fiber of his being. Certain keywords seemed to trigger an uncanny silence from him, and talking to certain people seemed to cause the downcast of his deep blue eyes. Arakita didn't mean to stalk him, but when Shinkai asked to study alone, alarm bells began to ring in his head. Shinkai didn't do well on his own. He always ended up getting distracted or falling asleep. And this wasn't a small quiz being thrown their way. They were quickly approaching final final exams. Entrance exams. The kind that determined where you'd spend the next four years of your life before being forced into the workforce.
So Arakita followed him. He watched Shinkai excuse himself from the diner the moment everyone took out their study materials, and lied about an upset stomach as he ghosted the redhead back to school. Arakita momentarily thought he hit the end of the road as Shinkai headed back to the dorms, but after lingering around the front lobby for a few minutes, he caught the other leave the building once again.
Arakita ended up trailing Shinkai to the library building, and paused right as the other disappeared behind a familiar set of bookshelves. Arakita knew exactly where Shinkai was going. He hovered near the entrance of the library momentarily as he contemplated his next course of action. There were certain places Shinkai went to for comfort, whether it be Usakichi’s cage, the local coffee shop not too far from their school, or here; at the back study table of the library where he had initially confessed to Arakita.
His hesitation with approaching the other was because he didn’t know why Shinkai needed such comfort. What was going on that he couldn’t bring himself to seek Arakita’s presence?
Does it have to do with me?
He doubted it.
Shinkai loved him. Shinkai doted over him the same way he breathed or blinked. His kisses came involuntarily. His hugs were plentiful, regardless of who was watching, and his compliments were endless. Arakita scratched his head in frustration. Shinkai was wholeheartedly biased when it came to him. His love blinded him to the point of thinking Arakita cute for fuck's sake.
There was no way he was the one troubling Shinkai.
So then, what was? What was making the smile that caused his heart to flutter waver the way it did? What made the broad shoulders he loved to grasp droop and the booming voice that gave him goosebumps turn flat and deadpan?
What was fucking his Shinkai up this bad?
Deciding that he was done hiding in the shadows, Arakita entered the library and made a beeline for Shinkai's table. He had approached Shinkai so fast that the other didn’t realize there was someone else with him until Arakita slammed his hand on the desk. He let out a startled cry, and clutched his heart as he watched Arakita loom over him.
“Yasutomo!”
Arakita scowled at the sight of Shinkai trying to discreetly hide the paper on his desk with his forearms.
"W-what are you doing here?"
Arakita didn't bother answering the self-explanatory question as tugged the paper loose from the other's grasp. It was a career sheet. The kind teachers gave to their third year students to get them to gauge and plan for their future.
Shinkai's was crumpled and blank.
Understanding dawned on Arakita in an instant, and his heart lurched for the other. "Were you sent out of the classroom because you never completed this?"
Shinkai’s eyes were impossible to see behind his bangs as he looked down at the table. His fingers had curled into fists and an uneasy silence filled the room as he remained quiet.
Arakita tapped his foot impatiently as he looked down at the other. What could he do to address the other’s unease?
“Didn’t you say you were going to follow Fuku-chan?
What happened to Meisou?”
“I’ll do my best to get there… but—”
“But what if you don’t, right?” Shinkai winced at Arakita’s bluntness. When they finally made eye contact, Arakita saw a sadness in Shinkai he didn’t expect to see. The hell was this coming from?
“You know your chances of getting into a bunch of good schools are pretty high, right?” Arakita asked quietly. He pulled up a chair beside Shinkai and leaned in close until their arms were weighed against each other. “And all the teachers here love you. Anyone would be willing to give you a good recommendation.”
“It’s not the school I’m worried about,” Shinkai admitted in a low voice.
Seriously? So what the fucks your problem?
Arakita reached over the table and uncurled Shinkai’s fingers until they intertwined with his, and that act alone seemed to break the weird spell between them. Shinkai tilted his head to the side to kiss Arakita’s cheek, and mumbled an apology against his skin.
“What are you stressing over?” Arakita asked in what he hoped was a more gentle tone.
“In a few weeks, things will never be the same.”
Arakita nodded in understanding.
“Aren’t you sad?”
“Not really,” Arakita admitted. Shinkai looked at him with wide eyes, to which Arakita responded to with a chaste kiss on the nose. “I did for a while, though.”
Now Shinkai simply looked confused. Arakita huffed as he squeezed the other’s hand. “Can I show you something?”
