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Yuuri supposed he might have been living the dream of every European song composer (then again, he also couldn't imagine why that might be the case, given his circumstances). It certainly hadn't been his dream, not when he'd first made the move from Japan to England to study music composition.
Yet here he was, at the Eurovision Song Contest.
For the second year in a row.
"At least I'm not the singer," he told Phichit over FaceTime. "Everyone hates the singer. Nobody seems to care about who actually wrote the song."
"I care!" Phichit's phone shook as he moved it down to show Yuuri whatever monstrosity he was wearing at the moment. "See? Katsuki Yuuri, ESC Sochi."
"Oh my god."
"One of the girls in my class does screenprinting. I had her make a bunch for our viewing party on Saturday."
"You all do know you might see me for, oh, maybe two seconds? The hosts will be talking to the singers the whole time, not the other losers hanging out in the green room with them."
Yuuri didn't want to look at Phichit's face because Yuuri knew the face Phichit was going to make before he even made it. Instead of looking, he tabbed over to read a text message from his mother. "You mean Viktor Nikiforov will be talking to the performers."
"Yes. That's what I said. The host."
Yuuri pointedly did not tab back to Phichit's face. "And who is the other host, Yuuri?"
Yuuri could have looked it up, but Phichit would know anyway. "Mila something. The girl he sang with last year."
"Uh huh."
"You can't expect me to remember the names of every Eurovision contestant ever, Phichit."
"Of course not." Yuuri finally did tab back to Phichit's face. He immediately regretted it. "Just the ones whose asses win them the contest, right?"
Luckily, Yuuri had heard various arrangements of that exact same sentence a million times before and so he did not blush at the implication Phichit was making. He was pretty proud of himself for that one. "Well he certainly didn't win it with his singing."
---
@b1gt1tt1es69
oh whoa guys the uk's song actually isn't shit this year #ESCSochi
@RssiaGoHme
@b1gt1tt1es69 what the fuck are you talking about it's awful. even worse than last year! #ESCSochi #UK
@b1gt1tt1es69
@RssiaGoHme no lol the SINGER sucks ass. the song is good tho #ESCSochi
@THEREALnumberoneyuurifan
@RssiaGoHme @b1gt1tt1es69 thats because yuuri katsuki wrote it, obviously #ESCSochi
@inviteamericaPLZ
@THEREALnumberoneyuurifan who the hell is yuri kastuki #ESCSochi
@numberoneyuurifan
@inviteamericaPLZ @THEREALnumberoneyuurifan A way better writer than you could ever hope to be, dickbag #ESCSochi
---
Yuuri didn't need to be at the show for the First Semi-Final (Yuuri probably didn't need to be at any of the shows, they could have easily found another pianist). The singer chosen for Yuuri's song would be making an appearance at the Second Semi-Final, just to watch and make a few comments, since she didn't need to perform until the Final, of course.
Yuuri was there anyway, in a seat as close to the stage as he could get, watching Viktor Nikiforov move his ass. Act like an ass. He was being ridiculous.
"Welcome everyone! Bienvenue! Dobro Požalovat’!" The crowd was going wild the second Viktor stepped out on stage. It was an odd sight, seeing as he was clad in a well fitted designer suit, instead of the tight, flashy, revealing numbers he typically sported at the song contest, but it wasn't exactly an unpleasant one.
"It's very shocking, I know," Mila said. "Not only can he do more than dance, but he can speak three whole languages. We're all very proud of him."
"I would say I can also sing." If Yuuri were a more confident (or a more delusional) man, he might think Viktor was looking right at him as he spoke. It certainly looked like he was at the very least looking in the direction of Yuuri's part of the audience. Perhaps at the sea of Russian flags surrounding Yuuri's section? "But I've been told I can't do that at all."
The look on Mila's face was nothing more than rehearsed shock. Yuuri wondered how many times they've both been through the same jokes. He wondered how many times Viktor had been through the same jokes, given the rumours of all the "off script" things he'd said during the dress rehearsals. "Now who would say such a thing?"
Viktor grinned in Yuuri's (section's) direction and oh wow. Yuuri would be willing to vote for him right then and there and Viktor wasn’t even competing in the contest this year. "Oh you know how men are. There's some real heartbreakers out there."
