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Hanayo was in love with Rin. It was something that everyone knew. That is, if everyone excluded Rin Hoshizora herself.
Rin’s lack of awareness frustrated her to no end, leaving her with a tight feeling of desperate desire within her stomach. She’d had it for years; Every single time she looked at Rin that aching want grew worse and worse. Her mind was being plagued (As it routinely was) by fantasies and daydreams about her, in particular one where Rin’s lips met hers...
Forcing it out of her mind, Hanayo leaned back in her chair. Her skyward gaze was met by the blankness of the ceiling, her view made up of off-white nothingness. As her mind wandered, she struggled to understand why Rin never noticed “Am I not affectionate enough? Do I need to dress differently? Style my hair?” she had ran through every option, everything about her that could cause it and none of them ever made sense. “Well...No. Rin is pretty affectionate and, I am back. And she always seems to love how I look…” she sighed and pushed her face into her pillow.
Like a leaf on the wind, a stray thought breezed through her mind. “What if…” she paused, pulling her face out from the pillow “What if Rin-Chan is just that dense?” the thought sounded cruel, and yet she couldn’t help but see it as an epiphany. Although she loved Rin she couldn’t deny that she wasn’t the smartest person around, so she began to consider “Could it be that Rin-Chan wasn’t able to pick up on how subtle I was being?”.
Ultimately she concluded that Rin was indeed not smart enough to figure her out. The only issue now was what she could do about it, there was only one answer and Hanayo hated even the thought of it. As she envisioned it, she hid her face in her pillow once again. Although the solution was simple, to just make it obvious how she felt, she couldn’t help but be flustered by the concept alone. More and more she considered it, further and further her face got into the pillow. “Is there any other way?” she pleaded to nothingness. “There must be something else, right?” the only response was silence; With that she accepted her fate. “Okay, so… Tomorrow at school I’ll go up to Rin-Chan and just tell her!”
“That’s not gonna happen…” she turned around, her eyes once again meeting the blankness of her ceiling. “M-maybe I’ll just mix it up a bit? Be more explicit with it but not just...Say it.” finally she had reached a conclusion, a mix of satisfaction and fearful anticipation ate away at her. “Yeah. That sounds good.” with her final thoughts, sleep came quickly and carried her away to the morning.
Sunlight pierced the veil of darkness that Hanayo slept in, her eyes opening as the light met them. She rose from bed unwillingly, as if she were a puppet being pulled along by its strings. As if by magic, Rin’s voice erupted from her phone; She was singing one of their songs. Quickly she realised it wasn’t magic, just her alarm. Yawning and grumbling mixed as she turned the phone off, despite it’s sudden intrusion she couldn’t be annoyed. Her voice made her too happy for that.
After changing clothes, putting her contacts in and brushing her hair, Hanayo heard a knock at the door. It was sudden, fast and especially loud. Immediately she recognized it as Rin’s, she had been knocking the exact same way for years. Hanayo panicked, gathering her things as quickly as she could to go meet her at the door. All but barreling down the stairs, she rushed to answer her. Only to find herself frozen in place, her hand still outstretched towards the door handle. “No going back after this…” she thought to herself, taking in a deep breath and pulling the door open.
No one was there. She looked up and down and yet there was still nothing. Obviously, curiously and foolishly she took a step outside. “Kayo-Chin!” Rin was upon her, having seized her by the waist in a slightly too tight hug.
It took her a few seconds to get over the shell-shock of the sudden contact. And any semblance of confidence she had faded into nothingness. “I-I can’t do this.” she thought, examining Rin’s face and blushing at how close it was. All it would take is a small movement forward and what she had been dreaming of would become a reality.
She forced the thought away, turning her attention back to the conversation at hand. “Hi Rin-Chan.” she simply smiled, it wasn’t anything special, just the expression she tended to wear when she was with Rin.
She let go of Hanayo, excitedly moving her weight from the ball of her foot, to the heel and then back again. She repeated the motion as she spoke “You ready to go, Kayo-Chin?”
“Oh um. Yeah. Why are you so excited today?” she closed the door behind her, not looking away from Rin for even an instant.
“Well!” she responded, her short hair swished as she turned away and began to walk. “I’ve got that race, don’t you remember Kayo-Chin?” she glanced back at Hanayo with an uncharacteristic intensity “Or did you forget?”
Hanayo’s heart practically stopped. “N-no! Um. You’re swimming, right?” Rin wasn’t usually one to be intimidating, yet the look on her face managed to hit her like a wrecking ball. Suddenly it softened, her usual smile overtaking her face. She took a step closer to Hanayo, who took a step back, confused by the sudden detour the tone of their conversation had taken.
