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Published:
2013-09-28
Updated:
2013-10-04
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3,555
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2/?
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Walking Dream

Summary:

A boy at a popular gay club comes across Makoto, who talks to him because of a familiar quirk he noticed the boy doing...

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

    The club was loud and packed, the music thumping through the speakers, the bass practically sending vibrations along the floor. Rainbow colored lights flashed over the dance floor, filled with men bumping and grinding against each other. It was one of the more popular gay clubs around.

    He had just left the dance floor and leaned on the bar, catching his breath. His baseball cap was askew and he shifted its position, finger running under the strap in back, pulling it away from his head as he adjusted it, then letting it snap back against his hair. That small movement is probably what brought the taller, more muscular teen over to him.

    "One of my best friends does that same thing," Makoto said, smiling warmly.

    "Oh yeah?" the voice was familiar, and he looked over, eyes widening a touch. He felt his heart start to kick rapidly in his chest.  "You're gay?" the question left his mouth before he could stop it.

    "Why else would I be here?" Makoto looked confused, but let out a soft laugh, smiling again. "Do I know you?"

    "No...no, I'm Matsou Ayumu," he extended a small hand, tilting his head a bit to glance up a touch at Makoto.

    "Tachibana Makoto," his big hand enveloped Ayumu's, giving it a gentle squeeze.

    "Are you here alone?"

    "Yeah. Pretty much all my other friends are out on dates," he chuckled. "I'm left the odd one out, but that's ok. I'm glad to see them happy."

    "Really? You're not jealous?"

    "I try not to be," Makoto murmured, shrugging. "My best friend is Haru, and I've never seen him happier when he's with Rin. And Nagisa and Rei fit well together. I thought maybe me and Haru...well, it doesn't matter." Makoto scratched the back of his head, laughing softly. "You don't even know them. I'm sorry."

    "It's okay," Ayumu looked away, turning to lean his back more fully against the bar, elbows against the edge. "It doesn't exactly sound like you have anyone to talk to about it. But..hey, forget it for now...you're talking to a pretty sexy dude right now, yeah?" Ayumu turned to look back at Makoto, grinning brightly, showing off somewhat sharp canines. "At least, I hope you think so."

    "Oh..er.." the laugh was a bit shy, cheeks going red. "No, I do, Matsou-san."

    "Ayumu."

    "Ayumu," Makoto amended, smiling softly.

    "Good. You should buy me a Red Bull, then," he winked. "I'm a thirsty boy, and I'll need some energy to take you out on the dance floor."

    Laughing softly, Makoto ordered a Red Bull and a bottled water, paying for it. He handed the can over to Ayumu and opened the water for himself, taking a drink. Ayumu popped the can open and drank it down with one go, Makoto's eyes on the slender neck as it rippled with the motion of swallowing.

    "Here's the deal. You can touch my sides, shoulders, and back. Stay away from my chest and crotch.  You don't seem the type, anyway, but right up front."

    "Oh...no problem..." Makoto murmured, surprised, but he shrugged it off.

    "Don't worry, I say it to everyone," he grabbed Makoto's hand, pulling the boy out to the dance floor.

    Ayumu danced close, body moving gracefully to the music, hips swaying and grinding to the beat. Makoto was a bit more shy and clumsy on the dance floor, blushing as Ayumu pressed his back up against his chest. Makoto respected Ayumu's rules, hands brushing along the boy's sides and hips, holding them lightly when the boy would grind back against him.

    They'd lost themselves in the music, the dancing, and before they knew it the club was announcing its closing. Both boys were flushed and sweaty by then, and Ayumu turned towards Makoto, panting, smiling softly.

    "That was probably the best time I've had here," Ayumu murmured.

    "Me, too," Makoto beamed at the boy. "Can I..can I get your number?"

    "I wish I could give it to you," Ayumu smiled. "I'm probably the only teenager who doesn't have a phone. My parents are...strict, you could say."

    "Oh..." Makoto murmured, blinking. "How are you here, then?"