Mila's face was actual shock at that. She followed that up with some actual laughter. The crowd laughed as well, some just as boisterously as they did at all Viktor's "jokes", some a bit uncomfortably. It all blended into the same sound in the end.
---
@StageIsBest
I bet C1R is pissed at viktor again! #ESCSochi
@FckBllds
@StageIsBest haha when are they not #ESCSochi #ohviktor
@THEREALnumberoneyuurifan
@FckBllds @StageIsBest lol they can suck it hes on live tv #ESCSochi #uncensorviktor
@c1_russia
Enjoy Viktor and Mila's banter? We sure did! Click to watch some of the highlights from last night's First Semi-Final. #ESCSochi #C1R #ViktorNikiforov #MilaBabicheva
@numberoneyuurifan
@c1_russia pretty fuckin sure nobody was watching for their shitty "banter"
---
Yuuri noticed a very angry looking man sitting in the crowd near himself and the rest of the song team from the U.K. When it came time to interview Isla, the singer representing the U.K., Yuuri couldn’t help but notice said man shooting Viktor (who got the honours and was oh so close to where Yuuri was sitting) a pointed look.
"Soooooo, Isla." Viktor was all smiles and charm and multi-million ruble suit as he sidled up next to the younger girl. "What do you think of your competition so far?"
"I'm very excited to compete with them this weekend." The singer from Germany had been "thrilled" to compete with everyone that weekend. "I can only hope everyone will cheer as much for our song as I've heard them cheering for the other contestants!"
"Oh I'm sure they will." Yuuri was in an awkward position in relation to where Viktor was standing talking to Isla. He imagined Viktor was tilting his head oddly to look over near him anyway. "It's a beautiful song. Written by the same composer as last year's song from the U.K., isn't it?"
Isla hadn't been expecting that question. Yuuri hadn't been expecting that question. Nobody ever cared about who wrote the song unless they were already famous. "Oh yes," she finally said. "He'll be playing piano as well. On stage during the performance."
"Yuuri will?" If Yuuri had been drinking something, he would have surely spit it out. "Well I'm really looking forward to that! Everyone give a round of applause for Isla and the rest of the team from the U.K.!"
---
@IcelandIzGey
viktor almost behaved tonight wow #ESCSochi
@BrngBackAsstralia
@IcelandIzGey lol did u see the way he looked talkin bout the songwriter from uk tho? #ESCSochi
@BrngBackAsstralia
LT i hav sum theories abt that ;) ;) ;) #ESCSochi
@viktorsleftbuttcheek
ok but we can all take a mome to appreciate his ass in the suit tonight???
@viktorsleftbuttcheek
hasnt looked that good since his first perfroamcne with france five years ago
@THEREALnumberoneyuurifan
@viktorsleftbuttcheek wow you are so right!!! i agree @BrngBackAsstralia and these theories are?
---
Yuuri almost made it through the Jury Show unscathed. It wasn't as nerve wracking as the actual show would be, he told himself. There was an audience and a whole jury filled with people who were judging his song (literally, that was their job) but at least it wasn't time for the whole televised event yet. If he could make it through this, he could surely make it through the Final.
The song wasn't as glitzy as some of the other ones. It wasn't as flashy. The piano he was playing did not catch on fire at any point. Isla's dress did not tear away (though it did have an obnoxious amount of sequins). The violinist wasn't shooting lasers out of her instrument while spinning from a giant hamster wheel (though maybe she should have been, that sounded awesome). There were no wolves. It was a ballad. Nothing more, nothing less.
Yuuri didn't self destruct while going through their song on stage, just like he hadn't self destructed during any of the rehearsals or events prior to this week.
Yuuri almost self destructed when one Viktor Nikiforov cornered him backstage after the show.
"Hi Yuuri!" The smile Viktor wore when playing host was teasing, flirtatious, inviting the audience to watch him and learn all about Russia's fascinating Eurovision history!!! The smile Viktor wore when singing was most definitely designed to distract people from the fact that the music coming out of his mouth was definitely not on key at all times. The smile Viktor wore when dancing was. Well. "Pure sex" was how Yuuri had seen it described on a number of occasions.
The smile Viktor wore when he was smiling at Yuuri was none of those smiles.
Yuuri looked around, just to make sure no other Yuuri's were in his near vicinity (the angry young punk singer for Russia this year, after all, was also named Yuri). "Hi Viktor?"
