Chapter Text
The bullpen was chaos, with everyone practically shouting over each other. You rubbed your temples and tried to tune it all out even though you were the one who had caused the arguments to begin with. Not even thirty minutes earlier, as the team discussed strategies for finding and rescuing May, you had suggested reaching out to outside sources. You had known the suggestion would likely end up with you in serious trouble and suggested it anyway. Because in some weird way, Melinda May was like the mother of the ragtag team Coulson had formed. Because you understood that desperate look in Phil Coulson’s eyes.
“Absolutely not!” Director Mace barked at Coulson, sparing a scathing glance in your direction. “We’re under more than enough scrutiny for that incident with Nadeer!”
“Another reason we need to call in the reinforcements!” Phil bit back. “Radcliffe sold us out but he’s the only one who knows where May is!”
“They’re wanted criminals!”
“They are the best agents SHIELD has produced in the last two decades!”
Mace let out a frustrated grunt before scrubbing at his face with his hands. “The risk is too great, Phil. We should keep this in house.”
“We agreed I was the one calling the shots on this,” continued the former director.
You grimaced before looking to the others for support. Surely they wouldn’t leave you hanging. Daisy gave you a small reassuring smile, FitzSimmons weren’t even paying attention, and Mack just shook his head. Just another day with your team, it seemed. “Look, just… let’s forget I even said anything. It was a bad idea, reaching out to Natasha. She’s been off the grid so long we probably won’t find her,” you said, trying to placate Mace and Coulson. You knew it was a lie. You’d never had a problem contacting the infamous Black Widow. It was need to know information and Director Mace definitely did not need to know.
“But if it can save May’s life, it’s worth a shot,” Daisy spoke up. “(Name)’s right, we need back up on this.”
“There has to be other agents we can call in,” said Mack even as he shot you an apologetic look. You knew it wasn’t what you suggested, but who. Not just Black Widow, but Hawkeye as well. You knew Mack didn’t care for your on again, off again beau. “Were you able to get anything useful from the robot?” he asked Fitz.
“Not yet. We’re still working on it,” answered Fitz.
Jemma chimed in, “It’s a very delicate task. We don’t want to damage anything that’s a part of our May.”
“Keep working on it,” encouraged Mace before turning to Daisy. “Agent Johnson will brief the other agents. Finding Agent May is our top priority right now. I want all hands on deck with this one.” A nod of agreement from Coulson was all the motivation Daisy needed before getting up to brief their fellow agents.
“We’ll get back to work, too, won’t we Fitz?” Jemma said, nudging her boyfriend.
“Ah, yeah. We will. We are,” agreed Fitz as he looked from Coulson to Mace to you. You gave your friend a thumbs up and mouthed ‘good luck’ before he and Jemma went following after Daisy.
You were now alone with your current boss, your partner, and your former boss/crush. Something told you that you were about to have the most awkward conversation of your life. Out of nervousness, you began to fiddle with the ring you wore on a chain around your neck – a ring engraved with an arrow similar to the necklace Natasha wore – hoping it would some how give you courage.
“Agent (Last Name), do you understand just how much trouble you could be in?” questioned Mace. “Keeping the location of known criminals a secret?”
“This coming from the man who lied about who he is,” Coulson spoke in your defense.
“They caught the man who tried to kill you in Vienna. They’re heroes whether they signed the Accords or not. Captain Rogers is the whole reason you have that strength enhancing serum in the first place!” you snapped, irritated by the whole situation. One minute you and Clint had been working things out and the next you were on opposite sides of the law. And as loathe as you were to admit it, you needed him desperately in that moment. He’d be inappropriately trying to lighten the mood of the whole situation with some stupid joke even though it’d annoy everyone.
“Look Kid, I think it’s better if we don’t go that route. Last time didn’t end well.”
You looked over at Mack. He had his arms crossed over his chest, a pose that made him look more intimidating than he actually was. His expression, though, was concerned. Mack had been the one you had called after you had learnt that Clint was being held at the Raft. He had picked up all of your pieces, had backed your decision to pull away from field work while SHIELD underwent yet another restructuring. “How is this any different than you chasing after Daisy?” you questioned, folding your arms over your own chest. While Mack looked intimidating, you likely looked petulant.
“Daisy isn’t my ex,” replied Mack.
“Clint isn’t mine, either.” You held Mack’s gaze, ignoring Director Mace as he stepped closer to you, trying to process your words. “When the Captain called Clint, Wanda needed him. I’m sure you’ve read the files, I don’t doubt Hill sent them in before Theta was initiated, but Clint owes his life to her brother. I would never stand in the way of Clint repaying that debt. Wanda’s a good person if a little quiet.”
