Chapter Text
You were getting so big.
You joked that you were becoming a whale, and should be put out to sea. Although, then you might be mistaken for a small island. Zen rolled his eyes at that.
“Not an island. More like a beautiful mermaid,” Zen would insist.
“Maybe…I mean, I am starting to resemble a manatee,” you replied thoughtfully.
Zen pinched your cheek, mock sternly.
“There is no way the beautiful mother of my child is going to be mistaken for a sea cow!”
It was your usual cheeky banter, walking home to Zen’s apartment with groceries. It was dark, late after one of Zen’s rehearsals. You both were carrying bags; Zen had the heavy ones, gentleman that he was, and he insisted you carry the delicate eggs and vegetables. You were carrying “all his precious things.”
The dork.
…your darling dork. You loved it, and he knew it.
But maybe that was part of the problem.
Maybe it was because of the honeymoon glow that never ended with this man. Maybe that made you giddy and careless.
Maybe you were paying more attention to the eggs than your feet.
Maybe he made you laugh at just the wrong moment.
Or maybe it was simply dark, and you couldn’t see the steps down to the door.
Whatever it was, in truth, it was nobody’s fault.
But in any case, one moment you were laughing, and then the next, the world tilted, and…
.
..
.
Did…did you hit your head?
And…why was your back sore?
…were those…stars?
You realized you were face-up, staring at the night sky. Confused as you were, that was all that registered, until suddenly Zen was kneeling beside you, his hands cradling your face, his beautiful eyes filled with a mix of fear and concern.
“Babe? Babe! Are you okay?!”
“What…what happened…?”
“You fell down the stairs!”
Vaguely, you were aware that he was running his hands behind your head, then your limbs, checking for blood or injuries.
“Babe, are you alright? Do you remember your name? Where are we?”
Panic tinged his voice, but still he was doing his best to take care of you. In spite of the circumstances, your heart glowed a little. This guy…!
“I’m fine!” you crack a sweet smile, trying to reassure him, “I’m MC, and we’re home, at my lovely Zen’s apartment.”
His hands finally slowed, then took yours and held them against his chest. That tender look of his…he looked so relieved as he smiled back at you. Gently keeping your hands over his heart with one hand, he rested the other hand on your belly.
“You scared me,” he breathed, “Don’t do that!”
“It wasn’t on purpose,” you rolled your eyes playfully, starting to sit up.
Then you froze.
He saw your smile vanish, and concern flooded back into his face when you took your hands back from him to touch your bump.
“S-something’s wrong,” you stammered, shaking a little; Zen was already reaching for his phone, “Call an ambulance; I don’t feel right.”
There was some bleeding.
Not a lot, but enough to get you to a doctor quickly.
You spent a tense few hours at the hospital, having a few simple procedures done, thoroughly getting yourself checked out. Zen stayed by your side the whole time, discretely keeping his gaze on your face during certain assessments. You were grateful he was there, your faithful knight. You knew he was worried, but he never complained; instead he held your hand and made sure you were comfortable throughout the whole process. It took time, but by the end, the doctor reassured you that everything was fine. The bleeding had stopped, but your baby was fine, and so long as you took it easy and promised to not fall again, the doctor was certain everything would be normal until delivery.
“Your baby is strong, just like its parents!”
Kindly, they allowed you and Zen to stay in the hospital until morning; it was quite late by then, after all. You were given a chance to relax, but true relief never really set in, not even after all the lights were put out.
You both lay in the narrow hospital bed, close together out of both necessity and to comfort each other. Zen held you in his arms the whole time, softly letting his fingers drag across your belly in lazy, random patterns. Every time the baby kicked, Zen’s hand would rest over that spot, a silent connection to your little one. When the kicking stopped, he would go back to tracing your belly.
You didn’t talk. Neither of you felt like talking. Communication filtered down to Zen occasionally kissing you with trembling lips, and you holding one of his hands in a vice grip.
You weren’t sure if either of you really slept.
The next day, seeing the circles under his eyes, you knew Zen hadn’t.
The next morning, you opted to get a car home, rather than take the bus. Zen didn’t even complain when you suggested asking Jumin for help; he simply nodded and buried his face in your hair while you typed into the app. Before long, you were glad to see Driver Kim drive up to the front of the hospital; Jaehee must have arranged it so that you would be driven home by a friend. He was sweet, and concerned for the two of you. As you got into the car, he tried for small talk, but when all Zen would do was nod, and when the middle-aged man saw how tired you both were, he let the car lapse into silence.
Before long, Driver Kim parked in front of Zen’s apartment. You praised his driving skills; you had barely felt any of his turns or when he stopped. The man glowed, and tried once more to encourage the two of you before driving off.
