Work Text:
The joy was real! You were so lucky to be starting a family with Jaehee. She was so strong and capable, and smart, and she was, hands down, the one person you knew would be a great mom. …no, not great, your queen would be a super mom!
You were so happy to carry your baby! Or rather, babies! Both of you were in on this. One of the eggs are yours, and the other was Jaehee’s. After months of screening donors (and refusing Zen’s generous offers), you and Jaehee had decided on a worthy candidate; together, you both got pregnant.
It was perfect! It was beautiful!
…it was, admittedly, a little crazy, bur your love story had never been conventional, so why not this, too?
The bliss had lasted for about a month after receiving your little buns. The two of you had gone clothes shopping, bargain hunting for baby supplies, had a little baby shower with the RFA… Jumin had bought you a beautiful double stroller, with all the ridiculously expensive (but still appreciated) special features; Zen had that extra-special twins bassinet that he had known you two had wanted, but couldn’t quite afford; Yoosung had homemade, baby-safe soaps in a little baby bath care package; Saeyoung had gifted matching cat onesies (which Jaehee hated, but you found adorable); even Saeran had given you homemade baby monitors.
Literally everyone was happy for the two of you.
It was perfect.
…until it wasn’t.
One morning, so early that it was still dark out, Jaehee had awakened you, in tears. You thought maybe she had had a nightmare, but instead, your partner urged that something was wrong and that you needed to take her to the hospital right away. You complied, and after several tests, the doctors had their verdict: Jaehee’s pregnancy had not taken as well as they had first thought. She had lost hers.
She had been inconsolable for weeks. You had handled the cafe on your own, hiring temporary staff so that Jaehee could have some time off to heal, both body and soul. By day, you were at the cafe, and by night, you were holding Jaehee together.
It wasn’t until your bump started showing that Jaehee truly came back to you. She actually noticed it before you did, while cuddling on the couch, watching a movie.
“…do you feel that?” she asked, placing a hand a little below your belly button, “…you’ve got a little bump, here.”
“Do I?” you looked sceptical, “I had a big dinner…”
“No, no, that’s a real bump!” she insisted, rubbing the little curve gently.
She looked stunned, for a moment, then she turned to you and smiled. Really smiled. Your heart thumped; that was her first real smile in so long…!
It was as if, overnight, you had your Jaehee back. She had a prenatal nutrition plan set up for you after two days, planning slight changes in your diet depending on what stage of development your baby was in at the time. She had you signed up for those Lamaze classes that everyone seemed into, and she set up a huge calendar in your kitchen with all of your doctors’ appointments. And she got you books. Books upon books upon books about what to expect when you were expecting. She signed you up for pregnant massages. She started looking up ways to baby-proof the house.
…at first, you loved it. You were being pampered, and quite frankly, your queen was back! Look at her go, planning all of these things for you! But gradually, you realized that she never seemed to…stop. She wasn’t sleeping enough, between organizing your pregnancy and working full-time, again, at the cafe. And you knew she forgot to eat lunch more often than she remembered.
She was burning herself out for your baby.
You had to stop her. You did not want her collapsing from this.
It took some time, but you finally managed to convince Jaehee to have a quiet night in. No appointments, no paperwork from the cafe, just the two of you. She had needed some coaxing, but she had agreed, and after a lovely dinner, and somehow getting a couple glasses of wine into her, your partner broke down and explained why she was trying so hard to take care of you.
“I lost your baby!” she sobbed, abandoning her glass and burying her face into your lap, “That was your egg! And I lost her!”
“That’s what you…honey, it’s not your fault!” you tried to pull her up to look at you, but she clung to your legs determinedly, “Jaehee! It was not your fault! You heard the doctor; sometimes it just doesn’t take!”
“But what if it is?” Jaehee sniffled into your lap, “What if it’s a sign? What if my body was telling me I’m not fit to be a mother? What if…” she hesitated, then whispered, “What if it losing yours means that I’m not enough for you?”
“…Jaehee…” you put a hand on her head, gently, “Honey…that’s ridiculous…”
You kept stroking her head, trying to calm her down, murmuring in calming tones.
“Jaehee, you’re going to be a wonderful mother. I know it. You, my dear, are the strongest person that I know. This baby in me, right now? She’s strong because you’re strong. She’s a survivor, just like you. And when she grows up, she is going to be the smartest, most determined kid out there. Just like her Mama! …but she needs you to get there, Jaehee. It has to be you. I can’t do this without you. So please…don’t push yourself so hard. It hurts me to see you wear yourself out, like this. And you are everything our baby needs, and more. Just the way you are.”