Work Text:
Anyone you asked would confirm that Jillian Holtzmann was no ordinary 18 year old girl. Her fellow classmates spent their time dreaming about a happy ending with a husband and a white picket fence. Jillian Holtzmann dreamed of girls and going to the moon.
Suffice to say, she didn’t exactly ‘fit in’ at school, with her gravity-defying curls and unconventional sense of style; but she was okay with that, her mom once told her that being different isn’t a bad thing, in fact, it meant your life was going to be far more interesting than others who lived boring, normal lives. Jillian kept her head up and danced to the beat of her own drum, ignoring the sneers and whispers and name-calling in favour of her machines.
Her parents had always been supportive of her self-expression, encouraging her interest in engineering and taking her to thrift shops to throw together a new outfit. When her father died he made her promise him she wouldn’t let anything stand in the way of being her. Jillian accepted that promise wholeheartedly and wore his dog tags around her neck as a constant reminder.
When Jillian realised she wasn’t welcome in the social circles in school, she turned to the internet to find those who shared her passion for science.
The first blog she came across was on tumblr and belonged to an 18 year old girl who went by ‘GG’ and had the url ‘particlephysicsismyjam’, which made her chuckle.
Jillian, who had just made an account with the username ‘crazyscienceaddict‘ followed her after scrolling for a few minutes and ungraciously snorting at picture of a parody of the Star Wars logo saying ‘May the mass times acceleration be with you’.
After some time, Holtz decided to finally message the girl who had piqued her interest. They quickly sprung up a friendship and were soon talking on a daily basis. Holtz found out that ‘GG’ actually went to a school nearby, and that they were both hoping to study at MIT.
Every day after school Holtz would rush home and open up her laptop and send a message to her new friend, eager to discuss theories about the paranormal and learn more about her. As they grew closer, the girls began to share more personal things. Holtz told GG about her dad’s passing and GG confided in Holtz about the negative thoughts she was plagued with. Both girls could feel a connection between them but neither addressed it.
When GG found out Holtz was gay, she became distant for a while, causing Holtz to freak out thinking she’d scared her off. That was a rough week for Holtz, she directed her anger at herself towards her machines and almost blew herself up. GG eventually started talking to her again.
February 4th 8:54
particlephysicsismyjam: Hey. Sorry I’ve been kind of absent this week. After you told me you were gay I just wanted to figure some things out. I’ve always been a bit confused about myself and my sexuality and realising you know who you are and who you like, well I guess I just wanted to feel the same. It took a while but I’ve finally realised that I’m bisexual and I am okay with that. Sorry for leaving you in the dark, I hope you can forgive me.
8:57
particlephysicsismyjam: I just realised you’re probably asleep oops, I guess you’ll see it when you wake up.
8:59
crazyscienceaddict: what do you take me for? a normal person? of course i’m awake
9:02
crazyscienceaddict: i’m really proud of you for finding yourself! i kinda wish you’d talked to me about it, but i can understand wanting space, don’t feel too bad, i’m just glad you’re back :)
9:04
particlephysicsismyjam: Thank you :)
On the rare occasion that Holtz would post a selfie she’d beam with pride at the compliment GG would message her a few minutes later. Such messages included: “Oh wow okay thanks for your face”, “*swoons in sapphic feels*” and “Well if I wasn’t bi before…”
Holtz knew that GG wasn’t that comfortable with the way she looked and so never posted any selfies, but she thought her personality was wonderful enough on its own. February wasn’t Holtz’s favourite month because of Valentine’s Day, which usually just made her feel lonelier than normal, but at least she got a week or two away from school.
February 10th 13:02
crazyscienceaddict: hey! got any plans for the break?
particlephysicsismyjam: I wish, my boss has me working overtime so I don’t really have any free time. What about you?
crazyscienceaddict: i’m going to try and do some work towards that ghost trap i was talking about!
particlephysicsismyjam: Of course you’d be working on a machine, I wouldn’t expect anything less from you.
crazyscienceaddict: you know it, babe ;)
~
Two days afterwards, Holtz woke up, threw on one of her usual mismatched outfits and stumbled downstairs for breakfast.
The house was quiet as her mother had already gone to work for the day, so Holtz just grabbed a bowl of lucky charms and ate them whilst leaning against the kitchen counter, rather than sitting at the dining table. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted the calendar hung up on the wall. She grunted in disdain at the little square with hearts around it indicating Valentine’s Day. Her eyes shifted to the square to the left and felt her heart drop and her eyes widen as the sound of a spoon hitting the counter echoed around the small room.