Director Mace held up a hand to stop you from saying anything more. His expression, a mixture of awe and anger, spoke volumes. You were definitely in trouble if you hadn’t been before. “Agent (Last Name),” he began, “you are compromised and you will be benched for this mission. I will not have your lives jeopardizing our search for Agent May.”
It took all your strength not to roll your eyes at the man. Instead, you opened your mouth to comment on the hypocrisy of his words, ignoring Mack shaking his head at you.
“I can’t have you do that, Jeffrey.” The three of you all turned to look at Coulson, who just shrugged a bit. “Mack and I need her to follow up on our lead. Once we’ve confirmed our mark, we will need (Name) to build rapport with her.”
A grimace tugged at Mace’s typically smiling mouth. “I don’t think that’s wise.”
“Neither was your lying about being an Inhuman,” you muttered under your breath, earning stern looks from both Mace and Coulson.
“You have your physical to worry about. Let us worry about (Name),” Coulson added before ushering Director Mace toward the door.
While the two of them talked, you moved to stand next to Mack and dropped your arms back to your sides before nudging Mack gently. The taller man just shook his head before offering you a friendly smile. It was obvious Mack was never going to approve of Clint but you knew he would always look out for you.
“Why didn’t you tell me you and Clint were still together?” Mack asked, his voice dropping to a whisper.
You looked up at him. “The Accords were already messing up what you and Yoyo have. You didn’t need my secrets, too. Besides, Clint asked me not to. To protect the others, you know? They’re his family like the team is ours.”
“You’re too good for him,” mumbled Mack before he nudged you back. You covered your mouth to muffle a giggle just as Director Mace left the room. When Coulson shut the door and turned around, all the tension drained out of Mack. “We’re still going after the woman?”
“It’ll draw Radcliffe out. Suit up, Mack,” replied the older man. He then turned his attention over to you. “Agent (Last Name), I need you to use your connections and find us a safe delivery point for you. Once you’re safely delivered to Agent Barton, I need you to start your search for May.” All you could do was stare at Phil Coulson, gaping in disbelief. Even Mack looked surprised a Coulson’s outright defiance. “What? Did you think I would give up a perfectly good back up plan?” Coulson asked the two of you.
“You sure we’ll get their help?” Mack questioned, looking from Coulson to you.
“Yes,” you answered at the same time as Coulson. No one had had more faith in Fury’s Avengers Initiative than Phil Coulson had. You knew that was why he continued to work from behind the scenes even as SHIELD fell around him. It was why he had gone against Robert Gonzales for the role of director and why he had stepped back for a new director following the Sokovia Accords.
“Then what are we waiting for?”
~*~
Catching the eye of an Avenger was something many dreamed about and a select few achieved. You often found yourself wondering how you had managed it. You weren’t a savvy business woman or on the shortlist for a Nobel Prize; you didn’t even think that you were very good at espionage or being a kick ass agent. You still had no idea what you had done to get the infamous Hawkeye’s attention. You used to joke that he fell for your mad typing skills or the way you rocked the SHIELD filing system (which you obviously did, of course). Regardless of the reason why, you were part of that elite group and it came with some definite perks. One of which was being part of an underground communications network that kept you in contact with the likes of the Black Widow and the former Agent 13 of SHIELD. Thanks to them, you had made it safely from Zephyr One without a hitch and all the way to the Wakandan safe house Clint and the other former Avengers were using.
“Are you ready to go in?” Sharon Carter asked you even as she unlocked the safe house door. All you could do was nod; your mouth had gone dry and you had begun to play with your necklace again. “Everything’s going to be just fine,” the blonde reassured you before opening the door and stepping inside. She moved aside to let you pass before shutting the door once more.
You found yourself in the foyer of what was more accurately a mansion than a house, recalling vaguely that the house belonged to the king of Wakanda or so Sharon had mentioned. A massive staircase stood before you and while your first instinct was to go up them, you saw Sharon moving into a room off to the right of the stairs. You followed her, stepping into a plush den where several people were sitting, lost in conversation. You swept the room until your eyes landed on the only person who mattered to you. Before you had time to even process what was happening, you were engulfed by a pair of well muscled arms, your whole body being engulfed.
In that moment, there was just you and Clint. The world was right again, every bad thing that had happened over the last several months long forgotten. In the months leading up to the Accords, you and Clint had been working things out, rekindling what you thought had been lost. Now, months later, there was only one thing you felt for Clint Barton – love. All the uncertainty was gone from you the moment your eyes met. Your arms slipped around him, drawing him in closer to you.
