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Sebastian hangs around after all the fanfare is done because he’s got AP tests to study for and the leftover McKinley kids are still milling about the stairway, cleaning up the mess of rose petals and confetti still littering the place and effectively blocking the way to his dorm. Most of them are buzzing with excitement still, obnoxiously singing Beatles lyrics into their dustpans and broom handles like microphones. Sebastian leans against the wall and grimaces. He’s had a headache all afternoon from the volume level that comes with four show choirs crammed into one corridor and the extra noise is not exactly helping right now.
One of the girls – her name escapes him, all he remembers is the Sectionals fainting incident – makes her way down the winding stairs with wide, concerned eyes, and it’s then that Sebastian realizes that Kurt is sitting on the bottom step with his eyes trained on the floor, looking like a kicked puppy.
“Hey, you okay?” the girl asks, leaning against a bannister and frowning at the sight of him.
Kurt startles and stares at her for a moment with an indecipherable expression that makes him look more lost than any recently engaged person should before shaking himself and slapping on a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He looks nothing like the Kurt from The Lima Bean over a year ago, and Sebastian can’t tell if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. “Yeah, I’m – no, it’s fine, it’s just... a lot to take in, I guess.”
“Oh, I know,” the girl says, now smiling. “My boyfriend asked me to be his Valentine in song during my history class. In a bright red tux, even.”
“Please tell me the cut at least suited him.”
“Ooh, suit pun, I like it. And no, not at all, but he looked cute anyway.”
Kurt smiles again, a little bit more genuine but still lacking that old fire that used to piss Sebastian off so much. “I’m so sorry, but I don’t think I caught your name when I stopped by the school last week.”
“Marley,” the girl says in reply. She smooths down her dress and sits on the floor in front of Kurt. “I know we don’t really know each other, but you kinda looked upset and I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“Well, thanks, Marley.”
Marley reaches to give Kurt’s hand a squeeze before she stands up again. “Any time! I’m always up for giving a friend a smile, and any brother of Finn’s is a friend to me. Now if you don’t mind, I’m pretty sure Kitty is dumping glitter down the back of Jake’s shirt every time he turns around, and I’ve gotta go play the amused but ultimately disapproving girlfriend. See you around?”
Kurt nods, and the second Marley’s gone, he goes right back to looking miserable again. The old Sebastian is dying to kick him while he’s down, but the new one who’s vowed not to be such a dick anymore actually feels kind of bad.
Before he can think twice, Sebastian crosses the room in slow strides and again, Kurt doesn’t notice him until they’re practically toe to toe.
“Okay, I’m gonna be a little more blunt than Little Miss Sunshine over there and say that you look like someone just ran over your cat.”
“Sebastian,” Kurt drawls humorlessly. “I should have known.”
Sebastian snorts, nudging his way onto the step to sit beside him. “Scoot over, I’m not sitting on the floor and risking an ass full of confetti.”
Kurt obliges, but he stays silent, tapping his heel against the linoleum. Now Sebastian can really look at him, see the changes not only in his body (which is longer and leaner and not too bad on the eyes, he has to admit), but the way he avoids eye contact, gives shallow smiles and half-hearted waves as Santana and the Berry girl say goodbye and that they have to get to the airport ASAP because they have work in the morning.
The minutes stretch on in silence, only broken by Blaine’s friend with the weird hair singing “Dear Prudence” in what might actually be an Incredible Hulk voice, until Sebastian can’t stand the awkwardness anymore.
“Where’s Blaine? I figured the two of you would’ve found a 24 hour wedding chapel by now and gotten eloped.”
“He’s with his parents out front,” Kurt says, nodding in the general direction of the exit. Sebastian thinks that’s it and they’re about to be plunged into uncomfortable silence again, but then he catches the mumbled, “They’re probably telling him he could do better.”
And that’s it. There’s no way that this Kurt Hummel sitting beside him is the same boy who insulted his hair and told him he smelled like Craigslist and that he was an embarrassment to the gay community. This is a broken doll, beautiful but sad, trying desperately to hold himself together.
“Okay, seriously, cut the shit and tell me what’s going on in that little coiffed head of yours because we’ve been sitting here for five minutes and you haven’t once insulted me and it’s starting to freak me the fuck out.”
“Why should I talk to you? I’m surprised you, of all people, even agreed to take part in this. You don’t exactly seem like the type to support anyone getting married.” And there’s that spark behind his eyes. It’s small and flickering, but there it is.
“I’m not, Jesus Christ, but I’m also barely eighteen years old and I still watch cartoons sometimes, so who cares what the fuck I think about it? He asked for our help, so I agreed.”
Kurt snorts. “A year ago you threw a slushie in his face and now you’re helping him propose?”
“I have a new policy that roughly comes down to don’t piss off every single person you speak to,” Sebastian says. “And I threw a slushie at your jacket, his face just got in my way.”
“Right,” Kurt chuckles humorlessly. “And now you’re acting like you care about me.”
Just like that, the spark in Kurt’s eyes dies, almost immediately replaced by the wet shine of unshed tears.