"I'm so glad I finally ran into you again!" Viktor grabbed Yuuri's hands and clasped them between his own. They were cold. Yuuri didn't care. "Your performance was lovely."
"I'll just be happy if it doesn't place last this year," Yuuri told him honestly. He had written a song for the U.K. He knew what he was getting himself into when he'd done that for the second year in a row.
Viktor laughed a laugh that was not his over-the-top host laugh. Yuuri rather liked it. "Your song got 20th last year, Yuuri. That is practically winning, what with how nobody likes voting for the U.K.!"
"So I've heard."
"And we all know I didn't really win last year anyway." Viktor's eyes were sparkling with something Yuuri may have called mischief if he knew the other man better. "It was all politics and my ass and not about the music at all! As is Eurovision tradition, of course."
Yuuri for once did not think before he spoke. "Your ass is a Eurovision tradition?" He almost didn't regret it.
"I mean it's been here for six years and counting! So yes."
"I... okay." Viktor was still holding Yuuri's hands. Yuuri still had hands. In between Viktor's hands. Viktor Nikiforov's hands. "Did you need something?"
"A drink?"
Yuuri did not see a cart of water bottles anywhere near them. "They're in the green room probably?"
"No no no." Viktor laughed again, as if Yuuri were the most hilarious person in the world. "A drink in a bar. With you?"
Oh. "Oh." Yuuri still had hands but he was not sure if he still had a brain. "Maybe one? Performance tomorrow and all."
Viktor winked at Yuuri as he released his hands, only to return his grip to one of them in order to drag Yuuri along behind him. "Of course, can't have you getting too drunk tonight."
---
@c1_russia
@c1_russia Tune in tomorrow for the Eurovision Song Contest Final, live from Sochi! #ESCSochi #Russia #C1R
@katsuDONE
are we gonna get more quality scripted "banter"? #ESCSochi
@knivesfixall
@katsuDONE lol more like quality viktor hitting on that random pianist #ESCSochi
@knivesfixall
@katsuDONE did you see TMZ's pix of them after the jury show last night? wow #ESCSochi
@THEREALnumberoneyuurifan
@knivesfixall his name is yuuri katsuki hes also a songwriter! pix plz #ESCSochi
@numberoneyuurifan
@THEREALnumberoneyuurifan fucking learn how to type, asshole @knivesfixall but seriously, pix plz #ESCSochi
---
The Eurovision Song Contest Final went off without a hitch, as far as it can be said to do that, anyway.
The U.K., through their unfortunate luck of the draw, was set to go first. Isla gave an even better performance than she had at the jury show, Yuuri's piano still did not set itself on fire, and nobody booed them, so Yuuri was pleased.
("What a moving performance!" Viktor had said. "It's too bad we didn't get more camera shots on that pianist, right?")
Russia's song, courtesy of one Yuri Plisetsky, was... interesting. Yuuri wouldn't have thought they'd go with a rock metal song this year after their overwhelming success with a standard, flashy pop song last year, but to each his own. It seemed to get the crowd (and Viktor and Mila) excited, at the very least, especially when the stoic looking guitarist had smashed his instrument over the edge of the stage at the end.
The rest of the mix is filled with the usual. Copycats of last year's success (nobody had any hope of imitating Viktor's unique blend of can't-fucking-sing and can-really-fucking-dance-wow and wow-those-pants-are- tight ). Joking songs about baked goods. Ballads that took themselves too seriously. Fire. Everything one came to expect from the institution that was the Eurovision Song Contest.
"Well that's it!" Mila finally said after what felt like an eternity. "All the songs have been performed. If you missed one, too bad, it's over! Though I'm sure we'd all love to see Plisetsky perform again. What a cutie he is."
"You'd also love to see Italy perform again, don't lie."
"And you'd love to see at least part of the U.K.'s performance, right?"
"Somebody has to."
Everyone in the green room was laughing. A glance at one of the many screens back in said room said that the representatives from C1R were not.
"Europe," Viktor began, after getting the cue from his earpiece.
"It's time," Mila continued.
"To start!" they both shouted. "Your! Voting!"
The show cut to a commercial break and Viktor and Mila took that time to rush off backstage for a costume change.
