Chapter Text
"Hey, Einstein!"
He hated that name. They always called him that, and he hated it. But he would never tell them, because he thought that if he went along with everything, they would like him. He needed them to like him.
"Einstein, jump in the pool! Go in the deep end. If you do, Kristen said she'd take her top off for you!"
They knew he couldn't swim. He reasoned that they were just too drunk to remember. He faced the pool and rubbed his fingertips together in a nervous gesture. "I think I'll pass," he told them.
"Jesus, man, don't be a pussy! You're just not interested in Kristen's boobs, huh? I knew it! You're a total faggot!" He couldn't let them think that about him. He'd seen how they treated others accused of homosexuality.
"No, it's not that-"
"Then what're you waiting for?" Two pairs of arms grabbed him and he was being lifted up.
Panic rushed over him. "No! Wait!" He began to thrash, and they began to laugh. "Please, stop!" They brought him next to the 10ft mark and threw him in. His heart stuttered painfully in his chest. He hit the water and he opened his mouth on reflex, filling his lungs with the burn of chlorine.
He tried to kick his legs and move his arms, but they had felt so heavy. His eyes were open and he could see faces watching him beyond the surface of the water. None of them made any move to keep him from drowning. The loneliness that gripped him in that moment was more suffocating than the water itself. His fingers scraped against the wall of the pool, and he clawed his way up until he felt the edge. He pulled himself out of the water, adrenaline replacing the strength he lacked. He lay on the concrete, his legs dangled in the pool, and he was choking up water in between terrified gasps.
"Holy shit, he peed on me!" yelled one of the boys that had thrown him in. There was so much laughter. He shook with self-loathing. He felt so humiliated. So sick. He continued to cough, and eventually he started to spit up bile instead of water.
Their laughter intensified. "Look at Einstein! He's puking! Shit, I think he's crying!" they crowed with glee.
"Look at Einstein!"
Hermann wakes with a shuddering jolt, lungs tight and breaths short. He has fistfuls of the sheets underneath him, and it takes a few moments before he can force himself to relax enough to release them. He closes his eyes and tries to breathe deeply. He can feel after effects of the nightmare lingering. Well, not nightmare, exactly. Enough time has passed since he and Newton drifted that he's now able to tell when he's dreaming, and when he's recalling a memory. And that memory was certainly not his.
Newton trudges through the halls of the Shatterdome, exhaustion sitting heavy on his shoulders. He's lost count of how many hours he spent in the lab. A few days, maybe. He can't remember the last time he ate. His stomach rumbles, and a couple of tired steps later, he finds himself in the mess hall. To his relief, it's mostly empty, save for a few people scattered around some of the tables. He grabs a tray and starts to fill it with what food was left out. He stops in front of the milk cartons and tries to remember if he prefers plain or chocolate milk.
"No freaking way. Is that you, Einstein?"
His heart stops. For a moment, he forgets how to breathe. He swallows dryly and closes his eyes, and tries not to think about the last time he was called Einstein. He opens his eyes before too much time can pass, and prepares to turn around. He can't show weakness. He can't be weak.
He glances around, and sitting at a nearby table is the bane of his college life.
/jump in the pool Einstein what are you waiting for Einstein you faggot everybody look at Einstein/
"Jack," Newton chokes, barely above a whisper.
Jack grins at him, and it is so predatory that Newton wonders how he ever mistook it for something friendly. "Hey there, Einstein."
/I hate that name I hate that name I hate that name/
To his horror, Newton's hands start to shake. A cold sweat breaks out on his neck. "What are you doing here?" he mutters, trying to school his expression into something seemingly disinterested. Jack stands up, and with dread Newton registers the sound of his own tray clattering to the floor.
/don't come near me don't come near me nononono/
By dropping his tray in fear, Newton has just revealed the hold Jack still has on him, and Jack's grin widens. Self-hatred and incredible fear force a tight grip around Newton, and he curses his clammy hands for dropping the tray. The urge to vomit increases the closer Jack gets.
"It's been a while, hasn't it?" Jack says. He looks at Newton's arms, and smiles. "Tattoos? That's balls-y of you, Einstein."
Newton resists the sudden need to cover them. Having Jack's eyes on his ink makes him feel tainted. They're supposed to be his armor. "What are you doing here?" Newton repeats, stronger this time.
