Chapter Text
☆☆☆☆☆♪♪♪♪♪☆☆☆☆☆
If there is one point in your life that you wanted to change what will it be?
That question kept on bugging Ranmaru ever since it was asked of him in an interview he did today.
It shocked him per se as long forgotten memories flashed on his mind. Thanks to being a pro in the idol world he was able to cover up that seconds of stillness to give a mundane answer that will surely be accepted by his fans.
But it will never be accepted by his heart.
If only I was there with you.
If only I ignored that request.
Then maybe....
Maybe I would have been able to save you.
I wish I can turn back time to that day.
Ranmaru looks outside the window of his car and watches silently as the scenery passes by. He lets the thoughts flow into his head.
One by one.
As it torture him slowly and painfully.
Just stop.
He can hear his heart screaming inside.
Why? After so many years had passed? He thought he had moved on by now.
He thought he was okay already. He always say to his friends that he's fine. But just because of one question.
ONE. FUCKING. QUESTION.
The ice wall that he built to protect his broken heart is slowly crumbling to pieces.
He can hear his heart longing. Reaching out to something that will never be reached. Wanting SOMEONE to comeback but is forever gone. Never to return.
If only--
Ranmaru was jerked out of his thoughts when his manager spoke. Without him knowing he arrived back into his apartment. He thanked his manager and then dragged his tired body up to his own floor.
When he arrived at his flat and opened the door he didn't even bother to open the lights. The moon outside is enough to illuminate his flat. He sat down on the sofa and closed his eyes. Unfortunately without him noticing his tears streamed down on his face.
People had always thought that Ranmaru is living a life he always wanted. He have a good job as an idol. He now have his own band that is soaring up and up. A nice flat of his own. He managed to save his family from the debts his father had incurred from before.
The only lacking in his life, as what people would say, is a girlfriend.
And Ranmaru have no qualms in changing that.
Ranmaru pulled out his wallet and stared longingly at the picture he cherished the most. He have everything but not the one he loves the most.
Ai..... I missed you....
Looking at the picture of the cyan haired young man that was not only his bandmate before but also his lover, Ranmaru can't help but go back to the times when the cyan haired angel was by his side.
Flashback
Ranmaru didn’t intend to fall in love with Ai in the first place. Heck it didn’t even cross his mind that he’s going to fall for his bandmate. But then it happened. He had fallen into Ai, literally on that.
They were practicing a dance and unfortunately because of Reiji’s enthusiasm he knocked over Ai and since Ranmaru was also there beside Ai he reached his arm on instinct and was able to catch the cyan haired man by the waist and pulled the other man to his chest. Ai managed to grab him by the shoulders and as their eyes met something seems to click.
Ranmaru realized that his heart is suddenly beating so fast and why is it that it looks like there are floating flowers around Ai. And then the cyan haired man had the gall to blush and Ranmaru can’t stop his face from burning also. If it wasn’t for Reiji’s voice the silver haired rocker wouldn’t have let go of the younger man.
Ranmaru decided to ignore Reiji’s teasing grin at that time.
He have a pressing matter at hand to focus about including the reason why his heart is suddenly beating fast. He looks at Ai’s direction only to find him looking also at him and their eyes met again. Ai was the one who broke the contact looking away shyly and that’s when Ranmaru realize something.
He likes Ai in a romantic sense.
Fuck.
He smacks his hand onto his face when this realization sinks in as he can feel his face burning. With a quick shout of “Bathroom!” he went out to calm his beating heart.
Ranmaru didn’t mention it to anyone either nor did he confessed. They pass by each other like normal and greet each other. They practice together along with the other members of Quartet Night. It was like how it was before.
But this time the silver haired man can’t help but let his gaze wonder towards the youngest member always looking out for him and always making sure that Ai is comfortable. Doing little things for the cyan haired man like buying him drinks after a hard practice or maybe passing the towel towards the younger man with the pretense that Ai shouldn’t get a cold because it will be a bother. He will also tease Ai just so he can see that cute pout.
Sometimes he would find himself visiting the grounds at night just so he can see and hear Ai singing. When Reiji caught him doing that he just gave a lousy excuse that he was just passing by to get to the kitchen which is located at the other side of building amd far away from the grounds but near the door rooms. Reiji didn’t say anything.
Sometimes when Ranmaru is feeling good he would ask Ai about opinions about different kinds of things. Because let’s admit it, even though Ai is younger than Ranmaru he knows a lot of things. And in those moments Ranmaru would throw a “I’m hungry let’s eat outside.” And no! It’s not a date. Ranmaru is just hungry and he can’t just leave Ai. Fuck who would believe that anyway.
Ranmaru doesn’t know if he wants to date Ai, if he wants to know whether the other man feels the same way as him or he wants something from this. But Ranmaru trusts his instincts and he will let his instincts guide him.
His instincts never failed him before.
And damn was he right.