---
@moostache69
wow wonder what vik and mila have in store for the intermission #ESCSochi
@mo4rw0lv3s
i hope mila sings and viktor just dances #ESCSochi
@polesonpoles
i hope plisetsky sings and mila and viktor both just dance #ESCSochi
@gayonthemoon
maybe that boy vik keeps making eyes at can play the piano while they all just dance #ESCSochi
@stammifarfaraway
if anyone could twerk to a soulful piano ballad, it would be viktor lol #ESCSochi
@THEREALnumberoneyuurifan
@stammifarfaraway lol no i think yuuri is the one who can twerk not viktor!!! #ESCSochi
---
Yuuri was going to die.
There was a pole rising out of the stage and Viktor had wrapped a leg around it and even though he was doing the moves of somebody who clearly had no idea how to pole dance, Yuuri was going to die based on how his ass looked in that black spandex anyway.
The song Viktor and Mila were singing was terrible. Even worse than last year. They rhymed "winding" with "grinding" and seemed to be singing a song about falling in love with a stripper or something?
The audience loved it, as they loved all Nikiforov dancing masterpieces, regardless of the actual quality of the songs being sung.
Viktor was looking at Yuuri. He wasn't really. Because Yuuri was in the green room. But Viktor's face on the screen was looking at Yuuri and Yuuri was most definitely in the process of dying and being dead.
---
@vampire_wulf_chik
holy fucking shit
@rvss14sucks
I'm changing my username I'm in love???
@sprkledrklewolfopera
that poledancing was just as terrible as viktor's singing but WOW
@c1_russia
Missed Mila and Viktor's performance of their winning song? Watch again here!
@party5every1
@c1_russia literally nobody was watching for their song from last year holy fuc
@THEREALnumberoneyuurifan
@party5every1 +1
---
The U.K. did not win the Eurovision Song Contest. Russia also did not win the Eurovision Song Contest for the second year in a row. Sweden won the contest. Again.
The U.K. also didn't get dead last, so Yuuri was counting it as a success.
"Soooooo." Viktor was in the green room after the winner had been announced, harassing Yuuri just as he had been whenever he got a chance for most of the show. "Did you like my performance?"
"Which one?"
"You know which one."
"It sure was something," Yuuri said. "You should probably have learned how to actually poledance."
Viktor gasped. Yuuri didn't think it was a real one. "First he tells me I can't sing, now I can't poledance! You are breaking my heart left and right, Yuuri Katsuki."
"They wouldn't let us actually poledance," Mila cut in. "It was such a pity, we even took a few classes to practice."
Yuuri was blushing. He could not even see his own face and he knew he was blushing. "I see."
"You're all he's been talking about for a year," Mila told Yuuri. "You inspired that whole silly act! Please put him out of his misery."
"Please put us all out of our misery." Yuuri didn't notice when Yuri Plisetsky joined them, but he sure made his presence was known when he slid in right next to Yuuri and glared at him as if Yuuri had just killed his cat. "I don't want to fucking hear about you from him ever again."
"I don't. I didn't. What?"
Viktor held a hand to his forehead. "I'll never be the same, Yuuri, not after the night we shared last year."
Yuuri had no idea what the hell Viktor was talking about.
Yuuri decided, much like so many other things he did not understand about the Eurovision Song Contest, that was probably for the best.
---
@yuri_plisetsky
I can't believe we have to go to Sweden again next year. #ESCSochi #RIPMe
@v_nikiforov
@yuri_plisetsky who said youre going again???
@yuri_plisetsky
@v_nikiforov the fucking UK got 10th this year. they're asking your boyfriend to write again.
@v_nikiforov
@yuri_plisetsky and???
@yuri_plisetsky
@v_nikiforov and you're both taking me when you go. no arguments.
@v_nikiforov
@yuri_plisetsky @katsuki_y did we agree to this???
@katsuki_y
@v_nikiforov @yuri_plisetsky I don't know what this "we" is, but I agreed.
@THEREALnumberoneyuurifan
@katsuki_y @yuri_plisetsky but yuuri!!!
@v_nikiforov
@katsuki_y @yuri_plisetsky but yuuri!!!
@v_nikiforov
@katsuki_y @yuri_plisetsky wait shit nobody saw that
@katsuki_y
@v_nikiforov Oh we saw it. We saw it and we are choosing not to comment.
@v_nikiforov
@katsuki_y @yuri_plisetsky so sweden trip next year???