“Of course,” Shinkai replied despite continuing to look at him with a quizzical glance. Arakita pulled the other away from his seat with one hand while grabbing the blank career sheet with his other. He proceeded to guide Shinkai out of the library and towards the staircase.
“Remember when we first met?” Arakita asked as they headed up to the third floor of their school while stuffing Shinkai’s career sheet into his back pocket.
“I was crouching in a bush,” Shinkai recalled fondly. Arakita spun around to smack the back of the other’s head before continuing his way up the stairs.
“I meant formally! Where names were introduced and shit!”
The silence behind Arakita informed him that the gears in Shinkai’s head were turning.
“I’ll give you a hint,” he stated as he led them down a hallway towards another set of stairs inaccessible to the previous two floors of the building. Without uttering another word, Arakita gestured to the phantom door near top of the staircase which most students ignored. It led to nothing of value, unbeknownst to them that behind the door was—
“The roof! The one we’re not supposed to go on anymore!”
“That’s the one,” Arakita confirmed as he proceeded to check the lock. The doorknob wiggled in his grasp, but proceeded to stay shut.
“Yasutomo, we really shouldn’t be trying the lock like this,” Shinkai warned as Arakita pulled out his student card and began wriggling it between the door. “We could get in trou—”
“Ah—”
“You got it, didn’t you?”
He did. Arakita opened the door against the wind to reveal the empty rooftop. Shinkai pushed past him to walk outside, and Arakita propped the door open with his backpack as he watch the other gravitate to where they had met.
“Remember when you had cut your own hair?” Shinkai asked as Arakita approached him from behind. His voice was full of fondness as he continued staring at the floor of the fence where Arakita had once sat.
“Toudou won’t let me forget it,” Arakita grumbled. He fought against a smile at the memory. His hair was a fucking mess for a while thanks to his spontaneous outburst.
Shinkai chuckled as he pulled out a power bar. He leaned against the fence as he faced Arakita, a sad expression on his face once more.
“We’ll never see this view again.”
Arakita placed his hands on his hips and sighed deeply.
“The view you’re looking at right now is shitty.” Shinkai was merely staring at a cement floor and wired fencing.
“Sorry for being sentimental, but I’m really going to miss this place.”
“When was the last time you came here Shinkai?” Arakita snapped.
Shinkai’s eyebrows furrowed in frustration. Arakita felt bad for arguing with him while he was trying to reminisce, but he was fed up with the sulking.
“They locked the doors at the end of our first year.”
“That was two years ago,” Arakita stated. “But not once did you mention this roof.”
“That’s not the point.”
“It is though! You forgot about this place completely! And do you know why?”
Shinkai pretended to be busy with his power bar instead of answering Arakita’s question.
"It's because nothing actually changed."
"Yasutomo, really. What are you going on about?"
"You're sad because you're leaving this place."
"Yes. Like most people with hearts."
Arakita rolled his eyes at the baseless jibe. "What are you gonna miss about this place?"
"Everything! We went through so much here Yasutomo! You started a new life with a new club and friends here didn’t you? Juichi worked his way to the top here and Toudou... made a ridiculously large fanbase here.”
Arakita laughed despite himself.
“You guys helped me so much at this school... I don't understand how you can be so indifferent," Shinkai ranted, his voice cracking at the end of his sentence. Arakita wanted to hug Shinkai and tell him things would be okay, but he knew that was a worthless gesture. Instead, he approached the fence Shinkai was leaning against and stared out into the distance.
"You know, yesterday I went to check out backpacks for university."
Asides from the sound of a paper wrapper being crumpled in the other's hand, a calm silence encompassed the roof. "I was in the same store we were at when you bought those stupid fucking hats for us," Arakita continued. "And I thought; Man, I'm gonna miss this place."
"See?! It's sad right?"
"Yeah. But I got over it."
Shinkai let out a startled chuckle, and Arakita glanced at him curiously from the corner of his eye. The other was holding up his power bar —with only a small bite taken from the top, as he smiled at a joke only he seemed to understand. Arakita grasped the fence tightly. The wind had calmed down considerably since the morning, but whistled over the roof of the school building as it ran through Shinkai's blue-streaked auburn hair.
A pang of sadness hit his gut. He knew where the other was coming from wholeheartedly. What idiot wanted to leave the comfortable environment they had created for themselves? But Arakita knew better than that. Circumstances ruined resilience. No matter how stubborn you might be, changes will be made to your life. It’s merely a matter of how prepared you are when those changes occur that are crucial to your wellbeing. Whether you severely injure your elbow, throw away an importance race, or take an innocent animal’s life —it’s how you act after the fact that will determine your future.
