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There are moments that the words don’t reach
There is suffering too terrible to name
You hold your child as tight as you can
And push away the unimaginable
The moments when you’re in so deep
It feels easier to just swim down
As Ed had pushed him off those docks, Oswald felt what was left of his heart shatter. The cold of the river was warm compared to the ice in Ed's final words.
"I loved her. And you killed her."
He'd lost everything before, and had always climbed his way back up to the top. Clawed, and fought tooth and nail to be at the top. But what good was being at the top if you had no one to stand beside you? And was it worth another grueling battle? Was the last thought he had, before the chill of the water combined with the pain from the bullet wound overwhelmed his senses, and his consciousness flickered out like a dead lightbulb.
The Hamilton's move uptown
And learn to live with the unimaginable
Somehow, Oswald found himself waking up. Being pulled from the comforting depths of the recesses of his mind was a harsh shock, but paled in comparison to the pain that shot through him as he tried to sit up. Crying out, he fell back. He continued crying, and somehow Ed's name got thrown in the mix.
An old man walked into the room, a look of concern on his face. Oswald's first instinct was to throw the nearest sharp object in his direction, but his hands were shaking so badly that he nearly hurt himself.
"Young man. I can tell you've been hurt in more ways than one." He soothed Oswald back onto the bed.
"Just rest, and you can stay here until you've healed." Oswald had laughed bitterly at that, but was too weak to do anything other than comply.
When he woke again it was dark, the window next to him showing a sky filled with stars.
The man was sitting across the room, reading a book. Hot food lay on a table next to Oswald.
"Who are you?" Oswald murmured, the pain having subsided enough for him to sit up and carefully take the food.
"No one important son." The man murmured.
"Why are you helping me?"
"You washed up half dead on my shore, and I knocked the life back into you."
"What if I didn't want the life knocked back into me?" Oswald chuckled bitterly, almost wolfing down the food.
"Well you seem pretty keen on life at the moment." The man gestured towards the fast dwindling food.
"Might as well now that I am alive." Oswald glanced out the window, eyes darting from star to star. Somewhere, in Gotham, Ed was probably looking at the same stars. At the thought of Ed, Oswald felt his heart twist painfully, and eating the food seemed like a mistake as his stomach twisted as well.
"Where am I?"
"Upriver. You know the city Gotham?"
"Yea. Heard of it." Oswald shook his head, a humorless smile gracing his lips.
"About 200 miles upriver. We're a small town, but we get by."
Oswald could only nod, his gaze still fixed on the stars.
I spend hours in the garden
I walk alone to the store
And it’s quiet uptown
I never liked the quiet before
I take the children to church on Sunday
A sign of the cross at the door
And I pray
That never used to happen before
The old man was true to his word, letting Oswald stay with him and help him on the small farm he took care of. Oswald ran errands for him, the people in the small farming community whispering and pointing at him whenever he was in town.
If you see him in the street, walking by
Himself, talking to himself, have pity
He is working through the unimaginable
Days passed, and while the physical pain faded, the scar left on Oswald's heart only grew deeper. The endless line of tasks to be done on the farm gave him hours of silence and contemplation. He wanted Ed. Still wanted Ed. There had never been anyone else he'd felt that close to other than his mother, and after a time, his father. But Ed had been the one, who'd picked him that day at the GCPD. Ed, who'd taken Oswald in when he was on the run from Galavan.
Ed, who'd promised to do anything for him.
Oswald felt some of the sadness replaced by anger. Ed had broken every promise. Oswald had let Ed into his heart and soul, allowed decades of barriers to fall, and what had he been repaid with? A bullet. All because of some girl.
His hair has gone grey. He passes every day
They say he walks the length of the city
Can you imagine?
3 months after Oswald had first woken up in the old mans house, Ed appeared. The doorbell had rung, and Oswald had answered it.
Upon seeing Ed's face, he'd slammed the door. But he had lingered behind it. His previously dead heart seemed to be beating again, damned thing.
"Oswald. Please." Ed's voice was barely above a whisper. "Let me in."
"No." Oswald chuckled. "Last time I did that I almost died."
"Oswald! We have to talk. Just, please open the door."
"Edward!" Oswald could almost picture Ed's flinch. He never called the man by his full first name. "Just go. Leave me alone. You made your position very clear."
"Things have changed." The words sent a shiver down Oswald's spine. He shouldn't have, but he opened the door a crack, being met by Ed's dark eyes.
