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The station lunchroom was a small sanctuary for the city’s hardworking law enforcers. A tiny room with stale fruit and florescent lights, comfortable enough for a short break away from reality and just uncomfortable enough to discourage prolonged stays. The aged, plastic seats and broken couches could only deter the tired detectives and policeman so much though; which was why, hours after the sun had set and his shift was over, a young policeman found himself hunched over in his seat, hands wrapped around his head and elbows on his knees.
“Gotou-san?”
The voice and tap on the shoulder caused the younger man to jump up in his seat, he inhaled sharply and looked up to meet an equally surprised face.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” Izumi Shingo said, offering a quick smile and nudging a bottle of water at the younger officer. Gotou accepted the bottle with shaking hands and inclined his head in thanks.
“I-Izumi-san, no, it’s okay, I mean, thank you,” Gotou stammered.
“Congratulations on the drugs bust, your first big case since coming back, right?” Izumi said with a smile as he settled into the adjacent seat only when Gotou have an approving nod.
Gotou muttered a thank you as he fumbled with his bottle’s lid.
“Are you alright?” Izumi said politely. “I did hear that things didn’t go entirely according to plan. I don’t mean to pry, I was just a little worried, as your senior that is.”
“It’s fine,” Gotou said, opening his bottle after some difficulty and taking a generous drink from it. “I, it was nothing, just one of my men got hit by a bullet during the struggle. He’s okay. Surgery went fine, he’ll live, recover and be back on duty in less than a week if he’s eager.”
“That’s good to hear,” Izumi nodded, turning his attention on the way Gotou’s fingers were slowly ripping away the water bottle’s wrapper.
The older officer waited a moment, casually looking around the room before glancing back at his friend whose eyes were fixed on the broken wrapper. Izumi Shingo had grown up looking out for his younger sister, who by all means, didn’t need protecting. But Hina, much like Gotou, was the type of person that would often forget that they weren’t invincible. He knew when someone was hurting, he knew when someone was lying and he knew when someone needed him.
“I know we haven’t really interacted much, at work or otherwise,” Izumi smiled quickly, making sure Gotou caught it. “But I do remember everything that happened while Ankh had my body, and I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but I’d like to think that I know you a little better than you think I do.”
“I don’t know what you mean,” Gotou said shortly.
“Did you ever see someone after everything that happened with the Greeed?” Izumi asked, lowering his voice and leaning back into his chair.
“I took a psych test before returning to my position, yes, if that is what you’re asking,” Gotou replied quickly, his temper rising, Izumi caught this and quickly thought of a way to reword his queries.
“I’m not questioning your mental stability or competence, Gotou-san,” Izumi said with an apologetic expression. “But I do know that you went through a lot while you were working for the Kougami Foundation. You saw things that aren’t covered in the books, faced dangers half your superiors in this station couldn’t imagine, and that kind of stuff doesn’t just go away.”
Gotou was silent for a moment, though he seemed he had stopped picking at his bottle. He refused to look up and continued to stare at his bottle, “What exactly did you hear today?”
“Just that you and your team went to crack a drug ring we’ve been investigating for a few months. There were shots fired, and that you spent the rest of the afternoon at the hospital.”
Izumi saw Gotou turn his head slightly and the moment stretched out uncomfortably, the detective sighed and continued, “And that you hadn’t been yourself since the moment your subordinate was shot.”
The former Birth user grumbled to himself and Izumi was sure he was cursing whoever had gossiped about him. Izumi couldn’t help but chuckle to himself; in a lot of ways Gotou was very mature for his age, but in so many more, he was still young.
“Your team mates are just worried,” Izumi chuckled. “You’re very popular amoungest the younger and older recruits, and apparently none of them had ever seen you so shaken. When I heard, I was worried what happened today had maybe triggered…”
Izumi trailed off, seeing Gotou tense and knowing that he had hit the mark. The younger man had gone back to picking at his bottle’s label so Izumi bent down, resting his elbows on his knees, aligning his eye level with Gotou’s. It was another moment before Gotou spoke.
“He… he was bleeding,” Gotou started, clearing his throat when his voice came out dry and cracked. “In my arms. The wound probably wasn’t life threatening, it would’ve been shock more than anything. I… I wanted to keep him calm until we got an ambulance on scene, so I talked to him, held onto him… but he was falling in and out and consciousness.”
Gotou took a deep breath, his shoulders shaking.
“I was doing fine, it’s happened to me before, I’ve been on both sides of an injury like that. I’ve lost men, I’ve mourned them and I’ve always done things by the book. But this time…I couldn’t stop shaking. No matter, I couldn’t stop thinking about the last time… someone nearly died in my arms…”
Gotou opened his bottle and took another gulp, his hands visibly shaking around the bottle. Izumi watched with concern and pieced together his blurred memories of Gotou from when the Greeed known as Ankh has possession of his body.
“Date-san, right?”
Gotou nodded.
“I thought I was over that day,” Gotou continued. “It’s been months since Hino defeated Professor Maki and almost a year since I first… used Birth. Date-san had his surgery, came back to Japan and we’ve been in regular contact since.”
“Trauma like that isn’t something you can just get over, Gotou-san,” Izumi said with a smile, leaning back in his chair. “Just because everything worked out, it doesn’t mean you didn’t go through such a distressing situation.”
“But that was me jumping to conclusions, Date-san’s alive and well, he was fine, I just…” Gotou said sharply, a subtle panic in his voice.
“You were upset,” Izumi said quickly, placing a reassuring hand on Gotou’s shoulder. “And you had every right to be. I was there, I saw what happened and I remember what you suffered through the day before. Date-san’s supposed betrayal, you mentioned earning the 100 million yen yourself, I bet you barely slept that night.”
Gotou shuffled uncomfortably, steadying his breath and nodding, confirming what Izumi had said.
“It’s okay to feel how you feel,” Izumi said. “Gotou-san, you have a big heart, you want to protect the entire world after all. But if you’re going after the world, you might want to start small, take care of yourself and your loved ones first.”
Offering another squeeze to the shoulder, Izumi stood up and straightened his jacket. He tucked his hand into his breast pocket and pulled out a card, holding it in front of Gotou who looked at it curiously.
“The Kougami Foundation pulled a lot of strings to find me a psychiatrist that I could talk to about what happened with Ankh, I’ll bet they can help you too. Talk to Satonaka-san about it and the Foundation might even foot the bill.”
“Thank you,” Gotou said, taking the card and bowing his head. “I might just do that.”
“A deep enough wound will always scar, but with the right medical treatment, you can learn to live with it,” Izumi smiled as he made to exit the room. “Plus, having a doctor on speed dial never hurt anyone.”
Gotou felt his cheeks heat up as he caught the double meaning in the other man’s words. Izumi waved, leaving after a parting greeting and disappeared out of the lunchroom’s doorway. Gotou set his bottle of water and newly acquired business card down on the seat next to him, fumbling for his phone, which was sat in his back pocket. He glanced at the device for a long moment before hitting the speed dial.
The phone rang for only a moment.
“Date-san? It’s me. … How are you?”