Your name tumbled reverently from his lips seconds before his lips were on yours, his kiss needy but still gentle. You could do nothing but return it with everything you had, hoping, praying that his feelings had grown as strongly as yours had while you were apart.
A cough from someone in the room reminded you that you had an audience and needed o breathe, so you reluctantly broke apart from Clint. “We have an audience,” you reminded him, your voice a breathless whisper.
“To hell with them,” Clint murmured, bringing a hand up to cup your cheek.
You managed a laugh – more of a giggle, really – before admonishing him playfully. “That’s not nice.”
“They’ll recover.” You laughed again and shook your head at him.
“You’re incorrigible, old man,” you teased.
“You say it like it’s a bad thing,” he replied before he turned to face his friends, his arm moving from your face to snake around your waist. You knew he had no intention of letting you go any time soon and you were okay with that. “Agent (Last Name), may I present to you the Avengers. Guys, this is my girlfriend (Name).”
You had met most of them before but your breath still caught as you watched the Captain America rise from his seat, awed by his presence. He stopped just in front of you, extending his hand. “Agent.”
You shook his hand. “Captain,” you replied.
“Sharon told me that you and Agent Coulson,” he said, his voice almost breaking on the name, “need our help.”
Clint made a sound of annoyance. “C’mon Cap, she just got here.”
“No, no, Clint, it’s okay. It’s urgent. May’s been taken,” you say quickly, your feelings of happiness being overcome by a sense of urgency and panic.
“Someone got the best of the Cavalry?” he asked, genuinely surprised.
You shook your head. “Not someone, something. A reboot of the LMD project that was done without Director Mace’s knowledge or consent.”
“LMD?” piped up the one man you didn’t know.
“Life Model Decoy,” supplied Sharon.
“A project originally designed to protect agents in the field. It didn’t work out and it was tabled by Director Fury,” you added, looking at Clint with a raised eyebrow.
“That’s Scott,” he told you.
“Oh, Scott. Makes total sense now,” you quipped dryly.
“Ant-Man,” added Clint, rolling his eyes at you. “You’re still a pain in the ass I see.”
“So May was replaced with an LMD by Dr. Holden Radcliffe, who defected to the anti-Inhuman cause in order to get his hands on a very powerful, very dangerous book that even Fury wouldn’t touch with a fifty foot stick,” you continued the condensed version of your story without missing a beat or acknowledging Clint’s comment.
“I didn’t think SHIELD would want to work with wanted criminals,” Steve said, eyeing you carefully. You took no offense to it; you’d be hesitant, too, if the roles were reverse. The only reason you were welcome was Clint vouching for you.
So you said, instead, your tone grim, “Director Mace forbade it. Coulson did it any way. Coulson is desperate to recover May in one piece. I stayed with SHIELD after the collapse because of Phil Coulson. I believe in him and his intentions. But I’ve seen him desperate.” Memories of Grant Ward came to you unbidden. You remembered how Coulson was after he and Fitz had returned from the alien world; you had been so worried he and Fitz would carry that darkness around forever. There was no telling how far Coulson would go if he lost May.
“Natasha is gathering more intel for us,” Steve said. “We’ll have it by morning.”
You nodded. “We can take a night. Coulson is on his way to follow a lead for SHIELD as we speak. We can take a night.”
A smile found its way onto the super soldiers face as he eyed you and Clint before glancing back over at Sharon. “Agreed.”
~*~
When you had agreed to take a night off, you had hoped for some alone time with Clint. What you got instead was a night out at the palace of Wakanda’s monarch. Publicly the country embraced the Sokovia Accords; on a personal, private level T’Challa was a friend to Steve Rogers’ team. You had been surprised to learn that their safe house was on palace grounds while you had stowed away your few belongings in Clint’s room. And before either of you’d had a chance to get more than a few words out, Wanda was at the door to get you and Clint for your night out. The most surprising part of the night was just how much you enjoyed yourself, enjoyed being part of their world. It reminded you of sitting around the Playground with your team. You felt incredibly fortunate to be welcome on both teams. In another life, you could imagine the Avengers and your team at SHIELD as great allies for one another, keeping the world safe from whatever or whoever threatened the peace everyone was working so hard to maintain. Maybe one day it could be a reality but until then you would have to make due with working with each other from the shadows.