Look at where we are
Look at where we started
I know I don’t deserve you, Eliza
But hear me out. That would be enough
If I could spare his life
If I could trade his life for mine
He’d be standing here right now
And you would smile, and that would be enough
I don’t pretend to know
The challenges we’re facing
I know there’s no replacing what we’ve lost
And you need time
But I’m not afraid
I know who I married
Just let me stay here by your side
That would be enough
And Oswald let Ed in, and they talked, Oswald flipping a knife through his fingers the whole time, a trick Butch Gilzean had taught him. He couldn't trust Ed farther than he could throw him, but he was willing to listen.
Ed told him Isabella had been a hoax, merely an actress hired by Barbara Kean in order to break both of them up, and gain power herself.
According to Ed, Butch and Tabatha now ruled Gotham, only answering to Barbara. And Ed had terrorized the city, and the GCPD, before being forced to flee.
He asked if he could stay with Oswald.
Oswald said no, he still needed time.
The old man said yes, convinced Oswald needed this.
If you see him in the street, walking by her
Side, talking by her side, have pity
He is trying to do the unimaginable
See them walking in the park, long after dark
Taking in the sights of the city
They are trying to do the unimaginable
For the first week, it was absolute torture. Ed followed Oswald everywhere, telling riddles whenever he could. The people in the town were beside themselves, now there were 2 weirdos instead of one?
But after almost a month of putting up with Ed's persistent chatter, Oswald found himself confronting the man.
"Ed! How can you just act like everything's ok? Like we're still friends? How can you just ignore the past?"
He glared at the taller man, almost in tears. Ed swallowed and took a step back, staring at the floor.
"I don't ignore the past, and you're right. It is an act." He continued on. "Oswald I am so, so sorry. I'm, an impulsive person. A cruel, and vicious, impulsive person. A narcissist. But I realize I wronged you." He himself seemed about to cry. "What I did, to you, was unforgivable. I realize that I broke every promise I ever made to you. I hurt you, beyond words. And when I found out Isabella was a fake, I immediately regretted everything I'd said and done to you."
"Your feelings were real however." Ed was interrupted by Oswald's quiet voice. "Briefly, you thought what you were doing was right. And I can't fault you for that. I too acted impulsively, out of jealousy, out of love." He shrugged. "We've both done terrible things out of emotion."
"Then shall we agree to never act out of such emotions again?"
"Hmm. A good idea."
There are moments that the words don’t reach
There is a grace too powerful to name
We push away what we can never understand
We push away the unimaginable
And such began the slow restoration of their friendship. Oswald now listened to Ed's words, and Ed spoke less of them. They spent evenings talking, sitting on the riverbank where Oswald had first washed up. They learn so much more about each other, and Oswald felt the beginning of a familiar emotion stir in his chest when he looked at Ed.
But he repressed them.
Those feelings would only get him hurt again.
They are standing in the garden
Alexander by Eliza’s side
She takes his hand
They spent an unknown amount of weeks at the farm, until the old man passed. It was peaceful, and he had written a will that said his farm would go to the closest neighbor, who would take it over in the morning.
But for now, Ed and Oswald were left alone.
They sat on their usual spot by the riverbank, as the sun dripped from the sky into the horizon, to be replaced by a clear, bright moon.
"You know Ed?" Oswald murmured, feeling a breeze blow his hair back a little.
"I probably do." The other man shrugged.
"It's nice upstate. Quiet, in comparison to Gotham."
"Indeed. It is quiet upstate." Oswald felt Ed's hand rest over his own, for a brief moment before Ed pushed his glasses further up his nose. "I enjoy being here. With you."
"And I you Ed."
"Shall we put past transgressions behind us? In order to move forward?" He dared ask.
"To move forward." Oswald agreed, and part of him meant it. He almost laughed, only psychopaths could find it in their hearts to forgive each other for being psychopaths.
Forgiveness. Can you imagine?
Forgiveness. Can you imagine?
They decided to return to Gotham. To take their place as rulers again. Take down Butch, Tabatha and Barbara. But beneath the surface, both were still hurting. Oswald still couldn't trust Ed, and somehow Ed could sense it. But it was never verbally communicated.
If you see him in the street, walking by her
Side, talking by her side, have pity
They are going through the unimaginable
It was only a matter of time.
Almost a year had passed since Oswald had been shot.
And it had taken half that time for him to be able to trust Ed again.
But it was only a matter of time before everything blew up again.