“Is that it? You think people don’t care about you?” Sebastian asks, not missing the tear that falls down Kurt’s cheek and is immediately wiped away. “Look, I know we’re not exactly buddy-buddy, but I care enough to wonder why you’re so fucking sad looking after being proposed to by the guy you claim to love.”
“I do love him,” Kurt snaps. “I’m just – fuck, am I really telling you all this?”
“Let’s be real, I’m the only one here who’s enough of an asshole to make you. And since we don’t know each other that well, I won’t be biased like Mini Barbra or Satan.”
“As long as I don’t have to picture you in a reindeer sweater or thigh-high boots.” Kurt gives the barest hint of a smile before steeling himself to go on. “When I was sixteen, I had a crush on Finn—”
“As in your stepbrother?”
“He wasn’t back then,” Kurt grumbles. “Now are you gonna shut up so I can talk?”
“Sorry. Proceed.”
“Anyway, I had a crush on Finn, but he was straight and had a girlfriend and then Babygate happened – let me spare you the details or we’ll be here all week – and that was that. Then my junior year, there was a new boy who I thought might like me, but it turned out he was straight too.” Kurt breathes a world-weary sigh. “And then there was Blaine. First boy who ever liked me back and it was great – perfect, even, until I moved to New York and he slept with someone else.”
“I can promise you it wasn’t me,” Sebastian feels the need to add.
“I know. You were the first person I asked him about, but he said it wasn’t you. I still don’t know who it was and I think I’d rather not, just to save myself that thought,” Kurt confirms, picking at his sleeve. “And then there was Adam, this British heartthrob who helped me adjust to NYADA more than even Rachel could, and I liked him, I really did, but he said was moving back to England after he graduated at the end of the year and I think that kept me from ever letting myself get serious with him – like, how could I deal with losing two boyfriends in a year?”
“Hell, some people go through like twenty.”
“We agreed to you shutting up.”
“Sorry. Again. I was just saying.”
“Well don’t.” Kurt elbows him lightly, but there’s still no sign of happiness present on his face. “I came back to Lima last week to see my dad, and there was Blaine again, and he wanted me back and – I mean, life’s only so long and it could end at any second, I don’t ever want to regret not giving us another shot.”
There’s silence again, less uncomfortable as Sebastian processes what he’s been told.
“You can speak now,” Kurt murmurs, and his voice sounds so broken.
“So you’re saying you agreed to marry him because you could die tomorrow and you don’t want to regret saying no?”
“Yes, thank you for repeating what I just said,” Kurt grumbles sarcastically.
“But that’s exactly it,” Sebastian implores. “You’re not telling me you want to marry him because you love him and you want to spend the rest of your life with him, you’re telling me you want to marry him because he’s the first boy who ever liked you back and you don’t think anyone will ever love you more than him.”
“I do love him!” Kurt snaps. “No one’s ever made me feel like he makes me feel. You wouldn’t understand it.”
“I wouldn’t,” Sebastian agrees, “but let me try and spin it so I can. There was this guy I used to hook up with in Paris, Felix, and he gave the best goddamned blowjobs I’d ever had, like you would not believe these blowjobs. Fucking mind blowing – pun partially intended. Then I spent one night at the club dancing with another guy, and Felix got jealous and you know what he did? He fucking bit my dick. Chomped right the fuck down on it. I swear I still feel phantom teeth down there sometimes.”
“I fail to see where this is going,” Kurt groans. “And I really don’t want to think about your penis.”
“Fair enough,” Sebastian chuckles. He checks behind him as he continues on with his story that’s clearly not safe for public consumption, noting that most of the New Directions are gone now, except a few of the younger ones who are straggling behind at the top of the staircase. “What I’m getting at is that I thought I was never gonna get a better blowjob from anyone than I got from Felix, but you know what? I was only sixteen years old and there were a million other dudes out there, surely I could get a better blowjob than someone who bit my fucking dick during one, and I did. Several times. You think nobody’s ever gonna love you the way Blaine does? Fair enough, but I bet that there’s someone out there who will love you like that and never cheat on you. You’re nineteen, not ninety, you’ve got to quit thinking about dying and live for a change.”
There are tears welled up in Kurt’s eyes and he blinks them away hastily as he murmurs, “My parents got married at twenty-two. My mom was dead ten years later. You never know.”
It’s such a fucking copout that Sebastian could scream. “I’m sorry about that, but who’s to say that you’re gonna end up exactly like your parents? My parents got married when they weren’t ready and they stayed together for the kids until they made themselves miserable, do you think I expect to end up like they did? Hell no, and if you’re not ready for marriage, you shouldn’t either.”
Kurt glares, eyes sharp under his furrowed brows and Sebastian’s never been so happy to see someone looking so angry with him.
“Why should I listen to you or even believe what you’re saying?”
“You’re right, why should you? I’m just the fucking slut who just compared love to blowjobs, right?” he eggs Kurt on, eyes sparkling in challenge.
“I never said that, don’t put words in my mouth!” Kurt shouts, and the kids further up the stairs must hear them now. “Clearly there’s more to you than that, but I have no idea why you’re even bothering with this!”