“MC is a healthy woman, and Zen, you’re a big, strong man. Your child will be just fine. I know everything will be easy from now on.”
Zen didn’t answer, keeping his arm around your shoulders and looking away as the driver spoke, but you could tell he listened. Smiling, you waved for the both of you as C&R’s best driver left.
And then the two of you were at the top of the stairs, staring at your front door.
“…it’s only five steps down,” you thought out loud, not really aware that you were speaking, “…how does it feel so much further? …and higher?”
Zen didn’t reply. He hadn’t said anything since calling the ambulance, you realized.
Instead, Zen lifted your arm and draped it over his shoulders, before lifting you behind your legs and supporting your back. Bridal-style, he carried you down those five, terrible steps, then waited in front of the door. His arms didn’t even shake. He was effortless, holding you. He waited a couple beats, then nudged your face gently with his nose, signalling something.
It took you a moment.
“…o-oh…! The lock…!”
Hurriedly, you dug through your pockets until you came up with the house key, and you unlocked the door. You pushed the door open and Zen carried you over the threshold. Mute, he kicked the door shut, and while you locked it, he worked his shoes off.
“…you aren’t even breaking a sweat,” you said softly, as you silent lover carried you further into the apartment, “You’re always so graceful and gentle…I forget how strong you are, sometimes.”
You didn’t see it, but Zen’s mouth twisted for a moment when you said that. He laid you on the couch, then knelt before you and started taking your shoes off. You started to protest.
“Darling, I can do that-”
When you reached down, he shoved your hands away immediately. That startled you; ever since you had conceived, he had taken special pains not to be rough with you. The Beast had become a lamb. So you sat up straight again, a little taken aback. He normally treated you like gold.
Zen noticed it, too; he had moved without thinking, and he regretted it. He hesitated, then guided one of your hands to his lips to place a light kiss on your fingers; you barely felt anything, it was like a butterfly landing. You could almost hear him thinking, Forgive me. Then, when you didn’t push him away, he continued with your shoes, one at a time, and then took your coat.
Briefly, Zen left your side to put everything away, and then he knelt in front of you again. But this time, he moved in a little between your knees, resting his face against your chest, wrapping his arms around you. He was shielding you and the baby with his body, you realized, though whether it was intentional or not, you couldn’t tell. Tenderly, you stroked his hair; at your touch, Zen gave a shuddering sigh and turned his head to the side, listening to your heartbeat.
In this way, you let the minutes tick by, running your fingers through pale, soft strands, waiting for your love to collect himself. He had been so good last night, and this morning; now it was your chance to return some of that love. Your heartbeat was his favourite lullaby, he had told you, once; the one thing that always calmed him. You touched him gently, knowing that if you stroked his hair just right, he might fall right to sleep. Part of you hoped he did; your prince looked exhausted.
“…I never forget,” Zen murmured suddenly, not looking up.
“…forget what, darling?” you prompted gently, not quite understanding.
“I never forget how strong I am,” he answered, his voice bittersweet, “It’s part of my image. I get good roles because of it. My fans love it, and best of all, my princess loves this strong body of mine. I can use it in fight scenes. My stamina never breaks. If I’m hurt, I heal like a monster. This strong body of mine has always been an asset, to me.”
Finally, he raised his head, looking straight at you. You heart twisted when you saw the frustration and bitterness in his red eyes, slowly drowning in tears.
“But I’ve given this body to you,” he said, voice shaking slightly on the emphasis, unraveling more as he continued, “Everything I am is yours. This body, I want to please you with, love you with, protect you with…and…and I can’t even stop you from falling down five steps?!”
He was yelling, now, the tears flowing freely, but you couldn’t tear your eyes away, and neither could he.
“Who gives a damn how strong this body is?! It’s pointless if it can’t protect you! You are my heart, you are my world, and I couldn’t even…!” Words started to fail him, his voice hitching between sobs, “Five steps!” he choked, his hands shaking as he brushed your tears away; you didn’t even notice you were crying, you were so busy trying to wipe away his tears, “My love…! …My love! You…and our baby…!”
He couldn’t do it, anymore; he crumbled against you, forehead against yours, matching you sob for sob. You held each other as tightly as you dared, futilely trying to wipe each others’ tears away, exchanging fearful kisses over and over and over…
Your poor, beautiful Zen was broken. The worst thing that could possibly happen to him had happened: he had discovered something that he could not protect you from. The little accidents, the little negative things that just happen in life; he could not stop those things from happening to you. Before, it hadn’t matter. But now…now five steps were a mountain.
Eventually, the tears stopped. The crying ended, but the fear remained. Your prince became your servant; there was nobody on Earth more attentive than your darling.
And until your baby girl was born, Zen carried you up and down those steps every, single time.
-fin-