A slim finger pressed against her nose. “That’s right, Kayo-Chin!” she smiled “I’m not even part of the swimming club, but I get to compete anyway!” she beamed at Hanayo, her face practically emanating joy. “Sorry about startling you Kayo-Chin, I just wanted to see how you’d react to me being all scary, nya.” she began to move away from her, but froze in place. Her eyes kept firmly locked on Hanayo’s. “You looked pretty cute when I scared you actually.” she giggled, finally taking a step away from her and continuing down the street.
A wave of relief rolled over Hanayo, a calming sense of normality filled the air surrounding her. Everything was as it should be. However it didn’t feel that way to her, she couldn’t shake the desire for more she had within her. Despite all of her restraint, despite all of the thoughts against it she had been having, she swallowed her fear and hesitation. Breathing in, she spoke suddenly “You look cuter than me, Rin-Chan!”
It didn’t feel satisfying. She had said that a thousand times, despite her building up all of her might she could only muster the strength to call her cute; All she did was say something completely normal for the two of them. The frustration within her built up more, hints of bitter sadness accompanying it. Rin’s response couldn’t even shake it from her, in fact she barely listened. All she made out was the word “cuter”. Nothing was changing, Rin still responded the same way she always would. “K-kayo-Chin? What’s wrong? Is it because I said you’re cuter? I know you think I’m cuter but…” Rin began rambling, desperately unsure of how to fix the frown that had befallen her friend’s face.
“No, Rin-Chan. Um. It’s okay. I just thought of something sad, it’s no problem.” she said, putting on the realest fake smile she could and continuing to walk.
“Wait! I know! Hold still Kayo-Chin!” she practically leapt in front of Hanayo, taking her chin in her hand and looking her in the eyes. “I remember when we were kids. You’d get sad like that. So I’d always have to do this…” she placed two fingers on her forehead, humming a tuneless song to herself. Savouring the moment, Hanayo’s smile changed from false to real as she recalled how Rin always used to do this for her.
Whenever Hanayo was sad as a child, Rin would be there with her. And each time she would perform the same few actions, it was a ritual of sorts. She would take position in front of Hanayo, placing two fingers on her forehead and holding her chin. Then she would hum the most calming song she could come up with, it was never very good and yet it always sounded like a masterpiece to the two of them. Finally, she would let go of Hanayo and announce that her sadness was gone.
Just as she had done many years ago, Rin let go of her. “Bye bye sadness!” she called out proudly. “Now Kayo-Chin, I’m gonna turn around and once I turn back around I expect you to be smiling, okay?” Hanayo merely nodded in response, barely restraining the smile that was already overtaking her face.
She turned away, holding her position for a second before looking back to Hanayo. “Thank you Rin-Chan.” she said, greeting her with the biggest smile she could muster. Rin looked shocked, she had never seen Hanayo smile so wide. For a split second Hanayo worried she had done something wrong, until Rin’s smile outdid hers completely.
In silence they continued walking, simply enjoying the atmosphere of one another’s presence. “You really remembered all of that from when we were kids, Rin-Chan?” Hanayo asked, softly breaking the silence.
“Well, yeah. How could I forget it? I had to do it like every day!” Rin responded, clearly teasing.
“H-hey, it wasn’t like every day…” she grumbled, clearly joking in the same way she was.
Rin gazed over at her “Well, it’s not like I minded it anyway. I always liked it.” her eyes closed gently as she reminisced. “Especially the way you would smile afterwards.”
Blushing, Hanayo looked skyward, taking in the blue and white hues that painted it. “You got the song exactly right too…” she smiled softly to herself, losing her focus as she became enraptured in memory.
“I did?” she asked it bluntly, ruining the romance of the moment somewhat. “Guess I just knew it subconsciously, nya.” she looked up at the sky and she too lost herself to thought as the sun’s rays came and brushed against her face.
“Hey, what time is it?” Hanayo asked lazily, at this point nothing concerned her all too much. She was content to just walk with Rin in the sun like this forever.
“Hm? Well it’s…” she paused, checking her phone. Her eyes widened, her calmness exchanged itself for panic. “Eight thirty! We should be at school by now, nya!” she grabbed Hanayo’s hand thoughtlessly, all but dragging her as she ran the rest of the way to school.
The first few hours of the day passed by uneventfully. Hanayo couldn’t dismiss the thoughts she’d been having, she still felt a profound dissatisfaction only worsening every time Rin waved or smiled at her from across the classroom. Every tick of the clock stuck out to her as she debated within her mind. “I messed up this morning, but maybe I could try again?” she thought, only to counter herself “But I might just say something pointless again.” she had been debating with herself for a long while at this point, and it was only just reaching a conclusion. “No, no. I won’t. I’ll just say it! I’ll just say, Rin-Chan. I love you.” she was resolved, her focus for the entire rest of the lesson was on Rin. Or rather, on Rin’s slumped over, sleeping body.
