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Fall in love was a strange thing. The weirdest thing, Lena mused.
And yet, it could be as mundane as catching a fever, a flu.
It was almost laughable, now that she could see it so clearly, how she hasn't noticed before.
The inconvenient blush; the nervous flutter her heart gave, spreading the utmost disarming warmth across her chest, like an unsuspected, though pleasant, splash of hot water; the giddy behavior, followed undoubtedly by a feeling of mortification for maybe something she should or should not have said, a touch or look that lingered for too long, a laugher that seemed a little too forced for a joke that wasn't all that funny.
Yes, much like catching a flu, falling in love had its symptoms.
It made her do things she'd scoff had anyone told her she'd do. Say the silliest things and manage to be genuine and true all while feeling and not feeling (it was complicated) silly as she said it. Made her spent unreasonable amounts of money in fleeting things such as flowers. Made her try and make up excuses for herself as to why she needed to see her, motives that didn’t sound too absurd or dismissible, but actually valid reasons for someone to spend time with another one, other than the simple, so simple fact that she wanted to see her friend.
Except.
Except it couldn’t be friendship at all, if she stared at plump lips and wondered how soft they'd be between her teeth, if she wasted a second or maybe ten pondering if it would be easy marking purple the pale column of her throat, if her tongue would come out salty if she licked between breasts, or if she would be able to taste the perfume on her skin, if her head would spin or if she'd be grounded if she were to be touched right there.
No, nothing friendly in the almost inhumanly way she had to contain herself in a effort not to say I want you, take me, stay, let's have dinner, wake up by my side, just don't go.
But instead, she smiled, her elbow propped on the couch as she listened to Kara gush about Cat Grant and how she was in town for a few days and had texted her, her out of everybody else, to have lunch. Like it would be so inconceivable that the mighty Cat Grant would like to spend time with Kara, because Kara was blissfully oblivious. So blissfully oblivious of her own allure and appeal and how Lena, and she'd bet, Cat, would take spending time with her over anyone else in National city. So she smiled and pretended not to feel a twisting grip in her gut, churning, roaring, burning green, green bright jealousy.
Lena has seen Kara around Cat before, and the way the girl moved around her – like a faithful shadow, ready to help at any time, do her bidding no matter what, just hanging about to make sure Cat was absolutely fine – even if she wasn’t even her assistant anymore – before she'd go to Lena and ask her what is up, why are you here at CatCo again? She'd seen the way Kara looked at her former boss like she was not of this world at all, but a goddess that got too tired of her immortality and decided to take a spin among humans. A look of awe that was never directed at Lena.
At Lena, she smiled, wrinkled her nose and asked her how she was doing. The same way she probably did to her sister, Lena had thought bitterly that day.
She remembered when Cat had gone away, and Kara had been devastated. Though it took her a few weeks to learn that was the reason the sunny girl had that stiff on her shoulder, and a smile too restrained, instead of the carefree beam she wore when she'd met her.
Lena asked her to go to the gala in hopes to distract her, and brushed off the sudden wish to punch "Mike of the Interns" and his goofy smile, and how he leaned too close to Kara. She thought he was just being nosy, and surely that was the only reason for her annoyance.
Still.
Still, she had that same wish every time Kara rolled her eyes and smiled in a very specific way, reserved only for when they talked about Mike.
It took her a few more weeks to realize that the relief that came with Cat's absence was slowly being replaced by way too many "you will not believe what Mike did!" And she tried to think that Kara would never fall for such a stereotype of guy. A player who falls for the right girl and changes his way, a goofus with a kind heart, a charmer without true malice.
It took her longer to realize she didn't want be idolized like Cat Grant was, nor did she wanted to be subjected to the condescending tones that always accompanied their conversations about Mike.
It took donuts, shared pizzas that didn’t mean ways to get a quote from her, warm words and advices, concern hidden on the frown between Kara's brows, hugs that sent her heart racing, and such a intimate grin on her lips that just spoke to her that Lena was Kara's equal. And that was all Lena wanted.
So, instead of letting the jealousy consume her, Lena leaded the hand that was on her own lap and placed it gently on Kara's knee.
"Please tell me Cat made the reservations herself this time."
Kara opened and closed her mouth two times before smiling in a way that screamed busted.
Lena rolled her eyes playfully.
"You are not her assistant anymore."
And the way Kara shrugged and told her she didn't mind made her retreat her hand to herself again. Because fighting the green monster was almost a lost battle.
"You know, that was not the only reservation I made today."
It was the way Kara carefully avoided eye contact, and the fact that she started to play with the hem of her dress, or maybe the reluctance on her posture that made Lena suck in a breath and freeze.