    "I'm...sleeping over at a friend's house, far as they know..." Ayumu laughed brightly.

    "That's such an old trick," Makoto couldn't help laughing. "Ok...will I see you again?"

    "You bet."

    Ayumu moved to Makoto's side and reached up, placing both hands on Makoto's shoulder. Even on tip toes, he couldn't reach Makoto's cheek, so he gave a little jump in order to place a small kiss to it, laughing before he stepped away.

    "See you next time, Makoto!"

    Makoto touched his cheek, blinking, and watched as Ayumu disappeared into the exiting crowd.


    It was a long train ride home, and Ayumu felt incredibly tired. He was basically dragging his feet through the front door. Taking the stairs slowly, he managed to get up and into the bathroom that connected his room, staring at himself in the mirror. The hat came off and was tossed aside, his long burgundy hair falling passed his shoulders. He really, really wished he could cut it, but it would raise too many questions.

    The loose shirt was pulled off next, and he reached back, letting out a small grunt as he undid the binding around his chest, letting it fall away.

    She took in a deep breath, letting out a groan once her breasts were free, seeing the red pattern of the fabric etched into her skin. She rubbed her sore breasts slowly, sighing, her amber eyes looking back to the mirror, and the tears reflected in them. She'd harbored a crush on Makoto for so long...and now...

    She moved away from the mirror quickly, bracing her hand on the wall while the other held back her hair, vomiting into the toilet. She dropped to her knees after the first wave, vomiting again, the sobs wracking her body at the same time.

    When the wave of nausea finally passed, Gou miserably shifted away from the toilet, leaning back against the tub. Her head leaned back on the edge as she stared at the ceiling. Ayumu had been around for a while now, and she'd been hitting the clubs for a little over a year. She never expected to encounter any of the boys.

    She never expected to encounter Makoto. When she did, she couldn't help but do what she did. It had been her only chance to act out any portion of her feelings, but now...she couldn't keep seeing him. He'd figure it out.  But she also knew...Makoto would be hurt if Ayumu didn't see him again. She couldn't hurt Makoto...

    FUCK! What was she going to do?

    She got to her feet and grabbed her brother's old hat and shirt, heading to her room. She stripped her brother's old pants off, then pushed the jockstrap she used for a bulge down her legs. It also helped in case any hands wandered where they shouldn't. She pulled a large t-shirt and small pair of boxers out of her dresser, pulling them on before she crawled into bed.

    To drained to cry any more, she drifted off to sleep.

Chapter 2

Summary:

"I love you, you know that right?" Rin murmured quietly, awkwardly.

Gou swallowed hard, nodding.

"No matter what," Rin said. "NOTHING will change that."

Notes:

I think I moved it a little fast, I apologize, but I hope you enjoy anyway. ♥

Chapter Text

    Lunch time.  The school day was dragging on, and it was only lunch time. Gou just wanted it over. Not like it would end, really...there was still swim practice with the boys. Gou just hung her head, pushing her food away, not hungry.

    "You've been really off today...are you ok?"

    "I know, I'm sorry. I'm fine," Gou leaned back, looking towards the four boys eating on the other side of the roof.

    "You don't seem fine."

    "I'm...just not feeling myself lately, that's all," she muttered, looking back to Chigusa.

    "Are you feeling sick, Gou-chan?"

    Gou narrowed her eyes at Chigusa and opened her mouth to correct her when Nagisa's yell interrupted them.

    "GOOOUUU! Come here!"

    Gou let out a sigh and hung her head. Excusing herself, she got up and walked over to the boys, crossing her arms as she looked down at Nagisa.

    "How many times do I have to tell you it's Kou?"

    Nagisa laughed and waved his hands in a calming motion, pointing at Makoto. "Makoto met a boy! That means you need to hurry up and get one so we can all have a GROUP DATE!"

    Haruka rolled his eyes and looked away, and Makoto laughed softly, shooting Gou an apologetic look.

    "You called me over here just for that?"

    "Aw, I can find you someone Gou-chan!"