Once the bell rang, she immediately went to Rin and waited in front of her desk as she recovered from the sudden awakening the bell had caused her. “Rin-Chan, I have something to tell you.” she announced.
Rin perked up, tilting her head. Everyone had left the classroom at this point, even their teacher. They were completely and utterly alone and the room had fallen silent. “What is it Kayo-Chin?”
“I love you, Rin-Chan.” all the tension inside of her disappeared, like water pouring out from a shattered bottle.
“I love you too Kayo-Chin.” Rin responded nonchalantly, as if it hadn’t affected her at all. She looked away from Hanayo, standing up. “So, do the other want us at practice?”
Her fists clenched, her teeth gritted, the tension she had just gotten rid of all came back. Yet, she wasn’t sad at all, just frustrated further than she had ever been before. “What was that?” she thought, anger eating away at her “I said in that in the least platonic way possible. How did she take it that way?”
Ultimately, there was nothing she could do but sigh. “Yes, let’s go.” she said resignedly, walking past Rin and out into the corridor. Unusually, the anger faded but the hot feeling she had from it still remained. It felt different, more directed. She glanced back at Rin who followed behind her, a spark of determination within her had been set ablaze. “By the end of the day, Rin-Chan will know I love her.” she resolved, closing her eyes as if to signify her conclusion.
The day continued as it tended to, with two notable exceptions. One, Rin barely ever looked at Hanayo. They were still together near constantly, Rin just never seemed able to face her. Two, Hanayo had been flirting with Rin near constantly, much to her own embarrassment. She was constantly blushing and was barely able to string her sentences together, but still she flirted. Despite her best efforts Rin never seemed to react properly, misunderstanding or flat out not understanding what she was saying. Hanayo was at a boiling point. All of her muscles felt tense, she couldn’t take much more. She had to find a move to make.
Once again, they were alone together. The changing rooms by the pool were barren except for the two of them.“Kayo-Chin, why’re you in here too. You’re not swimming, are you?” she asked, facing away from Hanayo and beginning to take off her clothes.
“No, no.” she said, eyes locked on Rin’s hands as she began unbuttoning her shirt. “But I’m going to watch you race.” she smiled legitimately, despite her frustration she still enjoyed Rin’s company.
“Okay. Be sure to cheer for me, okay?” Rin faced her for the first time in what felt like days, smiling at her softly. She was tempted to kiss her right then and there, before she recalled her plan. It was odd, and somewhat of a last ditch effort. But frankly Hanayo couldn’t think of much else.
“Of course, Rin-Chan.” she smiled back, her gaze running over Rin’s body as she removed her shirt. She was drawn to her arms, they weren’t quite muscular but there was tone to them, a sense of strength that appealed to her and caused her to lock her stare on them. Savouring every last second of staring, she pulled her eyes away. Only to find them now focusing on Rin’s stomach. It was firm and smooth, Hanayo could only imagine the feeling of running her hands over it, or resting her head on it. Her heart raced, she barely knew where to begin with her. There was so much of her to see, she wanted to look at all of it at once, but also to focus on every tiny intimate detail. By the time she came out of her trance she had almost forgotten about her plan.
“You’re hot, Rin-Chan.” she stated bluntly, looking up at Rin’s face. Desperate for any form of reaction that wasn’t confusion.
Nothing came, Rin tilted her head at her and clearly just didn’t understand. “There’s air conditioning here, I don’t see why I would be, nya…”
Hanayo suddenly erupted, all of her frustration and desire culminating in a single, passionate moment. Forcefully she moved into Rin, wrapping her arms tightly around her and pressing her lips against hers, losing herself to the moment entirely. It only lasted a moment but it felt as long as the lifetime that had lead up to it. As Hanayo pulled away, the magnitude of what she had done hit her. Her face fell into Rin’s shoulder, a muttering of sorry being the only words she could muster.
“Wow, Kayo-Chin.” Rin started, running a hand through Hanayo’s hair. “I didn’t think you’d ever realise…”
“Huh? Realise what?” Hanayo asked, muffled by the shoulder she was burying her face into.
“That I love you!” At this point, realization befell Hanayo. The two of them were just as oblivious as one another, their feelings had been running parallel for years and finally they had met. She felt as if she should be annoyed or feel anything but happiness at this revelation, but she didn’t, she couldn’t. She merely pulled her face from Rin’s shoulder and looked back at her.
“I love you too, Rin-Chan.”