Jack smirks at him. "Isn't it obvious? I work here."
"How long?"
"A few months. They needed manual labor for clean up."
"How come I've never seen you?"
"Because you never leave your lab." Jack sneers, eyeing the bags under Newt's eyes. "I'm right, aren't I? Let me guess, this is your first time out in about... 10 weeks?"
"That's none of your business," Newton breathes.
"Ooh, look at you, getting all feisty," Jack coos, reaching up to pinch Newton's cheek.
/NO CAN'T LET HIM TOUCH ME DON'T LET HIM TOUCH/
Newton flinches and smacks Jack's hand. "Don't touch me-!"
Jack grabs him by the collar and shoves him back, leaning into his space. "Careful, Einstein," Jack huffs against Newton's cheek. /it's just an intimidation tactic don't let him get to you don't react don't react/ "Someone might think you grew a backbone if you keep acting up."
Newton shudders against Jack's fist and keeps his eyes on the floor.
He is so furious with himself. Years have passed since he last saw this person and Newton's grown, he's made something of himself, and, by God, he saved the damn planet. There is no reason for him to be afraid. He's become twice the man Jack will ever be. He knows this. He tries to tell himself this.
"Let go of me," Newton croaks, inhaling shakily. Jack smirks and steps back, the malice in his eyes shining with victory. Newton turns away from him and decides ignoring him will be for the best.
/don't let him win never let him win/
"You know, I missed you, Einstein. You were always so much fun." Newton chances a look through the rest of the mess hall, and sees that everyone in there is watching them. He takes a guess that they witnessed Jack shoving him around. He tries not to be surprised that no one did anything.
/they just watch all they do is watch they're laughing they just watch me drown/
He picks up another tray with shaking fingers, the feeling of Jack's eyes burning his skin. He starts to restock his plate, regardless of his lost appetite.
/tune him out Newt don't listen to a single thing he says/
"So how's your boyfriend doing? He is your boyfriend, isn't he?"
Newt's heart stutters. He's talking about Hermann. He knows he's talking about Hermann. He's heard enough rumors in passing and jokes directed in his general direction (sometimes it's Hemann's), that he knows he and Hermann are popularly thought of as an item. That could never be the case though, of course. He continues to put food on his tray, and refuses to acknowledge Jack's words.
/can't let him touch Hermann don't let him near Hermann don't let him speak of Hermann don't let him take Hermann from you too/
"I'm hardly surprised you really are a faggot. But I was wondering, has he healed alright since that unfortunate incident with his cane?"
Newton's blood goes cold.
The "unfortunate incident" with the cane was almost a month ago. Hermann had been at a meeting, and had left his cane unattended a few feet away. When he had retrieved it, nothing was obviously wrong with it. But when he tried to go down a flight of stairs and put his full weight on it, it snapped. He almost broke his good leg.
At the time, Newton had been out of country for a conference (everybody wanted to hear what he had to say about kaijus and drifting with one), but when he heard the news he was absolutely livid. He saw that cane. It was deliberately cut to snap with enough pressure put on it.
Newton turned back to Jack. Rage began to boil under his fingertips, Jack's smug face fueling his anger. "You did it, didn't you?"
Jack shrugs and grabs an apple from one of the nearby fruit bowls. "Now, what could make you think that? Though, I'm sure that whoever is responsible only did it to spice things up a little. You've seen that guy's face, he always looks so constipated. The expression he made before he fell was a nice change of pace."
Newton saw red.
/he hurt Hermann he hurt Hermann it's fine if he hurts you he can hurt you if you're hurt Hermann's not hurt but he hurt Hermann he could have killed Hermann HE ALMOST KILLED HERMANN/
Newton revels in the look in Jack's eyes the moment before his fist makes contact with his proud, disgusting face. He feels more so than hears the crack of Jack's nose. He registers a collective gasp throughout the mess hall, and he sincerely hopes they don't choose this moment to butt in.
Jack looks at him with unshrouded fury and Newton knows it will be bad.
He watches Jack get to his feet and everything feels slow. He takes this moment to allow himself pride for finally punching this scum. Funny that the punch was for Hermann rather than himself.
/it's because you don't matter but Hermann does Hermann matters so much/
Jack's fist collides with Newton's jaw and he barely keeps from crying out.