    "KOU!" she exploded, thrusting her fists down by her sides and just managing to refrain from kicking Nagisa's lunch across the rooftop. "It's KOU, Nagisa! Gou is a boy's name, and I will NEVER..."

    The words choked Gou's throat and the tears spilled over. The boys were looking at her, stunned at the outburst, and she saw Chigusa standing up from the corner of her eye.

    Gou turned and ran. She darted passed a startled Chigusa and slammed through the doors, feet pounding down the steps. Gou couldn't do it. Couldn't go through another minute of school right now. Gou just wanted to get home.

    It was a while before the next train came, and Gou managed to calm down on the ride to the station. Gou looked around for her bag before remembering it was still at school, and groaned quietly. Stepping off the train, she made her way home, steps faltering when she saw a familiar figure leaning on the front door, head down and arms crossed.

    "B..Brother?"

    Rin looked up and straightened, tilting his head.

    "Haruka-senpai told you, didn't he?" Gou sighed.

    "Yeah," Rin shrugged. "What's going on?"

    "I..." Gou looked away and walked to the front door, opening it and stepping inside.

    "Don't say it was Nagisa calling you Gou. You've never outright exploded like they say you did."

    "Maybe they were exaggerating?"

    "Haru doesn't exaggerate."

    Gou frowned and sat on the couch, burying her face in her hands. Rin sat beside her and rested his elbows on his knees, turning his head to look at her.

    "I love you, you know that right?" Rin murmured quietly, awkwardly.

    Gou swallowed hard, nodding.

    "No matter what," Rin said. "NOTHING will change that."

    Gou froze slowly, fingers curling tightly into her hair.

    "Even mom's been a bit worried, you know. She's talked to me. Says..." he paused, taking a deep breath. "Says she's come across some of my old clothes in your room lately. I just said huh...maybe she misses me."

    Gou was shaking inside, feeling sick. Gou couldn't look at Rin right now, face hidden and not moving those hands. Cursing mentally. The tears were coming again.

    "She hasn't pieced it together yet, in case you're wondering," Rin kept his voice quiet. "I think I have...and I know I haven't been the best brother lately, but...I'm here for you right now. That's what matters, right?"

    
    Rin...Rin wasn't bothered? His head came up slowly, amber eyes moving to his older brother's reds...and he couldn't help it. Arms were thrown around Rin and he just sobbed into the older boy's chest. Rin knew. Rin knew and was reaching out, and DIDN'T CARE...and he felt like some of the weight had been removed from him.

    Rin's arms came around in an awkward hug, holding him close.

    "All right, all right, sheesh..." Rin muttered, giving him a squeeze. "Big boys don't cry, you know."

    "Bullshit, you cry all the time," he muttered, laughing softly and wiping his eyes.

    "Tch..." Rin bared his teeth a bit and leaned back, stroking Gou's hair back lightly. "Why haven't you said anything?"

    "I've been too afraid..." he murmured, swallowing. "Mom...you know how happy she was to have a girl...and...it was fine...for a while, up until..."

    "You started demanding to be called Kou."

    "I thought...at first...if I started making people call me the girly name, I'd feel more like a girl...like...like it was the name's fault I felt how I did..."

    "And?"

    "And then it...it just rubbed my face in it...and...if I allowed it, people might find out..."

    He was trembling, and Rin pulled him close again, squeezing him tightly.

    "You're not alone, you know. I knew a couple people in Australia...we talked a lot while I was there, it's what helped me piece some things together...Gou...Kou...fuck."

    He actually laughed at Rin's stumbling and at the look on Rin's face. It wasn't often he got to see Rin flounder.

    "Ayumu. That's my name."

    "Thank you. Jeez. Look...stop being miserable. Mom was actually pretty pleased when I came out to her, she said 'As long as you are happy...' okay? It will be a shock, but..."

    "What will the others think?" he whispered.

    "Pfft. I'm sure they'll be happy you're happy. And anyone else? Fuck em."

    Ayumu looked away from Rin, running his hand through his hair. He made a frustrated sound and looked back to Rin, swallowing.