The little imp inside her mind was telling her all about the date Kara was going to have with Mike, before the blonde's eyes rose to find hers.
Then the imp went miraculously silent.
"Do you- Do you want to have dinner tonight?"
Kara asked as seriously as ever, as if asking Lena to jump out of a precipice with her, and she wanted to laugh.
She did. She did laugh and Kara frowned before going in full-mode rambling.
"I-I mean, I understand you are super busy, you are a busy woman, of course you have plans for tonight, I'm sorry, I guess I shouldn’t have asked you in such a short notice? Don't worry about it, maybe we can-"
She placed her hand on her knee again, making sure to squeeze it this time, and, much like her inner imp, Kara was caught mid-sentence, closing her mouth.
"Kara. Of course, let's have dinner."
"Are you sure? Because now that I've said it, I noticed it was a little presumptuous? Make a reservation and then invite? Lena, you don't have to feel-"
"Kara," She still wanted to laugh. This time she didn’t. "Let's have dinner."
---
Lena didn't want to assume, almost didn’t dare to hope.
It was the weirdest thing, how much she was questioning herself these days. She had a lifetime practice of taming her self-doubt and a disruptive enough family that, if anything, at least taught her she had to trust herself, her instincts, or else...
Or else she'd be broken. Anyhow, she'd be broken.
Broken by madness, broken by hatred, broken purely based on the realization that she'd have the world on her hands if she didn't mind the means to the end, if she were to bend her principles just a little bit.
And yet.
And yet her hair still wasn’t perfectly in place, her makeup was too heavy, she was prone to screw up, say something she shouldn’t. It was just a date, but she was so stressed.
Unless.
Unless it wasn't a date, and then she was way too overdressed for that.
She almost asked her driver to turn around, phone in hand to text Kara she was sorry, but she got caught up in a meeting.
"We are here, Ms. Luthor."
Ah.
They should've been there for at least five minutes, if the line of cars behind her was any indication.
"Thank you," She said distractedly, taking a deep breath before getting out of the car.
It was a cozy little place, but seemed exclusive enough so she didn’t feel that overdressed. She was about to talk to the maître, but a nagging feeling on the side of her head made her turn, and there was Kara, looking straight at her with that trademark big smile of hers firmly in place. She made a beeline towards her, and the blonde got up to give her a hug.
A quick hug that, just like the girl herself, didn’t give any indications if they were on a date or not.
"I like it," She said, taking a look around. "Didn't know it yet. There is too much I'm yet to discover about National City."
Kara wrinkled her nose.
"I'm glad. I wasn’t sure if you were into Italian?"
"I'm into it just fine." I'd be into wherever you took me, was on the tip of her tongue. "So," Lena started, even though she wasn’t sure she wanted to know, "How was lunch?"
Kara's eyes lightened up and she smiled brightly.
"Oh, it was great. I missed Miss- Well, Cat," She nodded to herself, and Lena wondered if that was a development Cat herself demanded from the girl. She wondered if Kara ever caught herself saying the name out loud, to test the sound, the way it rolled on her tongue.
She just stuck to a noncommittal hum in acknowledgment.
"She doesn’t want to tell me what she's doing yet, but apparently is something big. I mean, I did expect it to be, because-"
"She is Cat Grant," Lena finished the sentence almost with a sneer, and something deflated inside her.
Kara looked strangely at her before blunting, "because she isn't bragging about it."
Lena blinked.
"And since she did say she was up to something, but is not advertising it, it has to be something great."
"Or something that isn't brag worthy," The words were out of her mouth before she could stop, and she froze. Offend Kara's mentors were not the way to go. Even if she was suspicious of that feeble line between mentoring and... something else.
Kara looked like she wanted to throw her two cents, but she let it drop along with her gaze.
"I confess I know nothing about wines," She said, her eyes set on the menu.
Lena swallowed dry.
"Kara, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"
"And it looks like a wine night, don’t you think?" Kara interrupted her, and it had to be a first. She finally looked at her again and her blank stare left Lena feeling like a fool. She made a note to not mention Cat Grant again, and nodded.
"I know a thing or two," She smiled tentatively. "Can I suggest one?"
"Yes, please," Kara smiled. "And let's order? I'm starving."
Lena breathed a little easier after that.
Lena wasn’t impressed that Kara ordered two main courses for herself. At some late night in the office that Kara came along with pizza and ate almost the whole thing, something on Lena's face made her mumble apologetically she had a fast metabolism. Lena had laughed and dismissed it, because there were definitely greater things to be sorry about.
They were eating dessert when Kara made a comment about a art piece hung on the wall beside them, and when Lena inquired further, she told her, with a adorable blush on her face, that she liked to paint on her free time.