As they were going back to the master course house after their session of “discussing opinions in one of the café nearby but it’s not a date”, Ai had dropped the bomb.
They were walking on the pathway back when Ai suddenly stopped. Ranmaru looks questioningly at the other who is gazing up at the big moon above them the wind blowing his cyan hair in every direction that makes him stand out more than the moon, in Ranmaru's humble opinion that his.
“The moon…..” Ai started and Ranmaru looks up.
“It’s beautiful.” Ai ended and Ranmaru looks at the angel in front of him.
“Ah… But…” Ranmaru stopped and Ai looks at him to ask why.
“You’re more beautiful than the moon Ai.” Ranmaru doesn’t know what made him say it and it sounds so cheesy and out of his character but he feels it was just the right moment to do so. The blush that grace Ai’s cheeks is worth it.
“Ranmaru… I’ve been meaning to ask this before.”
“What is it?” Suddenly Ranmaru feels nervous is it that moment already?
“Are you trying to woo me?” Ai asked with a straight tone that it made Ranmaru snort and started laughing.
Ai pouted and Ranmaru walk towards the other man while still laughing. When he was in front of Ai he did stop laughing but his smile widened at the adorable pout on the younger man’s face. “What’s so funny about that?”
Ranmaru shook his head and then gathering his courage he cups Ai’s face with both hands and tilting it up as his thumb grazes those smooth cheeks. “Nothing is funny.” He said in a soft voice as he looks tenderly at those cyan colored eyes. “What if I am wooing you? What are you going to do about it?”
Those cyan colored eyes widened at the words Ranmaru had uttered. Ai avoided his gaze and Ranmaru for a moment thought his instincts might have betrayed him. But Ai met his gaze once again and even if his cheeks became pink, Ai said with a conviction in his voice “It’s okay. I don’t mind.”
“Cheeky brat.” Ranmaru said with humor but then he became serious again. “And what if I want to kiss you?”
Ai grabbed Ranmaru by the collar of his shirt and pulled him down. “Then go on and kiss me.”
Ranmaru didn’t need to be told twice as he swooped down and kissed Ai. It was a light kiss at first until it got heated and tongues gets involve but unfortunately for Ranmaru he needed air to breath. “Oh… not up to it?” Ai asked with a teasing grin and Ranmaru clicked his tongue. “You just wait you cheeky brat. You’ll see what I’m up to.”
With that he dragged Ai as they run back at the dorms. They ended up in Ranmaru’s room because it was the closest and good thing that Starish is on tour because they are alone. That night they went all the way and it was one of the best nights Ranmaru and Ai had.
It didn’t take long for the other two quartet night members to get what’s with them. Camus scoffs at him and reminded Ranmaru and Ai that relationships are supposed to be forbidden but because Ranmaru threatened that he will tell to everyone about what Camus had been doing with his own charge they made a sound agreement. Reiji congratulated them and was very supportive.
When it’s only the four of them Ranmaru and Ai isn’t ashamed to be all over each other. And then Starish discovered about them but good thing their kouhais are all trustworthy so Ranmaru and Ai’s relationship are still among QN and Starish.
And it didn’t take long also for Shining to find out about it. Ai was nervous but when Ranmaru said that “No matter what happens I will never let go of you, Ai. I love you.”, his worries vanished and him and Ranmaru prepared themselves to face Shining.
They were both ready to lose everything because they have each other to hold onto. And their friends said that they will stood up also for them. They have such great friends.
And Shining is really full of surprises. After hearing their side and opinions they were shock when Shining said that it’s okay for them to be together. With one condition.
They have to be in a BL movie titled “Takumi-kun series”.
And Ranmaru and Ai won’t even say no to an offered work.
Their relationship just bloomed from that. They don’t have to hide anymore and it’s okay to be sweet with Ai because people will just think that they are close because of the movie. And also fangirls starts shipping them and was even wishing that they would be together in real life also. If only they knew though that their wishes had been granted a long time ago.
Their work keeps on piling up and there are times when they will fight also. But the fight never turned so serious and lasts long because both of them will apologize to each other at the end. Not wanting the day to end with each of them being upset with the other.
Ranmaru is contented with everything already. He was happy already and was very thankful for having Ai in his life. It was never that boring and he never have to shoulder everything by himself anymore.
Even if people kept on telling him that Ai is an android and androids don’t feel Ranmaru doesn’t care at all. He loves Ai and Ai is doing his best to give that love back although he does not understand it fully. They are happy with each other. Things like that doesn’t matter.
Until that day had come.
The day where Ai was taken from him for good.
Him and Ai have different works on that day. Ai is with Shinomiya and Sho that time while Ranmaru have a photoshoot together with Ren and Masato. Ren had been pestering him to hang out with him and Masato and Ranmaru kept on declining saying that he’s going to pick Ai at his filming site.