“Because there’s more to you than this little scared boy who’s getting married to a boy who broke his heart because he’s afraid of being alone!” Sebastian shouts back. “The Kurt Hummel I used to know was loud and proud and didn’t take people’s shit without dishing it right back to them. He saw me flirting with his boyfriend and accepted the challenge with pleasure, he came to that bar and took command of that dance floor to remind everyone who belonged to who, and he turned the Warblers against me with nothing but a tape and a Michael Jackson song. I still believe that kid’s lurking under your skin somewhere, I see him in that look you’re giving me right now, you just have to get the hell over yourself and find him again.”
The next thing Sebastian knows, there’s a sharp, burning pain across his cheek and Kurt is laughing.
“Wow, that actually felt kinda good,” Kurt says, shaking his hand roughly.
“Ow, I’m glad it did for you, because fucking hell, it didn’t for me,” Sebastian whines, pressing his warm palm to his throbbing face. There will definitely be a hand-shaped bruise there in the morning. “Can I ask you what the actual fuck that was?”
Kurt just laughs, and he’s laughing so much that Sebastian can’t help but laugh along.
“That,” Kurt says once he’s calmed himself, “was the old Kurt Hummel finding himself, not that the old Kurt Hummel ever slapped people, but maybe he needed just a couple improvements.”
“I could do without that specific one,” Sebastian says. He gives his cheek one more rub and nudges his shoulder against Kurt’s. “So what are you gonna do?”
Kurt shrugs, smiling peacefully. “I’m going to find my dad so I’m not late for my flight back to the city, and then I am going to think long and hard about this whole thing, and then I’ll decide. Maybe I’ll marry him, maybe I’ll just date him, maybe I’ll date someone else, maybe I’ll just be Kurt for a while and learn to love myself again before I try to love anyone else. I am nineteen, I guess I don’t have to have it all figured out right at this very second.”
When Kurt stands up, Sebastian’s proud to see the change in his demeanor: back straight, head held high, confident smile in place. It fits Kurt more than slumped over and sulking ever could.
“I’m glad,” Sebastian replies, accepting Kurt’s hand when he reaches to help him up, and smiling the whole time he shakes it.
“I never thought I’d say this, but thank you, Sebastian. Really. You’re right, I don’t think anyone else here would have had the guts to call me out like that.”
“No problem, I guess, just don’t pull this shit on me again, I swear. I can’t deal with having emotions.” Sebastian grins. “Maybe I’ll see you around?”
Kurt furrows his brows a bit. “I just said I’m flying back to the city. I doubt I’ll be back in Ohio for a while, much less Westerville.”
“That’s what I meant,” Sebastian clarifies. “I just sent in my deposit for NYU. Looks like I’m headed to New York too.”
“Hm.”
Kurt turns away without another word, walking with a bounce in his step that’s been absent all day.
Now that the stairs are cleared out, Sebastian makes to go back to his room and study, but the moment he reaches the top step, there’s a hand on his arm, holding him back.
Standing behind his shoulder with a firm grip on his bicep is Marley.
“What? Is this the part where you sing one final song and your little cartoon bird friends come out of nowhere and push me off the ledge and into the canyon, never to be heard from again?”
Marley giggles, letting go of his arm so she can clutch her own stomach in laughter. “For someone who just claimed he still watches cartoons, I think you’re mixing your Disney movie references up.”
“Eh, sue me if I embellished a little, eavesdropper.”
“It’s not eavesdropping if you’re talking loudly in an empty room that has an echo,” Marley insists sagely. “But that was pretty cool of you.”
“What, possibly fucking up Kurt and Blaine’s engagement that everyone was so fucking gung-ho about?” Sebastian is fully prepared for this girl to rip into him the way anyone else from the New Directions would, but Marley shakes her head and grins.
“No, silly, for giving him the confidence to make his own decision about it,” she says. “You didn’t sit there and tell him that he should say no, you told him to think this through and to figure out what the real him would do.”
“I may have sort of implied that he should say no,” Sebastian notes.
“Maybe a little,” Marley agrees. “But I know that I went through some pretty bad stuff this year, and it was people doing the things that you just did who helped me overcome it, and they saved my life.”
“All your eavesdropping and you didn’t hear me say I can’t deal with emotional shit. Can we just—”
“Oh please, total front. My boyfriend used to be the same way, now he cries over The Notebook with me,” Marley says and she may be adorable, but damn is she intimidating. “You just took a guy who thought nobody would ever really love him and made him realize that people do, and even if they didn’t, he should learn to love himself. That’s pretty dang awesome.”
“I think you’re exaggerating.”
“I think you’re deflecting.”
“I think I have an AP test to study for.”
“Deflecting,” Marley sing-songs. “And I’ve gotta go anyway. Kitty’s mom is driving me home and I’m keeping her waiting. Goodbye!”
Sebastian watches her bound away and mumbles, “Goodbye, intimidating woodland creature.”
When he’s back in his dorm, slumped over his desk with his government book open beneath his arms, he catches the edge of his fake I.D. peeking out from between two books on his shelf and remembers that first day he met Kurt in The Lima Bean, the first handshake when he saw that fire in his eyes and thought to himself this is gonna be fun.
All at once, Sebastian realizes that his headache is gone.