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“Hello, Peeta.”
“Dr. Everdeen,” he replies with a curt nod.
You could cut the tension in here with a knife. I wish Prim was here to help get rid of some of the awkwardness. Hell, I wish anyone was here but me, but everyone else will have gone home by now. I can’t even hope for Effie to come in and interrupt. Shaking my head a little, I hang up the x-rays and turn on the light. After I give his x-rays a through check I put them down on the table and slide my rolling stool over to him. Peeta raises his eyebrows expectantly. I clear my throat before beginning. “Everything looks fine, Peeta. The fillings look perfect on the x-ray, but would you mind if I took a quick look?”
Peeta shakes his head and leans back in the chair. I adjust his seat with the foot pedal while I put on my gloves. When he sees I’m ready, he opens his mouth and I give his fillings and the area where his wisdom teeth were taken out a through look. I try to ignore the fact that my face is only a few inches from his face, but it’s hard to concentrate when I can feel his gaze boring into me, watching me while I examine him. I pull my fingers out of his mouth. “Well, the fillings look fine, have you had any discomfort with them?”
“Nope.”
“It looks like Dr. Odair did a great job with your wisdom teeth. You’re not in any pain, right?”
Peeta gives me a bewildered look. “No. Katniss, my surgery was five months ago. I’m fine,” he says coldly.
I lean back. “Geez, sorry, Peeta. I was just asking. I am the dentist,” I respond, taken aback by his rudeness. Peeta rolls his eyes, which immediately ticks me off. How old is he? “You don’t have to be so rude to me.”
Peeta leans forward, glaring at me. “Really? You can say that to me? After the way you treated me?” He huffs as he leans back in the chair. “You have no idea, the effect you’ve had on me.”
I have no idea? He has no idea the effect he’s had on me. He doesn’t know how often I’ve thought about him, how many times I’ve regretted saying no to him. How I’ve spent the last five months wishing that I could go back to that bakery and apologize to him and beg for his forgiveness. But I never went to the bakery, I’ve even avoided going down the street that it’s on. I couldn’t. I couldn’t stomach my own stupid pride and stubbornness, I couldn’t tell him that I did find him attractive and that I did so very much want to go out with him. I couldn’t tell him that I was afraid, and that’s why I said no to him. I couldn’t tell him that instead of dealing with my insecurities like an adult, I decided to run away from him. No, he can’t know the fact that I’ve avoided even driving down the street the bakery is on, because one glimpse of him would likely weaken my resolve and bring me to my knees, begging his forgiveness.
He has no idea. Peeta Mellark has no idea that even though I know I’m in the wrong, that I’ve known it every day for the past five months, that I’ve let my own insecurities and pride in the way. I’m afraid of having feelings for him, of jumping down the rabbit hole with him. I was so convinced that I would be jumping alone, I failed to recognize all the signs that were telling me that he was jumping with me. I was so far gone that when he asked me out, I thought that he couldn’t possibly serious, so I said no because it was easier to hurt him now than to potentially have him hurt me later. But when I realized that his flirting and free deliveries of baked goods and even his proposal to go out on a date were real, that he might actually feel the same way I feel, I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t stand the idea that this whole thing was fault, so instead of crawling back to him and apologizing, I let my own stubbornness lock me away in the dental office, safe from love and Peeta Mellark.
I can see him waiting for my response, but I don’t have one ready for him. I don’t know what to say, where to even begin.
Peeta’s patience is waning with every second of my silence. Frustrated, he bursts out, “Well what do you want, Katniss? We’re flirting one minute and the next minute you’re aloof. You visit me in my bakery, I ask you out in front of my brother and friends, and you completely blow me off. I thought you might actually like me, but no, you shrug me off and then I don’t hear from you in six months. Hell, the only reason we’re talking right now is because I had to come in for a teeth cleaning.” He throws his hands up in exasperation. “So what gives? What do you want from me, Katniss? What do you want?”
This is it. The moment I have to let all of this shit go, because I know that if he walks out the door, I’ll never have this chance again. I take a deep breath. “You. I want you.”