Dinner itself had been amazing, dessert even more so. But while the others were in varying stages of food comas, Clint had finally managed to whisk you away. The archer had brought you out to one of the many courtyard gardens surrounding the palace grounds, the breeze from the jungle warm but gentle. “I can’t believe you’re here,” he said as he led you to a bench in the courtyard. He sat and tugged you down next to him.
“To be honest, me either,” you admitted.
“You could be throwing everything away for this.” As happy as he was to see you, Clint was concerned and a little guilty. Because of his choices, you were putting yourself on the line. He’d never wanted to be ‘that guy’ who made a woman pick between he career and her relationship.
“When we save May, it’ll be all worth it,” you replied quietly, channeling that same feeling of guilt. Asking for his help could cost him everything, too. Again, you found yourself asking him to help you do something for Phil Coulson, your other crush. Of course it was entirely one sided and even a little silly but Coulson had been the ideal man for a long time. Clint, on the other hand, was the reality; things with him were so far from the ideal that they were exactly what you discovered you needed.
Clint turned slightly so he was facing you. “(Name), no matter what the others decide, you can count on me. We’ll get May back and after that…” His hands found yours as he trailed off. They were warm and large and calloused. You had missed the feeling of his hands on you.
You shifted as well to meet his gaze. Those blue eyes were filled with so many unspoken feelings and promises you found yourself drowning in them. Nervously, you licked your lips. “And after that?” you asked, your voice once more dropping to a whisper. You felt a little silly since the two of you were alone, but you were afraid you’d shatter the moment if you spoke any louder. You wanted to cling to that moment, to commit to memory. The way the breeze ruffed his hair, the way the shadows from the jungle danced across his face, and especially the way he was gazing at you. In his eyes, there was no one else but you.
“(Name), I love you,” he said instead.
“I love you too,” you replied, your voice cracking. What should have been a freeing declaration only made the weight in your chest increase. You loved him, you wanted to be with him but could it even happen? Clint was considered a criminal for opposing the Accords and you were an Agent of SHIELD, sworn to uphold the very same Accords. Could you give up SHIELD, your friends and family, and go on the run with him? Would he try turning himself in and hope for some sort of lesser sentence for aiding SHIELD against those who threatened the world? What if you grew to resent each other for other’s choices?
“Hey, it’s going to be okay,” the archer murmured as he dropped your hands to cup your face instead. Gently, his thumbs brushed over your cheek bones, brushing away tears you just realized were there.
“How are you so calm? So certain?”
He gave you a lopsided grin. “Because I was young and rash once, too.” You snorted at that. “So maybe I’m still rash and maybe even half crazy.”
“Bat shit crazy is more like it,” you laughed.
“Only because this pain in the ass SHIELD agent made me that way.”
“You were crazy before I was even born, old man.”
Clint leaned in, his forehead meeting yours. “(Name), I’m sorry. I should have stayed. Maybe Mack is right to think I’m no good for you.”
You opened your mouth to tell him how stupid that sounded but what came out instead was just as true. “I love you anyway. You’re loyal, Clint. I love that. Rash, half crazy Avenger or small town regular Joe, I would still love you.”
“Even if I told you I can’t leave these guys? If you’re thousands of miles away, spending every day at Coulson’s side? Could you love me anyway?”
“Yes,” you replied easily.
His lips were on yours, his kisses needy and desperate. Soon your hands were tangled in his hair and his were at your waist, pulling you closer to him. You felt dizzy, breathless as you let his lips claim yours. And then they were gone, trailing kisses along your jaw, causing you to softly moan his name.
“Let’s get outta here,” he whispered in your ear, his breath tickling you and making you shiver. His voice was husky and filled with the promise of things to come.
“God, yes,” you replied before trying to recapture his mouth with a kiss. Instead, you found yourself being lifted off the bench and being tossed over his shoulder. “Clint! What the hell!”
“I’m faster than you,” he teased. “And I’m not waiting a second longer than I have to to do everything I want to do with you!”
~*~
“So you and Hawkeye, huh,” Scott said casually from his spot next to you. You had picked the man to join you, Clint, and Natasha in the field for his unique skill set. Sharon, Steve, Sam, and Wanda would run point from the safe house. That was how you found yourself on a quinjet making small talk with Ant-Man while Clint and Natasha were huddled together over a map, thick as thieves. Natasha had a lead but the mission required her specific skills. Clint, of course, was her back up. You would be supporting them on coms as well. Scott was the cavalry. “Doesn’t that make you jealous?” he asked, motioning to Natasha and Clint.
