Archive of Our Own ^beta

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“Sometimes I forget I have a body…” Ian looked at George who was sitting on the hotel room chair across from him. The party they had been invited to had given Ian a headache after about two hours of nonstop music and yelling just to hear each other, so George agreed to accompany him upstairs back to one of the rooms Max had given them keys to. Despite the high and lively atmosphere it was raining pretty hard outside. The night was cold and it made the quiet that more surreal once they closed the door to all the noise downstairs. Ian had flipped the TV on low volume for background noise while George flopped down on the chair and lit a cigarette.

“Why do you say that?” Ian was slightly awed at the way George spoke. It was like watching a movie. George chuckled a little.

“This shit is so bad for me and I forget sometimes that it would be worth it to stop. But my brain says yes like it doesn’t have any qualms about not taking care of my body.” Ian just hmm’d and they made eye contact. A few unspoken feelings passed between them and Ian leaned back on his hands. Before he said anything George stood up and put his cigarette out in an ashtray by the window sill.

“Maybe find a better replacement for your cigs, like a new habit.” Telling George he had an “oral fixation” would just lead to insincere jokes so he kept quiet.

“Yeeeeah…” George poked at the cold window absently and turned his head at Ian. “Your head feeling any better?”

“A little. You can go back downstairs if you want.” Ian stood and shrugged his jacket off and set it on the dresser.

“Nah, I wasn’t asking cause I want to go back. Sometimes escaping in the crowd is good but tonight’s just one of those nights where the weather gets to me and I get tired of interacting so much.”

“Understandable.” Ian plopped himself on the bed and leaned back against the headboard and closed his eyes, sighed, and folded his hands. The room was comfortably dark except for the light of the TV. He heard George shuffle around for a second and spared him a glance. He didn't want to act like he was ignoring him, but he was already winding down. He watched George throw his own hoodie to the chair he previously occupied and closed his eyes again. The bed dipped and he felt George copy his position before he stilled, arms folded on his chest and staring at the TV.

“Max and Chad are probably wondering where we went.” George said offhandedly.

“If Max and Chad are thinking about us they’re not partying as hard as they said they were going to.” Ian let out a breathy laugh and then went quiet. Some reality show was playing on the local station he had randomly flipped to, the large subtitles scrolling. After a while of silence Ian was certain George had fallen asleep until he spoke up again.

“You ever feel lonely even around a bunch of people?” Ian thought George was loopy for a second being so talkative about odd things, but it was probably the atmosphere or something. They’d had a few heart to hearts in the past but only up until recently had they become close enough to hang out without the gang once in a while.

“Yeah, I suppose…Kind of like being with friends you’ve never hung out with before.”

“Something like that. I don’t know man this party isn’t for me tonight. I party too much when I’m back in New York anyways.” Ian watched him yawn out of the corner of his eye. “I’d rather be here.” George left his eyes closed and let his head fall against Ian’s left shoulder. He didn’t really know what to think but he had kind of felt this small tension between them before. The kind you feel when things could be said but really aren’t needed. Or at least they don’t seem needed until something like this happens. He didn’t know if George meant here as in a new city with the guys or here with him right now. It was weird really because as much shit as they all gave each other, incorporating every aspect of their lives with comedy because of their jobs, moments like this were rare, unexpected, but most of all incredibly memorable. Ian felt hyper aware of the feeling of George right next to him, touching him, in their isolation.

“Is that you Joji?” George let out a short chuckle and shifted his head to look up at Ian. For a split second Ian had a flashback of the Hair Cake video and his breath caught in his throat. That had just been a whim, an unscripted meme. Now he almost couldn’t get the image out of his head. After watching the video themselves he knew that all the viewers had seen how they moved in, tilted heads and pursed lips, but when he remembers it it’s all the angles of George’s face, goofy glasses, and non-hesitation. For a second he forgets that George is even looking at him now that when he looks away and sits himself up the reverie is broken.

If there were any time to set aside whatever he had to say it would be now. Ian scooted back in so their arms were touching and shifted on his side to remove the backwards cap that was still on George’s head. This surprised George and even Ian a little bit, but reaching for the bill behind his head Ian lifted the hat to watch the dark hair that fell out before leaning in just close enough for their breath to mingle. Ian refused to make eye contact for a moment, wondering if this could be a mistake on his part, but when he finally felt George brush their noses together he looked up to see those dark lidded eyes staring right at him. He didn’t really comprehend the fact that by rolling this far he was practically resting his torso on top of George, but the other didn’t seem to mind. When he finally stopped hesitating he made it a point to kiss George just firm enough to push his head backwards slightly to make up for the delay. He couldn’t have him initiating everything after all.
It was different than he remembered but that was probably because it was more intentional and was lasting way longer than he thought it would. He wasn’t sure when his eyes had closed but they opened again when he felt George’s tongue at his bottom lip. He let go of the hat at the back of George’s head and propped himself up on his hands to cage him in, allowing the kiss to gain momentum. He heard George’s breath hitch as they began to move their lips together. It went on slowly for a minute or two until Ian felt a hand press against his chest. His heart dropped a little at the notion that George was deciding to push him away, thoughts circling around immediately about how this had been a bad idea, that the weather had gotten to their heads just like George had said. So it was a little surprising that when he opened his eyes as he sat back onto his heels that George’s face was still the same and quickly moving towards him again. The hand on Ian’s chest moved away to grab the back of his neck and pull him in for a much more intense kind of kiss than they had been having.