    "I...I don't know. I'm scared."

    "Look...go get changed. I'm taking you out, to get some clothes, or a haircut, or whatever, but we're doing it. You're not hiding yourself anymore. You're miserable."

    "I..I want to..." he swallowed hard. "I..."

    "Look, G--K--Ayumu," Rin made a face. He was going to have to get used to this. "I can't make you come out, or be ready for this...and I won't do it if you really don't want to. But you have to do it sometime, right? Why not now? Why wait any longer? Why put yourself through it? If you think you're going to be miserable either way..." Rin teased softly.

    "Fine...you win."

    "Always," Rin smirked playfully.

    Ayumu hit him upside the head with a cushion and got up, heading upstairs.  When he came back down, he was wearing a hat, his hair tucked up inside it, hiding the length. The loose shirt gave no indication that there was anything under it, and his hips were a bit slimmer.

    "Yo."

    "Oh jeez, it's a Mini Me," Rin laughed.

    Ayumu flicked Rin off and he laughed harder, a bit flattered.

    "All right kiddo, let's go. Where to first?"

    "Hair cut."

    "Figured as much..." Rin grinned, nodding.

    The barber didn't say much, simply raising his brows. He accepted Rin's excuse about the little brother 'finally growing out of the long hair phase' and got to work, and Ayumu felt more weight being lifted with each clump of hair that fell to the floor. Soon enough, Ayumu was looking into the mirror at the spikey-haired boy looking back at him. Buzzed at the sides and back, a couple inches at the top for a good spiked effect.

    "Whoa," he murmured softly, staring at himself.

    "Whoa is right," Rin grinned, paying the barber and tipping well. He came up behind Ayumu and rested his hand on his shoulder. "Better?"

    "Much," he smiled widely, stuffing the hat into his back pocket. He didn't need it now.

    Normally Rin would hate spending an entire day shopping, but this was different. Ayumu also took him to a lot of the same stores he liked, as it was. Their styles were similar, because Ayumu did look up to his older brother. Before they knew it, it was evening, and Ayumu's stomach was growling.

    "Hungry?"

    "I didn't eat lunch..."

    "Well, let's go eat then. The guys want to meet for dinner, anyway. They can meet you."

    "I..no...Rin, I can't!" Ayumu nearly squeaked.

    "What? Come on, I thought we went over this.."

    "It's not that..it's...shit." Ayumu covered his eyes, sighing. "Well," he said, resigned, "the best way to remove a band-aid is to rip it off, right?"

    "Yup," Rin nodded.

    "It hurts like a bitch."

    "It won't be that bad."

    "Says you."

    They approached the restaurant and he took the hat out of his pocket, pulling it on and tugging it a bit low over his face. He stopped outside the front doors.

    "What did you tell them?"

    "That I was bringing you with me. Nothing else..."

    "I...need you to do me a favor. Just...go inside...and...tell Makoto someone's waiting outside. Please. Nothing else. To anyone."

    "Why? What's wrong?"

    "Did...Haruka-senpai tell you? That Makoto went out, and met someone he liked?"

    "Yeah..."

    Ayumu simply looked up at Rin, frowning.

    "Oh..." Rin said, eyes widening. "Shit."

    "So...please. Not like this. Not in front of everyone. I need to see him alone."

    Rin nodded, squeezing his brother's shoulder. He headed inside, and Ayumu waited, stomach knotting up. He leaned on the wall, hands in his pockets and head down as he waited. He heard the door open and glanced up as Makoto stepped out, looking around, blinking.

    "Ayumu?"

    "Hi..."

    "Hi," Makoto smiled. "I wasn't expecting you to be here...Rin was bringing his..."

    Ayumu didn't let Makoto finish, reaching up and removing his hat, turning his head up fully. Makoto's words died on his lips, and those eyes became confused. A questioning recognition, uncertainty. Ayumu tilted his head and turned, walking away, and was relieved when Makoto fell into step beside him.

    "You're..." Makoto fumbled for the words a bit, before settling for, "...you."