“Not really,” you replied easily. You’d been jealous of Bobbi, Clint’s ex-wife and your former teammate, but never Natasha. “You know, the first time I had a real conversation with him, Natasha was trying to sell me on the idea of dating Captain Rogers,” you told Scott.
“And you picked Clint? Have you ever felt Captain America’s muscles?” Scott asked incredulously.
“Have you?”
“Actually, yes,” the man replied proudly, making you chuckle.
“The Captain is a great guy, if you like men shaped like Doritos. He talked to me in an elevator, once, after he started at SHIELD,” you told Scott.
“He does look like a Dorito! With all that blue, he’s gotta be cool ranch.” You couldn’t hold back your laughter, Scott joining in.
“Glad they can laugh it up while the grown ups work,” Natasha’s voice practically floated over to you.
You just smiled at her. “And the plan is Nat goes in, kicks ass, with Clint sitting pretty on a roof somewhere, right?” you teased. Natasha’s answering smile was all you needed to know you had guessed right.
“Funny, (Name),” mumbled Clint. “I do just as much work as Nat.”
“Like that time in Seoul?” Nat asked, raising an eyebrow at her partner.
“Someone had to fly the damn plane,” Clint muttered before moving from Natasha’s side and going to the quinjet’s cockpit.
“He’s all yours when he sulks,” the red head stated as she made her way to where you and Scott were sitting. You rolled your eyes at her as you got up, giving her your seat. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” she called after you as you made the short trek to the pilot’s seat, still close enough to hear Scott ask Natasha what things she wouldn’t do.
You held your amusement in check as you came up behind Clint. You slid your arms around him, sandwiching the back of his seat between you. You rested your chin atop his head. “You okay?”
“Fine, you?” he asked softly.
“I’ll feel better when everyone is safe and sound and home where they belong,” was your reply. So much depended on you that you thought you might cave into the pressure. Scott coming had been a welcomed distraction for you, but even that was starting to lose its appeal. You liked Scott, but your mission was far too big for you to put on the back burner of your mind for long. You shuffled back slightly until your hands were resting on Clint’s shoulders. The more you thought about the mission to rescue May, the more you thought about what would happen after the dust settled. You truly loved Clint Barton, but you had definitely been rash the previous night. The promise of being with him, even if just for one night, had been so alluring at the time.
Clint glanced over his shoulder at you, his blue eyes unusually stormy. “About last night…”
“Last night was perfect,” you whispered, squeezing his shoulders.
“…Do you regret it?”
You bit your lower lip as you thought it over. Did you regret your decisions? Or was the worry about the future putting a damper on everything you wanted to feel? You didn’t want to believe you and Clint had set yourselves up for even more heartbreak but neither had Romeo and Juliet. You knew well how that tragedy played out. You swallowed the lump that had been forming in your throat and shook your head. “I’d do it again. I just… it’s our third time trying to make this work, Clint… What if I was right? What if we’re just not cut out for this…?”
Your words from the night of Bobbi and Hunter’s sendoff resonated within you. Somehow, you and Clint continued to drift off in opposite directions even when you tried your hardest not to. There was also more at stake than there had previously been before the Accords. Maybe wanting to be with Clint was selfish of you. And what if your selfishness cost your team Agent May? What if it cost Clint and his team their freedom?
“You’re over thinking things back there, aren’t you?” Clint asked. When you didn’t respond, Clint let out a sigh. Of course he had the same concerns. Clint was just battling them a different way. “I screwed up when I left. Even Tony pointed it out, when we were locked up on the Raft. I made a choice to leave, to help Wanda and Steve. I should have stayed, made us a home on that farm. Clint moved one of his hands to cover yours. “But I don’t for one minute believe we’re not cut out for this. It wasn’t true then and it isn’t true now. We’ll figure this out. Third time’s the charm, right?”
“That as so sappy and clichéd I don’t know whether to kiss you or smack you upside the head,” you scoffed playfully.
“Kinky,” was his reply.
“Hey lovebirds, we have a situation!” Natasha called before you really did smack Clint. You backed away from Clint as he put the Quinjet back into autopilot. When you reached Natasha, she was holding the cell phone she set up as a secure line for Coulson to contact you through. “Team’s all here, Coulson,” the red head spoke before putting the phone on speaker.
“Agent (Last Name), you have a new directive. Return to base immediately,” Coulson’s voice came through the phone, his voice strained.
Your brow furrowed as you looked at Nat in confusion. “We have a lead on May we’re tracking.”
“(Name), we need all hands,” Coulson replied, his voice even more strained than it had been seconds again. “Director Mace has been taken.”