But Ren being clever decided to butt in Ai and Ranamaru’s conversation when the two are talking on the phone. Ai told him that he should go but Ranmaru was adamant to be where Ai is.
In all honesty that day he keeps on checking his phone and exchanging messages with Ai. He feels unsettled and all he wanted to do is be with Ai. He can’t shake off the feeling that something feels off ever since last night when they were laying on Ranmaru’s bed together.
In the end Ai managed to convince Ranmaru to go and hang out with his two kouhais because its been a long time. Reluctantly Ranmaru decided to go with the promise that Ai will be waiting for him to return back into the dorms.
It didn’t happen though.
Him and his two kouhai where enjoying themselves, or more like only his two kouhai were enjoying themselves while he just sits there as he drinks. Suddenly he received a call from Shinomiya.
“What’s the matter?”
“Ranmaru! Come into the filming set! Hurry!! Ai had been in an accident!!!”
Ranmaru had felt like a bucket of ice had been poured over him as he paled and bolted out of the club. Ren and Masato immediately followed him and on their way to the set Ren and Masato had received the same news.
Upon arriving Ranmaru was shock that not many people were there the other Starish and QN members are also there but Ranmaru paid them no mind as he kept on asking where is Ai. Everyone avoided his gaze and then Reiji came to him and puts his hand onto his shoulder. “He’s still under there.” He said in a terrified voice as he pointed at the mountain of steel bars being carefully moved one by one.
Ranmaru felt his legs gave up as he kneeled at the ground and looked helplessly as tears pour down his face. ‘Please let him be alright. Please let him be alright.’ He keeps on chanting inside his head and prayed to whoever is up there listening to let his lover be okay.
If it was a normal man who got crushed by that many steel bars they would immediately die. But Ai is different. Ai will make it.
‘Please Ai…. Please don’t leave me. I need you. Don't do this to me.'
With the swirling emotions of being terrified and sadness inside him he does not even hear the words his friends are saying.
“Why is it there are only a few people here?”
“Shining does not want anyone to discover what Ai is so he assigned people whom he trusted to oversee this.”
“The construction going at the side gave in and there is a staff that was supposed to be crushed under it. But Ai-chan pushed that staff and was the one who got crushed instead.”
Ranmaru’s eyes widens when he saw the hand of his lover. “AI!” He stood up and run towards where the accident is but Ren and Reiji and Tokiya got to him stopping him. “Let me go! Let me go! Ai! Ai!” He keeps on shouting and everyone despairs at the sound of his broken voice. They felt more than they heard what Ranmaru feels at the moment.
When the steel bars were fully removed out of sight everyone gasps, shock and sorrow written on their faces. The others who can’t take the site turned their heads away not being able to look at the tattered body of their friend they cherished the most.
Using all of his strength Ranmaru pushed the three away from him and run and kneeled beside Ai’s tattered and crushed body. His eyes are open wide but they are dead. The proof of him being an android was open to everyone. That he was made of machine and program. But Ranmaru doesn’t care.
With shaking hands he gently took Ai’s head and laid it on his lap as tears streams down his face. He closed Ai’s eyes. He will forever love those eyes no matter how many years will pass. He will forever love Ai no matter how many years pass. He will forever treasure those times he had with Ai.
“I’m sorry… Love… I should have been here…. If only I was here… Ai…” More tears streams down his face as his body shook as he clutched Ai closed to his chest. “No…. Please don’t leave me… No Ai…. I love you… please… NO!!!!!!”
That day Quartet Night disbanded.
According to the one who made Ai, the man who Ai called Father, Ai is beyond repair. Most of his important parts and programs are destroyed and there are no back up since they deleted his program when Ai approached his Father and told him about his relationship with Ranmaru. He said that deleting the program on how Ai was made is the only way he could think of to set Ai free.
Ai’s fans mourned at the loss of their idol. Ai’s father mourned the loss of his son. Shining and the other teachers and friends mourned the loss of a wonderful artist and friend. His kouhais had mourned the loss of their senpai and dear friend. The Quartet Night members mourned the loss of their comrade and dear friend.
Ranmaru mourned the loss of his bandmate, partner, friend and lover.
A week after the accident Ranmaru disappeared.
It was a year after when Shining found him and offered him to be an idol again. He was reluctant at first but then he remembered the promise he made on Ai’s grave.
To stand up again and be proud.
To continue life creating music that will inspire others.
To shine brighter than any star.
He did. He was able to stand up again and be proud again.
He created music that inspires others.
He is now shining brighter than any star.
End of Flashback
If there is one point in your life that you wanted to change what will it be?
Ranmaru does not want to change anything. He don’t need to change anything.
He just wants Ai back.
To feel him again. To kiss him again. To hold him tight again. To make love to him again. To love Ai.
He would GIVE anything.
“Just bring him back to me. Ai, I miss you so much it hurts. I want you back. I want you back.”
THE END
Or is it really?