"You can come and check it out sometime, if you want," Kara said. "It's nothing that impressive, but..."
She let the words hang, and Lena was quick to reassure, a familiar warmth that she has come to associate with Kara spreading inside her, "I'd love to."
Kara didn’t let her pay.
It was ridiculous, because she chose an expensive wine, because the meal also wasn’t that cheap and Kara was a junior reporter, and it would probably mean more to her budget than to Lena's big CEO paycheck and family money. Nonetheless, Kara was very persuasive with her dismissive remark that Lena could "pay next time".
She did try a last feminist argument, but apparently the fact that they were both women made her point seem a little weak.
The least she could do was to offer her a drive home, and absolutely not take no for an answer.
"Kara, just get in the car," She said amusedly when the blonde started to refute yet again. "Please."
"Alright," Kara blushed again, and that was starting to look like Lena's favorite color on her.
---
Kara didn’t kiss her that night.
---
Kara kissed her in the worst situation ever.
---
"How was it?" Kara pressed, leaning against he door of her office in the middle of the day. Lena had barely gotten there, and Jess didn’t even bother to follow Kara and berate her for just entering anymore.
"How do you know?" Lena leveled Kara with her stare, but the woman didn't flinch. She stared back with so much concern on her face that had Lena looking down for a moment.
"Alex." Was all she said.
That's right. The FBI agent sister.
"Just like I expected it to be," Lena sighed, getting up and circling her table, letting her hip rest on it. "Awful."
"I don’t get it," Kara said, taking two steps closer, still way too far from her. "Had you not given a deposition already?"
"It seemed I could be hiding something."
The blonde huffed, and it made Lena smirk a little at the strange sound coming out of Kara's mouth.
"Yes, your mother set you up all while scaping prison and you are hiding something."
Lena felt like a bucket full of ice water was thrown over her head. It should be nice. It should be so nice that Kara was so willingly trusting her. She wished she could say she's done enough. She is trying to do enough to be worthy of that trust.
Somehow, it doesn’t feel like it. It never did when she mentioned some of the L Corp tech and suspicion flashed on Kara's face for a second, or when Kara dropped all kinds of hints about her mother and Lena didn’t take the bait, nor when Kara seemed worried about her, and yet Lena never opened up, because she couldn’t. Because Kara would never look at her the same way again.
"I could be hiding something," She said so lowly, she wasn’t even sure the other could possibly hear.
And yet she did. She did and she took a few more steps towards her, got her face on her hands and kissed her.
It was fast, it was clumsy, and Kara looked at her wide-eyed and almost like she wanted to apologize before something steeled on her features and she just said, "I don’t believe you could," before turning and leaving her – wide-eyed too, mouth agape and face all hot and bothered, behind.
Kara kissed her in the worst situation ever, and Lena didn’t even mind.
---
The president was back to National City.
With her mother out of jail, everybody was a little skittish about her striking again – and Lena thinks she will, eventually – and even with the possibility of a retaliation in form of a alien uprising or something like that.
L Corp scheduled a meeting to discuss their new technology, and Lena prepared her pitch about what they were developing.
It went well, mostly.
The president was more than a little reluctant about her device that identify aliens, even though one or two of her Secretaries seemed impressed.
It caught her by surprise – but just a little bit – when she bumped into a familiar face on her way out.
"Lena Luthor," Her tone was polite enough, but something about the way her last name was drawled rubbed Lena the wrong way.
She plastered her best corporative smile on her face before extending her hand, "Cat Grant."
The blonde took it for a second, her grip firm and her eyes scanning, assessing her like only a true journalist could.
"So Kara spoke the truth," It's a whim, really. How she wanted to assert her familiarity with Kara, the fact they maintained close contact. It was suddenly pivotal to let Cat know that. "When she said you were up to something big."
"Well," Her expression was suddenly unreadable, despite the smirk on Cat's lips, "I always am."
They stared, and even though their faces betrayed nothing, they were evaluating each other. Cat's eyes were relentless, looking for something, and it could be anything, on Lena's face - barely leaving her with any room to breathe.
She was used to it. It didn’t scare her, and she was pretty much doing the same.
Finally, Cat seemed satisfied enough because she tilted her head and blinked.
"You realize," Cat started softly. "That she is too good for you, don't you?"
Many things could be said about her, but that blonde did not bit around the bushes.
And Lena supposed she should feel intimidated, undermined or something of the sorts.
"Yes," But she didn’t. "She is too good for both of us." She emended, and relished on the way Cat's eyes narrowed dangerously at her.
She didn’t feel intimidated nor undermined, because Kara's lips still burned hers and it's the weirdest thing what falling in love could do to you.