Work Text:
It all started with an offhand comment while Sukeroku was preparing for the day’s big show.
“Hey, Bon. I’ve been wondering something.”
“Hmm? What is it?”
“Well, I was just thinking, who’s been by our side during our entire careers but never spoke a word of rakugo?”
“I can think of a lot of people, actually.”
“No, but think about it, there’s one person who should know all of our stories by now. And he’s never once performed for us.”
“... You’re planning something weird, aren’t you?”
“So what if I am? This is gonna be great, trust me. After the show, bring home a nice big bottle of sake and I know exactly how we’re going to spend the night.”
Later that night, after an incredibly successful show, Kikuhiko did as he was told and brought the largest bottle of sake he could carry.
“Ugh, this is totally going to be some kind of trick to get me to pay for his irresponsible habits…” Kikuhiko muttered to himself.
As he approached the door to his apartment, he braced himself for whatever he might find when he walked in… but as he entered, he caught a glimpse of the most unlikely guest he could think of.
“Matsuda-san?!” Kikuhiko shouted in surprise.
“He works so hard for shisho, day in and day out, that the guy deserves a break. Don’t you agree?” Sukeroku prompted alongside a surreptitious wink.
“O-of course. Thank you for everything you’ve done for us so far,” Kikuhiko said, bowing slightly.
“Oh, both of you flatter me too much! I’ve just been doing my job. But of course, when Sukeroku-san invited me over, I simply had to accept. Just recalling his fine performance today is enough to move me to tears!” Matsuda cried as his hand automatically moved to wipe a single tear from his eye.
“Matsuda-san! We are here to celebrate. Enough with the waterworks!” shouted Sukeroku as he moved to open the bottle Kikuhiko had set down near the door.
“My apologies, young masters… I’m just so happy you invited me to share in this moment with you!” Matsuda set his gaze skyward, eyes still glassy with tears.
Kikuhiko shot Sukeroku a look as if to say, This was a mistake, wasn’t it…?
Sukeroku waved him aside. “Less talking, more drinking. Come on now, let’s get on with it already!”
Each of them sat down around a small table and downed a glass of sake. And then another. And yet another, until they all began to feel sufficiently warm and happy.
Surprisingly, Kikuhiko was the first to break the silence. “Matsuda-san. What are your dreams. For the future, you know?” He instantly felt a slight bit of embarrassment, as he tended to get philosophical under the influence of alcohol.
“I… I suppose just to help others achieve their dreams is rewarding in itself!” Matsuda replied.
“That’s the boring answer, Matsuda-san. Give us the real scoop, why don’t you? What are your secret desires? I’ll go first, if it helps you a bit. I’ve been saying I want to take Bon here on the road for our very own two-man show!” Sukeroku slurred.
“What about you, Kikuhiko-san?” asked Matsuda.
“Hey now, I’m the one who asked the question in the first place! But anyway, I just want to keep performing rakugo. That’s all I can think of,” he responded. He could tell Sukeroku wanted to keep the conversation focused on two things: Matsuda and rakugo.
Sure enough, Sukeroku just came out with it forthright: “Matsuda-san… haven’t you ever wanted to perform rakugo with us? At least once?”
“Hehe, I could never do that! Don’t be ridiculous!” Matsuda’s face had turned completely red. “I’ve never been any good at that sort of stuff.”
“You don’t know until you try, right?” Kikuhiko asked.
“K-Kikuhiko-san… you too? You want me to perform rakugo?” Matsuda cast his gaze downward. “You know it’s not right for me to do that. You’re the professionals.”
Sukeroku held out his fan in Matsuda’s direction. “Take it. I trust you’ll give us a good performance.”
Matsuda tentatively held out his hand. “Normally I couldn’t… but if both of you promise… to never speak of this again to anyone… I guess I could try,” he muttered with a sly smile.
“You have our word,” Sukeroku declared. “Now give us a good story… do you want something creepy, something that’ll keep us laughing… or maybe even something raunchy?” Sukeroku punctuated the last option with a hard slap on Matsuda’s shoulder.
Matsuda recoiled slightly and thought for a moment. “If… it’s not a bother to either of you, my favorite story… is Manju Kowai.”
Sukeroku grinned widely. “I haven’t heard that one in a while, actually. I think it suits you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? You think Matsuda is scary? Or you think we should play pranks on him?” Kikuhiko began to scold playfully.
“No, nothing like that!” Sukeroku quickly shot back. “What I meant was… he’s as sweet as manju of course! Also don’t forget the one getting taken advantage of actually wins in the end…”
“A sweet victory, indeed!” Matsuda chuckled to himself. He got up and headed to the center of the room, then turned to face Sukeroku and Kikuhiko and sat down. “Now then…”
“Now then,” Sukeroku repeated, eager for Matsuda to begin.
Matsuda opened the fan and held it in front of his face awkwardly, as if he were trying to hide. “Um. There once was a group of people… and they were friends. And, uh- talked a lot about things they liked,” he stumbled.
This is pretty terrible already, Kikuhiko thought, cringing internally.
“... but then, you might wonder what they were scared of! Well, at least the one man thought it was a good question so he asked his friends what they were scared of.
‘I am scared of snakes!’
‘I don’t like spiders!’
‘Well, what about you?’
‘I don’t want to say.’
‘Come on, please tell us!’
‘Well, ok… I’m scared of manju! Very scary!’
‘Wow, why manju? It’s so delicious...’ Um- I don’t remember this part-”
“No! It makes me so terrified I can’t even think about it without feeling sick! I’m going to sleep in the other room,” Sukeroku filled in without missing a beat.
“R-right! Well, after that, the group decided they would play a trick on him. They gathered every type of manju known to man and brought it into his room.
‘Ah! How could you do this! It’s so frightening!’
And they all laughed while thinking of how scared he must be.
‘Sake manju! How scary! Chestnut manju! How scary! This is all so tasty- I mean, terrifying!’”
At this point, Kikuhiko found himself mindlessly mouthing the familiar words along with Matsuda.
“Finally, they looked into the room and found him eating all the manju.
‘So you weren’t actually afraid of manju? Then what are you afraid of?’”
Suddenly, Matsuda paused.
“What’s wrong?” asked Sukeroku.
“The truth is… I simply can’t continue this anymore,” Matsuda said with a sigh.
“B-But… you were doing so well,” Kikuhiko told him. It was only a white lie.
“If you must know…” Matsuda said, holding the fan in front of his face again. “It’s because… I’m most afraid of rakugo!”
The room went silent for less than a second. Then, instantly, all three of them began laughing hysterically.
“Hahaha~ Matsuda-san, you really had me worried for a second,” Sukeroku giggled.
“I think we could learn a thing or two from your style, Matsuda-san,” Kikuhiko admitted.
“D-Did you really like it that much?” Matsuda asked with a tone of sincerity.
“It was your rakugo, Matsuda-san. It’s exactly what I wanted to hear all along!” exclaimed Sukeroku. He then swept up both Matsuda and Kikuhiko in a giant hug.
“This was truly… the most perfect evening,” Matsuda whispered to himself as his eyes began to glisten yet again.