“Ohhhh no, shit shit shit. How could I forget her birthday?!” Holtz was pacing around, frantically trying to think of a last minute present she could get her mom, before an idea sprouted in her mind.
Somehow she managed to throw on her leather jacket and slip into her docs before she made her way out of the house and towards the mini highstreet they had in their town.
~
Erin was swivelling on the stool behind the counter, scrolling through her last conversation with Holtz when she noticed someone walk past the shop, stop and squint up at the sign, before letting out a loud burst of laughter and entering the shop. Erin often dealt with customers who found great amusement in the name ‘Polly Put the Petal On’.
The sun outside was shining brightly enough that before the customer entered, Erin had trouble seeing them. As the said customer swaggered in and removed their glasses, Erin’s jaw dropped as she recognised the blond mop of curls and cheeky grin.
Holtz was here, in her aunt’s shop.
She gave a quick nod in Erin’s direction before wandering around to see the selection of flowers. Erin quickly realised that Holtz didn’t know what she looked like so obviously wouldn’t recognise her as the girl she’d been talking to for 3 months.
After a few minutes Holtz came up to the counter, leaning up against it as if she owned the place. Erin gulped at her proximity and tried to keep a straight face - she laughed internally at the irony. She plastered on her best customer-friendly smile all the while trying to avoid getting lost in Holtz’s mesmerising blue eyes; they looked green in photos.
“Hi, how can I help you today?” Erin noticed the girl’s eyes drop down to her nametag, and pushed thoughts away that she might be looking at something else
“Well, Erin, it’s my mom’s birthday tomorrow and I may or may not have completely forgotten about it until today-” Holtz trailed off, baring her teeth and raising her eyebrows. Erin’s composure broke and she giggled at how ridiculous Holtz was. She cast her eyes downwards in order to hide the blush rising in her cheeks, but in doing so missed the way Holtz’s eyes lit up.
“What are her favourite flowers?” Erin asked after pulling herself together.
“Uhhhhh, I know she really loves plumerias, primroses and African daisies, the purple ones!”
As Holtz listed them, Erin checked the store’s directory.
“Okay, we have plumerias and primroses, but we’re only getting a shipment of more African daisies tomorrow morning. If you want, I can make you up a bouquet as soon as they arrive and have them waiting for you to pick up or if it’s easier I can make one up now with some similar replacements?”
Holtz sat with pursed lips for such a time that Erin wondered if she was daydreaming. When she went to snap her out of it, Holtz sprung to life, causing Erin to jump. She smirked, looking Erin up and down before responding.
“How early tomorrow?”
“I can have it ready for you by half 8?”
“Sounds good, hot stuff,” Holtz remarked with a confident grin, making Erin even more flustered.
Erin nodded quickly before going into the back of the store to make a note of the order.
Holtz whipped out her phone to send a message to GG.
February 12th 15:23
crazyscienceaddict: boy have i got something to tell you later
She slipped her phone back in her jacket, feeling giddy.
A few seconds later, the door opened at the same time Erin’s phone went off. Holtz was too fixed on Erin to hear the noise from beside her.
“Okay, all sorted for you, it’ll be ready in the morning, I just need you to put your name and number on this slip in case we need to contact you.”
Erin handed over the piece of paper and tried to contain her gasp as her skin met Holtz’s. After Holtz had scribbled her illegible details, she held eye contact with Erin for a few seconds before speaking.
“You know, if you wanted my number you could’ve just asked,” she winked and turned and left the store, leaving a flustered and blushing Erin in her wake. Erin felt her body sag against the counter in shock before she laughed out loud at the irony of the whole situation.
~
February 12th 16:47
crazyscienceaddict: yooo okay so today i realised my mum’s birthday was tomorrow so i went into town to get her some flowers and there was this really cute girl working there i mean holy shit dude!!! damn i was so shook
After reading Holtz’s message Erin squealed and took 5 minutes to calm down again before her fingers stopped shaking enough for her to type a response.
particlephysicsismyjam: Sounds like a real catch!
crazyscienceaddict: her hair looked so soft and her nose was so cute oh my god i can’t
particlephysicsismyjam: Wow omg you are whipped, did you get her number?
crazyscienceaddict: nah but i’ve got to go back tomorrow, do you think i should ask her out?
particlephysicsismyjam: Do you want to ask her out?
crazyscienceaddict: well yeah but idk i guess getting shot down rn wouldn’t be great
particlephysicsismyjam: Come on Holtz, who wouldn’t say no to you? Ask her out!
crazyscienceaddict: are you sure?
particlephysicsismyjam: Yes, go for it!
