Chapter Text
Through the comfort of her hotel room, Kelley watched the rain turn the streetlights into twinkling stars. The drops beat lightly on the window and Kelley followed their trail all the way to the windowsill. She couldn’t shake the feeling of melancholy that had permeated her time so far at camp. From the moment she’d donned her red warmups, the crest had felt heavy on her chest. She’d pushed her thoughts out of her mind and come away with the best beep test score at camp. She’d smiled through the congratulations, but looked forward to pushing her body as far as she could, in hopes of lessening the hole in her heart, the constant ache of loss.
The last year had not been kind to her personal or professional life. Winning a starting spot, but losing in the quarterfinals of the Olympics. Working through injury and a disappointing club season. Ending her longtime relationship and losing many of her friends in the process. And losing her mentor suddenly, with no contact for months.
Kelley’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a keycard in the door. Kelley quickly wiped at the moisture that had pooled in her eyes as the door opened behind her. She swallowed thickly, pushing away the emotion as she had so many times over the last few days.
“Hey,” Ali greeted Kelley’s back as she shut the door behind her.
“Hey,” Kelley greeted brightly, hating the way her voice had wavered. She continued to face the window, but watched Ali in the reflection.
From behind her, Ali paused at the emotion in Kelley’s voice. She set her stuff down on her bed and then sat down next to it. “Kell are you ok?”
Kelley cleared her throat and half turned, “Yeah, fine. I was just about to go down to dinner.”
“Mh, ok,” Ali replied. Kelley turned back to the window and watched as Ali nodded and then stood. Kelley looked down at her feet as Ali came to stand next to her, hands in her pockets.
Kelley sighed and shook her head, “Really Ali, I’m fine.”
“You’re not and that’s ok. Look, I know we’ve been competing for the same spot for a really long time, but I’ve always considered you a friend. I know when you’re hurting. Other people may not know, but those of us who have known you the longest know. And it’s not just me who is worried. You put on a good show, but something is different. And it’s ok if you don’t want to talk to me or to anyone, but just know that there’s a lot of people who care for you and are here for you,” Ali told her, turning to face Kelley.
Kelley nodded slowly and stole another look at Ali. Tears welled in her eyes as she noted the look of concern on Ali’s face. She wiped them away quickly and muttered, “It’s just been a tough year, you know?”
“Yeah, I know,” Ali said softly. “But for what it’s worth, I know she isn’t the only thing you are upset about, but I miss her too.”
Kelley nodded and slowly sighed. “It just doesn’t feel like camp without her I guess. I’ve never been to a camp where she wasn’t there. I mean I knew someday it would happen, but not like this,” Kelley explained.
“I know. Me too. As bossy as she was, she was our rock. I know I wasn’t as close to her as you were, but I really do miss her,” Ali confided and then after a beat asked, “Have you heard from her?”
“No,” Kelley replied, her voice almost a whisper. “Not since the day she was suspended.”
“Mh,” Ali replied, momentarily lost in thought. Finally, she asked, “Have you tried texting her?”
“No,” Kelley said quickly. “No, I don’t want to bother her. She’s recovering from surgery and moving and fighting the patriarchy and all that. She doesn’t want to hear from me.”
“Kelley, she’s at the Women’s March for Christ’s sake. She’s available,” Ali shot back. She took a deep breath and then asked, “Are you worried she doesn’t want to hear from you? Or that she won’t text back?”
“I don’t know,” Kelley said quickly with a shrug. “She’s Hope, you know? I never could predict what she’d do. If she wanted to talk to me she’d reach out, I guess. But she’s Hope so she’s probably moved on from us. She’s probably already thinking about her next move.”
“Mh,” Ali agreed with a nod. “Hope is Hope, but you guys were close. I’m pretty sure she’d be happy to hear from you.”
“Yeah, I thought we were. I don’t know anymore. But maybe,” Kelley said, turning away from the window and plopping down on her bed. She looked up at the ceiling, hopefully signaling to Ali that this conversation was over. “Maybe I’ll try.”
“Ok,” Ali nodded, walking away from the window. She grabbed her phone and her hotel key card. “I’ll see you at dinner.”
“I’ll be down in a minute,” Kelley said, sitting up. Ali nodded and walked to the door. “Hey Ali?” Kelley asked quietly.
Ali paused at the door and turned back to Kelley, her eyebrows raised. “Yeah?”
“Thanks,” Kelley replied quietly. “Thanks for asking.”
Ali smiled softly and said, “Anytime. I’ll see you at dinner.” Kelley returned her smile with a small one of her own and watched as Ali closed the door behind her.
Kelley plopped back down on the bed and pulled her phone out of her pocket. She opened up the Instagram app on her phone and searched for Hope’s name. She opened up the most recent picture, one of a smiling Hope at the Women’s March, proudly displaying her “The Future is Equal” t-shirt. Kelley smiled in spite of herself and opened up her Twitter app. She typed, “I’m particularly fond of being female every day, but today it feels extra awesome.” She added an emoji and hashtagged the Women’s March. Part of her hoped that Hope would see it and know she supported her. And maybe that she missed her.
***
After a long day of marching and yelling and meeting amazing people, Hope grabbed her phone to plug it in. The text message she’d received while she was in the shower gave her pause. She opened it up and stared at it for a moment, emotion welling up from seemingly out of nowhere.
“What is it?” her husband asked.
Hope shook her head quickly and plugged in her phone. She looked at the text message again, her thumbs hovering over the keypad. Finally, she text back, “I miss you too.”