"I got over it because I realized the store just made me miss you."
He watched Shinkai lower his power bar and twist his head to the side to face him, and Arakita felt his cheeks grow warm as he considered what to say next.
"So I left the store and went to see you."
Shinkai looked away, but Arakita didn't miss the knit brows.
"You can’t miss this roof because there's nothing to miss! Your only memory of this goddamn spot is me!” Arakita exclaimed as he gestured to himself, digging his fingers deep against his chest as he did. “And I'm right here!" he exclaimed boldly.
Shinkai clutched his power bar tightly at the statement.
Arakita sensed resistance in the other's posture, and found his blood pumping as he tried to think of ways to pull Shinkai away from his unnecessary depression.
"I won’t see you or the others on an hourly basis like I used to Yasutomo; let alone daily."
"We have technology Shinkai.”
“That’s not good enough,” Shinkai mumbled. “I wanna kiss you.”
Arakita kissed him. It was a small peck on the cheek, but he hoped it spoke volumes in terms of his feelings for the other.
“I’m not dying, idiot. None of us are. If you want to see me, come see me! Fucking call me saying you just want a kiss and we’ll figure it out!”
Shinkai nodded while turning to kiss him back, and for the first time in the entirety of their conversation had Arakita felt like he had finally gotten through to the other.
“You’ve been facing the wrong way this entire time Shinkai,” Arakita commented as he cupped Shinkai’s cheeks and rested his forehead against the others’. “You’re not going to miss this school.”
“I’m going to miss my friends,” Shinkai confirmed.
Arakita let go of Shinkai to return to the fence, and waited until Shinkai placed down his power bar to do the same.
“See that bar over there? The one we ride by when we go over to Fuku-chan’s house?”
Shinkai hummed as he grasped the fence with both hands.
“We’re going there the second we’re legal,” Arakita claimed. His eyes wandered over the view in front of him until he noticed a white building showing a large sign of a car on top of its roof.
“And see that driving school Toudou always talks about?”
Shinkai hummed as he followed along.
“You’re gonna get your fucking license there so you can pick me up from work.”
“You work?”
“Not yet. But I plan on it. And since I don’t trust myself enough to drive, you’re gonna have to do it.”
“We’d need a car first Yasutomo,” Shinkai sighed as he rested his forehead against the cool metal coils of the fence.
“That’s true. I guess that’ll be our first goal.”
“Yeah,” Shinkai croaked out weakly.
“With a car, we can go wherever we want, whenever we want. We can stay out late and be together without dealing with curfews and nosey idiots. The second we leave this school, we’ll be free.”
“Yeah,” Shinkai repeated, his voice barely above a whisper.
“On the other side of this fence is where our lives begin,” Arakita promised. “All of us. Your friends aren’t going anywhere you can’t reach, Hayato.”
Arakita glanced at Shinkai, who had nodded in response but remained silent as he continued looking out into the distance. The glistening in his deeps blue eyes eventually gave way, and tears poured down his cheeks as he clutched the fence desperately.
“Thanks Yasutomo,” he eventually mumbled with a sniffle. Arakita rubbed the other’s nose with the sleeve of his uniform before kissing his tear-streaked cheek.
“Feel better?”
“Yeah.”
“You think you can fill this out now?” Arakita asked as he pulled the crumpled career sheet out of his pocket and handed it to Shinkai.
“I don’t really know what I want to do,” Shinkai admitted as he glanced at the paper in his hand. “What program did you choose Yasutomo?”
“Engineering!” Arakita exclaimed boldly.
“Doesn’t that require physics?”
“Yeah? So?”
“You’re shit at physics.”
Arakita tried to punch Shinkai’s arm, but the other gracefully twisted away.
“Okay Mr. Know-It-All, why don’t you go do fucking Physical Engineering since you’re so good at it!”
Shinkai let out a small huh of recognition as he glanced down at the empty sheet. “You know Yasutomo, that’s not a bad idea.”
“Great,” Arakita sighed as he slumped down onto the floor by the fence. He scratched his head as he glanced up at Shinkai. “Wanna grab some food?”
Shinkai’s eyes sparkled with excitement as he sat down beside Arakita.
“Maybe in a minute…” He mumbled before leaning in for a kiss. Arakita melted against the familiar lips, and sighed contently when they pulled away.
“I’m not going to miss you after we graduate, Yasutomo.”
Arakita nodded in agreement. You can’t miss something that isn’t gone.
“I’m not going anywhere, Hayato.”