~
Although Holtz felt disheartened at GG’s enthusiasm for her to go out with someone else, Holtz remained positive.
The next morning, she dressed in a nice shirt with rainbow suspenders and her nicest pair of trousers, along with her black and white brogues. After throwing a long coat over the top she checked her reflection and headed back to the flower shop.
When she arrived, Erin was nowhere in sight, so Holtz stood waiting at the counter trying to calm her breathing, checking her watch every 10 seconds. It was 8:32.
“Relax Holtzmann you’ve asked out loads of girls, calm down, she’s just a girl,” Holtz says to herself, whispering afterwards “just a really cute girl who makes you go weak at the knees.”
Just as she was about to check her watch again, Erin came through the back door. Holtz’s breath caught in her throat and face lit up as she admired her. Erin was quite possibly the most beautiful girl Holtz had ever met. Holtz was worried she’d never be able to get the smile off her face.
Erin smiled pleasantly when she noticed Holtz at the counter.
“Hey! Order for Holtzmann right?”
“Yeah that’s it, most people call me Holtz though”
Erin nodded and rummaged around behind the door for a minute or so before coming back out with a large bouquet filled with beautiful purple and blue flowers, ones Holtz knew her mother would love. Erin offered them to the blonde, who took them before smelling them.
“Wow, they’re amazing thank you so much! She’ll love them!” Holtz placed the bouquet delicately on the counter before turning to Erin, “How much do I owe you?”
“Well, seeing as you had to wait for part of your order I’ll give you half off, so that is $6 please”
Holtz handed over $10 before she spotted something out of the corner of her eye. She took her change back before grinning mischievously at Erin.
“Give me one second,” she uttered, speeding off before Erin could respond. Holtz disappeared behind one of the displays, then reappeared a few seconds later, brandishing a single red rose in front of her. “I’d like to buy this as well please.”
Erin chuckled and put it through the till, taking the money from Holtz, who took the rose back, but didn’t make any motion to leave.
Holtz watched Erin bite her lip before asking “Was there anything else?”
Taking a deep breath in, Holtz held out the rose to Erin, who looked at it with a soft smile.
“You doing anything tomorrow night?”
Erin took the rose and sniffed it, a loving look in her eyes.
“I am not, are you?”
“Not at the minute. Would you maybe want to do something together?”
“Like a date?”
Holtz nodded.
“Sure.”
Erin was blushing something furious and couldn’t meet Holtz’s eyes.
“Before we go on this date, I think there’s something you should know-”
Holtz’s blinding smile drooped slightly as she nodded her head for Erin to continue. Erin, in contrast, had a shit-eating grin on her face.
“Particle physics is my jam,” she muttered slowly, hoping Holtz wouldn’t be disappointed.
Holtz’s brows furrowed as she took in Erin’s statement. When it finally processed, her eyes widened and her jaw dropped.
“You! You’re GG! Oh my god,” Holtz’s loud voice made Erin wince. She began pacing.
“Yeah, it uh, it stands for Ghost Girl. People at my school used to call me that and I wasn’t comfortable using my name on there in case people found it,” Erin was wringing her hands now, mistaking Holtz’s pacing for anger.
“Oh my god. Wait, I talked to you last night about...you? Oh my god that’s so embarrassing,” Holtz punctuated her last sentence with a huff before hiding her face in her hands.
“It was kinda cute,” Erin chuckled, unable to take Holtz’s stropping seriously. Holtz grumbled in response.
“You’re kind of cute!” She spat out, as if it was meant to be an insult. Erin only laughed harder at that.
“Okay well if you still want to do tomorrow night, how about pizza and a movie at my place? My parents are away for a few days so you won’t have to deal with them being nosey?” Erin was still a bit nervous that Holtz was never going to talk to her again.
Holtz straightened up, giving Erin a glare that looked nowhere near serious before rolling her eyes.
“I guuueesss that wouldn’t be horrible idea,” Holtz groaned, winking at Erin, who just smiled and bit her lip in return.
