Chapter Text
"With all due respect, Director Fury," Seth said as evenly as he could manage with a very frightened six-year-old Doctor Banner literally hiding under his shirt, "I've read my contract. Taking care of my bosses if they suddenly turn into kids is not in it."
"Gimme five minutes and it will be," Fury snapped back, firmly pulling an eight-year-old Tony Stark off the curtains and putting him back on the floor. "This counts as an emergency. Just deal with them until we can come up with a better plan."
"Yeah. Deal with them." Seth sighed, refusing to give into any of the slightly homocidal urges he was feeling. "What, just because I clean houses, I know how to take care of kids?"
"You make them sound like radioactive waste, Seth," Amy spoke up from the doorway. Seth glanced over his shoulder and noted with well-hidden relief that she had a kid under each arm and another clinging firmly to her belt. "Where's Prince Thor? Don't tell me I left you with an adult-to-kid ratio of 2 to 3, in a closed office, and you managed to lose him."
"I am not a babysitter, Amy," Seth snapped, regretting it when Doctor Banner went rigid and scrambled away from him.
Amy rolled her eyes at him and set Agent Barton on his feet, scooping Doctor Banner up with her free arm. "Aw, it's okay, Brucey- Seth's just a grumpy grumpy bear. He didn't mean to scare you."
Doctor Banner didn't look convinced, but at least he didn't shy away from Amy.
"Okay, not to be cliche here, but: men." Amy shook her head with an expressive sigh, blowing Agent Romanov's bangs up playfully and making her giggle softly. "Men are silly, aren't they, sweetie?"
Agent Romanov nodded, smothing her bangs down. "Silly," she agreed firmly.
"I bet they haven't even thought to ask if any of you are hungry, did they? I bet Prince Thor snuck out to find some food."
"He said he was gonna find some mead," Mister Stark spoke up from halfway up the curtains again. "He promised to bring some back, but that was ages ago, so he probably got lost. He talks kinda funny, doesn't he? Is he really a prince? He dresses weird, if he is a prince he's prince of Weirdonia."
"Even the prince of Weirdonia deserves respect," Amy admonished him. "Now get down from there."
"But there's something funny about this window, and I wanna know what!"
"Fine- you stay and look at the funny window, and the rest of us will go eat."
Seth barely had time to blink before Mister Stark was back on the floor, bouncing excitedly. "Food!"
"Let's go, gentlemen," Amy said, pausing and rolling her eyes heavenward when neither Seth nor Director Fury moved. "Okay, seriously. I am one woman with limited clearance and six small children of unknown ability, one of whom you managed to lose, and you think you're not coming along to help?"
"Men!" Agent Barton said helpfully, grinning, and Agent Romanov echoed him with flawless mimicry.
"Besides, Director- you have a pintsized god of thunder loose on your electricity-dependent ship, and I'm sure you don't need me to detail how that situation's likely to end," Amy pointed out, settling Doctor Banner on her hip and looking behind her. "Steve, sweetie, can you help Director Fury find Prince Thor?"
Captain Rogers nodded, letting go of her belt. "Yes, Miss Amy," he said, smiling.
"Remember to be careful and don't push yourself," Amy warned him. "If you start having trouble breathing, you stop walking and tell Director Fury, okay? I'll worry otherwise."
"Yes, Miss Amy," Captain Rogers said again, hugging her waist before walking over to Director Fury. Much like Mister Stark's arc reactor had vanished, Captain Rogers had lost any trace of the serum that made him Captain America, and he looked sickly and frail next to Fury.
"Thanks, sweetie. Seth, let's go."
Any objection Seth might have raised wasn't worth dragging out when Mister Stark grabbed him by one wrist and Agent Barton snagged the other, trying to pull him bodily in the direction of food.
Yeah, this was definitely not in his contract.
Amy was, to be perfectly honest, not exactly keen on dragging four small children into the Helicarrier's main mess hall. Especially not these four. Tony might not be bothered by men with guns, but regardless of how Clint would react, Natasha would try to kill someone and they'd never find Bruce again.
Luckily, while hunting for Natasha and Clint, she'd come across a number of useful little conference rooms. No booster seats, but they could make do.
"Come on, everybody inside," she said, herding them like ducklings into the nearest empty one. "Come on, up in the chairs."
Natasha studied the room, frowning, then sighed and made a great show of wiggling to the floor and climbing into the nearest chair.
"Thank you, sweetheart," Amy said with a smile, setting Bruce down. "We'll have to find you something to sit on, Brucey," she told him, ruffling his hair and earning herself a soft smile. "Seth, run down to the mess hall and bring back some lunch, will you?"
"Why me?"
"Are you five or something?" Tony asked. He'd claimed the chair at the head of the small table, and paused in his game of spinning to stare at Seth. "Only babies say why me. Big kids do what they're told without complaining. So there."
Seth scowled. Luckily, Amy was between him and Bruce, and the door closed on its own so it couldn't be slammed, which meant Bruce wasn't scared again.
"See? A grumpy grumpy bear," she said. "But he listens sometimes."
"Silly," Natasha pronounced, drumming her nails on the tabletop. "Men."
"I'm a man, too," Tony said, puffing out his scrawny chest. Despite apparently being two years older than Bruce, he was a few inches shorter and lacked Bruce's leftover baby fat, and therefore looked younger. "And I'm not silly. I'm supersmart. Mama says I'm a genius."
Natasha swung her chair around, climbing onto her knees, and pointed at Tony. "Silly."
"No, you are!" Tony shot back, sticking his tongue out.
Amy sighed, trying to hide her amusement, and headed off the brewing fight before it could gain speed. If there was one thing having eight younger siblings had taught her, it was that fights were best stopped before they started. Preferably with distractions.
"Who wants to draw?" she asked cheerfully, having dug up a large box of blank computer paper and a handful of pens. Mostly black and blue, with a few red and green for good measure. Enough for any reasonably creative child - read: every child, ever - to have fun with. "We'll draw while we wait for Seth to get back with the food. Sound good?"
Tony and Bruce were definitely okay with it. Clint muttered that drawing was for babies, but still claimed the seat next to Natasha and started showing her how to draw a Big Top tent.
Amy sat down with a blue pen and a single sheet of paper, enjoying the quiet while it lasted. She had enough experience to know she wouldn't have it for long.