    "Yeah...I finally am, thanks to Rin," Ayumu stared up at the sky. "But that's not what you meant."

    "No, I guess not," Makoto rubbed the back of his neck, swallowing hard. "I'm not sure what to say...what to think, right now."

    "Do you...hate me?"

    "What? No!" Makoto paused, staring at him in shock. "Ayumu..." he reached out, grasping the boy's arm and turning Ayumu to face him. "I'm just...taking it in. I'm not sure what's going on..."

    "For a while, I wasn't either," Ayumu looked at the ground. "Why is it, I'd look in the mirror, and the reflection was....WRONG? That's not me in there, why can't the mirror get it right? That's someone else's reflection, not mine. Not mine!"

    Ayumu swallowed hard and looked away.

    "Today...today I looked in the mirror for the first time, and I saw...ME. The boy I am." He kicked at the floor, looking at Makoto. "I couldn't give you my number because you all ready had it in your phone. I never expected to see you there...you never hit me as the type. But I...I couldn't pass the chance to dance with you as who I am."

    "I guess I'm going to have to change the wrong name in my phone, huh?" Makoto murmured, smiling warmly.

    "M..Makoto..."

    "Nice to formally meet you...Ayumu."

    Ayumu smiled broadly and ran forward, hugging Makoto around the waist. Makoto laughed softly, hugging the boy back gently and squeezing him.

    "Well, we should head back...guess I get to introduce everyone to the boy they want to meet," Makoto grinned.

    "Guess so...thank you."

    "For what?"

    "Not freaking out...not..."

    "Stop," Makoto waved away the words,  putting an arm around Ayumu gently. "I met a boy at the club, and I see a boy now...that's it, right?"

    "That's it," Ayumu agreed, swallowing the lump in his throat, smiling.

    He leaned a bit on Makoto as he was lead into the restaurant and towards the table. Rin had his arm around Haruka, and was grinning as he watched them approach. Haruka looked up and tilted his head. Rei stared, adjusting his glasses, and Nagisa got up, mouth opening.

    "Guys," Makoto said, cutting Nagisa off, "meet...Ayumu, the boy from the club. Rin's brother."

    Haruka nodded to him and turned to look at Rin, eyes warm. Rin huffed and looked away, embarrassed. Rei adjusted his glasses again, blinking. Nagisa stared at Makoto and Ayumu, then at Rin, then back to Ayumu.

    "I swear, if 'Gou' comes out of your mouth, I will punch you," Ayumu said, and Nagisa snapped his mouth closed.

    "You're still grumpy," Nagisa sat down and crossed his arms, pouting cutely.
    
    "You are so beautiful!" Rei cried out suddenly, startling everyone, then flushing. "Apologies...it's just...Ayumu, you're wonderful! So brave!"

    "R...Rei-kun..." he blushed, ducking his head. "Thanks."

    Makoto grinned and pulled out the chair for Ayumu. Ayumu sat down, mumbling a thanks, looking around at the table. All eyes were on him.

    "So..um..this...is me, I guess. Well, I know..." he said nervously, fiddling with his fingers. "I was afraid...to be who I was. But Rin said...I should be myself anyway. I can be miserable and not be me, or...I can be me, and be a little happier for it. I'm still scared...but...he's right."

    "You're always have us," Haruka murmured, nodding.

    "Yeah! We're your friends! I'll protect you!" Nagisa flexed his arms, laughing.

    "Thank you....thank you so much, everyone," he bowed from his shoulders, tears in his eyes. "It's nice...to no longer be just...a walking dream."

    Ayumu smiled at them, then up at Makoto, looking away with a blush. He was still scared...very scared, and the road ahead of him was still long. But now he was taking it with friends at his side, and his brother.

    He was free...he was a reality, now. No longer just a dream.
   

Notes:

Kind-of...the opposite of the MtF Gou prompts, I suppose...not sure how I feel about it at the moment. One of those "Please write me! I won't leave you alone until you do..." ideas that came into my head.