“Great, I’ll message you with the details.”
“That you will, hot stuff.” Holtz picked up the bouquet and began to leave the store.
“See you tomorrow,” Erin muttered. Holtz spun on her heel and walked back over to Erin, placing a quick kiss on her cheek.
“See you tomorrow,” she replied, before exiting the shop, a grin plastered on her face. She glanced back through the window to see Erin staring off into space, a hand delicately touching the spot Holtz kissed her and a blush dusting her cheeks.
~
When she got home, Holtz placed the bouquet in a vase and cooked her mom breakfast just in time to surprise her before she woke up.
They spent the day together, watching her mom’s favourite films and reminiscing over past birthdays.
In the evening, after her mom had gone to sleep, she checked her phone to see two messages from Erin, the first of which was her address.
February 13th 20:29
particlephysicsismyjam: Hope your mom liked the flowers!
21:45
crazyscienceaddict: she loved them! thanks for helping out, it meant a lot.
crazyscienceaddict: for what it’s worth, i really do think you’re cute, and i’m really glad it was you, because i really like your personality. your face is just a bonus
21:49
particlephysicsismyjam: Nerd. I like you too.
crazyscienceaddict: i’m looking forward to tomorrow
particlephysicsismyjam: Me too. Sleep well x
crazyscienceaddict: you too, hot stuff x
~
At 5pm, Holtz left her house in a similar outfit to the previous day, but with a different coloured shirt and brown shoes. She’d never been this excited for a date before, and she was kind of nervous.
The door opened almost immediately after the first knock. Erin had her hair pulled into a ponytail and she was wearing a floral shirt with some high waisted jeans. Holtz realised she was staring and shook her head to snap her out of it.
“Wow you look amazing.” Erin immediately blushed.
“You too, come on in.”
Erin led them through to a wide room with a large TV on the wall and a large couch in the middle of the room. Tall windows spilled golden sunlight onto the floor and illuminated the vast bookcases lining the walls.
“Woah this place is awesome.”
“Make yourself comfy, do you want anything to drink?”
“Water’ll be fine, thanks.”
Erin headed off to the kitchen as Holtz ungraciously plopped herself on the couch, drinking in the posh vibe she was getting from the room.
When Erin returned she gave Holtz her glass of water and settled in next to her on the couch.
“So, what are we watching?” Holtz asked with her legs crossed and her eyes wide. Erin chuckled at how childish she looked.
“I was thinking Imagine Me and You, is that okay?”
“If by okay you mean my favourite film ever then YES, oh man this is so awesome!” Holtz gasped.
Erin put the movie on and rolled down the blinds so the room was only dimly lit, before sitting back down next to Holtz, who was slowly stretching her body out, leaning more against the arm of the couch than the back of it.
About 20 minutes in, Erin took a leap.
“Is it okay if I-” she gestured vaguely, sincerely hoping Holtz would get the message.
“You wanna cuddle? Sure thing, cutie.” Holtz stretched her arm out to allow Erin to curl up next to her. Erin’s hair tickled Holtz’s jaw and her breath was hot against her neck, but she got comfortable soon enough.
~
The end of the movie came too soon for both of them. As the credits rolled on screen Erin wriggled around and murmured something Holtz couldn’t hear.
Sensing Erin’s tiredness, she shook her lightly and tucked a strand of hair behind the brunette’s ear before speaking softly, “Hey, you okay?”
Erin nodded, lifting her gaze to meet Holtz’s. They smiled at each other before Erin’s gaze dropped to Holtz’s lips.
“Can I kiss you?”
“Any time you want,” Holtz sighed before leaning in for the softest kiss she’d ever experienced.
Everywhere she was touching Erin seemed to be on fire, spreading across her entire body until she just felt warm.
“Woah,” Holtz whispered when they pulled apart.
“Yeah, that was-” Erin was cut off by a loud yawn that surprised her.
“You’re tired, you should get some rest. I’ll let you do that,” Holtz made a move to leave but as soon as she moved she felt Erin’s arms tighten from where they were practically glued to her waist. She looked down at her date with an amused smile. Erin just shook her head in response.
“Stay?”
Holtz softened.
“For as long as you want.”
Holtz relaxed back into the couch and began stroking Erin’s hair until they both drifted off into a pleasant sleep.
As she was bordering on the edge of consciousness, there was only one thought in Holtz’s brain.
She was happy.