Now they were sitting on their knees, facing each other on this hotel bed, in a dark room, on a cold night, and the fact that no one would bother after they had been disappeared for so long made Ian wrap an arm around George at the waist and help him into his lap. Ian was significantly taller than George, so seeing his face so close up above him was a completely new experience. The passion settled down when their eyes caught each other’s and George pulled his lips away just enough to initiate a few small, chaste kisses before stopping. Ian let out a breath, and another, and then a small laugh. He looked down to break the gaze that George had caught him in and loosened his arm, opting to bring both of his hands to rest on his hips lightly. George’s cheek bumped the side of his head where it stayed, and the hand that had been on Ian’s neck ran down his back softly.

“I guess we can’t be how we were now.” He felt George hold his breath quietly waiting for a response.

“That’s okay,” Ian started off, “I don’t want to be that way anymore. We can just be this way now if that’s what you want.” It didn’t even sound like him when he said it. George must have thought that too because he leaned back to look at Ian’s dazed face.

“When you say things like that you realize my brain can't take it if there’s a chance you’re not serious.” Ian looked at him sternly.

“I am serious. I’m here to get you out of your head and your chest, and whatever else it is that makes you sad all the time.” Those words Ian never knew he had to say came spilling out. It wasn’t unknown that George had issues, he was the type of person to be caught up in his own world any time you looked away or left him alone. It doesn’t always make for good artistry or inspiration either. More often than not Ian had caught him staring off into space with an empty look and it was unsettling sometimes. George moved out of Ian’s lap and patted where he had been laying before all of this had happened. Ian scooted in and they laid down with their sides pressed together, staring at the ceiling. Now that the air was pretty much clear they could focus on the rain that had picked up outside, and on the things they might say next.

“I guess now we just figure out the rest.” George said softly, thoughts of reality easing back into his mind as he thought of the gang downstairs and the flights back home they’d have to take in a few weeks.

“Yeah. One more thing,” Ian lifted himself back up to hover over George who looked at him questioningly now, traces of sadness in his face no longer present for once which lifted the air in Ian’s chest. He smirked a little, “permission to call you baby?” And George laughed.

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His heart was made here. George couldn’t think of any other place he felt so happy, and he was sure he’d always end up back here. Maybe it was just Australia, something about it gave him that feeling of being so young. But it wasn’t just that. He looked at Ian’s hand in his, George’s shoulder pressed close to the back of his arm. It was pretty warm today but the new year was treating them well for how hot it could really be. They were wandering toward one of the beaches down a path that was slightly more secluded by grass. He couldn’t remember a day they had gotten up this early their whole relationship, but it was almost eight thirty and he wasn’t even tired. The other guys probably wouldn’t wake up until around eleven. Ian said something that he didn’t catch and looked up at him.

“What?”

“Do you want to get breakfast in a little bit?”

“Oh yeah, we can.” They hit the end of the trail where the sand was really fluffy and warm and white, and the ocean was fully visible. They walked off the to side and sat far away from anyone else out here this early. Ian let their hands go to prop himself up as he fell to his spot and George landed a little more gracefully as he crossed his legs. George breathed in the ocean air and let out a loud sigh to the sky before looking at Ian who was watching him with a small smirk. George returned it.

“You look like a dork.”

“Shut up, so do you.” The simplicity of their relationship was one thing George was entirely grateful for. It made him feel bad for any times he made it difficult for Ian when it came to his internal problems, the smoking, the times he got distant because he wasn’t sure of himself. But Ian was more sure of him than any other person George had been with. All the girls, the few guys, they didn’t amount to much when he looked at himself now. When he looked at Ian. The ability he now had to be carefree without that lingering sadness in the back of his mind all the time was entirely freeing. A year had passed so quickly since that second kiss in the dark, and it was unbelievable how they had found everything in each other so easily, even when they were far apart sometimes.

“Do you want to move in together?” George turned to Ian again when he broke the silence and gave him a surprised face.

“You—Really?” His heart lit up and he figured Ian could see it in his face because he smiled at him funnily.

“Yeah, really. Would you come back to L.A. with me?” Ian leaned forward so they were face to face. George didn’t really know what to say. Was this like a proposal? Were they really that gay? Wait, no this was important.

“Yeah, yes. Yes…” George let out a laugh that made him a little embarrassed so he covered his mouth with the back of his hand out of habit. Ian was still smiling and George wanted to give him shit for it but he couldn’t bring himself to. “Stop laughing at me, dick.” Ian let out a real laugh this time and leaned in to press their lips together. They had shared so many kisses like this and they still managed to make Ian’s head fuzzy. George pulled back slightly with his eyes closed. “I love you,” he whispered and Ian watched his eyes snap open, but before George could even think to regret what he said Ian threw an arm behind his back and kissed his cheek, the corner of his mouth, and finally his lips.

“I love you too, baby, you’re the best.” George leaned in again and stopped when his stomach growled. This time he laughed.

“I think that beach side diner is open now.” Ian stood up and held his hand out to help George up. They brushed the sand off of them and hooked their fingers as they walked down the side of the grass to the dock that had a few people wandering around it as well. He watched Ian’s face for most of the way over there and he seemed not to notice that he was being stared at, adored, appreciated. George let his free hand fall to the square in his pocket. The cigarette box had only been half finished in the span of a week. He pulled it out as they came upon a tall blue trash barrel, and he dropped it in for the last time.